So a few days back we posted about our favorite cast member of Celebrity Rehab With Dr. Drew, Jeff Conaway. (Is "cast member" the right term? Patient? Addict? Whatever, we dig Conaway.) Now is the time to discuss our least favorite substance abuser on the show, Sean Stewart, who this past week settled a case over a 2006 bar brawl that left a guy named Daniel Refoa with a broken nose, among other injuries.
Now, don't get us wrong - we hope Sean "Son of Rod" Stewart gets clean and all that. But we don't have to like the guy. Maybe it's the fact that only nepotism and overindulgence made Sean Stewart sort of famous in the first place; he got known for going apeshit and having way too much of everything at Hollywood glamour parties, a "skill" that got him onto an A&E reality show about nepotism and overindulgence, Sons Of Hollywood. Sean Stewart wrote and sang the theme for Sons of Hollywood. It's called "The In Crowd", and it goes like this, sung in the manner of Vince Neil:
This is the life/This is the life/This is the life/of the in crowd!
Shut the fuck up, dude. But there's more not to like about Sean Stewart. There's his snivelly voice, dripping with entitlement. His constant use of "bro" and "homes" in casual conversation. That face you just want to punch. Seriously, we would like to get in a bar brawl with Sean Stewart. Although we aren't members of this "in crowd", so we probably couldn't get into the VIP room to kick the living shit out of Sean. And it shouldn't be a bar brawl, we don't want to mess with his sobriety. A tea-sipping brawl, after we openly discuss our feelings, and the problems in our childhood.
Okay, perhaps violence is not the answer. We would like Sean Stewart to get himself clean and then progressively make more and more of a jackass of himself on worse and worse reality shows. That seems doable.
-- Jake Kalish is the author of Santa vs. Satan: The Official Compendium of Imaginary Fights
