The Remote Island : David Duchovny

Peter Gallagher Joins "Californication"

Jake Kalish — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 19:03:00 GMT

This after the recent announcement that Kathleen Turner would be joining the show. Something about this Californication casting is giving us serious flashbacks to 1989. It's like the producers of Californication took notes on a War of The Roses/Sex, Lies, & Videotape double feature...

Yes, Mister Eyebrows is good. And Gallagher's built a really nice career for himself, with all that O.C. business.But still, these announcements would be a lot more earth-shaking twenty years ago. Just saying.

Gallagher will be playing a university dean who "tangles" with Duchovny. And more info's come out about Turner's character - her lit agent apparently "has a thing" for Duchovny. Really hope that doesn't mean they'll be making lots of crass horny order woman jokes - Kathleen Turner deserves better than that.

PREVIOUSLY:

The Horndogs Of "Californication" Welcome Jessica Rabbit [VIDEO]

Imaginary TV Fights: Duchovny vs. Duchovny

What Took VH1 So Long To Do A Show About Celebrity Sex Addicts?

The Horndogs Of "Californication" Welcome Jessica Rabbit [VIDEO]

Jake Kalish — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 15:21:00 GMT

Yes, Kathleen Turner, nee Jessica Rabbit, will be joining Californication as the foul-mouthed boss of Evan Handler's lit agent. We know Hank Moody generally likes the younger ladies, but we wonder if that character (who does not at all resemble the sex addict portraying him) will go after Kathleen Turner's character with wild, unbridled passion like William Hurt did in Body Heat...

PREVIOUSLY:

Imaginary TV Fights: Duchovny vs. Duchovny

David Duchovny: Okay, So Maybe It Was Sex

"Californication": Wherein We Nibble At The Hand That Feeds Us

What Took VH1 So Long To Do A Show About Celebrity Sex Addicts?

What Took VH1 So Long To Do A Reality Show About Celebrity Sex Addicts?

Jake Kalish — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 20:33:00 GMT

Dammit. We'll totally watch, and hate ourselves for doing so...

This comes after the great success of Celebrity Rehab With Dr. Drew - a show that at least everybody could pretend was about learning how to deal with the scourge of drug addiction. But while drug addicts are all around, to the point where drug addiction affects us all, directly or indirectly, how many of us really know a sex addict? Isn't that really a matter of sex being readily available? We certainly know a great number of horny people who can't get laid, and many folks who love sex, and have a lot of it with their partners. We know people who cheat, and make excuses for doing so. We know a bunch of folks who hit the singles scene hard, and get lucky with some regularity. But this "sex addict" stuff - doing it all the time with everybody until you can't do it no more and have to take yourself someplace - this seems to be a problem exclusively for the Duchovnys of the world. Which means we can't claim any real utility or importance to a show about celebrity sex addiction. We'll only be watching for the vicarious, naughty thrill. Oh, and watch we will. We even thought of a couple cast members, taking into account that Duchovny, Billy Bob Thornton, and Charlie Sheen will certainly not be participating. But Tom Sizemore and Eric Benet , they could be on the show - if Benet admits he has a problem. Dude cheated on Halle Berry and wrecked their marriage, checked himself into rehab for sex addiction, and now says he isn't a sex addict after all - he just made some "stupid-ass mistakes." See, we'd love to hear that cat try to explain himself.

PREVIOUSLY:

Our Celebrity Rehab Archive

David Duchovny's All Over The Place These Days

Lindy Parker — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 18:20:00 GMT

Here's where we're confused: David Duchovny dropped the phrase "my wife" more than once to Sunday night's Golden Globes cameras, so we were thinking, "Hey, he and Téa are working it out. That's nice." But now there's this...

Evidently, D. Duchovny was seen canoodling with Lindsey Sloane during the post-Globes malaise. Truthfully, we don't really care about this -- canoodling could mean any number of things after all -- but what really weirds us out is that we look at Lindsey Sloane and we think: Sabrina the Teenage Witch...

...and frankly, the idea of a post-rehab David Duchovny heating things up with Sabrina's sidekick is a little weird for us.

