The Remote Island : ABC

"Ugly Betty's" Welcome Back Ratings: Good, But Not Great

Lindy Parker — Fri, 01 May 2009 19:00:00 GMT

Ugly Betty finally returned to ABC last night -- much to our delight -- and the ratings just prove the point we've long been making, which is: Ugly Betty may not be as good as it once was, but it's still better than In the Motherhood...

ABC's Ugly Betty returned from hiatus Thursday night...ABC won the night despite its first hour being a drag on the ticket -- Betty (6.8 million viewers, 2.0 preliminary adults 18-49 rating). The dramedy came in fourth place at 8 p.m. and landed in the same ratings ballpark as in the weeks leading up to ABC replacing the show. Though Betty still has a shaggy rating, it's outperformed the comedies ABC recently tried in the slot. (The Live Feed)

We feel like part of the problem might be lack of hype. Are we the only ones who haven't seen an Ugly Betty promo in recent memory? Whereas, we're seeing Grey's Anatomy and Lost promos every five seconds both on TV and in the movie theater. We could be wrong, here -- maybe we're just not watching at the right time or whatever, but it just seems from where we're sitting, if ABC put a little more gas in the Ugly Betty promotion tank, they could get somewhere.

Previously:

Ugly Betty Webisodes To Keep Us Warm During the Cold, Lonely Hiatus

ABC Heard Our Prayers: "Ugly Betty" Will Return

Hope for "Ugly Betty" Now That Christine Baranski Joins The Cast?

Dear ABC: First Pushing Daisies and Now Ugly Betty? Really?

ABC Sides With Hulu In The Battle For Online Streaming Supremacy

Lindy Parker — Fri, 01 May 2009 15:35:00 GMT

Hulu.com may have been joking about the whole alien brain-slurping thing, but they are hard at work filling their war chests with content from as many major networks as possible -- most recently ABC. We suppose we shouldn't be surprised -- after a super bowl commercial, the next obvious step is world domination...

After weeks of speculation, Disney on Thursday announced that it has joined NBC Universal, News Corp. and Providence Equity Partners as a joint venture partner and equity owner of video content aggregator Hulu.
Under the deal, which is subject to regulatory approval, Hulu will offer full-length episodes of current and library Disney TV programs such as "Lost," "Grey's Anatomy," "Desperate Housewives," "Private Practice," "Ugly Betty," "Scrubs," "Greek" and "General Hospital," which will be streamed on an ad-supported basis. This is a major step for Hulu, now claiming the bulk of the major broadcast networks under one umbrella site/player. Sure Hulu still doesn't have CBS, but that network's crime procedurals are typically not the biggest online draws anyway. (The Live Feed)

We can't say we really blame all these networks -- if we were looking for an outside source to stream content online, we'd choose the one that was easiest to use, and hulu.com seems to have that criteria on lockdown. ABC had formerly made a deal with YouTube to show clips from ABC and ESPN programming, but made the switch to hulu for full episode streaming.

Previously:

YouTube Tries Too Hard

Hulu Will Have a Super Bowl Ad? Will It Be Better Than Pets.com?

New Classic "Sesame Street" Clips on Hulu

Eliza Dushku Hits Her Stride on Hulu

Is There Hope for "Scrubs" After All?

Lindy Parker — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 19:30:00 GMT

OMG, Scrubs has more lives than One Tree Hill...

ABC is in talks to renew the veteran comedy "Scrubs" for a ninth season with some or all of the original cast members coming back full or part-time. "Scrubs" creator Bill Lawrence...is said to be deeply involved in the renewal talks as well as in the discussions with the cast, who don't have deals beyond the show's current eighth season.
Additionally, talks are under way with the original cast members about ways to bring them back, possibly as recurrings, as in the case of Zach Braff, who had said this was probably his last year on the show, as well as Donald Faison, John C. McGinley and Neil Flynn, who are co-starring on pilots. (The Live Feed)

We're kind of surprised by this news since previously, Bill Lawrence announced that Scrubs couldn't continue without Zach Braff. Did Zach have a change of heart? Maybe this economic crisis is weighing more heavily on Z.Braff's shoulders than we would've imagined, and he doesn't want to loose the steady paycheck? Granted, we're mostly kidding, but this about-face still seems odd, no? Perhaps the general failure of ABC's freshman class (Castle, In the Motherhood, Better Off Ted, The Unusuals) has made ABC less willing to let go of old standbys.

Previously:

Goodbye Scrubs!

Spring Cleaning: ABC Gets Their Fall Lineup in Order

Lindy Parker — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 16:00:00 GMT

ABC's cleaning house and getting themselves organized for the Fall '09 season. For the most part they seem to be going with a "better safe than sorry" strategy -- not a lot of surprises in the group. The question is, will any of this seasons fledgling shows (Castle, The Unusuals, Better Off Ted) make the cut?

Here's the breakdown of renewed shows thus far...

Dancing with the Stars -- Before we actually watched an episode (i.e. the first seven seasons), we never understood the appeal of this show. But, it has to be said, after watching half a dozen episodes this season, we kind of understand. However, please don't ask us to explain it, because we can't.

