The Remote Island : Dexter

The Winner For Best TV Show In The World Is...

Jake Kalish — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 20:06:00 GMT

Absolutely, positively, 100% not Rock Of Love.

The BAFTA (British Academy Of Film And Television Arts) Awards were last night - and strangely, the top four contenders for "Top International TV Show" were all American shows - The Wire, Dexter, The Daily Show With Jon Stewart, and Mad Men. And the winner?

Well, no complaints here - we love Mad Men. Although it is interesting that The Times Of London's recent list of top 50 American TV shows in recent years only had Mad Men at #14 - 12 spots behind Battlestar Galactica, which is noticeably absent from this list. And The Daily Show, which is one of the top 4 international shows according to BAFTA, didn't even make the Times Of London's top 50.

PREVIOUSLY:

Britain, Still Reeling From The Revolutionary War, Ranks American Television Shows

"The Wire": David Simon's Original Pitch To HBO

"Dexter" Season Finale: The Hallmark Holiday Homicide Special?

Is A "Mad Men" Video Game Coming?

We Can't Wait For The "Mad Men" Season 2 DVD

New "Dexter" Action Figure

Jake Kalish — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 16:11:00 GMT

Great news! It's the perfect doll for all you wannabe serial killers! Stab away, little Dexters. But make sure you do so according to a strict moral code.

PREVIOUSLY:

Our Dexter Archive

Dexter Morgan Marries His Sister Deb

Jake Kalish — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 15:30:00 GMT

Michael C. Hall and Jennifer Carpenter eloped? After secretly dating for a year and a half? What what what what what?

Whoa. As serious Dexter fans and even more serious haters of incest, this blows our minds. A few things:

1) Scenes between Dexter Morgan and his sister are going to be extra weird next year. Ordinarily we would think this was a bad thing for a show, but on a show like Dexter, which feeds off creepiness and deviant behavior, maybe it isn't so bad.

2) Impressive that they hid this relationship from the media for a year and a half. But, of course, Dexter is pretty good at hiding stuff.

3) We've been following Michael C. Hall's career for like a decade now, and this can't possibly go well for Jen. The dude's either gay or a serial killer. He's a fantastic actor too, but you can't build a marriage on that.

4) Jennifer Carpenter is really hot. Well done, you gay serial killer.

PREVIOUSLY: Our Dexter Archive

Joshua Alston of Newsweek Thinks There Are Too Many Antiheroes On TV

Jake Kalish — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 20:33:00 GMT

Well, we dig antiheroes - if Dexter Morgan or Don Draper are on TV, we be watching. But this is an excellent, thoughtful piece.

Lauren "La Guerta" Velez of "Dexter" Will Be On "Ugly Betty"

Jake Kalish — Fri, 26 Dec 2008 14:48:00 GMT

Whoa, Lt. La Guerta on Ugly Betty? What did Betty do? She always looked like a killer to us, hiding innocently behind those braces, glasses, and technicolor tights. Investigate her! And then Dexter could get up on that show, and try to kill Betty! That would be excellent! Hmmm, what? Actor, not character? Velez will be playing a nurse? Velez no es La Guerta? No comprendo. Sounds like a dirty trick. Get 'em both, Dexter!

PREVIOUSLY:

Our Ugly Betty Archive

Our Dexter Archive

"Dexter" Executive Producer Clyde Phillips Defends That Flaccid Finale

Jake Kalish — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 19:25:00 GMT

We've watched every episode of Dexter ever. We love the show, and think Michael C.Hall is unbelievasationaltastic. We made up that word, just for him. But....

This third season was by far the worst of the three. And by Dexter standards, that season finale was downright lame. We weren't the only ones who thought so. Although, weirdly, there were a number of people who absolutely loved the episode. Still, Dexter executive producer Clyde Phillips has heard what all us haters have been saying out here in the blogosphere. And he wants us to know we're wrong.

Some of the blogs were disappointed [in the finale]. Not enough blood. They didn't want any subtlety. We stand by what we did, and we did a good job.

Dude, don't get hurt patting yourself on the back. We weren't disappointed by the "subtlety", and, frankly, that episode wasn't very subtle at all. Some blood from Dexter's hand does a slo-mo drip onto Rita's wedding dress at the season's close? Oooh, subtlety. What's that about? Explain, Mr. Phillips.

It was about the normalcy, with the omen of the blood dripping, and the message that nothing is ever right in his world.

Gee, thanks. We never would have got that. Here's a thought:

YOUR SHOW IS ABOUT A SERIAL KILLER. SUBTLETY SHOULD MAYBE NOT BE YOUR GOAL.

Golden Globes: Hollywood Foreign Press Big Fans Of "True Blood", "In Treatment"?

Bryan Christian — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 16:49:00 GMT

Not sure we fully understand what's going on with today's list of Golden Globe noms. Big props for the nods to Dexter and Mad Men, particularly the Best Actress slot for January Jones -- whose superlative and subtle work, like Tricia Helfer's on Battlestar Galactica, is probably underappreciated because she's so damn hot. And, you know, all hail 30 Rock. But take a look at the rest of TV noms and ask yourself -- is that a line up of TV that you'd actually watch? (We know, we saw every episode of True Blood, yes; that doesn't mean we're happy about it.)

BTW: most phallic award ever?

Click through for the full list of nominations!

TELEVISION SERIES, DRAMA

Dexter
House
In Treatment
Mad Men
True Blood

ACTRESS IN A TELEVISION SERIES, DRAMA

Sally Field, Brothers & Sisters
Mariska Hargitay, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
January Jones, Mad Men
Anna Paquin, True Blood
Kyra Sedgwick, The Closer

ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES, DRAMA

Gabriel Byrne, In Treatment
Michael C. Hall, Dexter
Jon Hamm, Mad Men
Hugh Laurie, House
Jonathan Rhys Meyers, The Tudors

TELEVISION SERIES, COMEDY OR MUSICAL

30 Rock
Californication
Entourage
The Office
Weeds

ACTRESS IN A TELEVISION SERIES, COMEDY OR MUSICAL

Christina Applegate, Samantha Who?
America Ferrera, Ugly Betty
Tina Fey, 30 Rock
Debra Messing, The Starter Wife
Mary-Louise Parker, Weeds

ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES, COMEDY OR MUSICAL

Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock
Steve Carell, The Office
Kevin Connolly, Entourage
David Duchovny, Californication
Tony Shalhoub, Monk

MINISERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION

A Raisin in the Sun
Bernard and Doris
Cranford
John Adams
Recount

ACTRESS IN A MINISERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION

Judi Dench, Cranford
Catherine Keener, An American Crime
Laura Linney, John Adams
Shirley MacLaine, Coco Chanel
Susan Sarandon, Bernard and Doris

