We think it goes without saying that number one is Heidi Montag's new single "Overdosin'." It almost pains us to elaborate -- the legwarmers, the bizarre Olivia Newton-John reference, the guy on the right that kind of looks like Eric Menedez in a headband -- it's clearly a wince-a-thon.
The other nine contenders:
2. Paris Hilton, "Stars are Blind." Our favorite lyrics: "Those other guys all wanna take me for a ride/But when I walk they talk of suicide." Cheery, Paris. Verdict: Calvin Klein commercial from hell.
3. Jessica Simpson, "With You." We deliberated between "With You" and the remake of "These Boots Are Made For Walking," but the chicken wings in "With You" pushed us over the edge. Verdict: We feel like with Jessica Simpson, things might get worse before they get better.
4. Britney Spears, "Everytime." Highlight: Gueststar Stephen Dorff dressed as Popeye for the new millennium. Verdict: How about a bank heist? Could you do a video about a bank heist?
5. OTOWN, "Liquid Dreams." First of all, the title has an ick factor. Second, that discomfort is emphasized by the awkward dance move that accompanies aforementioned title lyric. Verdict: A dirty Capri-Sun commercial.
6. Jennifer Love Hewitt, "BareNaked." Our favorite lyrics: "You ever try your luck with a pickup line/But you just sucked." Indeed we have. Thanks for understanding. Verdict: We would enjoy it more if everyone in the video turned out to be ghosts. Needy ghosts.
7. Tila Tequila, "I Love U." Lowpoint: The spoken-word intro. Verdict: Maybe Tila could channel all that passion in a more positive direction, like a series of strip-aerobics videos.
8. Hilary Duff, "With Love." Thing that makes us feel used: The video doubles as an ad for her fragrance by the same name. Verdict: Hilary's reversible trench coat almost saves it.
9. Aaron Carter, "Aaron's Party (Come Get It)." Lowpoint: His disconcerting gangsta accent. Verdict: A new VW bug in the hands of a twelve year old is a dangerous business.
10. NKOTB, "Summertime." Okay, so they're not all TV stars, but Donnie Wahlberg totally counts. We almost hate to include this one because it's really quite glorious in a crash-and-burn kind of way. We could have done a Top Ten List just on this video. Drawback: An unsettling feeling of deja vu. We've seen this video before, except it was called "Summertime Girls" and LFO was singing about Abercrombie and Fitch. Verdict: We don't want to hear grown men singing about flip flops.
