Tonight's episode kicked things off with baby pictures of the judges, and it has to be said, Randy Jackson had the cutest baby mug by a mile. Kara's was shockingly uncute -- who knew that was even possible? Apparently, Paula doesn't have any pictures prior to the age of eight, and Simon's was (predictably) adorable -- guys with weird adult haircuts are always cute toddlers. The hilarity came to a screeching halt when Paula tried to make a joke about Ryan's baby buck teeth that kind of fell flat. Best to move on to the performances...
Danny Gokey -- Here's the thing: when we first heard Danny was singing "Stand By Me" we were like "Yes. Awesome. Let's do this." We love, love, love that song, and Danny has the voice to pull it off. However, he trotted out this weird, pseudo R&B, hotel lounge version that we didn't love. Paula was into it, but we suspect she has a bit of cougar crush on D.Goke.
Kris Allen -- Thank god, we can get back to hating Kris Allen. His rendition of "All She Wants to Do is Dance" was lackluster and stupid. Don Henley he is not. Sidenote: the neckline of Paula's dress is giving us serious pause -- one boob is totally higher than the other. OMG, Simon just called Kris's song choice "stupid, stupid." Simon is totally our soul twin on this.
Lil Rounds -- Lil's mom wants to make it clear that "Lil" is not her stage name. Don't get it twisted. Lil's got the choreography and Balenciaga sandles working this week, so thumbs up there. On the negative side, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, why can't Lil bring the heat like we know she can? Her version of "What's Love Got To Do With It" was second rate karaoke at best. We're not kidding around anymore -- this girl has one of the best voices in the house -- it's time for her to BRING IT. Here's how bad it is: even Paula was making totally coherent sense. That said, it's not her turn to go home. Kris should go first, then Scott.
Anoop Desai -- Truly, this kid couldn't be more lovely. He starts off by apologizing for sassing the judges last week. His version of "True Colors" was oddly moving. Also, his sweater -- fierce.
Scott MacIntyre -- We're starting to be weirded out by Scott's kooky personality. His halloween anecdote seemed out of place, and following it up with a bizarre maniacal laugh was too much for us. Confession: We're not sure we've ever actually heard "The Search is Over," but we're going to go ahead say that Scott was off key on more than one occasion.
Allison Iraheta -- whom we're going to start referring to as "our bitch" because we love her so much. Bonnie Raitt's "I Can't Make You Love Me" was a great choice for her voice. Predictably, Kara shares our affection for Allison since she's exactly the kind of artist for whom Kara writes hits. We can practically see the dollar signs rolling in her eyes.
Matt Giraud -- The thing is, no one's ever really going to be Stevie Wonder are they? It seems dangerous to cover any SW song at the best of times. The judges don't agree with us -- they're loving Matt this week. The jury's still out for us -- we feel like he's sort of like the love child of Justin Timberlake and Michael Bublé and we're not sure how we feel about that combo. Even though we still quite like Matt himself, we just don't see him winning this rodeo.
Adam Lambert -- Dude, it was tragic. Our dvr cut off right after Matt's performance. We. Freaked. Out. Adam is our American Idol! How will we see his performance? How will we know his number so we can text the word "vote?" Luckily, the internet is a magic place full of treasures...
Simon gave him a standing ovation. We stood up on our bed and joined in. Enough said.
Previously:
Tonight On "American Idol": Birth Year Songs
"American Idol": Ode To Joy
"American Idol": Play That Funky Music
"American Idol": Paula Abdul Fashion Retrospective