ACTOR IN A MINISERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION

Ralph Fiennes, Bernard and Doris
Paul Giamatti, John Adams
Kevin Spacey, Recount
Kiefer Sutherland, 24: Redemption
Tom Wilkinson, Recount

ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A SERIES, MINISERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION

Eileen Atkins, Cranford
Laura Dern, Recount
Melissa George, In Treatment
Rachel Griffiths, Brothers & Sisters
Dianne Wiest, In Treatment

ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A SERIES, MINISERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION

Neil Patrick Harris, How I Met Your Mother
Denis Leary, Recount
Jeremy Piven, Entourage
Blair Underwood, In Treatment
Tom Wilkinson, John Adams

"Dexter": Pay Phones Still Exist And They Are Totally Evil

Jake Kalish — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 16:25:00 GMT

Hey, turns out that wasn't the Skinner throwing a bag over Dexter's head, tying his wrists, and shoving him in the trunk of a car - it was the boys from the station, surprising Dex with his bachelor party! Kidnap someone, make him think he's about to die - oh, you guys! That's a good one - we'll do that next time we have to organize a bachelor party. And then we'll have so much fun missing the wedding, in our jail cell.

Anyway, then we're at the bachelor party, and there are so many exposed boobs onscreen it feels like an episode of Californication. Miguel, the best man and fellow murderer, gives the toast, despite the fact that he and the groom are trying to kill each other. (Kidnapping, murder plots - hell of a bachelor party.) Miguel says "friendship is a sacred bond." So true. Gonna have our best friends killed now, be back to finish the post later.

Okay, we're back. No, no, we don't know anything about it, officers, why so many questions? Speaking of questions, La Guerta is wondering about that Black SUV and high beams the witness mentioned - which sound a hell of a lot like the Black SUV with high beams that Miguel Prado owns. She goes to meet Miguel, says it's about "that scene with Sil." Deb visits Dexter when the CI who wasn't a CI Anton comes in for questioning, they get to talking about their father, who, incidentally, has been visiting Dexter quite a bit this season from the great beyond. Once or twice gets the point across, kids. More than that feels a little like a cheesy device. Stick to the creepy murder plots, and let's get to more killing. No, officers, we meant on the show. So Dex and Deb start talking about their father, and Dexter tells her dad also slept with a CI - (which, of course, is true: Dexter's real mom - but he leaves out that part.) Why would he say that to her? He seems to be letting down his guard too much now, not being careful.

Anton talks to Deb about being attacked by The Skinner, George King. He says King stopped cutting for some reason - and, weirdly, took his pocket change. Clue alert! Miguel is staying in a 5-star hotel now that Sil kicked him out of the house, and Dexter is watching his every move, determined to kill him, but not a moment too soon. The plan is to get him and do it precisely in the style of The Skinner, so it can be pinned on King. Which means King's got to hang around long enough to get framed for this murder.

Deb and Quinn go to King's hideout under the highway, and Deb notices she gets no cell reception - so that's why King was taking change, he was using a pay phone! They run towards the payphone like it's going to go somewhere - inanimate object, people! Turns out they just want all the phone records from the phone. Which is good, because have you ever tried to handcuff a pay phone?

When La Guerta goes over to Miguel's pad she takes hair samples from the trunk of his car, while Dex, hidden, watches from the cover of night. But when she leaves, she hasn't completely shut the trunk; and Miguel knows something is up. La Guerta, the next day, tells Dexter to run a confidential search on the hair sample from Miguel's car - which shows that a couple of the hairs did, in fact, belong to Ellen Wolf. Meanwhile, after checking the pay phone records (but not bringing in the pay phone for questioning) Deb and Quinn check a place where they believe The Skinner might be. Sure enough, he's there! He takes off running like he's some kind of killer, and Quinn and Deb run after him, like he's a pay phone. Quinn catches him, but King spins around and slashes him across the forehead, and gets away.

La Guerta brings Dexter into her office, and Dex has to act like he's shocked La Guerta suspects Miguel for Ellen Wolf's murder. He tries to talk La Guerta into biding her time, he says to build her case - but, of course, it's really because Dexter wants to get him first. Still, this complicates things - now La Guerta knows that Dexter knows Miguel is a murder suspect. And Miguel knows that La Guerta knows, because his computer shows all the police searches. And we know that he knows that she knows, you know? In sideplot land, Dexter asks Deb to replace Miguel Prado as his best man - which is a smart move. Deb would make a great best man, she's got the biggest balls of anyone on the show. Oh, dammit, she's really hot, we just kinda grossed ourselves out. Hot Lady Cop With Big Balls, still hung up on her daddy cheating on her mommy, asks for files on all attractive female CI's her father may have dealt with in the past. The File lady agrees to hook her up. Is Deb going to find out about Dex's mom, and how Dexter was found in a pool of blood with his brother and her future boyfriend, the Ice Truck Killer?

Dexter gets into Miguel's room when he isn't there, and sees the murder equipment is out. That means there's a killing going down tonight. Sure enough, Miguel goes to La Guerta's, sees a message on her machine. He plays it - Dexter, telling Maria to meet him at a bar, he's got info on Miguel. But when Miguel opens the door, Dex is there, and stabs him in the neck with that needle of his. Sweet!

He's got Miguel taped up and stretched out on the killing table. Miguel, always working the angles, says "I accept you." Dexter says "I killed your brother." Not so accepting now, huh guy? Eh, doesn't matter, now you're dead. Instead of the usual knife, Prado is strangled with wire, Skinner-style. On to the next TV series, Jimmy Smits! Next week, in the finale, the cops' frantic search for Miguel Prado's killer. Trust us, the pay phone was involved somehow. Get it!

"Dexter" Author Was On Dexter Sunday?

Jake Kalish — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 22:42:00 GMT

Oh, man. When we choke, we admit it. (Not when we choke people, you understand. That we keep to ourselves.)

In our recap of Sunday's Dexter, we totally did not realize that the vice cop guarding the hospital room of Gianna, Batista's new girlfriend, was actually Jeff Lindsay, the author of the Dexter novels upon which the series is based. In our defense, Jeff Lindsay just kind of looks like a guy. He should wear a nametag or something.

Here's Lindsay on his appearance: "It's really easy to make these things happen if you beg nonstop for a year." Aw. He shouldn't have had to beg: Lindsay was a stage actor in L.A., and even ran a theater company. And he totally held his own with those couple of lines he had with Batista. See, that's why we didn't know.

PREVIOUSLY:
"Dexter": The Antepenultimate Warriors
"Dexter": Here Come The Killers (Plural)

"Dexter": The Antepenultimate Warriors

Jake Kalish — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 16:32:00 GMT

Lots of psychological gamesmanship between Dex and Miguel this time, before the inevitable collision of the killers. As a consequence, there was a lot of setup, and this felt like what it was: the antepenultimate episode of the season. That's right, bitches, there's a word in our great language for third from last. Look it up.

