The Remote Island : Denise Richards

"DWTS": The Denise Richards/Holly Madison Showdown [VIDEO]

Lindy Parker — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 19:30:00 GMT

First of all, we're weirded out by Maksim C's chest in this picture. We just want to go on record as saying we find him a tad gross. Needless to say, we weren't sorry to see MC Skeevy and partner, Denise Richards in the bottom two this week facing off against Holly Madison and Dmitry Chaplin -- incredibly injured cast members Steve-O and Steve Wozniak survived to dance another day.

So, who was worse: Holly or Denise? Let's go to the video...

First, Denise and Maksim (note: Maksim's aforementioned creep factor at the beginning of this clip)...

Now, Holly and Dmitry (note: Holly's knee high tube socks are rocking our world)...

Yeah, we got to go with Holls on this one. The judges are with us too. We feel like it's Denise's ill-advised tutu coupled with the Barry Manilow-esque version of Filter's Take My Picture that really sealed the deal. Also, that's what Maksim Chmerkovskiy gets for being a bitter Betty about Melissa Rycroft.

Is it weird that we kind of want Steve Wozniak to win the whole thing? Granted, we're new to the whole DWTS phenomenon -- is the point to be the best dancer or is the point to be the most likable? Because if the point is to be the best dancer then the whole thing is doomed from the start. How can you expect someone like, say, Steve Guttenberg to compete with the likes of Kristi Yamaguchi (and please don't try and tell us that figure skating isn't similar to ballroom dancing because you're a liar)?

Previously:

DWTS Injury Report: Steve-O's Back in The Game; Wozniak Pulls a Hamstring [VIDEO]

DWTS Maksim Chmerkovskiy Trashes ABC's Decision To Cast Melissa Rycroft

DWTS: Holly Isn't The Best Dancer, But She's Got Hot Girlfriends [VIDEO]

DWTS: Here Comes Season Eight

"DWTS" Maksim Chmerkovskiy Trashes ABC's Decision To Cast Melissa Rycroft

Lindy Parker — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 22:00:00 GMT

It seems Dancing With the Stars regular, Maksim Chmerkovskiy, is the only one in America hating on reject Bachelorette, Melissa Rycroft...

TVGuide.com: What do you think of Holly Madison and Melissa Rycroft?

Maksim: Do I have to answer that? [Laughs] It's very hard for me because Tony [Dovolani] is my best friend, but if we're gonna call it what it is, it's very unfair because Melissa's a dancer — she was a cheerleader and did ballet. That's what I would love to end. (TV Guide)

We're a bit creeped out by his ominous tone: "That's what I would love to end." An E! True Hollywood Story is developing before our very eyes in which Maksim cuts the rope on a sandbag backstage to take Melissa out of the competition. Regardless, we don't really buy his argument anyway. Melissa's certainly not the first DWTS contestant with dancing experience -- we don't remember Maksim complaining about Drew Lachey's stacked deck.

Maksim, let's call a spade a spade. What you really mean is that America's pity will carry poor, jilted Melissa Rycroft all the way to the trophy. Wait, is there a trophy? We're guessing we wouldn't hear Chmerkovskiy complaining if Mel were his partner. But alas, he's stuck with Denise "Tanfastic" Richards:

Previously:

Rejected Bachelorette Melissa Rycroft Will Dance With The Stars?

DWTS: Here Comes Season Eight!

DWTS Regula Maksim Chmerkovskiy Shows Us How a Proposal is Done [VIDEO]

DWTS: Holly Isn't The Best Dancer, But She's Got Hot Girlfriends [VIDEO]

Official "Dancing With The Stars" Cast: No For Stevie Wonder, Yes For Denise Richards And Lil' Kim

Jake Kalish — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 21:44:00 GMT

The new cast of Dancing With The Stars will not only be cocaine-addicted, they will be topless. Here's the list, as presented by zap2it.com:

Name: Belinda Carlisle
Famous for: A music career with the Go-Go's and as a solo artist

Name: David Alan Grier
Famous for: " In Living Color," "Chocolate News"

Name: Jewel
Famous for: A Grammy-nominated music career, hosting "Nashville Star"; married to fellow competitor Ty Murray

