The Remote Island : Charlie Rose

Tonight On Charlie Rose: Harold Pinter, 1930-2008

Bryan Christian — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 17:43:00 GMT

You may wonder what a TV blog would have to say about the passing of a noted playwright, but in Harold Pinter's native England, theatre makes the leap to the telly way more often than it does over here. So while we were on vacation when Mr. Pinter passed away on Christmas Eve, we couldn't let the occasion pass without noting two things. First, that you can find a number of wonderful Pinter TV plays and stage productions on Google Video and YouTube, such as this production of "The Collection" with the bewilderingly awesome lineup of Laurence Olivier, Helen Mirren, Alan Bates, and Malcolm McDowell, so be sure to have a look if, as we suspect, things are still somewhat sleepy at your dayjob today.

And second, Pinter fans would probably do well to tune into our old pal Charlie Rose tonight, as Charlie's presenting a collection of Pinter's appearances on his show over the years, the final of which, we believe, was around the time that Pinter won his Nobel.

How Charlie Rose Can Get His Groove Back

Jake Kalish — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 22:00:00 GMT

Charlie, Charlie, Charlie... Is everything OK?

'Cause we see you every night -- no, literally, every single night -- and we have to say: you been looking a little... what? Bored? Distracted? Sleepy? Not sure what it is. Maybe like everyone else in the world, you're still hungover from the election. Maybe you had some money in Madoff's Ponzi scheme that we didn't know about. Maybe Ellen Barkin won't respond to your Facebook poke. (Probably it's the recession forcing you to lay off people you clearly appreciated and relied upon.)

Well, whatever it is, get over it. We don't call you "Charles Rosé" around the Remote Island offices for nothin'. On your best days, you're suave, you won't take no for an answer, and you got the best job in the world and know it. So we've got a few ideas that'll put a pep back in your step in 2009!

1) Maybe that pig's heart you got installed in France in 2006 needs an update? We like pigs -- like us, they're loyal and they love to lay around in their own swill -- but maybe switch it up a little this time. We'd suggest going with either a monkey or a bear. Either one would be strong, but there are caveats. With a monkey heart, you might try to pick nits from your guest's hair, and with a bear heart, well, you'd probably never get Colbert on the program. So choose wisely.

2) Get more sexy womenz up in that piece! We see how you get when Angelina Jolie's at the table with you -- you're like a horny kid at porno Christmas. Well, keep at it man! And don't wait for Cate Blanchett or Jhumpa Lahiri's people to return your calls. Heidi Klum, the ladies of House, Madonna even! Heck, go crazy; Tila Tequila's got a book, right? Hell, dude, let the Real Housewives of New York bring their own liquor and you'll all forget there are cameras, know what we're saying? ("Orgy"; we're saying "Orgy".)

3) Mix up the hair a little. Just 'cause you're on PBS doesn't mean you have to look PBS. Maybe a faux 'hawk, like Maddox Jolie-Pitt, or slicked back like Bowzer of Sha Na Na. Grease for peace, Chuck, and next time Krugman starts going on about his Nobel, you can be like "Talk to the hand, Paulie" and lead Doris Kearns Goodwin off to your office's make-out nook.

4 ) Get just a little more hip. Look, you're not Larry King or anything, fawning over the Osmonds and Manilow, but when your producers book, say, Jay-Z, try not to use phrases like "rap music" or "the n word." Check with Louis C.K. about that last one. Perhaps you could have a producer in charge of hipness. While we're at it, know when folks are messing with you. You had Adam Sandler on a while back, and you said "I was talking with Oprah the other day..." To which he said "Oprah who?" And you said "Oprah Winfrey." He was messing with you, Charlie. People do that sometimes to PBS broadcasters. Be ready.

5) We're not saying you need Botox or surgery or anything. You're an A1 mack daddy and a Grade A pimp and have forgotten more about clandestinely palming the asses of women than we will ever know. All we're saying is they're gonna charge you extra next time you fly with those bags under your eyes, so maybe drop by Kiehl's or something?