The ep begins with Dexter, Miguel, Sil, and Rita at dinner. Dex is thinking Miguel's too high-profile to kill. Miguel, as a wedding present, gets a fancy restaurant to cater Dex and Rita's wedding. Nice move. But afterward, Rita keeps pestering Dexter about whether Miguel is having an affair. She suspects Maria La Guerta, and Dex doesn't deny it. Anton and Deb are hanging together a lot - between last episode and this one, he's become her official "boyfriend." There's a possible witness to the Ellen Wolf killing, and a missing wedding ring. Miguel may have gotten sloppy. Dex tells Miguel about the witness, says he'll protect him, so long as they never see each other after Dexter's wedding. Advantage: Morgan. But Miguel is buttering up Maria La Guerta, trying to get info on the investigation on his own. Touche, Prado. Meanwhile, Batista's girlfriend, the undercover cop posing as a hooker, gets all roughed up by a john.

The witness, a bartender who's the first suspect in the case, is brought in for questioning. La Guerta is losing her shit while questioning him, but his alibi checks out, so she asks if he saw someone near Ellen Wolf's house. He says all he saw were bright lights on an SUV. Dex sees how far off the hinges La Guerta is, and how easy she'll likely be for Miguel to manipulate. Anton comes into the station looking for Deb, and Quinn tells him he wasn't officially a CI. Anton decks Quinn for almost getting him killed. Deb tries to calm him down, says cops could press charges. Then Anton points out that then he could sue the whole damn department. True.

Miguel goes over to La Guerta's place, butters her up, then kisses her. Dexter knocks on the door and interrupts them. Then Sil shows up, just as Miguel is leaving . Turns out Rita told Sil about La Guerta. In the ensuing fit, in front of Maria, Sil screams "you were out all night Thursday!" - and then La Guerta sees the brights on Miguel's SUV. Will she put it together?

Miguel gets really pissed about what he calls Dexter's "bitch move" - messing with his family. He mentions an ethics probe on Deb Morgan for sleeping with a CI. But then he says he'll just keep an eye on it, so long as Dexter keeps an eye on the Ellen Wolf case. But then Dex comes to the Prado's house when the housekeeper's there, and looks for Ellen Wolf's ring. He finds it in a cigar box, and takes it.

Dex runs a test on keys Gianna, Batista's girlfriend, used on the guy who roughed her up - but it's not official police business, and Dexter tells him, in code, not to kill the guy - "some doors should remain closed." This is a different, more caring, Dexter, getting involved when it's not necessarily in his interest. Thankfully, Batista gets it, and just arrests the guy.

Sil kicks Miguel out of the house, and while he's clearing out his stuff, Miguel finds out Ellen Wolf's ring is gone. Miguel comes to the station, tells Dexter to meet him on the roof. He's furious, says he's not to be fucked with. Dexter's as calm as can be, leaves, and resolves that now he has to kill MIguel. But then Miguel places a call - to George King, the Skinner, who was watching with binoculars, and got a good look at Dexter. So Miguel was already in with a serial killer, before Dexter - and in fact was orchestrating the killings, as a way of getting to Freebo. Nice. The Skinner's after Dexter, and Dexter's after Miguel. Then, as Dexter goes down to the garage, he's grabbed, a bag is thrown over his head, and he's shoved in the trunk of a car. Major advantage, Miguel.

-- Jake Kalish is the author of Santa vs. Satan: The Official Compendium of Imaginary Fights

"Dexter": Here Come The Killers (Plural)

Jake Kalish — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 15:27:00 GMT

We start the episode with one known serial killer, and end with three. Maybe it's the only industry that's growing in this economy?

The ep begins with Sil suspecting Miguel is having an affair, because he didn't show up until the morning, But hey, he's not a cheater, he's just a murderer. Relax. Miguel and Dex seem real psyched about the killing, but Dexter is unhappy Miguel isn't doing a better job with his alibis. Miguel, ever the charmer, says "I'll get better."

Deb and Quinn check out Anton's place, wondering if the Skinner's got him. Sure enough he does, and he's taken big, scary chunks out of his back. The Skinner, we see, is George King, the Nicaraguan tree-trimming boss. Oooh, early reveal - so that's not the primary storyline. But you kinda knew that, what with Jimmy Smits being in every episode.

Speaking of mr. La Law/NYPD Blue/West Wing, his character Miguel Prado may have had something to do with the disappearance of Ellen Wolf. Did he kill her? Would the repairman from Pee Wee's Playhouse really do that?

They bring in George King for questioning, but can't get anything out of him, even when Deb loses her shit and attacks him. Deb and Quinn blame each other for Anton being caught - and then Quinn admits he used the guy. Meanwhile, Dex visits Ellen Wolf's place, and finds blood. Uh-oh. Dex realizes that he told Miguel he buried Freebo in an open grave - so that's probably what Miguel did. Sure enough he did - Ellen Wolf is dead, and Dexter has created a monster. Now does he have to kill Miguel? Come on, you were thinking it too.

Miguel admits to Dex he did in Ellen Wolf, and Dex senses he's way too cocky about it, so he uncovers her body. Miguel covered his tracks, though, so he tells Dexter they won't find anything. Is the war on? Weirdly, Miguel seems really nice and deferential, thanks Dexter and tells him he "saved his life" - just like he had told Rita when she lectured him earlier in the ep for not being considerate to his wife. Which I didn't mention before. But was getting to. So is Miguel totally full of shit? Dexter tests the blood from Miguel's shirt, to see if it really is Freebo's - after all, that was the basis of their trust. But it isn't Freebo's blood. Miguel was setting him up all along - and Dex didn't create a monster, he just helped him along. Friendship terminated.

Manuel, a treecutter for George King, tells Deb King has a place under the highway, after they trick him into thinking King is coming for him. They go to the place and find Anton - with giant chunks out of his back, but still alive. But George King has taken off. So with 3 episodes left, there are two killers to get - and Dexter is determined to take care of them both himself.

-- Jake Kalish is the author of Santa vs. Satan: The Official Compendium of Imaginary Fights

"Dexter": With Friends Like These...

Jake Kalish — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 16:30:00 GMT

Good episode - all hell is starting to break loose. It's hard keeping things neat and tidy when you're a serial killer - Dexter's code has allowed him to do so. But the new friendship with Miguel, and his pal's interest in murder, is threatening to unravel the saran wrap and tape holding his life together. The ep begins with Dexter talking about the butterfly effect - and, in this case, he's the serial-killing butterfly. (Hey, that would be cool. Someone needs to write a script.) Miguel tells Dex about Billy Fleeter, a murderous enforcer for bookies. Miguel wants to kill the guy himself. Whaaaat? Is Dex going to tell him how to do this? Is he being set up? Can he control this guy? Should he ever let someone in? Why are we asking so many questions?

