The Remote Island

"The Osbournes: Reloaded": Please, Osbournes, Stop Shooting

Posted by Jake Kalish

 

Osbournes: Reloaded was almost impossibly bad television - far worse than we feared.  Far worse than Rosie: Live, which was just normal terrible television. No hyperbole, not kidding - this may have been the most cringe-inducing thing in the history of things or cringes. And we like the Osbournes - Jack seems like he's developed into a very cool young man, Kelly's fun, Ozzy's hysterical, Sharon's smart and fierce. But this was horrific. Although it did deliver on its promise to be "like nothing you've seen on television." Hey, don't take our word for it: check out Entertainment Weekly's review, with its headine Repulsive, Repellent, Ridiculous. 

That's a good description, in three words. Or perhaps you'd prefer our four-word recap and haiku review... 

OSBOURNES: RELOADED RECAP

Curses, farts, food throwing.

HAIKU REVIEW

Osbournes: Reloaded

like watching drunk relatives

dancing in public

 

PREVIOUSLY:

Ben Kallen's Haiku Reviews

The Osbournes Reload Tonight, We Wonder If Anyone Knows What The Hell This Show Is [VIDEO]

Oh, No, You Did Not Just Say That To Sharon Osbourne


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About Jake Kalish

Jake Kalish is the author of Santa vs. Satan: The Official Compendium of Imaginary Fights http://www.amazon.com/Santa-vs-Satan-Compendium-Imaginary/dp/0307406709/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1208807460&sr=8-1

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    Lindy Parker has worked as a ghostwriter, editor, dance instructor and a purveyor of dreams, one beer at a time. She loves Charles Dickens and Gabriel Garcia Marquez and also, straight-to-video releases with Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. It's possible she reads more teen fiction than she should. She hails from Los Angeles, her hometown and soul mate, but she lives in Brooklyn, the fling she'll never forget.

    Olivia Purnell left Ohio for sunny Los Angeles; then found that she couldn’t ignore New York City’s call, and brought herself to Brooklyn where she has worked with GenArt, BlackBook, the School of American Ballet, and finished an M.A. in Creative Writing from N.Y.U. She loves one-liners with sting and hates the stench of the subway in the summer. That said, she can’t get enough of either.

    Jake Kalish is a freelance journalist and humorist whose work has appeared in Details, Maxim, Stuff, New York Press, Spin, Blender, Men's Fitness, Poets and Writers, and Playboy, among other publications. He is also the author of Santa vs. Satan: The Official Compendium of Imaginary Fights.

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    Ben Kallen is an entertainment, health and humor writer who's been lectured to by Sidney Poitier, argued with by Lea Thompson and smiled at by Jennifer Connelly. He's the coauthor of The No S Diet and author of The Year in Weird, along with hundreds of magazine articles. He lives near the beach in Los Angeles, just like the gang from Three's Company.

    Nicole Ankowski has lived in Ohio, Oakland, and on the high plains of South Dakota, but is now proud to call Brooklyn home. She wrote for alternative weekly papers in the first two states, and tried to learn Lakota in the last. (The vowels can be tricky.) She just earned her MFA in Creative Writing and has been published in Beeswax literary journal. She is unable to resist good writing or bad TV.

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