Imaginary TV Fights: Duchovny vs. Duchovny

Bryan Christian — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 21:24:00 GMT

Showtime has picked up two more seasons of Dexter, and HBO's looking for one more year of Entourage -- but as yet no word yet about Californication being picked up. Two months ago, we'd have thought that would have something to do with the show having trouble recovering from that happy ending the writers had Hank Moody land himself in at the end of Season One. But today, of course, we know that David Duchovny is, like Hank, something of a dog, and we can't help but wonder if the network or viewers aren't having trouble commiting to the show in reaction.

We also can't help but wonder what Fox "Spooky" Mulder would think about all this. Sure, he had a thing for porn, but unlike Hank Moody, he was straight-laced, honorable, and loyal. Sure, he's also monomaniacal and obsessive, but would he ever treat Dana Scully the way Hank's been treating his Karen and Becca -- or heck, the way Duchovny's been treating his Missus? Seems unlikely. Seems to us like he'd wind up giving both Hank and Dave the old Federal-1-2, if you know what we mean.

And so, this week, in our continuing series of Imaginary Fights based on the recently unearthed writings of Zorastrian cryptopopculuralist Jake Kalish, author of Santa vs. Satan: The Official Compendium of Imaginary Fights, we submit for your approval: a brawl between Fox Mulder and Hank Moody... for the very soul (and possibly the crotch) of Mr. David Duchovny!

FOX MULDER	HANK MOODY
Mission: Uncovering the truth behind the lies	Mission: Uncovering the women behind their clothes
Foxy sidekick: FBI Agent Scully/Gillian Anderson	Foxy sidekick: Karen/Natasha McElhone
Function: Dirk Diggler-size star of sci-fi dorks' wildest conspiracy fantasies	Function: Dirk Diggler-size star of David Duchovny's wildest “I'm a horny, brilliant artist” fantasies

THE FIGHT

Mulder is called to investigate a paranormal occurrence; namely, Hank getting really drunk and going down on an alien. Imbued with the magical powers of the Martian clitoris, Hank proves a formidable foe; but when Scully comes in as backup, the pistol-packing ice queen leaves him distracted, engorged, and vulnerable to a sneak attack by Mulder, who delivers the winning blow, and by the alien, who's pissed that he doesn't remember her name.

WINNER: FOX MULDER

JAKE KALISH is a freelance journalist and humorist whose work has appeared in Details, Maxim, Stuff, New York Press, Blender, Men’s Fitness, and Playboy, among other publications. He could totally kick your ass.

Santa vs. Satan: The Official Compendium of Imaginary Fights is published by Three Rivers Press

PREVIOUSLY:
Imaginary Fights: Dwight Schrute vs. Gareth Keenan
Imaginary Fights: Lance Bass vs. Joey Fatone
Imaginary TV Fights: Stamos vs. Stamos
Imaginary TV Fights: "Dexter" vs. Everybody From "C.S.I."
Imaginary TV Fights: Old "90210" vs. New "90210"
Imaginary TV Fights: Shatner vs. Shatner vs. Shatner

Wake Up And Smile: Which CNN Expert Is Bored With This Whole Election Thing???

Bryan Christian — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 13:28:00 GMT

Not even John McCain calling Barack Obama "a flaming terrorsexual" (direct quote) could keep one of CNN's analysts from goofing off during the debates. But leave it to the blogosphere to find out who -- and make fun of them for it. Click through to find out who -- plus the latest on the Duchovny scandal, vampires, Sarah Silverman's maybe-not-so-terrible UK tour, Microsoft's attempt to censor your TV, that Pink Power Ranger that might have killed someone and might not be a Power Ranger.

-- Gizmodo caught Jeffrey Toobin surfing the web during CNN's coverage of the last debate -- and decided to commemorate the occasion with a Photoshop contest! Gotcha, Toobster!

-- Not one but two clips from Sarah Silverman's trip through the UK seem to imply that things didn't go as badly as we'd heard.

-- Expect more bloodsucking creeps on the airwaves in the next year or so. What, is Fox hiring? Zing!

-- Skylar Deleon: guilty of two counts of murder, guiltier of lying about being a Power Ranger!

-- The Duchovny sex-scandal finally reaches that glorious stage called litigation.