Meanwhile, Rita's very tense about the wedding and pregnancy - her hormones are crazy, and she's taking it out on everybody. Deb is officially with Anton the CI, they're kissing. And later, Batista and Barbara the cop are kissing too. But that's it, once you think it's going to go all soap opera like last week. Deb also finds big bags of weed in Anton's cereal box. That cereal is excellent! We used to eat it all the time in college.

Dex talks to Miguel about the code, keeps having visions of his dad telling him not to talk, saying because of who he is, he doesn't get to have friends. Is this true? What will all this opening up set off? Deb finds out Anton doesn't get paychecks - Quinn pays him in cash, which is a big no-no. Turns out Anton's not officially a CI, and could file a huge lawsuit against the department if he knew. It's real tense between Deb and Quinn, but they're on this skinner case together, and interview a hedgecutter named Mario who's got a temper and may have killed a guy in Nicaragua. But who hasn't? That's a great travel deal - go to Nicaragua, 5 nights hotel, kill a guy, $799.

Miguel and Dex scout Billy Fleeter's apartment, Dex puts together a starter murder kit for Miguel. They set everything up together. But when scoping out, Miguel is way too conspicuous, and even says hello to someone. Dex's dad is lecturing Dex from the grave to call it off. But does he need this as much as Miguel does?

Mario the hedgecutter tries to run away from the cops, and when they bring him in for questioning he knows nothing, and seems really terrified of a guy named George King. Is that the skinner? Deb tells Anton he's free from being a CI, and then doesn't hear from him for a couple of days. Did he skip town? Dex says the kill is off, Miguel asks him how many guys he's killed. He opens up to Dexter, says he felt great when he kicked the shit out of his abusive father. Wants to talk to Dexter about "the darkness." He says "I just want to let some of mine out too. I know you understand that." When he says that, Dexter just melts. They get Billy Fleeter, and Miguel does the dirty deed, Dexter-style. Dex asks how he feels, and Miguel says "fantastic." Then he wants to take Fltter's ring, but that's against the code. Dexter stays to clean up the mess, literally and metaphorically. Did he just start something he can't control?

Deb looks for Anton - and sees there are trimmed trees right by his apartment. Oh shit, the skinner's been in for a visit. Dexter shows Rita a beautiful wedding ring, and she apologizes for her behavior, saying "it's like there's a monster inside of me." Wink-wink, nudge-nudge. Then, as the episode draws to a close, we see Miguel and his darkness paying a visit to his arch nemesis and constant pain in his ass, Ellen Wolf. Uh-oh.

-- Jake Kalish is the author of Santa vs. Satan: The Official Compendium of Imaginary Fights

"Dexter"-Inspired Killer Ruins It For All Of Us

Jake Kalish — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 21:10:00 GMT

An Edmonton man named Mark Andrew Twitchell from Canada has been arrested on suspicion of murder after a man named Johnny Brian Altinger went missing after setting up a blind internet date . Why is this in my TV news, you ask? Because Mark Andrew Twitchell was a huge Dexter fan, and had written a screenplay in which a male killer who also happens to work in a forensics unit - yes, exactly like Dexter Morgan - lures a cheating husband to his death by pretending to be a woman on the internet, decapitating his victim with a power saw. Well, at least he got slightly creative with that last part, if you don't count every single gorefest B horror movie this guy certainly also saw. Not to make light of a homicide, but so much of this is so unoriginal, from the doing exactly what the TV says, to the writing of a screenplay (Remember the Virginia Tech killer's screenplay, Richard McBeef ?) to the Dateline NBC gotcha, to the chainsaw. Hell, he even has three names, like every killer ever - John Wayne Gacy, Lee Harvey Oswald, Mark David Chapman. Although his victim also has three names, so maybe that's an Edmonton thing. But mostly this is really frustrating to Dexter fans like us, who now fear the inevitable backlash this homocidal idiot will create for a show we love. Melissa Rosenberg, the show's executive producer, had this to say when she heard about the murder:

Every time you think you're identifying with Dexter and rooting for him, for us it's about turning that back on you and saying: 'You may think that he's doing good, but he's a monster. He's killing because he's a monster.'

Well, this guy is apparently all text and no subtext. Why couldn't you just fantasize about killing people, like the rest of us, Mark Andrew Twitchell? When you hear the demons in your head, Psycho Killer, fa fa fa fa far better run run run run run run run away from them.

-- Jake Kalish is the author of Santa vs. Satan: The Official Compendium of Imaginary Fights

"Dexter": Death Be Not Scary

Jake Kalish — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 19:34:00 GMT

A whole lot of kissing, wedding planning, a wife wondering if her husband is cheating, deathbed visits -- this felt a whole lot more like an episode of Dynasty than an episode of Dexter. Yeeesh. Somebody kill somebody, pronto. (Wait, not you, dear readers. Hey, we didn't just make ourselves accomplices to murder, did we?)

The episode begins with Dex and Rita working on a guest list for the wedding. And all he's got on his list is his sister. He adds a few extra folks, but he is not a natural this marrying stuff. Miguel Prado comes into the station, and he and La Guerta negotiate a deal where Ramon Prado gets off on the kidnapping, false imprisonment, and torture charges if he just fiiles for early retirement and turns in his gun and badge. We find out Anton, Deb's CI, is going to be used as bait in the "Skinner" murder investigation. But she kinda likes him! She's getting all emotionally tied in a knot again - when she goes to visit the mother of the recently skinned 15-year-old Wendell Holmes, his mother blames her for her son's death because she talked to Wendell when she was asked not to. That can't feel good.

There's a new homicide, and everyone knows whodunit - some guy named Albert Chung, whose Asiannness doesn't make Masuka too proud. Dex discusses Chung with Miguel, and Miguel says he wants Chung's DA, his archnemesis Ellen Wolf, killed. Whoa, cowboy! This so doesn't fit with Dexter's code.

Meanwhile, Dexter's dying friend Camilla is upset she's still alive, and apparently her tumor has slowed, so she's got another month. She asks Dexter to please kill her, which also doesn't fit the code. Wow, he's getting all kinds of requests all of the sudden. Do you murder at birthday parties? Bar mitzvahs?

And now the Dynasty stuff. Deb goes up to her CI Anton, tells him to clear out of town, that he's being used as bait. Oooh, she breaking a lot o' rules, 'cause she likes him. Sil Prado is complaining about her husband Miguel to Rita - she thinks he's having an affair. Batista keeps trying to court this detective Gina, but she's resisting his charms, saying she just wants to be friends. Until he says some line about just wanting to be around her, and she kisses him. Deathbed Camilla tells Dexter she knows Brian Moser - the Ice Truck Killer - was his brother. We told you, Dynasty. Maybe Knots Landing.

