The Remote Island : CSI: MIami

More Stalker News: David Caruso's Stalker Is In Jail, Shawn Johnson's Stalker Has A Restraining Order

Jake Kalish — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 16:12:00 GMT

Is it so hard to just watch the shows without stalking the people on them? This is out of control:

A woman has reportedly been jailed for seven months in Austria after allegedly sending a death threat to "CSI: Miami" star David Caruso.

The woman, 41, sent the threat after the actor failed to give her an autograph, France's AFP news agency reports. The fan is said to have sent Caruso over a hundred letters including the death threat.

She will be held in a jail for prisoners with psychiatric issues, though AFP says the woman's lawyer is still considering an appeal.

In an attempt to avoid arrest, the woman initially fled to Mexico, but returned to Austria after 10 months and turned herself into authorities in March.

The Caruso news comes hot on the heels of the Tila Tequila stalker story, which is just as horrific. And that came only a couple of weeks after the Shawn Johnson stalker story. Oh yeah, about that:

“Dancing With the Stars” contestant Shawn Johnson has been granted a three-year restraining order against her alleged stalker, Robert O’Ryan.

A judge granted the request in a Los Angeles court on Tuesday...

O’Ryan stated that he “packed all his belongings, permanently left Florida to drive across the country because be believes [Shawn] is speaking to him personally through the television via ESP and that he will be with her no matter what.”

Additionally, the request noted that O’Ryan had “two loaded guns” – a .45 caliber handgun, a loaded shotgun “and materials classically used for kidnapping including duct tape, zip ties [and] a map to the victim,” the court filing read. “Also found were love letters, clippings and other information on the victim.”

Good Lord. Us regular folks often complain about the inaccessibility of celebrities, that they often hide behind bodyguards. Well, here's why.

PREVIOUSLY:

Modern Stalking: Man Breaks into Tila Tequila's House And Twitter Account

"DWTS" Gets Very Scary For Shawn Johnson

Alyssa Milano Granted A Restraining Order Against Creepy Stalker

Stalker Item #1: This Miley Cyrus Fan Sure Is Creepy

Stalker Item #2: Lorne Michaels' Stalker Is Free, But Not To Stalk Lorne Michaels

Brian Austin Green As The Green Lantern? He Wants Your Vote!

Olivia Purnell — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 17:30:00 GMT

So we're a little infatuated with B.A.G. Sue us. He's funny-hot . . . like: ha-ha, he used to be that kid on 90210 and he had a brief ill-advised hip-hop career (also he kind of looks like that guy Mystery from VH1 in the above photo). But he's also hot-hot . . . as in: omg B.A.G, you dated Megan Fox and your facial scruff is perfect.

That perfect scruff has been all over the television airwaves, what with his character's unexpected revival in the season finale of Terminator:The Sarah Connor Chronicles, and his upcoming role on CSI: Miami's season finale as a carjacking victim with "leading man presence" (people.com).

Unfortunately, Brian's thinking about leaving TV behind. But he needs fan's help. Hear his plea . . .

Comic Book Resources sat down with our favorite tv-star turned former rapper turned tv star, and here's what he had to say:

Is that the next step for you after “Terminator,” moving on to film?

Well I think it’s always, everyone in televisions next step. Television is an interesting thing. I’m really lucky on “Terminator” because I love the show and I love playing the character that I play. But most of the time, one of the tough things with television is it can get kind of be tedious playing the same character for multiple seasons because you start running out of stuff. You know, you want to creatively do other things. In film you have the opportunity to spend five months shooting something and then you’re done with that. You move on to a completely different character and get to create all new things.

In conclusion, any final thoughts on Green Lantern?

I’m just intrigued and curious to see what the fans think. Ultimately, fans of the comic and the history should decide. If I’m not the right guy then I shouldn’t be playing the character but if people think that there’s something there, then lets see where it can go.

Okay, so here's the thing: We can kind of get behind Brian as the Green Lantern. Here's a fan rendering to help put you in the BAGreen Lantern mood. Good right? He's certainly got the face for it. Though he'll probs have to leave the scruff behind. (le sigh). Partial beard aside, we're just not sure that Brian will land this role. Can he get the kind of box office draw necessary to support a comic-inspired feature?

