The schedule has been released for the next broadcast tests, to see if your TV will turn evil and attack you when everything goes digital February 17, 2009. New Yorkers already had a test October 28th - and those of you who failed, and you know who you are, you best really prepare for this one. A two-minute test is scheduled in the New York area for December 2nd at 6:57 a.m., and another December 11th at noon. The nationwide test (or, as we call it, "the big one") will be December 17th at 7:30 a.m., and will last five minutes. 7:30 in the morning? Oh man, it's like first period trigonometry all over again.
-- Jake Kalish is the author of Santa vs. Satan: The Official Compendium of Imaginary Fights