The Bachelor -- which we are never watching again.

Grey's Anatomy -- At this point Grey's Anatomy is sort of like that relative that you used to be close to when you were kids, and even though you now find you have nothing in common anymore, you still stay in touch.

Desperate Housewives -- Truthfully, we gave up on ever watching Desperate Housewives back in the first season when we tried to watch an episode and had to force ourselves to stay interested in the characters. No show should be that much work. ABC sort of agrees with us. DH creator Marc Cherry wanted a Lost-esque four season contract, but ABC stuck with a "let's just see how it goes" response.

Brothers & Sisters -- You'll never hear us complaining about more time with the Walkers.

Ugly Betty -- We feel like Ugly Betty is like ABC's high school girlfriend that they married right out of college and after a few years decided they wanted someone new and exciting like In The Motherhood, only to realize (after sleeping with someone else lost it's novelty), that Ugly Betty was what they wanted all along.

Private Practice -- Even though we don't exactly love Private Practice, we're happy to see it renewed, mostly because we can't bear the thought of another Taye Diggs show getting cancelled.

Lost -- Not exactly a renewal since the Islanders are still fulfulling their previous contract from 2007.

Extreme Makeover: Home Edition -- We've been a bit disenchanted with this show for a while -- ever since we started suspecting that the goal of the makeovers might be more about wowing the viewing audience with a gargantuan new house, rather than building one that's suited to the family in question.

Supernanny -- We try to stay away from shows that make us feel this stressed out about having kids.

Wife Swap -- Ditto.

America's Funniest Home Videos -- How in God's name is this show still on the air? Who watches it? If you're out there, raise your hand so we can see you.

As for the maybes...

Absent from the list: ABC's entire freshman class, including struggling midseason efforts such as "The Unusuals," "Better Off Ted," "Castle" and "In the Motherhood" as well as import "Scrubs."

Of the new shows, only "Castle" has shown enough spark for likely consideration. And ABC still has plenty of time to add more shows to this list between now and their upfront presentation to advertisers next month. (The Hollywood Reporter)

We're sort of depressed by this news since we thought Castle was largely disappointing, whereas we could actually see ourselves getting into The Unusuals. Hmmmm. Might be time to start another feverish letter-writing campaign to ABC network executives.

Previously:

Ugly Betty Webisodes To Keep Us Warm During The Cold Lonely Hiatus

ABC President Defends Grey's Anatomy Ghost Sex

ABC's New Sitcom "In The Motherhood" Sounds Like a Sexual Euphemism

"Desperate Housewives": Nobody Cared About Edie Dying

Jake Kalish — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 18:35:00 GMT

Ratings-wise, this wasn't "Who Shot J.R.?" It was more like "What else is on TV?"...

The death of Edie Britt didn't draw much of a crowd to ABC's "Desperate Housewives."

Sunday's episode of the comic soap, where Nicollette Sheridan's memorable character was killed off via electrocution when her car hit a power pole, was seen by 13.9 million people on Sunday, according to Nielsen Media Research.

That's good for a Top 10 showing, but smaller than the 15.2 million original episodes have averaged this season.

So an episode in which a major character died drew fewer people than an average ep? What up with that? And a larger question - when you factor in the huge but still disappointing numbers for the ER finale, what up with "major event" scripted network television? Once upon a time, all of America would tune in to one station to see what would happen to fictional people. Are those days over?

PREVIOUSLY:

Nicolette Sheridan Slams "Desperate Housewives"

Want A Wake-Up Call From A Desperate Housewife?

Do We Care About Eva Longoria Doing A Little Girl On Girl?

"Ugly Betty" Will Appear Early; "Samantha Who" And "In The Motherhood" Will Disappear [VIDEO]

Jake Kalish — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 19:12:00 GMT

ABC is bringing out its big guns. And, um, throwing its little guns in the river where no one will ever find them...

"Ugly Betty" fans will be happy to learn that ABC has decided to bring it back to its lineup one week earlier than had been planned.

The show will return April 30 with Betty (America Ferrera, pictured) still having a crush on Matt, and Wilhelmina (Vanessa Williams) wondering if William is her biological son. The move means that "Samantha Who?"-- which has been struggling in the ratings since the writers strike -- will go off the air indefinitely, along with new comedy "In the Motherhood," which has been plagued with behind-the-scenes problems for months, according to sources.

No more In The Motherhood? But that show's name totally sounds like a sexual euphemism! The real news here. of course, is what's happening, or rather isn't happening, with Samantha Who?, starring cigarette-smoking double-mastectomy survivor Christina Applegate. Samantha Who? has been in limbo forever, and now seems to be on life support. If we don't see Samantha Who? again, we fondly hope Christina Applegate will reappear, and soon, on our televisions. Until then, we may be left watching this Kelly Bundy tribute over and over:

PREVIOUSLY:

"Ugly Betty" Webisodes To Keep Us Warm During The Cold, Lonely Hiatus [VIDEO]

ABC Heard Our Prayers -- "Ugly Betty" Will Return

ABC's New Sitcom "In The Motherhood" Sounds Like A Sexual Euphemism

"Samantha Who?" Is Now "Samantha When?"

