It's Grand Ole Opry week at the American Idol ranch. Here's your mentor Randy Travis and his three-pronged bangs.
Let's get right to this week's roundup...
Michael Sarver -- We aren't feeling Michael as much this week. In fact, we're more excited about the guy sitting on the edge of the stage playing the harmonica than we are about Michael himself. He's a bit one note, not unllike his outfits.
Allison Iraheta -- Here's what happened: At first we were like, country week is going to be hard for Allison to pull off. Then tlhey played a little clip of her singing a capella with Randy Travis during practice and it sounded awesome. But, the actual performance was rough. More importantly, what in god's name have they done to her cool Rainbow Brite hair? It's like a feathered, swoopy mullet.
Kris Allen -- Damn you, Kris Allen. We don't like you. We don't. But you picked the perfect song for your voice, and we're kind of into it. To make matters worse, so is Simon. Whenever Simon condescends to give a good critique, America responds in kind. Randy's assessment: "Tender moments with my dog Kris." Incidently, this is also the title of Randy's new human interest bestseller.
Lil Rounds -- "The only country songs that I have really heard have been in movies." Girl, you're from the South. WTF? We aren't that psyched on your version of Independence Day, but at least we like your dress -- folded napkin chic looks good on you.
Adam Lambert -- For sure the most entertaining rehearsal clip of the night. Randy Travis couldn't have been more freaked out by Adam's nail polish. Meanwhile, Adam had this to say about Randy: "He was such a gentleman." We're not sure what that means, Adam. You mean like he opened the door for you? Re: the performance, we just want to say this: Adam is ballsy. We didn't hate it. His crazy, Egyptian version of Johnny Cash's Ring of Fire was weirdly awesome -- kind of like that time we saw Serj Tankian open for the Foo Fighters, except we enjoyed Adam Lambert more. Sidenote: Paula's hair is bitchin' tonight -- the hair, the earrings, the dress -- it's all working for us. Go ahead, girl.
Scott McIntyre -- Seacrest gets stuck in the mosh pit and can't finish setting up the clip, so they have to roll the tape while he attempts his escape. The song is quite similar to last week actually -- boring, yet lovely. Simon's with us although we couldn't really understand all his points because they're drowned out by his showdown with Paula. Everyone's uncomfortable, even Seacrest who usually loves it when Simon gets catty.
Alexis Grace -- Randy Travis is impressed by her voice. You can tell he didn't think she had that in her. That said, her performance of Jolene was a little blah, and it just proves what we've said for years -- Dolly Parton's real genius is best revealed when you hear someone else sing one of her songs. Alexis's version of Jolene packed about one tenth of the emotion that Dolly's version had.
Danny Gokey -- First things first, the white space suit jacket might've been a mistake. Simon agrees. Our boyfriend spent his entire performance yelling, "Take off the jacket! It's weird!" Also, the beginning half of Jesus Take the Wheel pre-chorus was boring, but to be fair we feel that way when Carrie Underwood sings it too.
Anoop Desai -- We can't help it. We love Anoop and his Oscar the Grouch eyebrows. Thank god he kicked ass this week.
Megan Corkrey -- Truly, we've never seen anyone wear a hotter dress on American Idol. We're starting to really enjoy Megan these days. Also, we're significantly more impressed by her hotness when we learn she spent most of the day in the hospital with the flu.
Simon thinks she looks like she was going to the prom. Would that our prom dress had looked like that. Actually, would that we had gone to the prom at all.
Matt Giraud -- Strangely, Matt Giraud and Ryan Seacrest are wearing the same outfit, which proves amusing when they're standing right next to each other. Simon's comparing Matt to Michael Bublé, which he obviously means as a compliment, but Matt seems annoyed. Randy tries to save it with a Justin Timberlake comparison, and Matt looks appeased.
Person we voted for: Adam. Randy Travis can totally kiss our ass.
Previously:
Has American Idol Picked Its Final Four?
"American Idol": If I Never Knew You
"American Idol" Week One: The Way You Make Me Feel
"American Idol" Has Got Porno Problems [Updated]
"American Idol": Paula Abdul Fashion Retrospective