We'll follow him to the big screen, but the entire time we're watching we'll be thinking of David in the 90210 high school DJ booth writing rap songs for Donna. Anyone else?

(people.com)

(cbr.com)

Previously:

"Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles" Finale: Cyborg Sex Sucks

Megan Fox Is Single. So Is That Guy Who Was Engaged To Her

Megan Fox, You Do Not Look Like Alan Alda. Trust Us.

“Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles:” Notorious B.A.G.

Diddy Runs The City On "CSI: Miami"

Lindy Parker — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 19:45:00 GMT

Ever since our brief but intense summer obsession with the Bad Boy mogul's Apprentice-esque reality show, we've pretty much decided that there's never a wrong time for more Diddy. Evidently, the good people at CBS agree with us.

Check out Diddy's turn on tonight's CSI: Miami...

Get it, Puff. We're pretty convinced that there's nothing this man can't do. Even if he announced tomorrow that he intends to ressurect and star on a new season of Skating With Celebrities, we'd still have faith he could pull it off without looking like a tool.

Previously:

Work For Diddy: Every Hustler For Herself

Work For Diddy: All's Well That Ends With Ciroc and Soda

Wake Up And Smile: Will Ferrell Reminds Everyone How Great His Bush Is

Bryan Christian — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 13:26:00 GMT

PLUS: the make your own Muppet tool that isn't, which Lost star is showing up on Chuck, the guest stars that will get murdered on all those CBS crime shows this November sweeps -- and the Spike Jonze Gap ad that was too weird to be used. And BREAKING: William Shatner is even more of a jerk than we'd realized.

-- Is it cynical to think that Will Ferrell's return to SNL as George Bush had less to do with Jason Sudeikis (the current go-to Bush in the cast) being busy playing Todd Palin and more to do with that whole "bringing my Bush impression to Broadway in January" thing? Well... yeah. Also: who cares? Ferrell's the best Bush impersonator this nation's had -- the only one who's tapped into both the sublime idiocy and also the weird, pitiful self discipline of the man -- and we'll be happy to see it every chance we get between now and January. And then we'll never want to think of who's been running the country the last eight years as long as we Christing live.

-- OK, well, we should hvae seen this one coming. William Shatner was, in fact, invited to the wedding of George Takei. So all that weird angry moaning he's been doing? Hmm... if evil Bill Shatner has facial hair, does balding Bill Shatner signify a complete and total idiot?

-- Normally if there was a "Make Your Own Muppet" tool out there where you can design and order a personalized Muppet, we'd be yammering about it non-stop, showing you our various attempts at bio/felt-engineering and changing our bio pictures to ones made to look like us, blah blah blah, basically we'd drive you nuts about it. Well, good thing for you that the FAO Schwartz Muppet Whatnot Workshop is kind of underwhelming, limiting you to endless variations on the extras from Sesame Street and The Muppet Show that you barely remember and never allowing you to actually make one that looks like someone real, like yourself. Sure, you can do some bobblehead-type level characters, but we tried to make one of us and wound up with a more homuncular version of Don Music. We're, like, 85% sure that we don't like that.

-- Lost's late great Charlie, Dominic Monaghan, will play a remarkably similar character on Chuck: a rock star in the middle of a strange and deadly conspiracy. Monaghan says he took the role because he wanted to work with creator Josh Schwartz; our guess is he's hoping that having basically the same role will give him the same shot with Yvonne Strahovski that he had with Evangeline Lilly.

-- Now that it's handily won the premiere season, CBS has announced its plans for November sweeps. Guest appearances we'll keep an eye out for include The OC's Melinda Clarke returning as that goth-y kinkstress on CSI, Lucy Lawless dropping by CSI: Miami, and Eric Braeden from The Young and the Restless making an appearance on... what? Oh, like you never stay home and watch soaps sometimes?

-- And, because it's Friday, and we'd all like to do this sort off thing now and again, have a look at the funny and mildly unsettling ad that Spike Jonze directed for The Gap, wherein everyone in the world joins in and trashes an outlet of the monolithically powerful hoodie purveyor. That they ultimately rejected, by the way. We're kind of with The Gap on this one, actually. What do you guys think?

Imaginary TV Fights: "Dexter" vs. Everybody From "C.S.I."