Cancer Survivor Christina Applegate Lights Up, We All Lose Our Minds

"Ugly Betty" Webisodes To Keep Us Warm During the Cold, Lonely Hiatus [VIDEO]

Lindy Parker — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 19:30:00 GMT

Ugly Betty, how we miss you. Let us count the ways. ABC will never convince us In The Motherhood is funny enough to justify this loss. Luckily, ABC seems to know they've done us wrong. They seem appropriately chagrined, and have granted us a balm for the wound inflicted by our tiresome Betty-less Thursdays -- new webisodes on ABC.com. And they're funny with a capital F...

Sigh. We feel a bit better now. Thanks ABC -- although really, it was the least you could do.

Watch all the webisodes on ABC.com!

Previously:

ABC Heard Our Prayers: "Ugly Betty" Will Return

Hope for "Ugly Betty" Now That Christine Baranski Joins The Cast?

Dear ABC: First Pushing Daisies and Now Ugly Betty? Really?

Ugly Betty on Hold?

Friday Shades of "Grey's Anatomy": Wake Me Up Before You Kill Me

Lindy Parker — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 16:45:00 GMT

Are you technically a battered woman if he's asleep the whole time? We're just wondering. Time for some highs and lows...

Lindy-High: Alex's voice-over! Yes. Awesome. No more Meredith. Can Alex do it every time? Also, Alex fertilized Izzie's frozen eggs without even thinking about it. Although, weird that the Chief pressured him into it, and then acted uncomfortable when Alex actually went through with it. Additionally, Christina and Owen are rocking our world despite the strange gregorian chant music during their sex scene. The last thirty seconds where Christina confessed to being afraid to fall asleep, and Owen went straight to Derek for a brain scan? We teared up a little bit.

Olivia-High: Callie dancing. We're still unsure about the chemistry between Sara Ramirez and Jessica Capshaw. But how much fun was Callie dancing? She's so cute and smily and pretty! Can we be friends with her? Can we watch teen movies and eat chocolate covered popcorn together? Can we text each other during Grey's episodes about how fab her hair looks and how ridiculous Lexipedia is? Please?

Lindy-Low: Meredith (MEREDITH?) going all judge-y on Christina's relationship with Owen. Girl, please. Hypocritical much? The real low is that our hatred of Meredith has grown so intensely that Derek's emotional elevator proposal failed to move us. Also, we're generally annoyed by Izzie's oncologist playing back-seat-surgeon while P.Demp was operating -- it's not okay to back-seat surge while someone's head is open.

Olivia-Low: We aggree with Remote Lindy on the back-seat surging. Unnacceptable behavior. We will pull this surgery over right now! But the real low for us is that we're pretty sure Kimberly Elise's guest potential is going to be thouroughly squandered with this heinous oncologist role. Kimberly's so good, and yet they're asking her to play a part that makes little to no sense. Would an oncologist really question the choices of a brain surgeon in the actual OR while he's poking at brain matter with sharp implements? Probably not. Would she insist on telling a patient terrible news just before a major surgery? Not unless the patient checked the Sadism box under Bedside manner when he or she was admitted to the hospital. We're pretty sure Izzie checked the coddling box. She likes to be coddled.

Previously:

Friday Shades of Grey's Anatomy: Sometimes You Just Need an Enema

Friday Shades of Grey's Anatomy: Surgeons of Tomorrow

Friday Shades of Grey's Anatomy: The School of Hard Knocks

Trust Us, "Trust Me" Is Done

Jake Kalish — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 17:48:00 GMT

Eric McCormack has taken the lead role in an upcoming ABC comedy pilot. Which is not something you do if the show you're currently on has any future...

Here's what we know:

Reno Wilson, Jolie Jenkins and Constance Zimmer also have been cast in the untitled ABC pilot from writer-producer Tad Quill ("Spin City," "Dirty Sexy Money").

The pilot centers on two friends who embark on very different lives: Dean (McCormack), a heart surgeon with a new baby, and Seth (Wilson), a contractor with a new empty nest. Jenkins will play Dean's wife, and Zimmer will play Seth's wife.

Emmy winner McCormack's TNT drama series, "Trust Me," would take priority over the pilot, but that show is not expected to be renewed.

Hopefully, this will give the talented McCormack more to work with than Trust Me. Because that show is friggin' awful.

PREVIOUSLY:

"Trust Me": We're Leaning Toward Watching

"Trust Me": Our Verdict

"Trust Me": We Don't

Rebecca Romijn Is A Witch

Jake Kalish — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 14:40:00 GMT

Or at least she will be.

Mrs. Fat Kid has signed on to star in the ABC drama pilot Eastwick, based on the 1987 flick The Witches Of Eastwick, which was itself based on the John Updike novel of the same name.

Rebecca Romijn as a witch? Well, it's a hell of a lot more believable than her as a trannie.

Michael J. Fox, Optimist

Jake Kalish — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 14:40:00 GMT

His upcoming ABC Special will look at the power of optimism...

