Let us just start off by saying, we're weirded out by Artist Aaron. Serena may be suckered in by romantic scavenger hunts, and Times Square jumbotrons and what have you, but we are not fooled. There's something rotten in the state of Denmark, we're just not sure what.
The Humphrey loft has suddenly turned into a bachelor pad now that Jenny's made her dramatic exit, hauling her sewing machine down the street to move in with Agnes. Unfortunately, Agnes is actually more looney tunes than Trachtenberg. Apparently, Agnes feels that since she encouraged Jenny to start her own line that the line actually belongs to both of them, and she's not above throwing a tantrum in front of prospective clients to get her point across. We are SO over Agnes. As it turns out, so is Jenny, because she goes behind Agnes' back and signs with a business manager on her own.
Blair's planning her biggest party yet to celebrate the fact that she can now have sex with guys of any age without fearing they'll be arrested -- where's the aged Lord Marcus when you need him? As it happens, Eleanor also feels like celebrating life and love by introducing Blair to her new beau who happens to be the "inconthievable" guy from The Princess Bride. Blair is less than impressed.
In other birthday news, Bart Bass is ringing in an unidentified age, and as usual, he could not be a bigger asshole when Chuck tries to do something nice. Since Dan compromised his moral principles and wrote the Chuck-inspired story for the Paris Review, the editors of New York Magazine are all over him to write a tell-all exposé of Bart Bass' tangled web. We're trying really hard to suspend disbelief about this plotline. Dan takes the bate and worms his way into Bart's inner circle by playing up the competition between Bart and Rufus, and feigning interest in the construction business. Dan is way more ruthless than we imagined.
Meanwhile, Serena agrees to pose for Aaron in his studio and for a second, we're positive it's going to be just like Gwenyth Paltrow and Ethan Hawke in Great Expectations except not as hot. We're disappointed though. Nothing really happens except Serena coming across surprisingly endearing in her awkwardness. Artist Aaron however, is creepy. There, we said it. He's creepy. Serena shows up the next day to see the pictures only to find that Aaron is more of an open relationship kind of guy. We feel like their relationship is falling into an irritating and oft repeated pattern: Aaron says something charming, Serena smiles, Serena catches Aaron with another girl, Aaron says "Serena, wait--," Serena storms off, Serena caves and goes running back, only to catch Aaron with a different girl. Repeat.
Speaking of creepy, Blair's trying to sabotage her mother's relationship by taking the Princess Bride guy to lunch and convincing him to tell her his whole romantic history, which, incidentally, sounds a lot like the plot of Miss Saigon.
Sidenote: Evidentally, PB guy is Artist Aaron's dad. One word from him about how much Aaron likes Serena and the vicious cycle continues. Serena goes skipping back to Aaron's studio for a reconciliation, but (predictably) finds Aaron sharing a candlelit dinner with yet another girl. Serena makes a move to storm out the door, but Aaron stops her with a "I don't know how they do things in high school" speech about causual dating that makes us want to pluck him from our TV screen with two fingers and flick him out the window because 1) did he not go to high school? and 2) assuming he did, was it not like two seconds ago? We still remember how they did things in high school and we've been out ten years. Aaron so sucks.
Back at the party, Blair suceeds in driving a wedge between PB guy and her mother by spinning the Miss Saigon story against him. Eleanor kicks him out of the party, and Blair is exultant until Cyndi Lauper shows up at the door as a favor to PB guy and a surprise for Blair. Blair feels appropriately ashamed of herself and runs after PB guy to make amends. Incidentally, the little curbside exchange between Blair and PB guy made us proud that we watch this show. They played the scene so well, and had such a believable camaraderie -- not unlike Humphrey Bogart and Claude Rains at the end of Casablanca.
Back in the world of Bass, Dan's gumshoe powers of deduction have revealed that in all probability Bart committed arson and may or may not have killed someone while doing it. Chuck interrupts his father's strange confession to out Dan as the fraud he is. Bart offers to pay Dan for his silence. Dan acts affronted, but we're less convinced by it since he's now taken the plunge into the pool of moral ambiguity. Chuck stops Dan at the elevator and surprises us by pleading with Dan not to write the story just as the elevator doors are closing. It works -- Dan decides not to write the story for NY Magazine, but instead sends Bart Bass a copy of the story he wrote for the Paris Review. The story opens Bart's eyes to Chuck's unquenchable desire for paternal affection and Bart agrees to take Chuck to a Rangers game. Sigh. All's well in the world of Bass.
Meanwhile, crazy Agnes finds out that Jenny plans to go solo. She reacts to this news by burning Jenny's dresses in a trash can while Jenny looks on in a fit of agony. Question: Could Jenny not wrestle them from her arms? Or grab them before Agnes dropped the match? Or even after she dropped the match and quickly stomped out the fire? Why did she just stand there and let Agnes cackle maniacally and set things alight? Regardless, Agnes kicks Jenny out of her house and Jenny shows up on Rufus's doorstep offering to move back in if he'll sign her permission slip to work with the business manager. Rufus says no, but we can tell he's going to cave, especially after Dan gives him a self-righteous speech about doing the right thing -- it appears Dan's stay in the land of questionable morals was brief.
And finally, as the credits are about to roll, Aaron shows up to renew the cycle and take Serena to Central Park. Serena decides to prove what a free spirit she is by wearing her slip to the park. We are so over Aaron.
