Despite ourselves, we kind of almost half like Mystery. VH1's Pickup Artist. As big douches go, he's pretty entertaining - and he performs the important service of turning scared, virginal dorks into overconfident, insincere assholes. But no matter how much we like The Pickup Artist, it's nothing compared to how much Mystery likes himself, as evidenced by his excellent interview with John Sellers in this week's Time Out New York.
Among the revelations:
I was never meant to be a pickup artist. It wasn't a conscious choice. It was just sort of thrust upon me, as there were a lot of people hurting and needing solutions.
But that's only the second best quote. This is the best:
I have this beautiful, long PVC cape that I can only wear with five-inch platform boots because it’s that long, and personally, I think it looks absolutely great. And the last time I wore it out, did I make out with a girl? Yes. I admit publicly I made out with a girl—so yeah, I think it worked.
He's like a superhero, this Mystery, seeing people in need and swooping down in his cape to help them. After he negs your sister into making out with him at the bar.
-- Jake Kalish is the author of Santa vs. Satan: The Official Compendium of Imaginary Fights