Michael J. Fox: Adventures of An Incurable Optimist will air May 7th at 10 p.m. on ABC, and as part of the special, the TV legend (think about it - he's one of the 5 greatest TV actors of all time. Okay, now stop thinking about it. Focus.) will visit Bhutan, a country that monitors its Gross National Happiness. Really.This from the Optimist news release:

"The whole world, shaken by economic woes, is taking a closer look at optimism. Imagine a country which measures its success with a figure for “Gross National Happiness” instead of Gross National Product. Fox visits the secluded Himalayan nation of Bhutan, a modern day Shangri La that stresses the importance of joy in everything it does. Can happiness actually be legislated? Fox is fascinated by this nation’s commitment to the positive well-being of its citizens. "

Of course, a Michael J. Fox special about optimism has special resonance because of his battle with Parkinson's Disease - which, according to Fox, has been a blessing, not a curse:

For everything this disease has taken, something with greater value has been given.

Gosh, that is optimistic.

PREVIOUSLY:

Brian Williams, And All Of Us, Just Want Some Good News

Trista Rehn Sutter Gives "The Bachelor" A Piece of Her Mind

Lindy Parker — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 23:00:00 GMT

We like to think of Trista Sutter (née Rehn) as the mother hen of the Bachelor/Bachelorette universe. As the show's only clear cut success, she's earned the right to speak up whenever she thinks one of her chicks is misbehaving -- kind of like the only great player on a team with a chronic losing record. Well, it turns out she's been watching Jason Mesnick's been breaking hearts and running amuck, and Mama Trista is not pleased...

"How could you go from being engaged to someone, to kissing someone else on the couch?!" she fumed to Momlogic.com. "He doesn't deserve to walk away scot-free."

"What disappointed me as a mom is that he introduced both girls to Ty," she went on. "Melissa was around, and now she's gone. What is Ty going to think?" (Us Magazine)

Wouldn't it be amazing if Trista showed up at tonight's After the Final Rose Part 2, baby on hip, and put Jason over her knee? Here's hoping.

Previously:

Akward Tuesday: Is The Bachelor Fixed, Fact or Fiction?

"Brothers & Sisters:" Lies, Lies, LIES!

Olivia Purnell — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 20:00:00 GMT

First the Grey’s Anatomy incident. Now This.

ABC, Brothers & Sisters, We feel lied to . . .

[SPOILER ALERT]

A few weeks ago, ABC advertised the start of the Grey’s Anatomy/Private Practice crossover event. The start of said event consisted of a measly phone call. That’s not a crossover, that’s a phone call. This week, they’ve lied to us again.

You promised us a death, ABC! You advertised a 2-hour Brothers & Sisters movie event in which the Walkers would loose one of their own. We broke out the cheap merlot; we mixed our king-sized goobers with our jumbo bag of low-fat popcorn (the two balance each other out calorie-wise, and you still get that sweet-salty melty amazingness). And we tuned in.

But nobody died. That little SPOILER ALERT at the beginning of this post was just a courtesy warning (like a mattress tag . . . or a yellow light). Nothing really happens during this two hour “event.”

Well, to be fair, Robert has a heart attack (which he survives). Kitty’s adopted baby is born (adorable moments there, but no death). And Tommy’s illegal plot to take the family business back from Holly is discovered. We were hoping, beyond hope that Balthazar Getty’s character Tommy would get kilt this episode. Instead, He’s alive and conniving and sniveling, per usual. Perfect.

We guess we should be happy. If anybody was gonna die, it was going to be Robert McCallister, the beloved Rob Lowe. And god forbid Rob Lowe gets killed off. Then Dave Annable would have to hold up the hotness quota for the entire show. Don’t get us wrong, Dave would do okay . . .

Rob should stick around just in case. But we digress . . .

Back to the topic at hand: Lies, Lies, LIES! Nobody died, dammit.

Can ABC keep doing this? Can they keep advertising crossovers and deaths without coming through?

Previously:

“Brothers & Sisters:” The New Kid
“Brothers & Sisters:” Bye Bye Balthazar?
Thoughts on the “Grey’s Anatomy”/ ”Private Practice” Crossover Event

McDreamy Hangs Up His Scrubs For Good?

Lindy Parker — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 23:00:00 GMT

OMG, Derek wants to quit doctoring? Say it ain't so, P. Demp! Say it ain't so...

Grey's Anatomy is MIA for the next few weeks, but the ABC serial will return with a bang on March 12, when Derek decides to call it quits.
Already, of course, Dr. Shepherd is in a dark place, having made some questionable (and ultimately unsuccessful) calls in the treatment of a pregnant patient played by guest star Jennifer Westfeldt. Adding salt to that wound, he comes to discover that over his illustrious career, more patients of his died than he originally thought — prompting him to elect to hang up his stethoscope. (TV Guide)

Okay, here's the thing. We can't take this. We felt like we just got Derek back to normal after the crazy Eric Stolz debacle where McDreamy spent all his time waxing moralistic. If we're going to lose Derek, he HAS to take Meredith with him. We refuse to deal with Meredith's whining and slouching if Derek's not around to soften the blow. He can't really be leaving right? It has to be one of those personal-crisis-turned-idle-threat things that never actually materializes -- like when Chief Jim Pickens resigned as chief, but then showed up every day afterwards just like normal. Sigh. Don't scare us like that, P. Demp. We can't take it.