Bryan Christian — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 21:24:00 GMT

If it weren't for this darn VP debate, we'd probably be enjoying the CSI season premiere tonight. Normally, we couldn't be chuffed, considering that thanks to Spike TV, we are basically ensured of seeing every single episode of the show at some point before we die, so why worry about it now. But from what we can tell, Gary Dourdan has indeed been brought back for at least one more episode, after being unceremoniously let go last year thanks to his epic drug bust -- and frankly, we are fascinated by TV shows killing off maincharacters, so we're dying to know how this one goes down.

But all that will be resolved next week. In the meantime, to hold us and all y'all CSI fans out there over for the next seven days, we are treating everyone to another in our ongoing series of Imaginary Fights, lovingly researched and crafted by Jake Kalish, author of Santa vs. Satan: The Official Compendium of Imaginary Fights. Our experiment this week: what would happen if the Vegas Crime Lab -- and Miami, and New York -- had to deal with America's favorite serial killer, Dexter Morgan.

DEXTER	EVERYONE FROM C.S.I.
Allies: Hottie half-sister/cop Debra; dead father; severe sociopathy	Allies: 2 billion viewers worldwide in 20 countries; The Who
Necessary Falsehood: Serial killers are neither heroic nor cool	Necessary Falsehood: Forensics experts are neither heroic nor cool
Tools of his trade: Big-ass knife, plastic wrap, duct tape (it really is good for everything!)	Tools of their trade: Evidence baggies, fingerprint kits, quick-release sunglasses

THE FIGHT

After Dexter stabs, drains, and field-dresses yet another evildoer (you can't recycle take out containers!), he stupidly leaves 1/8th of a speck of an angstrom of his DNA behind, and William Petersen immediately identifies him as the killer. But once Dex easily takes down Petersen and the rest of the CSI: Crime Scene Investigation crew, the cast of CSI: NY, CSI: Miami, CSI: WNBA, CSI: NIMBY and CSI: NAMBLA are called in as reinforcements. Dexter slashes through Lieutenant Dan and Morpheus, and starts working through all of the casts, but after knifing his way down to Louise Lombard, Brendan Fehr, and the guy from Veronica's Closet, he has to rest his knifing arm, and is apprehended by the dude from NCIS, which has now merged with CSI and the INS to become CSI: NCIS: INS.

WINNER: EVERYBODY FROM C.S.I.

JAKE KALISH is a freelance journalist and humorist whose work has appeared in Details, Maxim, Stuff, New York Press, Blender, Men’s Fitness, and Playboy, among other publications. He could totally kick your ass.

Santa vs. Satan: The Official Compendium of Imaginary Fights is published by Three Rivers Press

PREVIOUSLY:
Imaginary TV Fights: Old "90210" vs. New "90210"
Imaginary TV Fights: Shatner vs. Shatner vs. Shatner

That's No "Mad Men" Party Girl, That's the First Lady of San Francisco

Ben Kallen — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 13:30:00 GMT

Thanks to the blog SFist for pointing out that the old friend of Betty's who's become a "party girl" (i.e., prostitute) in the season opener of Mad Men was played by none other than Jennifer Siebel, the actress wife of San Francisco mayor Gavin Newsom. In fact, the episode aired just a day after the couple got married.

Siebel, who has a business degree from Stanford, also appears on Life as lead character Charlie Crews' ex-wife. (And from a brief scan of the SF press, she seems to be one of their favorite snark targets.) Before meeting Newsom, she dated George Clooney (right, who hasn't?), while the mayor's own complex dating history includes CSI: Miami star Sofia Milos.

Sharp-eyed Mad Men fans will have recently spotted a couple of other notable actresses in small roles: Everwood's adorable Sarah Drew as fashionable art director Salvatore's wife, and Denise Crosby -- Star Trek: The Next Generation's Tasha Yar -- as Betty's overly attentive riding coach.

Previously:
Mad Men recap: The Shock of the New

"Burn Notice" Season Two Premiere: The Text Message Review

Bryan Christian — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 15:29:00 GMT

And now the latest in what intelligence experts assure us will someday by blowing our cover and stranding us in warmer climes (hooray!): text message reviews of new and returning tv shows. After the jump, this week's review of Burn Notice, USA's buzz-heavy Magnum P.I./MacGyver/CSI Miami/Jason Bourne mashup.

brn ntc? ok, but NOT ENUF 6! we wuz robbed!