Name: Shawn Johnson
Famous for: Her four-medal (one gold, three silver) performance in gymnastics at the 2008 Olympics

Name: Lil Kim
Famous for: A Grammy-winning hip-hop career, outrageous fashion choices

Name: Gilles Marini
Famous for: Making Samantha have impure thoughts in the "Sex and the City" movie

Name: Ty Murray
Famous for: Winning seven world all-around rodeo championships; married to fellow competitor Jewel

Name: Nancy O'Dell
Famous for: Hosting "Access Hollywood"

Name: Denise Richards
Famous for: "Wild Things," "The World Is Not Enough," a rocky marriage to Charlie Sheen and currently an E! reality show

Name: Steve-O
Famous for: Being a "Jackass"

Name: Lawrence Taylor
Famous for: Terrorizing quarterbacks in a Hall of Fame NFL career

Name: Chuck Wicks
Famous for: Country-music hit "Stealing Cinderella," dating "Dancing" pro Julianne Hough

Name: Steve Wozniak
Famous for: Co-founding Apple Computer

More in-depth bios can be foundon the Dancing With The Stars website, here. This officially ends the speculation that Stevie Wonder would join the cast; which we're both happy and sad about. On the one hand, it would've been awesome for him to try; on the other hand, this is the guy who did "Superstition" and "Higher Ground", you know? It's better to remember him for maybe the greatest decade of albums in pop music history, from 1967's I Was Made To Love Her to 1976's Songs In The Key Of Life.

What isn't mentioned in the bios is that both Steve-O and LT are recovering coke fiends, or that Lil'Kim and Denise Richards enjoy showing their assets. But hey, that's to be expected. Richards has a modest goal - just not humiliating herself:

“My biggest fear is just forgetting everything right before going on live, that’s what I’m scared of,” the actress tells PEOPLE of her new role as contestant on the eighth season of Dancing With the Stars. “All I hope is that I don’t embarrass my girls!”

By "my girls" she means her two young daughters, not her breasts. Just so we're clear.

PREVIOUSLY:

"Dancing With The Stars" May Be Blind And On Cocaine

OMG, Neve Campbell is that you?

Olivia Purnell — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 17:20:00 GMT

We had such good times together, girl! Remember The Craft? You chanted extracurricular Wicca spells with your girlfriends to make you the hot girl in school. You gossiped, and strut in slow motion wearing Catholic schoolgirl looks. Skeet Ulrich was there. It was great.

Remember the Scream movies? Scream 1 through 19. Wasn’t Jada Pinkett-Smith in one of those with you . . . Do you two still talk? Cause she’s awesome. Tell her we say hey.

Remember Wild Things? Remember macking on Denise Richards in the swimming pool? You don’t? Well let’s refresh your memory.

Neve and Denise pic after the jump . . .

Yup, that’s the infamous kiss.

As much fun as that whole Wild Thing was, our favorite memory with you is Party of Five. We lurved having you up on the television screen week after week, with your whole fam. You know, Claudia, Owen, Charlie . . . Bailey (did you hear Scott Wolf is having a baby?!?).

There’s this rumor that you’ll be returning to television, Neve. We hear you might be co-starring in an NBC series called Philanthropist. The Hollywood Reporter says:

"Philanthropist," from Universal Media Studios, centers on Teddy Rist (James Purefoy), a renegade billionaire who uses his wealth, connections and power to help people in need around the world.

"Party of Five" alumna Campbell will play the wife of his business partner and lifelong friend, Phillip (Jesse Martin), who runs the two billionaires' charitable foundation and has strong chemistry with Teddy. (thr.com)

THR goes so far as to report that you may be flying to South Africa where Philanthropist is being shot! Is this true? We definitely hope so.

Small suggestion though: Slide the producers your resume and ask if they’ve considered making your character a bisexual spell-casting Catholic schoolgirl who’s friends with Jada Pinkett-Smith . . . because if anyone can work that angle, it’s you.

Previously:

OMG, Ricki Lake Is That You?

OMG, Daniel V is that you?

OMG, Bailey Is that You?

OMG, Kelly Kapowski is that you?