-- Also deep in the throes of legal ick-stasy -- Dr. Phil, who's being sued for editing an interview in an unflattering light.

-- Microsoft just invented a successor to the V-Chip, one that supposedly makes the bleeping of audio over TV waves and the Internet that much easier. Man, they really don't know how to fight those "I'm A Mac" ads, do they?

Wake Up And Smile: Obama's October Surprise Might Be A November "SNL" Cameo

Bryan Christian — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 13:26:00 GMT

Time for another Halloween party at the Clinton's? Maybe... plus the latest on David Duchovny, Sarah Silverman, Terminator, Dollhouse, the Thursday ratings battle between Life on Mars and Eleventh Hour, plus -- does someone die on both Gossip Girl and Heroes this November?

-- Seth Meyers may have let slip plans for an Obama guest spot on Saturday Night Live the weekend before the election. But, then again, the rightwinger guy who claims to have heard this from an unnamed aide to Governor Sarah Palin also claims to know that John McCain consulted Lorne Michaels about picking Governor Palin as his running mate, so, you know, moron.

-- A tennis instructor was claiming to have been involved in the conspiracy known as David Duchovny's humpin' around until she backed off those claims suddenly. She now claims to have been fucking the planet Venus.

-- "Great Schlepper" Sarah Silverman bombed big time in London earlier this week, in front of Brit comedy luminaries like David Walliams and the guys from The Boosh. Turns out no one in England knows what a vagina is.

-- Nerds webwide are rejoicing the full season pickup for Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles... except the ones that believe it cost them Dollhouse.

-- Thursdasy night's ratings continue to get interesting, except for the part where the subpar and insulting Eleventh Hour is now beating Life on Mars. Maybe give Michael Imperioli a shave or something?

-- E! says someone is dying in November on both Heroes and Gossip Girl, but we hate spoilers, so don't call us unless it's actually a crossover and Suresh eats Chuck Bass or something.

It's a Bad Week For Celebrity Marriages

Lindy Parker — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 14:20:00 GMT

Given all the recent hullabaloo surrounding David Duchovny's voluntary stint in rehab for sex addiction, we're pretty sure you won't be that surprised to hear that David and wife, Téa Leoni, announced their separation yesterday after eleven years of marriage. Granted, the whole sex addiction thing's been weird from the beginning, but it's still sort of depressing to see them call it quits. On the other hand, their statement certainly sheds some light on the most uncomfortable photo ever. As it turns out, David and Téa aren't the only ones throwing in the towel...

Madonna and husband, Guy Richie, also went public yesterday about their intent to divorce. We're relatively nonplussed about this news -- we were never totally sold on their love. On another note, our girl looks fierce in this picture, no?

On the plus side, in a time of so much uncertainty, thank God Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer seem to have reconciled...

"Californication": Wherein We Nibble At The Hand That Feeds Us

Bryan Christian — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 18:11:00 GMT

Do you guys care about Californication? Yes, we know, right now they are paying the bills. (Thanks, guys.) But we really do want to know. 'Cause we sort of do, but maybe that's just in light of recent events that indicate that the show's isn't so much Showtime's middle-aged version of Entourage as it is David Duchovny's version of Curb Your Enthusiasm: a televisual delivery system for the most- and least-attractive aspects of the star's unruly id?

In any event, last night Hank got a vasectomy, accidentally went down on someone other than his wife at a party, they got into a fight in the car, and he wound up in jail. Also: his daughter Becca's nervous, Marcy's loving the blow, and Leoben from Battestar's the guy who was throwing the party, and in this universe he is apparently a music producer who's gonna wind up hiring Hank to write his biography. Which has been illustrative of our main problem with this show: he falls up. He screws something up, it works out. He gets laid. People tell him exactly what they need from him. And still, he screws something else up and it all happens again. You know, if we wanted to be in a room full of people that adore David Duchovny, we'd go to X-Files conventions. But maybe that's all about to change this year? Rumor is, this season's all about the emptiness of happy endings. Guess we'll see.

