Paris Hilton is in England shooting a British version of her reality show, to be called Paris Hilton's British Best Friend, and in so doing, has bought a house in North London, just a few miles from Ricky Gervais's place. This has upset Mr. Gervais greatly, so he has used his considerable pull to write a letter to the President of the United States requesting Paris Hilton's removal from England, and outlining how this could be done. Ricky's proposal to Barack:
An open letter to Barack Obama.
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Dear Mr President,
Firstly, congratulations on your historic win. I have never been so
behind a candidate for what must be considered the boss of the world.
You seem to be a man of grace and integrity, who would never shirk responsibility in any way.
I'll get to the point.
As I'm sure you are aware, one of your flock has strayed. A
Miss Paris Hilton, who is, I believe, a resident of Beverley Hills, is
in England doing a reality game show for ITV2 called Paris Hilton's British Best Friend.
Fine. I have no problem with that. I don't have to watch. But now it
has come to my attention that she has bought a house in North London a
few miles from me, and is out and about ingratiating herself with the
Great British public.
Mr President. We are not stupid. This is clearly a retaliatory
strike for Posh Spice moving to LA. I know it, and you know it, so
let's cut the "it's a free country" nonsense and come to some
agreement.
I propose an exchange.
This is how it would work. We call them both and tell them that
we've found a giant "paparazzi nest", in New York say. (half way home
for both of them already)
At first they may be confused that they'd never heard of such
a thing before, but the thought of that many photographers in one place
will be irresistible.
Once we get them there, while they are having their photos
taken (we will have hire a few guys with cameras to make it look good)
we will swap their limos around. It's fool proof.
This is a covert operation of which Mr Gordon Brown knows
nothing. (I've got him working on finding a synthetic fur for The
Queen's guards' bearskin hats.)
Have your people call my people. They may have to call a few times as my people are useless to be honest.
Thank you,
Ricky Gervais
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