Ellen Wolf squares off in the police station with Miguel Prado, who wants to show Dexter what an evil bitch she is. But all Dexter sees is Wolf doing her job well. Yuki comes up to Deb, mad because Deb told Quinn she was being asked to inform. Yuki says "A cop's dead because Quinn cut corners. Next dead cop's on you." Damn, this is a lot of guilt for Deborah Morgan this episode.

Dexter tells Miguel he can't kill Ellen Wolf, and Miguel screams "Fuck you! She's fucking with my life!" Dex gets pissed off and splits. It crosses the mind that while Ellen Wolf doesn't fit the code, Miguel Prado might - after all, he's already orchestrated the murder of one guy. Hmmmmm....could a good friendship come to that?

Deb figures out that the "Skinner" is using tree trimming as a cover for the killing, which he's doing with tree trimming equipment. (Why the male pronoun? Because except for Eileen Wournous/Charlize Theron, women don't do this crazy-ass shit.) Deb goes to visit the home of Anton, her CI. He's still there. He says "I'll be your bait." They kiss. Jennifer Carpenter is extremely hot, but "I'll be your bait" for the serial killer hot? Dude, rethink that.

Ellen Wolf cooperates with La Guerta to get this Albert Chung into custody, Miguel Prado realizes maybe she doesn't deserve to be killed after all. Oops, my bad. Take back that fuck you, murder her stuff. Got carried away. He apologizes to Dexter, calls him a good friend. Dex asks Miguel to be his best man. Then he goes to visit Camilla, and puts sodium pentathol in her key lime pie to kill her, and feeds it to her. Ah, so that's what all that key lime pie stuff was about. As she's preparing to leave this earthly plane, he tells her he killed his brother, the Ice Truck Killer. And he goes into some solliloquy about how usually when he kills people they beg for mercy - but "this is mercy." Well, that's good and sentimental. Next time tell me when I'm about to watch a soap opera, so I make sure to bring the hankies.

-- Jake Kalish is the author of Santa vs. Satan: The Official Compendium of Imaginary Fights

New "Dexter" Game For The iPhone Should Be Killer

Jake Kalish — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 18:36:00 GMT

Dexter, Showtime's hit, just keeps getting bigger and bigger. Now news comes that Marc Ecko Entertainment and Showtime are teaming up to create a Dexter game for your iPhone. Here's how it goes: You're Dexter. (What, you can't be Masuka?) You receive information about a homicide. You can choose to investigate this homicide as a forensic blood spatter expert, through official and proper channels. Or you can go with option #2: murdering the SOB. We're sure lots of people will do things by the book. Just make sure you cover your tracks, fellow murderers...

-- Jake Kalish is the author of Santa vs. Satan: The Official Compendium of Imaginary Fights

"Dexter": Glad To Have A Friend Like You (And Glad To Just Be Me)

Jake Kalish — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 19:23:00 GMT

Things are starting to get pretty tense. Can Dexter trust Miguel? Who's "The Skinner"? Why are we thirsting for blood and what does that say about us?

The episode starts with Dex and Miguel Prado bonding while fishing, Miguel asking what it's like "to take a guy out." Dex opens up, and says it felt right. Miguel tells him that together they can make a difference, because they're likeminded. Well, either they are - meaning Miguel's a homocidal sociopath, which is trouble for everyone - or they're not, which is trouble for Dexter, because now he's in too deep. When you're a serial killer, friendships aren't all ooey gooey chocolate cakes.

Meanwhile, Dexter keeps having visions of Harry, saying no one can understand him, and he shouldn't bring anyone close. Isn't Michael C.Hall tired of dead daddy visions from that last series? While Hall's thinking about that, this year's other serial killer - "The Skinner" - takes another victim. It's Wendell Owens, the 15 year old who helped Deb with her investigation. So Deb thinks"The Skinner" is tracking her investigation - is it Ramon Prado? And the wheels start turning in viewers' heads across the country - Quinn, who's under internal investigation? Or is it the CI, Anton? He seems sweet, but is a weed dealer, and everyone knows marijuana is a gateway to serial killing.

With the new info from the Chickie Hines case, Miguel Prado's nemesis defense attorney Ellen Wolf is starting to make moves to have Prado disbarred - and when LaGuerta asks why, Wolf says she doesn't know Miguel Prado that well. Meanwhile, Dexter suggests another killing, hoping Miguel will back off - Clemson Gault, a white supremacist who hammers people to death. Little problem: Gault's in a max security prison. Doesn't deter Prado, who comes up with a plan.

In sideplot land, Batista asks out that undercover cop he thought was a hooker, and she eventually says yes. Rita gets asked to start working in real estate by Miguel's wife Sil, as her assistant. Deb keeps getting confronted by that Internal Affairs agent Yuki about Quinn, and then tells Quinn IA is looking into him. And Dex's friend Camilla, who he knew growing up, and who got him those secret files in season 1, is dying of lung cancer and really just wants some good key lime pie, which has something meaningful to do with mortality and relationships. But mostly key lime pie is very delicious, so here's a recipe.

Back to killing. Miguel subpoenaed this Clemson Gault (and "subpoenaed" is the reason spell check was invented) so he and Dex will have a chance to get at him outside the clink. Prado slips him a key, Dex pretends to be his getaway car, but then sticks him with his needle. Prado grabs Dex, and hides him and a prone Gault from the cops on a manhunt. This Miguel is loco!

Deb, meanwhile, is tracking Ramon Prado. She sees Ramon ask a dude "Where's Freebo?", then kneecap him, stuff him in the trunk of his car, and then take him in for "questioning" , Abu Ghraib style. But then he lets the dude go. So he's not the skinner. But they do bring him in for kidnapping, false imprisonment, and torture. Which is a giant headache for La Guerta and the department - and is certain not to sit too well with Miguel Prado.

The ep ends with Dex doing up Clemson Gault like only he can, in the house of Gault's victim, and Miguel walking into that house (but not the killing room) mid murder. Did he track Dexter? How close does this guy really want to be? In a voice over, Dexter calls Miguel "my one true friend." Is our lonely killer finally free?

-- Jake Kalish is the author of Santa vs. Satan: The Official Compendium of Imaginary Fights

"Dexter": Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

Jake Kalish — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 19:21:00 GMT

Some friends of The Island have bashed Dexter this year for too much pontificating on life and love, and not enough killing. That's a legit criticism - but Michael C. Hall is so good, and the character is so interesting, that we're still totally on board Dexter Morgan's boat. Still, we came into this episode hoping for more blood, fewer family values. We got half of what we wanted.