Anyhoo, for our money, the most interesting thing that happened last night was that Hank, still smarting from getting snipped, ran into to the hippie from Season One, played by Sports Illustrated model Michelle Lombardo. Not only is she scary hot and one of the few women on the show to not appear topless -- YET -- but she was also eating a popsicle while chatting with Hank. So we hope to see her again. A lot.

Sunday-Night TV Party!

Ben Kallen — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 21:08:00 GMT

Okay, so Friday night we get two guys debating over whose plan will fix the economy (answer: neither), and Saturday is mostly reruns because the networks assume you're out getting drunk. That leaves Sunday as the next big night for new shows and season premieres.

So here are your many choices for Sunday-night viewing entertainment:

ABC: Extreme Makeover, Home Edition Boo-hoo, then yay! Either you like this sort of thing or you don't.

ABC: Desperate Housewives The whole show moves five years into the future. Does this mean everyone can stop using all the Botox?

ABC: Brothers & Sisters They bicker! They make up! They sleep with each other! (Okay, just former siblings Justin and Rebecca, but still -- eww.)

CBS: 60 Minutes Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson explains why the government's giving billions of dollars to the bank that's foreclosing on your home. Plus, the scientist who's testing that new supercollider device explains why it probably won't destroy the universe, he hopes. Fun!

CBS: The Amazing Race 13 Everyone's always saying that this is the best reality-competition show out there. So how come we always watch it with our finger on the fast-forward button?

CBS: Cold Case Detectives figure out who murdered someone a long time ago, while pop music from that era plays in their heads. You were expecting something different?

CBS: The Unit The team attempts to stop the assassination of the president-elect and vice-president elect. Guess that means neither of them owns a moose gun.

NBC: Sunday Night Football If this wins in the ratings, all the networks execs will be thinking, "Now, why do we pay writers again?"

Fox: The Simpsons As the 20th season begins, Homer and Marge get unlikely new jobs. Look for a joke about how many times this has happened on the show before, then another joke about how many times they've made a joke like that before.

Fox: King of the Hill Bill's love of sweets causes him to develop diabetes, which is totally different from the time Bobby's love of fatty foods caused him to develop gout. Sorry, these shows are great, but maybe it's time for something new around here.

Fox: Family Guy Brian and Cleveland get into a love triangle, which reminds us of the time we saw Raquel Welch eat 20 pounds of raw bacon at the People's Choice Awards.

Fox: American Dad It's Roger the alien's birthday, and he continues to creep us out in ways we don't entirely understand.

HBO: Entourage Johnny Drama goes on The View -- and we can't imagine that not being funny.

HBO: Little Britain USA In its new American version, the British sketch comedy is still all about the dick jokes.

HBO: The Life and Times of Tim A young dude suffers through all kinds of hardships and humiliations. It's like Worst Week, but darker. And animated.

Showtime: Dexter Some critics have complained that the third season is too similar to the first two. To us, that's a good thing. Watch this show.

Showtime: Californication Sure, there's something weird about diagnosed sex addict David Duchovny playing an undiagnosed sex addict. But as much as we hate to like Californication, we like it anyway.

AMC: Mad Men Make that the Emmy-winning Mad Men. What else is there to say?

Photo collage: Egregiously "borrowed" from Alan Sepinwall on NJ.com

Previously:
TV Orgy Tonight!

The Weekly Rewind: We're All Just a Bunch of Gossip Girls

Ben Kallen — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 21:30:00 GMT

Politics, TV shows, celebrities: It's all a mess of tawdry gossip. So why don't we delve right back into it with the highlights of the week:

As the new TV season started, we watched the premieres of Raising the Bar, America's Next Top Model, Sons of Anarchy, Gossip Girl and also 90210. And what did we learn? Teenagers and models are far more interesting than lawyers. (Sorry, Mark-Paul Gosselaar!)

We reported that David Duchovny had entered rehab for being a sex addict, maybe because he looked at too much computer porn. Then we heard it was actually because he fooled around with hot women. Which may be worse, but is far less embarrassing.

We found some funny-shaped Hannah Montana candy -- and, boy, did you guys have a lot to say about it!

We learned that Gossip Girl's Leighton Meester was almost born in jail. (We thought about hugging her and telling her that it doesn't matter, but didn't want to deal with the restraining order.)

We revealed a secret plot to suck your soul into a computer.

