The Remote Island : Bigfoot

The Weekly Rewind: We Want Our Fun TV

Ben Kallen — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 21:35:00 GMT

The Olympics are coming to an end, and the new TV season hasn't started yet. What the heck can we do with all that extra free time? Maybe we should just sit back, relax, and spend it on the highlights of the week:

We learned that George and Izzie are TV's most annoying couple, but then we remembered Ross and Rachel.

We were alternately thrilled and disappointed by Michael Phelps, and Bigfoot.

We heard Hurley sing, and it was awesome.

We remembered the most terrible game shows of all time, and it kind of made us want to watch them again. But the most memorable moments in TV history? Eh, seen 'em.

We heard that Kelly Bundy's just fine, and that made us happy.

We saw what The Bachelor's ex Shayne Lamas is like at a party, and it's pretty much what we figured.

We discovered that many TV stars don't watch TV, because they're too busy sipping expensive champagne with fashion models.

We figured out how to get MTV's original stars cable-ready again.

We wondered why this statue of Fonzie looks so much like Christopher Walken.

We learned why Canadians think the beaver is a proud and noble animal.

We learned who might be on Dancing With the Stars this season, and hoped Kim Kardashian wouldn't have center-of-gravity issues.

We discovered that the Internet is nothing but a gathering place for Knight Rider and Baywatch fanatics. But then, we knew that already.

Previously:
The Weekly Rewind: The Thrill of Victory, The Agony of TV

Thawed-Out Bigfoot Turns Out To Be Big Fake

Bryan Christian — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 13:33:00 GMT

So, basically, everybody already knew this, but sometimes it's our job to report something that you already know, like someone's prolly gonna wind up locked up again on Prison Break or whatever. So, here goes: that Bigfoot press conference that so made our Friday last week was a total fraud.

What do you guys prefer: "Der." or "Duh."?

Anyhow, we now return you to actual life, such as it is.

PREVIOUSLY:
BIGFOOT PRESS CONFERENCE ON CNN NOW!!!

The Weekly Rewind: The Thrill of Victory, The Agony of TV

Ben Kallen — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 21:20:00 GMT

What a week! That Aquaman guy won a bazillion gold medals, our Russian gymnast from Texas beat their Russian gymnasts from Russia -- while China's 14-year-old 16-year-olds beat everybody -- and our beach volleyball players were surprised to learn that any other countries even have beach volleyball. Still, none of it did a damned thing for world peace... and all we cared about was how it looked on TV.

Now that we have our priorities in order, let's get on with the highlights of the week.

Well, before the week had even started, we lost a couple of greats: comedian Bernie Mac and TV's singing Chef, Isaac Hayes. Sad news, America, indeed.

To cheer ourselves up, we watched the late-night talk shows go sex-crazy. Jay Leno made with the sexy talk to guest Scarlett Johansson, while guest Kate Mara was seduced by Craig Ferguson. But watching David Letterman's cool old morning show was almost enough to make us forget about him smooching with Gillian Anderson. (P.S.: Welcome, Fark readers! Feel free to take a look around.)

We chose ten guest stars for Friday Night Lights, cast the upcoming Hawaii Five-O remake and put a little comic relief into Heroes -- but also learned we were losing the only new 90210 cast member who could keep things in the family.

We learned that America's Next Top Model is getting a girl with something extra, and that Dancing With the Stars might soon have a contestant who can bring his own tights.

We went back to Animal House, and thought Ernest Borgnine would have fit right in. But we also learned stuff about Alanis Morissette and Dave Coulier that we oughtn'ta know.

We found out what would have happened on the canceled Journeyman, and it made us want to time-travel. But we'd still rather watch the Olympics in real time.

And finally, we learned that Bigfoot, Julia Child's spy career, Britney Spears' entertainment career and Donald Trump's heart might be more than just myths.

Previously:
The Weekly Rewind: Is Couch-Surfing a Sport?

BIGFOOT PRESS CONFERENCE ON CNN NOW!!!

Bryan Christian — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 19:22:00 GMT

See also: world, ending; us, pants crapping.

OK, so maybe it's a fake. But still: best thing to happen on TV all month.

http://www.cnn.com/video/live/live.html?stream=stream4

UPDATE: FOX News correspondent Megyn Kelly will be the first journalist to see the body. 'Cause they're the most trustworthy news organization around! (Actually, we think it was 'cause she was the hottest anchor they could think of who might actually go for it.)

UPDATE: The press conference has ended. Journalists in attendance have apparently been given a photo of the supposed Bigfoot before he was cut down in the prime of his cryptozoological life, and results from a DNA test. When reached for comment, the Loch Ness Monster was quoted as saying "Ach, I'll nay belee it till I smell the body fer meself."

UPDATE: After the jump, exclusive footage of the savage confrontation that resulted in this magirific moment that we have all televisually shared.

Is it just us, or is the moment when she goes "Oh boy, Steve said you were big but this is ridiculous," way way hot?