The episode starts with Rita getting an ultrasound. Dex knows he should be feeling something, but he just can't. Then he goes golfing with Miguel Prado, and Prado complains about some killer named Ethan Turner he can't prosecute for some complex reason; and we sense by the way he's talking to Dexter that he's saying more than he's saying, if you know what we're saying. Which is that Miguel is on to Dexter.

Meanwhile, Rita wants Dexter to move in, but he doesn't want to leave his place, both literally and metaphorically. A secret serial killer kind of needs his space. Meanwhile, Deb and her informant are getting pretty flirty - which we like for the simple-minded reason that Jennifer Carpenter is really hot. They get a tip from a junkie that to find out about Freebo, you have to go through Wendell, who turns out to be a 15-year-old lookout that saw Dexter before the Oscar Prado murder. Wendell comes in to be interviewed, but doesn't get parental consent to talk to cops, so Quinn turns him loose when Debra isn't around. What's up with that? Is he undermining her? What are his motives? Hmmmm....

The supporting cast has other issues: Angel Batista wants to date the undercover cop who posed as a hooker, and Masuka is sulky because no one read his paper and showed up at his conference. There tend not to be loose plot ends on this show, so what is this tangential character development about? We'll see. Still no killing.

Well, some off-camera: there's a new skinning victim, and Ramon Prado comes in as a liaison for his brother's murder case. He believes the new skinning victim to be related to the previous ones, but Masuka delivers a tour de force presentation, explaining how this was a totally different murder by a totally different murderer. He punctuates his point by somehow relating this to a 14-inch dildo, and everyone smiles as if to say "Masuka's back." Which is a cute moment, but this isn't really a cute moment type of show.

Rita wants to look at homes with Dexter, but he can't, because he's got to go kill this Ethan Turner. Yes! That's what we're talking about! (We don't cheer real murders, just fake TV ones) Waiting to strike, Dexter keeps having visions of his father Harry, who asks Dex what's going to come first between the killing and Rita. Well, you know where our vote lies. When Rita goes to look at a house with Miguel Prado's wife Sil, she starts bleeding. Off to the hospital, and many frantic phone calls placed to the baby daddy, who's preoccupied slicing up this Ethan Turner's cheek, taking a sample of his blood, and talking about the new developments in his life to his victim, all to the sound of Bowie's "Changes." Dexter is joyous, sweaty, orgasmic, and totally masterful when he's killing, and we're reminded of just how much range Michael C. Hall has.

Deb goes to see this kid Wendell, and he tells her Freebo owed someone a bunch of cash. We can see this kid Wendell's being watched through binoculars. Then she goes to her informer Anton's pad, but a hot woman answers the door in her towel, and says he's in the shower. Aw, will Officer Morgan ever find love?

Everyone's still looking for Dexter. He's docking the boat, and has the slide of his latest victim in one hand and the ultrasound in the other. Please, Dexter, don't kill us with symbolism. Dex feels much better after killing, and knows so long as he can keep the murdering going, all these life ch-ch-ch-ch-changes will be okay. Which is reassuring, in a very weird way. He checks his cell to find 12 new messages, and hears Rita's in the hospital. He hustles over there, to find she, and the baby, are okay. He's got the peace of mind only a good murder can provide, and agrees to marry Rita before she starts showing.

Back from the hospital at the Prado's place, Miguel lets on that he knows Dexter wasn't where he said he was, and that he killed Ethan Turner. He even intimates that he gave Dexter the chance to murder Turner. This is all very strange for Dexter, and he issues a not very plausible denial, until Prado says "I'm behind you. I respect you." Which melts that little serial killer's heart, given all the rejection and horror he felt from his dad Harry. But is this much-needed acceptance for real, or is Dexter being set up?

-- Jake Kalish is the author of Santa vs. Satan: The Official Compendium of Imaginary Fights

PREVIOUSLY:
Our Dexter Archive

The Weekly Rewind: Seriously, Is This Election Over Yet?

Ben Kallen — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 21:30:00 GMT

Nope, not yet! TV's still all about politics -- and, on the other hand, distracting ourselves from politics -- as we'll find out when we recall the highlights of the week.

We watched hot Sarah Palin on SNL, and she was funnier than the average guest host. Coming soon: Ellen Show dancer Barack Obama. Too bad one of these two will be elected soon -- we smell comedy team! (Don't forget to add this guy.)

Opie Cunningham came back through time from 30-plus years ago! (To, um, tell us how to vote today.)

We watched the season premiere of 30 Rock -- before it aired on TV! The Internet is cool.

We heard that someone still doesn't like the looks of Dancing With the Stars' Cheryl Burke. Someone crazy.

...Or else maybe Dancing is cursed.

We set Lance Bass against Joey Fatone, and Dwight against Gareth. Remember, no talking about Fight Club!

We heard that Lindsay Lohan's having problems -- and this time, it's personal.

We saw the new CSI tech naked, which probably means she'll be murdered off soon.

We heard that William Shatner got into a spat with George Takei. Did you know they used to work together?

Just like Desmond, we predicted what's going to happen next on Lost.

We saw a preview of 50 Cent's new show, and it was kind of like business school. Heck, the guy's name is money.

We got mad at Fringe for being too much like other shows, but then realized that without other shows, it wouldn't be about anything.

What the hell, AMC? You say you're bringing back Mad Men, but neither the creator nor the actors have contracts yet? Is that any way to treat the best show on TV?

We wondered why anyone would want to dress like this lady anyway.

More Dexter, yay! More Knight Rider -- huh?

We saw Se cond Becky give a loud kiss-off to Ted on How I Met Your Mother. We love ya, sister, but please do not get back with J.D. on Scrubs.

And we noticed that House and Gray's Anatomy have figured out what we really want in a medical series: girl-on-girl action.

But not this kind.

Previously:
The Weekly Rewind: Everyone's a Comedian

And Now, Something Actually Good: Two More Seasons of "Dexter"!

Ben Kallen — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 20:50:00 GMT

Killer news, everyone! Showtime has renewed Dexter for another two seasons.

This year, the show has been getting surprisingly high ratings for the pay-cable channel, with the premiere surpassing 3 million viewers. Each of the next two seasons will consist of 12 episodes each.

"Dexter's enormous success is a tribute to the great achievements of its cast, the producing team, the author of the original book, and the gifted Michael C. Hall,” Showtime entertainment president Robert Greenblatt said in Broadcasting & Cable magazine. “I thought at best we would attract a devoted cult audience but soon realized that, ironically, this show is so thematically rich and layered with humanity that audiences of all kinds have flocked to it."

We second that. Sure, we haven't been quite so enamored with this season so far, what with the bla-bla-bla about Jimmy Smits and his brother and his old case and whatnot. But if you take the first three seasons as a whole, Dexter is one fantastic show.