Newest Celeb DUI: Heather Locklear

Ben Kallen — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 15:20:00 GMT

Hoo-boy.... Heather Locklear, the Melrose Place star and well-known saver of ailing TV shows, was arrested Saturday on suspicion of driving under the influence of prescription drugs.

She was booked by the California Highway Patrol in Montecito (a wealthy area near Santa Barbara) on the charge of "driving while impaired and being under the influence of a controlled substance," and released a short time later.

According to the L.A. Times, someone called the police to report a "woman who was visibly impaired, later identified to be Locklear, getting into a car in a Montecito parking lot Saturday afternoon about 4:30.

"Locklear showed bizarre behavior, driving back and forth over a pair of sunglasses on the pavement and revving her engine. After leaving the parking lot, she stopped her car on the street and stumbled into the traffic lane, according to the caller, who followed Locklear out of concern.

"When the CHP officer arrived, Locklear's car was parked on State Route 192 partially blocking a lane... The officer talked to her and determined that she was disoriented and 'under the influence of something.' She was taken to the CHP's Santa Barbara-area office to be tested for alcohol and drugs." She tested negative for alcohol, and drug tests won't come back for a few days.

Locklear, of course, has had a ridiculously difficult personal life over past few years. She divorced her rock-star husband Richie Sambora in 2006, after which he became involved with her former friend Denise Richards. (Sambora himself pleaded no contest to an alcohol-related driving charge this summer.) In June, she spent a month in an Arizona treatment facility for psychological issues including anxiety and depression.

Locklear is one of the hardest-working women in TV, and she makes every show she appears in better than it was. We wish her all the best -- and really hope that David Spade had nothing to do with any of this.

Yikes.

Previously:
Sigh... Ryan O'Neal and Son Arrested for Drugs
Bad News: Mackenzie Phillips in Drug Bust
Andy Dick Is in Trouble Again
David Spade, the Ladies' Man

Oh, No, They Un-Canceled "It's Complicated"! You Bastards!

Ben Kallen — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 20:25:00 GMT

Just a few weeks ago, we reported on the cancellation of Denise Richards: It's Complicated, the reality show-slash-divorce deposition about the former starlet and the children whose father she hates with a white-hot passion. But then we cautioned that maybe the show was sticking around after all.

And now, like a phoenix rising from the ashes -- by which we mean, one of those overly tanned, busty matrons in Phoenix, Arizona -- it does look as if the show will be back.

At least, that's what Richards told US Weekly, so it must be true. "We start filming in a few months," she said.

That means at least another season of the show, which even viewers who like it admit makes them "puke in our mouths" occasionally. But at least this answers our previous question: No, you really don't need very high ratings to stay on the network that airs Sunset Tan.

Previously:
Denise Richards' Show: It's Compli-Canceled
Now It's Even MORE Complicated
Our Feelings for Denise Richards: Complicated, Indeed

The Weekly Rewind: Summer's End

Ben Kallen — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 21:35:00 GMT

Man, what an action-packed few days! We had the Olympics finale, a political convention, the start of a big holiday weekend, and -- most important of all -- the buildup to the new fall TV season. So how 'bout we look back on it all with the highlights of the week:

We counted down the top 10 new shows and the top 10 returning shows for the upcoming season. That's, yes, 20 shows worth watching. We know that some critics are worried about the overall quality of the fall schedule... but, really, if 20 isn't enough for them, they should maybe start thinking about reading more books.

We found 18 "memorable TV moments" that the Emmy people left off their list. And yet they still won't let us present the award for Best Supporting Actress in a Comedy!

We met the new American Idol judge, and she's attractive, articulate and successful. Let's hope she keeps her Coke cup away from Paula.

We watched some hilariously terrible music videos featuring TV stars. If you've ever wondered what the Internet was made for, this is it.

We thought we'd lost Denise Richards, and then we maybe got her back, but then we weren't sure we really wanted her after all. Just like Charlie in that one episode of Two and a Half Men!

We learned that even after all this time, we're still amused by the phrase "Stifler's mom."

We saw Mackenzie Phillips get in trouble with drugs, and David Duchovny get in trouble with sex. Where the hell is Dr. Drew when you need him?

Helloooo, Mr. Phelps! Goodbyyyye, Mr. Bush!

