Over at Defamer.com, there's a great article about how stars who used to define MTV wouldn't even be allowed on the network these days, since its programming has been pretty much completely turned over to the tastes of "reality"-loving 14-year-old girls.
But here at The Remote Island, we don't think anyone should give up so easily! In true spunky-TV-character fashion, we're ready to give some of those early shows a makeover that would let them survive and even thrive in today's modern basic-cable environment. Have a look:
1. Daria. The problem: The animated Beavis and Butt-Head spinoff's main character is a dumpy, intellectual outcast who wouldn't be willing to make out with other girls.
Our remake: The Quinn Show! Daria's little sister, who was considered nothing but an annoyance on the original series, is everything a Hills-era MTV character should be: attractive, vapid, materialistic, boy-crazy, and willing to do anything to climb a meaningless social ladder. Just make Quinn the star of the show, and send Daria off to Swarthmore or Celebrity Rehab or something. Really, it's amazing nobody has thought of this already.
2. Just Say Julie. The problem: According to Defamer, wacky Valley Girlish host Julie Brown, whose job was basically just making fun of stuff, was 35 when her show started airing in 1989. (Wikipedia gives her a later birthdate that would actually have made her 31, but still -- that's so over the hill.)
Our remake: Just Say Julia. If Brown is 50 today, that's granny time by TV standards. So turn this into a Hannah Montana-ish sitcom about pretty, perky, talented 14-year-old aspiring starlet Julia and all her good-looking school friends. But how can she get her acting, modeling and rock-star careers off the ground when wacky Grandma Julie keeps screwing things up? Hilarious!
3. Tabitha Soren. The problem: The pretty young MTV News journalist, who was "derided as nothing more than a shameless attempt to sex up the news," would be considered far too unsexy in today's era of newscasts anchored by hot blonde potential underwear models.
Our remake: Tabitha's Soarin'. Another star-making reality competition, this one would be a search for the lead in Tabitha, a musical sequel to Bewitched that has Samantha's magical daughter trying to make it as a reporter. It's High School Musical and Wicked and Legally Blonde: The Musical all in one -- plus, it sounds almost educational.
4. Music videos. The problem: The network that pioneered "music television" just isn't interested in them anymore.
Our remake: Viral Countdown. In this new "alternative" Internet/TV hybrid, the network will comb YouTube for the best user-produced material and show it to a wide national audience. Eventually, big entertainment companies will notice how much exposure these clips are getting, and they'll start having videos professionally produced to accompany songs by the bands on their rosters. MTV will see how much better the high-priced commercial videos are, and gradually switch over to showing them exclusively. (Unfortunately, then the RIAA will realize that this allows viewers to record the songs onto their DVRs, and they'll sue MTV for copyright infringement -- at which point the network will give up on music completely. Oh, well, can't win 'em all.)
Image: Defamer.com
Previously:
MTV To Make Horror Show Out of Rocky Horror Picture Show
From G's to Gents Is Our New Boyfriend