We'll be interested to see how Dexter's marriage plans with Rita and the kids go, how he develops emotionally -- if at all -- and what happens with ever-lovin' sister Deb. Plus, of course, we want to see who our favorite psycho kills next. And now we'll have a chance.

Previously:
Dexter: All in the Family

"Dexter": All in the Family

Ben Kallen — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 21:31:00 GMT

So is Dexter a real human being or not? In recent episodes, there have been suggestions that he's developing real emotions. But while he's certainly fond of some people in his life, now we see that, for the most part, he's still just playing the part of a normal person.

We start with Rita and Dexter deciding to tell her kids about the new baby. He botches it, of course. Clueless about normal family life, he can't even tell Astor why he and Rita aren't married. Then, based entirely on the thought that it would make a better cover for him, he clumsily proposes. "That was ridiculous," Rita replies. She says she wants to know he loves her, but he doesn't even know what that would feel like.

At a picnic at Prado's place, Dex overhears Ramon talking to Prado about another lead on Freebo, the drug dealer they think killed their other brother. It's pointless, though only Prado and Dexter know that Dex already took care of Freebo. Prado wants to tell Ramon that Freebo's dead, in order to bring him "peace," but Dex thinks that's about the worst idea he's ever heard.

At his "day job," Dex is investigating another murder. It looks like a robbery gone wrong, but who knows? The victim's fiancee goes on and on about how much she loved him, and Dex can't imagine that kind of emotion. She's too upset to be helpful, but Quinn calms her down. "He's the witness whisperer," Deb marvels.

Astor, upset about the new baby and Rita and Dexter's unmarried status, starts misbehaving. After a particularly difficult phone conversation with her from work, Rita then has to deal with a nasty honeymooning bridezilla who isn't happy with any of the hotel's accommodations. "We don't have a better room unless you build one, and being a bitch isn't going to change that," she snaps. Unfortunately, her supervisor overhears this, and fires her.

Dex decides to show Prado how unstable Ramon is by making him even angrier. Um, is this really a good plan? He arranges to run into the guy at the restaurant/bar where he hangs out, and eggs him on on by implying that Prado's been discussing their personal business.

LaGuerta visits Prado at his office to discuss the Chicky Heinz case yet again. She wants him the admit that the alibi witness proves he convicted an innocent man. He's still not buying it -- or maybe he ignored the evidence on purpose. He continues to be skeevy about the whole subject. Later, she goes to Henz's lawyer and turns over the evidence behind his back.

Learning that Rita's been fired, Dexter takes another go at a proposal, this time listing all the financial reasons why marriage would make sense. Experiencing his utter lack of romance yet again literally makes her throw up. Way to go, Romeo.

Deb goes to see Anton, Quinn's snitch, for a drink and some talk. Yuki from IAD is still texting her, asking for dirt on Quinn, and now she's confused. "What's the story on him -- is he a good guy or a bad guy?" she asks Anton. "Does it have to be either-or?" the drug-using musician replies. He adds that Quinn helped him out of a jam once, but we don't know if that counts as "good" or "bad." What's not so good is the way Deb's started making googly-eyes at Anton.

Angel's in a hotel room with a hooker. He compliments her eyes -- he's lonely, and it's obvious that he mostly just wants companionship. She notices his badge, but he says that for tonight, he's not a cop. Then she show her own badge, and says tonight she is a cop. Whoops! But she gives him a break and kicks him out, making sure whoever's taping the encounter won't catch his identity.

Later, she goes to see him in the squadroom to bust his chops. But his sob story about being a divorced alcoholic cop actually seems to touch her a little bit, and she lets him off with a warning.

Dexter makes up a gross/cool model of a head filled with fake blood, and uses it to prove that the weeping fiancee in the new case has her facts wrong about the killer's height. In fact, he or she would have to be about the size of the fiancee herself. Deb does some more research, and discovers that the man's friends had never heard of her, and the picture of them together was Photoshopped. Score one for the emotionless over the overly emotional. But when she can't scare a confession out of the woman, Quinn kicks Deb out of the room so he can get it himself. Later, he tells her that he suspected the girl from the beginning (hey, we all did), but didn't tell Deb because he thought she'd blow it.

Yuki catches her at her car and knows all about the situation. Once again, she tries to use Deb's ambition to get her to rat on Quinn. For the time being, though, Deb still won't bite.

Dexter goes to see Prado under the pretext of talking about his botched proposal to Rita. He brings up the encounter with Ramon -- and it did get back to Prado, but apparently they just had a civil talk about it. Whatever Dexter was trying to provoke, it didn't happen.

Except that later, Ramon storms into the detective squadroom, ranting about an anonymous tipster who's seen Freebo in Miami. The tipster, of course, is Dexter -- who's trying another tactic on him, and this time it may be working. As the tipster, he promises to meet Ramon at the bar, then makes sure Prado catches him there, drunk. On his way out, Dex tells the bouncer that Ramon has a gun. As he watches the ensuing fight, he reminds himself that getting Ramon in trouble is still better than killing him. Later, Dexter meets Prado on the beach, and Prado tells him that Dex is now the only one he can trust.

Dexter tries proposing to Rita once more. He takes a cue from the crazy fake fiancee, and tells her her everything he loves about her and the kids. He's still playing a role, but this time it's damn convincing.

Previously:
Dexter: The Lion Sleeps Tonight

"Dexter": The Lion Sleeps Tonight

Ben Kallen — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 16:20:00 GMT

Hoo-kay, so last time: Everyone was looking for drug dealer Freebo, but Dexter found him first, and killed him, but ADA Prado caught Dex doing it, but he was actually happy about that, because he thought Freebo killed his brother, even though that was actually Dexter's doing too. And Rita's pregnant.

We open this week in a grocery store with Rita and the kids, where Dexter is imagining some kind of shopping-as-hunting metaphor to cover the fact that this particular king of the jungle is becoming hopelessly domesticated. He catches a guy about his own age chatting with Astor, and immediately senses a "predator." Creepy.

Prado comes into the squadroom, and he's looking pretty happy about the end of Freebo, even though he can't tell anyone about it. He invites Dexter out to some sort of cultural festival that night, having already okayed it with Rita. Deb comes in and says that another body's been found, of a Freebo associate named Javier, killed in the same way they think Freebo killed Teegan. Since Freebo isn't around anymore, he couldn't have done it, but only Dex and Prado know that. Of course, there's been no proof that Freebo actually killed Teegan, either. It's all very complicated, and -- sorry to say -- just a little boring.

Dexter lets Deb know that Rita's pregnant. She's flabbergasted, but happy, and congratulates him on his future "motherf&ckin' roly-poly chubby-cheeked shit machine." The lady has a way with words. Dexter seems to wish he were as happy as everyone else is about the situation.