Is Jillian the Next Bachelorette?

Lindy Parker — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 18:06:00 GMT

With The Bachelor finale still a week away, ABC is looking ahead to the next season of The Bachelorette, and apparently, they've got their eye on Jason's most recent cast-off, Jillian Harris. We have a question: has there ever been a Bachelorette that wasn't jilted by a previous Bachelor? Hang on we're googling it...

The answer is: No. There have been four Bachelorettes: Trista Rehn (dumped by original Bachelor Alex Michel), Meredith Phillips (dumped by Bachelor Bob Guinney), Jen Schefft (former fiancé of Bachelor Andrew Firestone), and Deanna Pappas (dumped by Bachelor Brad Womack).

Accepting ABC's invitation would make Jillian Bachelorette number five to be rejected by a former Bachelor. It seems Jillian's still on the fence on this one...

"I still love him but I don't think I am in love with him anymore...It's like any other breakup. You have to heal yourself. You have to get over it and move on and hope the best for the person."

Molly and Melissa are the final two contestants vying for Mesnick's heart and a sparkling engagement ring, and Harris has a slight preference for one of them: "I became very, very good friends with Melissa," she says. "[We] always talked about, if she did win, how fun it would be for us all to get together and have barbecues and laugh about it. Her and I would be friends and I would be part of their life."

"Part of me wants to stop while I am ahead because I did a great job of presenting myself last time," she says. "But the other part of me really wants to find somebody and maybe my prince is just around the corner. I would have to think hard about it." (TV Guide)

We're on the fence as well. Mostly because, while we enjoy Jillian, we'd like to see a Bachelorette that didn't bring former reality show baggage to the table. But since ABC hasn't actually issued the invitation yet, we suppose we'll have to wait and see. Jillian fans can check in with her tonight on The Bachelor: The Women Tell All -- an episode which, evidently, contains so much drama and high-octane thrills this time around it had to be extended to two hours. Check out the preview below and note host Chris Harrison giving yet another weird promise about the shocking nature of the season finale ("what you're about to witness is potentially so dramatic and so emotionally difficult..." WTF?):

Previously:

The Bachelor Finale Will Leave Us Breathless?

Amy Smart For President

Jake Kalish — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 17:48:00 GMT

At least, in a new ABC pilot called See Cate Run, in which she'll play a "young prosecuting attorney who will one day be a contender for the U.S. Presidency." The show was originally titled I, Claudia, but ABC wisely scrapped the Robert Graves novel/Roman Emperor/Award-winning BBC serial triple-reference. Regardless, Amy Smart has a much better shot at becoming president in make-believe. It'd be tough going, what with shots like these from Crank, and this totally NSFW clip from the horror movie Mirrors...

Amy Smart Nude in Mirrors - The best video clips are here

Friday Shades of "Grey's Anatomy": The School Of Hard Knocks

Lindy Parker — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 18:30:00 GMT

This week the endless Grey's Anatomy/Private Practice crossover event finally dragged to an end. So little time, so much to say. Here's some highs and lows...

Lindy-High - Faye Dunaway as an aging surgeon -- the Norma Desmond of Seattle Grace. Truly, there was even a scene where Dr. Faye throws Christina out of her OR and we sware to god, we thought she was going to say, "What you're trying to say is that you don't want me to operate. Say it. Say it!" Luckily, Dr. Hunt was ready with army anecdote about knowing when it's time to quit, complete with a kind and somber look that clearly said, "Madame is the greatest star of them all."

Olivia-High - This week Dr. McHair’s has a break down, and Derrick’s dark damaged underbelly turns out to be pretty compelling. After making a mistake in the OR last week, Dr. Floppyhair is willing to lobotomize his patient Frankenstyle to save his conscious. The chief actually has to stop Derrick from sewing the lady up with a whipstitched frontal lobe. Awesome. After his patient dies, McDreams gets in a brawl with Sloan. In the hospital. On a balcony. We swear, we were sure that one of them was going to fall over and die. Oh, the drama. The episode ends with Derrick downing tequila like it’s discount YooHoo and he’s trying to get his delicious chocolaty money’s worth. Go, Dr. Shepard, Go. Find those inner demons and deal with them. Now if we could somehow surgically remove Meredith from all of those scenes . . .

Lindy-Low - Pretty much everything else. Meredith's voice over was particularly excrutiating this time: "Patients think we're gods, some call us monsters, but we're just people." Just kill us now. Also, we HATE Jessica Capshaw and her weird perkiness. Why can Callie not find someone cool, and relatively free of neuroses to match her level of awesome? We've had a thought: Callie and Addison. Right? This could be genius. Both are gorgeous, sexy, smart, stong women. They both want babies. They have pre-established chemistry. Why don't they get married and raise gorgeous, sexy, smart, strong children? Think about it Shonda Rhimes. That's all we ask.