We got ready to spend the waning days of summer with a nice long weekend of TV. Hey, it's our job -- what's your excuse?

Photo: AP

Previously:
The Weekly Rewind: We Want Our Fun TV

Now It's Even MORE Complicated

Ben Kallen — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 18:53:00 GMT

Despite what we reported yesterday, the E! Network is now saying that the reality show Denise Richards: It's Complicated is still up for renewal, maybe.

"The show has not been cancelled -- the series has performed well for the network and decisions are still being made regarding a second season," a network rep told OK! Magazine. Which makes sense to us -- after all, you can't need that high a rating to stay on the channel that airs Sunset Tan.

So why all the drama? Maybe the network is hoping fans will clamor for a new season, showing their support by inundating the office with cantaloupes. Or maybe the whole thing is just a setup by that wealthy new dad Charlie Sheen.

Previously:

Denise Richards' Show: It's Compli-Canceled

Charlie Sheen Makes Way More Money Than You Do

Denise Richards' Show: It's Compli-Canceled

Ben Kallen — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 21:33:00 GMT

Sorry, Denise Richards fans! Some of us may have enjoyed her self-promoting reality show in spite of ourselves, but the ratings were too low even for E!

Still, we're sure the former starlet will find other ways to trash her ex, expose her kids and, of course, act.

Previously:
Our Feelings for Denise Richards: Complicated, Indeed

Charlie Sheen Makes Way More Money Than You Do

Ben Kallen — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 15:25:00 GMT

TV Guide has just come out with its annual survey of the top earners on television. And guess what? In case you didn't know it already, you're in the wrong profession.

Charlie Sheen tops the list as the highest-paid actor in a series -- Denise Richards' ex pulls in $825,000 per episode for Two and a Half Men, in which he has an ownership stake. Yes, that's for dick jokes. And fart jokes. And, yes, the kid's funnier.

That's followed by CSI's William Petersen, who makes $600,000 per episode (just when he's planning to leave the show -- guess you can have enough money), 24's Kiefer Sutherland at $500,000 (hey, torture-boy earns it), and Law & Order: SVU's talented Mariska Hargitay at $400,000. And after two decades of service, the voice actors on The Simpsons now make $400,000 per episode each -- so you'd better keep watching the ads if you want Fox to continue making new ones.

At the bottom of the list is Burn Notice's poor Jeffrey Donovan at $55,000 per -- darn cable! Even The Hills' Lauren Conrad makes more than that, $75,000 per episode, for doing whatever the heck it is she does.

But while that all may seem like a lot, it's peacock feed compared to the incomes of multitasking hosts, many of whom produce their own shows. Oprah Winfrey's company reportedly took in $385 million last year -- she could buy her own country if she didn't already run this one. Simon Cowell makes $50 million annually for pushing Coke on American Idol. Meanwhile, David Letterman makes $32 million annually (though a lot of that reportedly is spent on the show), with Jay Leno following closely behind at $27 mil. But wee Craig Ferguson gets by on just $2.5 million annually -- no wonder he keeps recycling the same Michael Caine and Prince Charles impressions over and over.

Oh, and Miley Cyrus took in $25 million for both acting and singing last year. But don't worry, she'll probably manage to earn some real money when she turns 16.

Image: CBS

Previously:
Emmy Nominations -- A Complete-ish List
Billionaire Tycoon Oprah Winfrey Advises College Grads That Money Isn't Everything

Casually Racist Charlie Sheen Is Mostly Worried About Pissing Off The Candyman

Bryan Christian — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 14:33:00 GMT

Yes, that Candyman!

From Us Weekly:

Charlie Sheen is apologizing for a three-year-old voicemail that ex Denise Richards made public.
The voicemail included a curse-filled rant from Sheen calling Richards – the mother of their two young daughters Sam, 4, and Lola, 3 – a "f--king c--t" and a "f--king n----r."
In response, the Two and a Half Men star said in a statement released Wednesday, "I deeply apologize by my choice of words to all I have obviously offended; especially to Tony Todd, an African-American, who was my best man at my first two weddings."

Yes, that Tony Todd! And Sheen's surprised that his marriages turn into horrorshows?