Lastly - and this is us thinking a little bit outside the box -brawls. Serious. Knock-down, drag out fistfights, Springer-style. They don't have to make sense - just surprise us. Like, Sir Ben Kingsley says something about preparing to play Gandhi and then someone flies out of the studio audience and tackles him. Henry Kissinger discusses the foreign policy changes the United States has to make and you suddenly hit him with your chair. Think of the excitement! Imagine the tension!

Intelligent conversation only gets us so far, Charlie.

PREVIOUSLY:

Charlie Rose And Bjork Make For Really Weird TV

Charlie Rose Going No Tie?

Wake Up And Smile: Is Amy Poehler Coming Back To "SNL"?

Bryan Christian — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 13:30:00 GMT

We're just as suprised as you are. Though we bet we're happier! 'Cause we heart her more than you. No, really; we do.

PLUS: more on how Amy's absence affected SNL this weekend, why you should be worried for Mad Men's future, how DVR's may save some small shows, and a trip down memory lane with Steve Sanders and The Flaming Lips.

-- There was a lot of to be interested when Charlie Rose interviewed Lorne Michaels, Seth Meyers, Fred Armisen, Darrell Hammond, and James Downey last night, but the thing that piqued our interest the most? When Charlie asked when Amy Poehler was coming back and they were all, like, we don't know. Isn't she off to shoot a sitcom?

-- While we're on the subject, there's more on Saturday's excellent scramble of a show, as news surfaces of the havoc left by Ms. Poehler's absence. We note that we actually predicted that at least one sketch featuring Poehler and Maya Rudolph had to be scuttled, but are surprised to learn that Elisabeth Moss, playing her own role in the Mad Men bit, was in fact subbing for our favorite new mom.

-- And a bit of Mad Men news that should make no sense to anyone. Lionsgate wants to get rid of Matthew Weiner for asking for too much in his new contract. And yes, we're pretty sure that "too much" would probably cover Horatio Caine's sunglasses budget for a month.

-- DVR's are really wreaking havoc on viewership this year, particularly in the 10PM timeslots. Among the biggest timeshifted shows: Grey's Anatomy (no surprise there), Life, and Lipstick Jungle (huh?).

-- And finally, what does Ben Silverman do to save his flagging first season as NBC-runner? No, you twits, he doesn't go back to demanding pilots and completed scripts just to see if a show is really more than a good pitch or not... Fools. No, he's having recording artists "remix" the NBC theme song. Including The Flaming Lips. Do we care about this? Not really. But it does give us an excuse to post the Lips' infamous 90210 appearance. We've never really been fans of alternative music, but those guys really rock the house, right?

Charlie Rose Going No Tie?

Bryan Christian — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 18:33:00 GMT

Here's Mr. Rose on Friday, getting his chat on with Tropic Thunder's Ben Stiller, tieless and letting just the hint of chest peek through his shirt. Clearly, not a look he'll be adopting for an hour with Condoleeza Rice, but here? We say "Nice one, Chuck." Say what you will about him adopting a biz cas fri, or how you don't want to see an old dude's chest, because lookie-here -- that shirt is hanging open in pretty much EXACTLY the correct manner for that look: not too wide, not too long, with the collar still holding its shape just a touch at the top. Which makes Charlie Rose about a dozen times more stylish than every third douchebag we see on the street here in NYC.

Charlie Rose and Björk Make For Really Weird TV

Bryan Christian — Wed, 28 May 2008 19:58:00 GMT

Every time we see a bad episode of Charlie Rose -- and Tuesday's listless, patchworked, and weirdly flirty triple header of Peter Matthiessen, Edward Albee, and Jhumpa Lahiri was a real doozy -- we are reminded of our favorite awkward Charlie show: his 2001 interview with international musical superstar and UN Ambassador to Fairyland Björk, an excerpt of which appears above. Charlie is so out of his depth here, coaxing conversation from the spacy and ethereal Ms. Guðmundsdóttir -- and yet never quite convincing you that he knew who the hell she was... "Tell me about sound," he says, and she just giggles. Man, it's like watching lithium dry. How exactly did this not become a SNL sketch?

Click through for a full version of the interview.