Olivia-Low - The fact that Faye Dunaway isn’t a new regular. She is Fab. U. Lous. Fabulous dammit. And she brought it this week. To say thanks, lets have a nostalgic pic, shall we?

Is there a way that we can be her in our next life? Please?

"Bachelor" Finale SPOILERS -- Everyone Take a Deep Breath

Lindy Parker — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 20:45:00 GMT

Here's the deal: Now that Jason's whittled it down to two remaining bachelorettes, there's been much ado about the allegedly breath-stealing drama of this season's Bachelor finale. Everybody sitting down? Got some water? Okay, let's get into this...

SPOILER alert! Read no further if you don't want to know the details!

Spoiler #1: Jason proposes to one woman during the finale, dumps her during the reunion, and proposes to the other one...

The actual drama comes during the reunion, when Jason will dump Melissa and pick Molly instead, which surprises Melissa, because she spent the time between the show and taping the reunion Jan. 18 dating Jason. (Reality Blurred)

Spoiler #2: ABC has scheduled a second reunion special to try and make sense of the chaos...

ABC’s need to schedule a second reunion for the next evening to deal with the fallout from the first reunion, and also fits with its executive producer’s revelations about the finale. (Reality Blurred)

Spoiler #3: ABC orchestrated the whole thing to get ratings, and Jason went along with it...

"ABC knew exactly what they were doing when they released the hand with the freckles and the pinky ring,” because “Jason ends his engagement with Melissa, and begins a relationship with Molly during the reunion.” (via Reality Blurred)

Our thoughts: We're mystified by the whole debacle. At the risk of sounding like we've spent the last twelve seasons in a fog of naiveté, we admit that this is the first season of The Bachelor that we've considered the possibility that all these people are paid actors. The trailer teasing Deanna's return to the show coinciding with her TV hosting gig was the first clue that something was awry, and now all this nonsense about a Network-esque final rose ceremony/reunion special? Can this possibly be for real? No, right? Thoughts?

Previously:

The Bachelor Finale Will Leave Us Breathless?

ABC's "Homeland Security USA": The Inevitable Protests

Jake Kalish — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 22:20:00 GMT

This was bound to happen. On Sunday, folks on both sides of the immigration debate squared off in front of ABC's studios in Burbank. Pro-immigration group The Southern California Immigration Coalition protested the show, while anti-illegal immigration organization Save Our State protested the protesters.This show seems to just be riling people up; given its timeslot opposite American Idol, Homeland Security: USA seems to be attracting more internet debate and bickering than actual viewers. Because while everybody's got an opinion on illegal immigrants, they'd rather watch 18-year-old aspiring pop singers.

PREVIOUSLY:

"Homeland Security USA" Debuts Tonight At 8 On ABC

Are We Ready For An Iranian-American Comedy On ABC?

Jake Kalish — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 21:44:00 GMT

Certainly hope so. ABC has ordered a pilot based on Funny In Farsi, Firoozeh Dumas' memoir about growing up as an Iranian immigrant in Newport Beach, Ca. in the 1970's. Perhaps the fact that the pilot is set 35 years ago will make it more palatable to an American audience, but boy, a Muslim sitcom seems to be something that would've been impossible just a few years ago, huh? A lot of the jokes promise to be fish-out-of water stuff, and riffs on 70's culture - watch Firoozeh Dumas talk about how you just can't translate "Shake n' Bake" into Farsi:

"Invasion" Star Finds Love on "Entourage"

Lindy Parker — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 22:45:00 GMT

Remember Invasion, y'all? ABC's attempt at Invasion of the Body Snatchers: The TV Show? We feel like it might have done better if the plot hadn't involved a town that gets ravaged by a hurricane -- ABC yanked the promos immediately following the real life disaster of Hurricane Katrina. Bad timing all around. Regardless, in the few episodes we did see, we enjoyed Alexis Dziena as the elfin Kira Underlay.

Turns out Alexis is joining the cast of Entourage...

Sources confirm to me exclusively that the 24-year-old actress is joining the cast of Entourage as a rather unusual love interest for Kevin Connolly's Eric. (Ausiello Files)

We think Dziena's a good choice for Entourage, she's gorgeous and got that innocent-meets-mysterious thing going on. Check it out...

Friday Shades of Grey's Anatomy: God in a Box

Lindy Parker — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 18:45:00 GMT

So this week -- the actual crossover event -- lots to discuss. Here's your highs and lows...

Lindy-High: Here's the deal -- we've had a bit of an epiphany this week. We love Audra McDonald. We LOVE Taye Diggs. Kate Walsh is a goddess. Yet, in spite of all this, we kind of hate Private Practice. The plots aren't really compelling which renders the characters (even the aforementioned objects of our affection) a bit boring in context. However, this week Sam and Naomi came to Seattle Grace and a transformation occurred. Suddenly, Sam and Naomi were complex characters with interesting backstory. We love, love, love the right-there-in-front-of-you contrast between Derek's old life with Addison and his new life with Meredith -- mostly, because the colorful interest of the former casts the sad blandness of the latter into sharp relief. Solution: abandon ship on Private Practice, move Addison, Sam and Naomi back to Grey's Anatomy. Fire the interns and Izzie, give George more of the awkward humor/rally-the-troops enthusiasm that made him fun in the beginning, and we're off to the races. Right? Who's with us?

