The Remote Island

STD Sunday: The "Rock of Love" Final Four Are Boring And Weird

Posted by Chenda Ngak

Hey, you ever noticed how hard it is to tell when Bret Michaels is having fun? He's got that waxy, worked-on face. It never betrays anything other than "I'm Bret Michaels." Well, we sort of had the same face last night. Oh, that happened, and then that happened? Huh. OK. Whatevs.

The final four girls go to the Universal Studios in Orlando, FL, where Mindy has an emotional breakdown in the hotel room with the other girls because the competition for Bret's heart is getting too hard. So...wait...these girls still think that Bret is looking for love?

The girls have to write and perform a song to win Bret's heart. Beverly and Taya do a pretty good job, while the other two were like bad karaoke. Taya wins, but Bret decides to let the runner-up, Beverly, join them -- most likely because Taya is really boring.

Bret flies the girls to Gonzales, TX to attend the Gonzales Thunder Rally Music Festival, where he has a gig. That was pretty uneventful. Never thought we'd miss the blondtourage. Instead of trying to seduce Bret on the trip, Beverly asks him to sign teddy bears for her daughters. Um, weird much?

Bret cooks the girls breakfast and they all dish on the girl-on-girl drama. Taya and Mindy has minor gripes with each other that are nowhere near as cool as passing out on a speed bump or spitting a loogie at Heather.

In the end, he sends Beverly home because she's more groupie than girlfriend. We're also guessing it's also because of her anger issues, her masculinity, and reluctance to show him affection. This leaves one groupie (Jamie), one shameless self-promoter  (Taya), and one somewhat normal, yet annoying girl (Mindy), which we think puts this in serious danger of becoming Lipstick Jungle with fake tits. Yay?

PREVIOUSLY:

STD Sunday: Tiny Tool Wins, Matsu-flex Finally Gets Laid

STD Sunday: Bret's Girls Can't Stop Being Slutty, Whorish, Or Speed Bumpy

STD Sunday: A Baked Vagina Is Just The Icing On The Cake


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About Chenda Ngak

Chenda Ngak has contributed to GamePro magazine, Star Wars Insider, OMGlists.com, Flixster.com, and OrbitzInsider.com. In her free time, she blogs about technology, celebrities, and geeky stuff at Effinnerds.com.

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    Lindy Parker has worked as a ghostwriter, editor, dance instructor and a purveyor of dreams, one beer at a time. She loves Charles Dickens and Gabriel Garcia Marquez and also, straight-to-video releases with Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. It's possible she reads more teen fiction than she should. She hails from Los Angeles, her hometown and soul mate, but she lives in Brooklyn, the fling she'll never forget.

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