First things first, M.I.A -- This is totally our favorite outfit -- sort of like Muppet blood cells under a microscope. When you're done with it, could you just send it our way? We kind of want to start wearing it everywhere we go. However, we were less impressed with your performance outfit...
It's not that we hate the whole "minnie-mouse-goes-gangsta" thing that's happening here, it's just that the sheer stretch lycra over your pregnant stomach gives us pause.
Carrie Underwood -- Girl, please. First this...
Then this...
And then last night, this...
Why must you always wear something that billows? And, is that a harness? Someone get Carson Kressley in here STAT. (P.S. Carrie Underwood's guitar player -- Who the heck are you? You are fierce).
Robert Plant -- We strongly suspect your hair of being crimped...
Leona Lewis -- Can we call you LL Cool Brit? You seem like a no-bullshit kind of girl, so can we just call a spade a spade?
You're wearing a skating costume. Or, more specifically, your dress looks like it was made from the sparkly material figure skaters cover their arms with so that they look nude, but they don't get too cold on the ice.
Simon Baker -- No idea what you're doing at the Grammys other than shamelessly promoting CBS programming, but damn, your glasses are sexy. We're not complaining.
Jordin Sparks -- When we first saw you on the red carpet, you seemed a bit out of sorts (perhaps at the prospect of having to accept your grammy by yourself and deliver an awkward excuse for Chris Brown's absence)...
But now that you've got another Idol by your side, you seem to have pulled it together. That said, we find ourselves mesmerized by your dress, unable to stop staring into its depths in the hope that hidden pictures will emerge, as though from those stereograms popular at mall kiosks c. 1994.
Bai Ling -- Okay, you know what's coming right?
We feel like you're just toying with us at this point, so let us just say this: we quite like your shoes. Truthfully, you could've come to this shindig wearing only the shoes and it would've been less weird than this.
Jay-Z -- We're just going to say it: We have a crush on you...
Come over here, baby. We'll brush those shoulders off.
xoxo,
The Remote Island