Olivia-High: Okay, so first and foremost, we are totally on board with Remote Lindy’s idea to keep all the strongest parts of the two weak shows, creating a crazy Siamese Frankenstein of a medical show. Sew it back together. It’s what’s best for all of us. Also, Derrick grew some balls this week. Not fake self-righteous bravado, real balls. He went head-to-head with Addison over a patient’s well being, and was actually right. For once. Waita Man Up, Dr. McHair. Now lets talk about the really important thing: Hair. Kate Walsh’s hair is just beyond . . . Her hair along with Taye Diggs’ gorgeousness really carried us through two hours of crossover eventus.

Lindy-Low: Izzie and her weird camp counselor zeal to put the fun back in surgical grunt work. We can't deal with glitter. We just can't. Also, is there really nothing else going on at the hospital that Cheif Jim Pickens has time to hold one side of a scotch tape finish line?

Olivia-Low: Plain and simple, we are annoyed. Lexie is annoying. Izzie and her weird dormant brain/glitter illness are annoying. Meredith and her little cheater friend Sadie? Annoying. Even Christina and Dr. Hunt annoyed us this week. Dr. Hunt’s sweet-as-pie ex-fiancé shows up out of nowhere this week, because her father is dying. We don’t understand why Hunt would break up with a woman (an annoying woman, btw) over email. And, we don’t understand why Christina accepts his “I didn’t want to hurt her” excuse. That’s annoying. It’s cowardice and it’s annoying. Remote Lindy: If we merge the shows can we get rid of Lexie, Meredith, and Hunt’s cowardice too?

ABC Heard Our Prayers -- "Ugly Betty" Will Return

Lindy Parker — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 18:30:00 GMT

We can all breathe a collective sigh of relief that Ugly Betty will not be banished from ABC's lineup in favor of a parade of new sitcoms...

Despite the, ahem, perception problem that resulted from that whole open-ended hiatus thing, ABC is on the verge of renewing Ugly Betty for a fourth season, sources confirm to me exclusively. (Ausiello Files)

Thank you, ABC. That was the right decision.

Previously:

Ugly Betty on Hold?

Dear ABC, First Pushing Daisies, And Now Ugly Betty? Really?

The Chief Has Spoken: T.R. Knight and Katherine Heigl Are Done with "Grey's"

Lindy Parker — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 14:26:00 GMT

Obviously, there's been a lot of back-and-forth on whether or not George and Izzie are abandoning the Grey's Anatomy ship. We haven't really given much credence to all the speculation up to this point, but then Chief of Surgery, Jim Pickens spoke up and we took notice...

Co-star James Pickens Jr. confirmed to US Weekly that both actors are indeed leaving the show.
"Yes, she is," Pickens said when asked if Heigl was checking out of Seattle Grace. "Wherever Katherine goes, I wish her nothing but the best." And what about Knight? "He's going too," Pickens said. "He just wanted to pursue other career paths." (Ausiello Files)

Can we be honest? We're over them both (especially you, Heigl). At this point Izzie's plotline is insufferable, and we can't even remember the last time George had a speaking part in a scene. Sad really, because in the beginning we really loved T.R. Knight's awkward charm and rally-the-team pep talks (remember when he delivered Dr. Bailey's baby, y'all?). What it comes down is this: neither of their characters is really contributing anything valuable to the show at this point (although, in fairness, their not the only ones on that list), best to put us all out of our misery and leave us to more important things like obsessing over Dr Torres' weird '80's make up.

Ed O'Neill's Back, This Time On ABC

Jake Kalish — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 22:55:00 GMT

The man who will likely always be thought of as Al Bundy is returning to TV, for an ABC pilot called An American Family. Let's hope it goes better than his last show, HBO's John From Cincinnati, which was just extremely weird. We wanted to like it, because of O'Neill, and Rebecca DeMornay, and Luis Guzman, but watching it kept leaving us with the feeling we were missing something. Then we checked around, and almost everybody felt the same way. So maybe there wasn't anything there. Then it got cancelled, seemingly before the first ep was over. Still, it's worth checking out, because at least it was trying something, although we're still not sure what.

Anyway, the new show is a single-camera comedy, described as follows:

The single-camera "Family" revolves around three families. The first is a traditional nuclear unit, the second includes a 60-year-old man (O'Neill) who becomes a stepfather after marrying a Latina (Sofia Vergara) 30 years his junior, and the third comprises a gay couple (Stonestreet, Jesse Tyler Ferguson) who have adopted a Vietnamese baby.

Hmmm. Okay, we get it. And it could be good, if it doesn't settle for the easy jokes, and ventures into actual social commentary. Let's hope that's the way they go, so O'Neill's comedy talent doesn't get wasted.

