5:53 PM
The Slumdog choreographer is teaching Debbie Matenopoulis bollywood dance moves. We're taking odds on how many segments like this we'll see before the night is out. We're putting the over under at 2.5
Debbie seems over the whole thing after about ten seconds even though the segment continues for another six minutes. "Jai Ho" keeps playing as they cut to every other E! correspondent and crew member following along with the double basketball move.
6:01 PM
The Ryan Seacrest coverage is starting -- Ryan's hair looks weirdly product-free.
The E! gossip guy is out in force. We're not sure of his actual name but he always reminds us of that kid from Hook who grew up to be a MIT super genius.
Miley Cyrus is toeing the skating costume line, but her hair looks fierce. We're weirded out by the petals on her dress. We feel like there's more of them now than when we looked before -- she's blossoming before our very eyes. Even Seacrest is complimenting her "bold dress choice."
Emile Hirsch arrives in sunglasses, and for a second we absolutely believe that he's Leonardo DiCaprio c. 1994.
6:09 PM
We'll say this about Miley, she's disconcertingly calm for such a young person. Miley diverts Ryan's inevitable question about her cradle-robbing boyfriend with a boring anecdote about her mom's diamond earrings. However, her follow up story about Billy Ray brings it back to awesome.
Jay Manuel's Humphrey Bogart tux makes us feel weird. We're not sure why. It just does.
6:21 PM
Hugh Jackman continues his overinflated promises for the evening's excitement. The phrases "mind-blowing" and "intimate" are used.
It's official: no one is more excited to be here than the Slumdog Millionaire cast. Dev Patel may or may not have his entire family in attendance.
6:34 PM
Zac Efron's hair is slicked beyond the pale. It seems the Gossip Girl hair stylist has gotten to him.
Kevin Kline is sporting a mustache, but not in the good Tom Selleck way. Surprisingly, Kevin Kline watches American Idol which we wouldn't have guessed, but it just goes to show you, American Idol has forced it's own legitimacy. 70 Trillion viewers can't be wrong.
The scrolling news tape on the bottom of the screen is keeping us uber-informed. This just in: The octuplet mom is not obsessed with Angelina Jolie. Then there's a quote: "I am not obsessed with Angelina Jolie." -- octuplet mom.
6:46 PM
Update: Freida Pinto is currently leading the race for our favorite dress.
The ticker tape is teasing salacious goings on between Johnny Depp and Josh Brolin, which is funny since they're married to probably the two
hottest women on the planet.
Juliana's getting expert Oscar predictions from some guy we've never heard of who looks a bit like the love child of T.R. Knight and John Krasinski.
Taraji P. Henson looks hotter than anyone has a right to when wearing a wedding dress. Also, if we could change our name to Taraji we would.
Ryan's interviewing Dev Patel and Freida Pinto, and we're taking bets on how long it takes him to ask them to do a bollywood dance.
6:48 PM
We're all wondering what John Legend is doing at the Oscars.
Josh Brolin is here, so apparently he and Johnny Depp have finished their business.
Robert Pattinson's arrival causes our friend to grab our shoulder and yank us off the couch.
6:49 PM
This conversation:
Us: Heidi Klum and Seal must be so badass
Our friend: Did you know they have naked pictures of each other in their bathroom?
Us: Shut. Up.
7:01 PM
Jay and Juliana are back, and we're weirded out by Jay's use of telestrator -- tracing the line of Robin Wright Penn's necklace with a blue line. Who okayed the use of that thing for fashion commentary?
7:04 PM
Michael Shannon looks completely different than he did in Revolutionary Road, which is unhelpful with someone that we're only marginally familiar with anyway.
7:03 PM
Switching to ABC's coverage: Barbara's special is just finishing up, and we have to endure a slideshow of pictures from the Jonas Brothers family album. Mrs. Jonas's hair is significantly more fierce than we expected.
7:19 PM
Weirdest hair of the night so far: Matthew Broderick's blonde highlights.
A round of "would you rather" breaks out: Ron Howard or Seth Rogen?
7:28 PM
There's a possibility Mickey Rourke is wearing the same tux he wore to the oscars in 1987. Also, a framed picture of his dog on a necklace -- bizarre, and AWESOME.
Jay Manuel is fawning all over Sarah Jessica Parker -- he says the phrase "jewel encrusted" in a way that makes us think he might yell it out during sex.
7:35 PM
Peter Gabriel's talking about his grudge against oscar producers. We feel uncomfortable. So does Ryan Seacrest.
Evan Rachel Wood arrives, mercifully free of the Dita Von Teese make-up
We're having a hard time understanding the wisdom of the star-tracker -- essentially graphically inserted arrows that point out stars in a wide shot of the red carpet crowd. We suppose we're just going to take their word for it that Sean Penn is on the other end of that arrow.
Beyonce's here. It appears that mom Tina Knowles sound-of-music'ed her dress from the drapes at the Hotel Monte Carlo.
7:19 PM
We're trying to understand Philip Seymour Hoffman's outfit: a black ski cap in 75 degree weather.
We're momentarily distracted from Jay Manuel's gushing review of Jessica Biel's dress because a passionate (read: high volume) debate has broken out amongst our friends about whether or not Robert Pattinson and Zac Efron are operating on the same level of hotness, and whether or not RB is, in fact, dating the girl from 10,000 B.C.
7:59 PM
Robert Downey Jr. arrives looking dashing, and his wife looks HOT (so much hotter than she looked on Inside the Actor's Studio).
Tim Gunn is finally here and we can leave Ryan Seacrest behind -- Per usual, TG couldn't be more lovely, although to be honest we kind of wish his tux was a little flashier (polka dots? pinstripes?). We're just saying.
8:16 PM
Miley Cyrus and the petaled skating costume are back again, and we're beginning to think we should've taken odds on how many times we'd have to hear her interviewed.
8:20 PM
Anne Hathaway and Viola Davis are competing to see whose dress makes them look the most like an oscar.
8:24 PM
Two guys with briefcases arrive from Price Waterhouse Cooper (are they actually Price, Waterhouse and/or Cooper?) with the Oscar envelopes. The crowd greets them like Scandanavian royalty. PWC do a twirl. The briefcases make it awkard.
Marisa Tomei's dress is proof positive that you can do folded catering napkin chic and rock it out.
8:27 PM
Pause for an interview with the Kodak Theater Architect that we couldn't care less about.
8:31 PM
Tim Gunn is wrapping up the Red Carpet coverage, and to be honest, he looks a little relieved. We suppose we would be too if we had to stand next to Miley Cyrus for that long.
Bring it on, Hugh Jackman. We can take it.
PREVIOUSLY:
Hugh Jackman Teases "Big Twist" At The Oscars
Oscars Lure Tweens With Robert Pattinson and Zac Efron
Oscars 2009: Top Five Reasons To Watch
Will Hugh Jackman Host The Queerest Oscars Ever? Please?