We heard from wacky old guys Alec Baldwin and David Letterman.

We overheard some heartfel t commentary at the Republican convention, and discovered that VP candidate Sarah Palin is made for TV.

We saw reporters get rocked like a hurricane.

We learned that in space, no one can hear you swear. (Correctly, anyway.)

We worried about Heidi and Spencer leaving The Hills, and about Kim Bauer coming back to 24.

But we can't wait to see Britney at the VMAs -- and talk to you about it next week.

Photo: The CW

Previously:
The Weekly Rewind: Summer's End

David Duchovny: Okay, So Maybe It Was Sex

Ben Kallen — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 18:25:00 GMT

When you think about it, the idea that a big star like David Duchovny would go to rehab just because he looks at porn too much isn't all that credible. And it seems as if our earlier report, in which a "close friend" suggested that his sex addiction was entirely computer-based, may be wrong.

Now that the gossips are out in force, they're saying that Duchovny has a "history of indiscretions" with real women, such as making out with an extra on the set of his show Californication. One tabloid suggested that wife Tea Leoni caught him cheating on her, and insisted he get treatment in order to save the marriage.

Still, when a great-looking famous guy -- with a show that prominently features beautiful, half-naked women -- messes around, does that really constitute addiction? We have no idea. (For sure, half the men in America would kill to face that kind of problem.)

But it's obvious that he really does care about his marriage, so we wish him all the best. And in solidarity, we vow never again to watch reruns of Red Shoe Diaries.

Previously:
David Duchovny: It's Just Porn

David Duchovny: It's Just Porn

Ben Kallen — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 20:25:00 GMT

According to a "close friend" of X-Files and Californication star David Duchovny, his recent trip to rehab for sex addiction wasn't due to an affair, but compulsive viewing of Internet pornography.

"X-Files star David Duchovny's announcement that he was in rehab for sex addiction sparked a lot of rumors," writes Fox News gossip columnist Roger Friedman. "One of them was that he’d been caught having an affair with his tennis instructor (a woman) and that he was undergoing rehab to save his marriage.

"Alas, it isn’t so, says a close friend. Duchovny did not check in because of an extramarital fling. That much the friend is certain of. Even more so: Duchovny’s problem has been longstanding. His wife, Tea Leoni, was aware of it for some time. It had just reached a point where it had to be treated.

"I have inferred from my conversation with Duchovny’s friend that this has something to do with an addiction to pornography, probably on the Internet. It’s the sex equivalent of a gambling addiction, where the person is just hopelessly trapped in chat rooms."

So let that be a lesson to all of you who aren't married to gorgeous actresses.... It could happen to anyone.

Previously:
David Duchovny Is Either Just as Horny as You Thought He Was...

The Weekly Rewind: Summer's End

Ben Kallen — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 21:35:00 GMT

Man, what an action-packed few days! We had the Olympics finale, a political convention, the start of a big holiday weekend, and -- most important of all -- the buildup to the new fall TV season. So how 'bout we look back on it all with the highlights of the week:

We counted down the top 10 new shows and the top 10 returning shows for the upcoming season. That's, yes, 20 shows worth watching. We know that some critics are worried about the overall quality of the fall schedule... but, really, if 20 isn't enough for them, they should maybe start thinking about reading more books.

We found 18 "memorable TV moments" that the Emmy people left off their list. And yet they still won't let us present the award for Best Supporting Actress in a Comedy!

We met the new American Idol judge, and she's attractive, articulate and successful. Let's hope she keeps her Coke cup away from Paula.

We watched some hilariously terrible music videos featuring TV stars. If you've ever wondered what the Internet was made for, this is it.

We thought we'd lost Denise Richards, and then we maybe got her back, but then we weren't sure we really wanted her after all. Just like Charlie in that one episode of Two and a Half Men!

We learned that even after all this time, we're still amused by the phrase "Stifler's mom."

We saw Mackenzie Phillips get in trouble with drugs, and David Duchovny get in trouble with sex. Where the hell is Dr. Drew when you need him?

Helloooo, Mr. Phelps! Goodbyyyye, Mr. Bush!