PREVIOUSLY:

Al Bundy's Greatest Hits

Idina Menzel To Join Husband Taye Diggs on "Private Practice"

Lindy Parker — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 22:30:00 GMT

After the abysmal trainwreck that was last week's episode of Private Practice (out of nowhere, everyone in the clinic is a brain specialist? WTF?), we thought nothing could re-ignite our dwindling interest in these characters. However, we underestimated the stregnth of our couple crush on Taye Diggs and Idina Menzel...

In multiple episodes, Menzel will play the mother of a patient tended to by Pete (Tim Daly). To hear one source tell it, Pete's special brand of "bedside manner" might bring about an attraction between him and Menzel's character. At this early stage, it's unclear if Menzel and her main man will share many scenes. (TV Guide)

Okay ABC, you got us. The allure of an onscreen reunion with our favorite offscreen couple is too much to resist. That said, we're not sure the same holds true for Dancing With the Stars.

Previously:

Thoughts on the Grey's Anatomy/Private Practice Crossover Event

Thoughts on the "Grey's Anatomy"/"Private Practice" Crossover Event

Lindy Parker — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 18:00:00 GMT

So we have to assume that we were slightly deceived by the ABC promos, and that by "the crossover event begins this thursday," they actually meant "begins next thursday," because otherwise whatever it was that we spent two hours of our lives on last night, it wasn't a crossover -- event or otherwise. Actually, maybe that's too harsh. We suppose there was, technically speaking, "crossover." Are you ready? Here it is...

Yes, indeed. A phone call. And actually, even that was a bit of a stretch since no character from either show actually appeared on the other, nor did we actually hear Addison's or Derek's voices on the other end of the line to legitimize this charade. Presumably, the scenes shown in the promos in which Derek and Addison are actually in the room together will make next week's episode the actual crossover, and this week's episode nothing more than a hoax.

Previously:

Friday Shades of Grey's Anatomy: Hug Me Like a Cow

Our Top Three Picks For Pilot Season

Lindy Parker — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 16:00:00 GMT

3. Legally Mad -- Newest David E. Kelly legal drama which we're not-so-secretly hoping will star James Spader, and provide us with a good rebound for getting over Boston Legal. The pilot is directed by Kenny Ortega (see: our obsession with High School Musical), and stars Pushing Daisies alum Kristen Chenoweth. If we don't love every second of this inaugural episode, it will be a sad, sad day for us...

2. Limelight -- ABC's look at "prodigious students and faculty at an innovative performing-arts school in New York, where young men and women explore the combustible blend of contemporary music and dance while balancing their dreams, hopes and struggles." (Gawker) Yay! It's Fame: The TV Show. Why isn't Kenny Ortega directing this one?!

1. Empire State -- Two households both alike in dignity (but not in fortune), in fair Manhattan where we lay our scene. ABC takes yet another stab at a modern day Romeo and Juliet story. Truthfully, this isn't really our top pick, but if, incredibly, it turns out to be awesome, we want to be able to link this post to all our naysaying friends. Also, we're kind of hoping it's just a repackaging of the ill-fated Fox drama Skin, starring Olivia Wilde as Juliet and Ron Silver as a porn king. It hurts so good...

Check out the complete pilot list at Gawker.com

Barack Obama Will Be Interviewed By Everyone Today

Jake Kalish — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 15:10:00 GMT

Today, at the White House's request, the President will sit down for separate interviews with the anchors of ABC, CBS, NBC, CNN, and Fox News. Seriously, everybody's talking to Barack today. We've heard a rumor that the hosts of an Aurora, Illinois public access show have a sitdown with Obama at noon.

The interviews will be broadcast throughout the day and evening. Gosh, this President certainly does things differently than his predecessor, doesn't he?

PREVIOUSLY:

Our Barack Obama Archive

ABC'S New Sitcom "In The Motherhood" Sounds Like a Sexual Euphemism

Jake Kalish — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 22:55:00 GMT

Come on, it does, right? How could they not catch that? "What happened with that girl from the bar, dude?" "In the motherhood." "Nice!"

These non-nuclear family mothering sitcoms, for whatever reason, don't seem to quite catch on - although Hines and Mullally are a good comedic combo. Plus, there's Horatio Sanz as a manny. Sorry, that's a minus. Sometimes we get addition and subtraction mixed up. In The Motherhood will debut on ABC March 26th at 8. Here's the ABC description:

The story focuses on Rosemary (Mullally), Jane (Hines) and Emily (Jessica St. Clair), who represent mothers we all know. Rosemary is a free-wheeling mom who plays it fast and loose when it comes to parenting her teenaged son, Luke. Married numerous times, but currently single, Rosemary lives by her own rules. Much to the amazement of the other moms, her nontraditional parenting style has yielded a son much more responsible than she. Rosemary’s best friend, Jane, is a recently divorced working mother of a pre-teen, Annie, and a baby girl, Sophie, who is just trying to keep her career and home afloat. Having just returned to work after giving birth eight months ago, Jane struggles to find a happy balance – lucky for her she has her “manny,” Horatio (Horatio Sanz, Saturday Night Live), to help out...

Et cetera. Sounds a little too cute, but what do we know? (Don't answer that.) Interestingly, this show comes from a popular web series starring Leah Remini and Chelsea Handler. Here's a clip: