The Remote Island : Ashley Olsen

"Full House" Remake?

Jake Kalish — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 19:31:00 GMT

This is too good to be true. Apparently Stamos is working on the idea -- not surprising considering he's gonna have some free time on his hands soon -- and it would star Candace "Now An Evangelical Christian" Cameron Bure and Jodie "Used To Be A Methhead" Sweetin. Don't hold out for Olsen involvement, but Dave "That Alanis Morrisette Song Was About Me" Coulier can definitely be got.

The Weekly Rewind: Is Couch-Surfing a Sport?

Ben Kallen — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 21:20:00 GMT

Before we all put on our moisture-wicking athletic socks and prepare to watch eight billion hours of Olympics coverage, let's take a look back at some top stories of the week:

We watched a bunch of Calvin Klein Obsession ads and decided not to go to film school.

We marveled at scenes from the never-made Buffy the Vampire Slayer: The Animated Series and wished there were more.

We found out what happened to Joe Schmo and Joe Millionaire, and it wasn't pretty.

We learned that Charlie Sheen earns twice as much as Mariska Hargitay -- and that Lauren Conrad "earns" 30 times as much as us.

We watched supposedly funny campaign ads by John McCain and Barack Obama, and decided that at least one of them should get a new day job. (Preferably, one that doesn't involve Tyra Banks impersonating your wife.)

We watched as Nashville Star and Last Comic Standing and So You Think You Can Dance crowned new winners, and wished we were watching American Idol instead. Especially after a brand-new Claymate entered the world.

We saw two Christian Slaters, after almost forgetting there was even one.

We wondered if it's possible to make singer Joss Stone unattractive enough for English royalty.

We realized that no Bob Saget roast would be complete without Olsen-twin sex jokes, but were still kind of shocked by Uncle Jesse's.

We developed a crush on a newscaster. And saw a newscaster get an inappropriate crush of his own.

We got jailhouse survival tips from Jack Bauer.

We heard about some place overseas where a bunch of sporting events are about to begin.

Previously:
The Weekly Rewind: Baby, I Love Your Way

How Rude! Bob Saget Roast Full of Olsen-Twin Sex Jokes

Ben Kallen — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 19:25:00 GMT

Anyone who's seen The Aristocrats knows that former Full House star and America's Funniest Home Videos host Bob Saget is hiding a dirty, dirty mind under that wholesome-seeming exterior. So it's no big surprise that Comedy Central's recent roast of the guy, which airs on Aug. 17, was as loaded with dirty jokes as the previous ones for celebrities such as William Shatner and Pam Anderson.

What he wasn't prepared for, apparently, were all the sex jokes about young Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, whom he's been protective of ever since they co-played his Full House daughter Michelle when they were infants. Even roastmaster John "Uncle Jesse" Stamos joined in on the molestation-gag action -- saying, "The whole time Bob and I were doing Full House, he was also hosting America's Funniest Home Videos. His entire job consisted of saying 'Take a look at this,' which is what he used to say to Mary-Kate in her dressing room." (Stamos later said that he thought some of the jokes had "crossed the line.")

Of course, the Olsens are all grown up now, and the gossip media probes their adult sex lives more often than Tommy Lee probed Pam. (Ba-dump-bump! Thank you very much.) Still, the constant stream of semi-incest/pedophilia jokes -- many of which will probably be cut from Comedy Central's broadcast of the roast -- just seemed kind of mean after a while, even when made about a pair of billionaires and a performer who spent years bringing us guy-getting-hit-in-the-groin videos.

Below, a sample of more molestation humor, this time from comedian Jeffrey Ross. At least Jodie "Stephanie" Sweetin seems to be enjoying herself.

Previously:
Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen on the Outs???

How I Met Your Mother Secrets Revealed (No, Not That One)

Former Full House Star/Meth Addict Is Currently Blogging (And Kind of Cute)

Mary-Kate And Ashley Olsen On The Outs???

Bryan Christian — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 19:56:00 GMT

When Full House's Michelle Tanner is at war with herself, it doesn't matter who wins: everyone loses!

Could the world's most profitable set of twins be no longer of one mind and one under-nourished body? The answer, according to Elle, is maybe.

“We don’t agree all the time. The way we go about business or designing or making a decision is that we come at it from two completely different angles that at the end of the day, even when we don’t think we’re agreeing with each other, we are agreeing. We’re just getting there in different ways. Unless you’re a twin, you honestly can’t know how close twins can be. There’s such a strength, but that also makes it…” Her voice trails off. “When there’s that much love there’s…” Again she stops. She gives me a wan smile. I attempt to help her explain: When twins grow up and go their separate ways, is it like an amicable divorce? “Well, there’s the opposite of everything, but it stems from love, and it stems from passion. We’re driven people. I do know I can’t work in an office. Ashley, on the other hand, loves going to an office.”

And "there's the opposite of everything" means...?

[via Defamer]