We got ready to spend the waning days of summer with a nice long weekend of TV. Hey, it's our job -- what's your excuse?

Photo: AP

Previously:
The Weekly Rewind: We Want Our Fun TV

David Duchovny Is Either Just As Horny As You Thought He Was...

Bryan Christian — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 13:32:00 GMT

... or Showtime's gone overboard promoting the new season of Californication.

David Duchovny Rehabbing for Sex Addiction [E! Online]

(OH, and PS: Don't worry about Duchovny's lovely and talented wife Tea Leoni. She's keeping herself busy just fine... )

Top Ten Returning Shows: #9 - "Entourage" / "Californication"

Bryan Christian — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 16:28:00 GMT

The new fall season is almost here. Starting next week, the cable and broadcast networks will be begin rolling out new episodes of all the shows that survived the writers-strike-afflicted 2007-2008 season, giving us the chance to get acquainted with some old friends -- and reacquaint ourselves with more than a few characters who we met only fleetingly last fall. Here, then, are the top ten returning shows that were most looking forward to seeing.

We're lumping these together because they've got pretty similar profiles -- shallow, oversexed Hollywood hunks and the misfits and hangers-on who enable them -- and because they're apparently going head-to-head this year, but we have to confess: we watch them for very different reasons. Californication we enjoy (when we do) almost solely for the performance of David Duchovny, whose Hank Moody is unbearable if you take even a second to think about it -- but Duchovny inhabits him which such light, wry line readings and precise comic hesitations that he earns the Hugh Laurie Award for justifying our coming back week after week to a show we're not convinced is all that good.

And as for Entourage, well, we're guessing that you're guessing that we watch that show for Jeremy Piven, but you're only partially right. Yes, Piven's fantastic, as are Kevins Dillon and Connelly. But the real reason we watch is that, in a million subtle ways, it's one of the most technically accomplished tv comedies that we've ever seen. So many jokes are executed in the background or the peripheral of the screen, and the photography is so rich with color and depth, that we find ourselves laughing more when we see it on a good TV -- and that's a rare thing.

All right, we admit it: we also watch these shows 'cause we like boobs. Like that's so wrong.

Entourage (Sundays at 10PM EST) returns Sunday, September 7 at 10PM EST on HBO; Californication (Sundays at 10PM EST) returns Sunday, September 28 at 10PM EST on Showtime.

TOP TEN RETURNING SHOWS FALL 2008

#1. "30 Rock" & "Terminator"
#2. "Dexter"
#3. "Gossip Girl"
#4. "Pushing Daisies"
#5. "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia"
#6. "Heroes"
#7. "Dirty Sexy Money"
#8. "House"
#9. "Entourage" / "Californication"
#10. "The Shield"

Straight From Video: Love Letter To Agent Scully Over On Salon

Bryan Christian — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 18:28:00 GMT

Rebecca Traister is a little more excited about the new X-Files movie than we are -- and it ain't David Duchovny that's got her excited. But that's ain't the bone we've got to pick with her.

Scully was a leading lady to fall for, a smart-girl icon who was (and would still be, alas) a rare television bird: professional, independent, unsentimental. She liked boys' things: Her favorite movie was "The Exorcist," her favorite book the phallic classic "Moby-Dick"; her nickname from her father was Starbuck; she wrote her thesis on Einstein's twin paradox. She was the opposite of squeamish. In possibly the best "X-Files" episode of all time, the vampire farce "Bad Blood," there is an ur-Scully scene: She is doing an autopsy after a long day of chasing the undead through a small Texas town. Annoyed, she sighingly hoists the departed's heart, lung and intestines onto the scale, reading their weights into a tape recorder. Then she opens up the victim's stomach and starts poking around with her scalpel to determine his last meal. "Pizza, topped with pepperoni, green peppers, mushrooms." Here she pauses, looks up briefly from the bloody innards. "Mushrooms. That sounds good." She orders a pizza.

We are with Traister for all of that -- particularly the part where we are reminded of that nickname connection to Battlestar... And then she goes all "Best Episode Ever." Really? "Best episode ever" all the way into Season Six? Post-move to California? Post-Darin Morgan? Post Chris Carter's preoccupation with Millennium? Hmm... To each their own!