Even real people!
If week one got us hooked, and week two reeled us in, then week three yanked us into the boat, cleaned us, gutted us, and turned us into Morton’s Fishfries™. (If that’s not a brand than it should be.)
This week’s episode starts with the boys getting a reaming from Vince’s accountant. It seems as if Chase and co. are broke. Vince has two choices, file chapter 11, or get some work instantly. With bankruptcy out of the question due to a family history, the fellas head over to Shauna’s to see if they can rustle up some green. Turns out that in Hollywood a heart throb can get 200 large just for showing his face at a sweet sixteen.
Take that, “MTV’s most pimped out Sweet Sixteen!” In H-Town playas drop 200 Geesils on an appearance, and don’t bat an eye. All y’all new money fools better reconize!
Meanwhile Ari’s scores a Ferrari from the misses as a 25th anniversary gift. (Sheee-it, if that marriage can last 25 years they both deserve Ferraris.) With the plate, “ARISFRRI” Mr. Gold then proceeds to get in broadcast television’s, first ever Agent street race; complete with kick-ass car mount shots and the sweet realistic touch of hard breaking to account for the pedestrian cars in LA traffic. Ari’s rival, Adam Davees (from Ari’s former agency) almost bites it by wrapping his Porsche around an armored vehicle, before going on to send Ari up the ass of a school bus.
Ari, never the man to take loss well, sends Davees a hundred dollar bill in a bag filled with, what we are to assume is Lloyd’s feces. This is around when we started wondering if it’s this type of behavior that led to Hollywood making such great films as, Ballistics: Ecks vs Sever. Ari is then repaid, by being cuffed to his chair and having male stripper junk waggled all up in his grille piece in front of his entire company. You see where this is going? Ari then shoots back some naked pictures of a girlfriend. Yes, we decide, it’s exactly at times like this that films like the Son of the Mask probably get green lit. Well, they can’t all be Super Troopers, right? Long story short, the battle ends when Ari ends up literally bitch slapping Adam in front of the entire agenting world, because…
(To be read in the voice of the great Don La Fontaine)
“In the dog eat dog world of H-Wood super agents only the strongest survive… And those who don’t, feel the sting of Ari… Jeremy Piven is… THE TASTE OF GOLD!”
What’s left to say after that?
Well, Amanda loves E’s indy script that he’s pushing and so does Ed Norton. Kevin Pollak and The Nanny (yes, Fran Drescher makes an appearance and in case you were wondering her voice is still hers and only hers) give their baby the sweet sixteen birthday party of a lifetime. Their daughter, who is deemed a hoozie (sp?) -- part hooker, part floozie -- by Drama is doing everything she can to star in some short internet films of her own. Drama’s hatred of the female sex finally bubbles up at the last moment as he slurs Frankie Valli into a mic with Vince and then gaks stolen Johnny Walker Gold all over the cake. It is amazing what this show can pack into one episode. Takes
some shows years to get through this much story, character development,
jokes, action, sex, and vomit. (We're looking at you, Ghost Whisperer!) The show ends with the boys making a quick escape, leaving the audience to mutter over and over Vince’s line to Turtle from earlier, “Drive like you do in Grand Theft Auto.” Absolutely, my man. Mas oro!
-- Seth Jacobs
* Ed: OK, might have been Johnny Blue -- but we got nothing Blue in the headline, do we? Here's to truthiness!