Rita's been to the doctor, and there are forms for them both to fill out. But as an adoptee, Dex doesn't know anything about his medical history, other than that his mother was a drug addict killed by a chainsaw, and his brother was killed by him. So he offers to see a doctor and get himself checked out. He has some sort of body scan, and it causes him to remember that when he was a kid his father had his brain scanned, and showed him how it was similar to that of a serial killer. Later, at prenatal yoga class, he's told to send "positive intentions" to the baby, but he's afraid he doesn't have any.

At the festival, Prado introduces Dexter to his brother, Ramon -- the one from the sheriff's department. Ramon immediately gives Dexter grief for being part of the team that can't find their other brother's killer -- not knowing, as Prado does, that Dexter killed Freebo himself. When they're alone together, Prado seems to be having doubts about Dexter. But he just wants to be sure that Dex is upset about the killing, and isn't some cold, crazed murderer who does that sort of thing all the time.

Dexter goes back to his apartment, where, to his surprise, Prado shows up with a bottle of rum. This is a guy who wants a friend. He gets drunk and talks about his alcoholic father. Dexter relates, and admits for the first time that his own adoptive father was "disgusted" by him.

Based on their newfound cameraderie, Prado suggests that the two of them dump Freebo's body together. Of course, Dex has already gotten rid of it. Now Prado wants to see it. "You're not in this alone," Prado says, which is the last thing Dex wants to hear. He says that he's snuck it under a casket in a newly filled-in grave, and has to convince Prado not to try to exhume it. But Prado agrees, though he insists on trying to help the police by steering their investigation in a non-Freebo direction.

Deb tracks down Anton, the snitch, in a coffeehouse to find out about the dead guy. He's angry that she keeps questioning him, and lights a joint to get rid of her. She doesn't back down, and arrests him for drug possession. Back at the stationhouse, this makes Quinn furious -- we suspect because he has something going on with Anton that he doesn't want anyone to know about.

At the beach, Nathan, the guy from the grocery store, is taking photos of the family, or maybe just Astor. Dexter had written down his license-plate number at the store and gotten all his information from the police database, so he's ready to take care of things if necessary. Later, he catches the guy taking photos of kids outside a school. Nathan admits that he had "a problem" once, but says he's changed. Dexter knows better than anyone that people don't change their basic nature, though. But as much as he'd like to do away with the problem in his usual way, as far as he knows Nathan has never killed anyone, and thus is off limits according to his code.

The whole "Chicky Heinz" situation comes up again, as new evidence seems to exonerate the man Prado had sent to prison. LaGuerta asks if he'd contacted a witness who could have helped shed light on the situation, and Prado said it didn't come to anything. He's clearly hiding something -- yet we still don't know what this particular subplot has to do with anything else, and until we do we're kind of tired of hearing about it.

Dex admits to Deb that he may not stick around to raise the baby, because he doesn't think he'll be a good father. Deb thinks that's ridiculous -- of course, she doesn't know her brother nearly as well as she thinks she does. Although... he's a pretty good dad to Rita's kids, despite being a psychopath. Maybe that second part doesn't matter.

Meanwhile, he tries to solve his problem with Prado by covertly feeding Deb the information that her "Jane Doe" was Teegan Campbell. That leads the detectives to the apartment where Freebo was staying, where there's evidence that Freebo may not have killed Teegan, meaning someone else probably killed Javier as well.

Dexter thinks Prado will consider this to be good news, and he does. But he's worried that Dex still doesn't seem to trust him. So he gives his new pal the bloody shirt that proves he was there the night Dex killed Freebo, which would make him an accessory after the fact if he ever turned Dex in. It's a nice gesture, trust-wise, but it means Prado intends to stick around in Dex's life. And while Dex might like to have a friend, it could cramp his style, serial-killing-wise.

Deb goes to a nightclub to make nice with Anton the snitch, and he plays her an insulting song in Spanish. She doesn't seem to care, though, because she's cool like that, and he seems to appreciate how she handles it. So it looks like there could be some inappropriate sparks between the two of them. (In season one, Deb fell for a killer; in season two, her supervisor -- this year, why not a drug-addicted snitch?)

Dexter sneaks into Nathan's house at night and catches him looking at photos of Astor on his computer. This makes him so furious that his code flies right out the window. Without any preparation or protection, he strangles the guy. "Nobody hurts my children," he says.

As he drags out the body, he stops to steal some milk from the fridge for Astor and Cody. See? A good dad. And when he gets to Rita's, he can finally send some positive intentions to the baby.

Previously:
Dexter: Finding Freebo

"Dexter" Recap: "Finding Freebo"

Ben Kallen — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 14:20:00 GMT

This episode was all about police work, and having babies. Who ever thought an episode of Dexter would be about having babies?

We start out with Dexter and Rita at the gynecologist's office. As Dex watches little kids run around, his thoughts are entirely normal for a man in his current position: He loves children, as long as they're other people's. Then he adds his own twist: "I'm not in the business of giving life." You got that right, buster! But it's too bad, because Rita's pregs for sure.

At work, everyone's looking for drug dealer Freebo because he killed ADA Prado's brother. Except that he didn't, Dexter did, though not exactly on purpose. But that means Dexter needs to find Freebo before anyone else does. Meanwhile, Deb's trying to figure out who killed Teegan, the girl they found in the water, and only Dexter knows that it was Freebo, and that Teegan was his girlfriend. For a police department employee, he really isn't being very helpful.

Prado tells squad captain LaGuerta to let him help with his brother's case, and we're still thrown by Jimmy Smits' strong Cuban accent. It's not the first time he's done it, but we've seen him on too many hours of TV with "NY" or "L.A." in the titles. LaGuerta cautions him not to get too close, and throws in some heavy flirting while she's at it. Is there anyone she doesn't flirt with?

Deb's out among the hookers trying to find leads on Teegan, and is approached by the ever-more annoying woman from Internal Affairs. She tells Deb she can have her detective's shield if she plays ball, which means getting "close" to Quinn in a special way. And the chick is such a b-word about it that Deb actually calls her the c-word -- welcome to pay cable! Later, the snitch from last week tells Deb about a pimp who handled girls like Teegan. And the pimp makes the connection between Teegan and Freebo.

Dexter uses the dead girl's unusual first name to find her in the driver's-license database. But before he can investigate any further, Prado invites him and Rita to dinner. Prado's wife finds out that Rita's pregnant, and admits that the two of them have been trying to do the same. Meanwhile, Prado gets Dexter alone and starts grilling him about the investigation. Not exactly good hosting etiquette, is it? Prado and his brother Ramon, who's a bigwig in the sheriff's office, apparently have their own lead in the case -- Ramon "borrowed" Freebo's mother's cell phone, and they're waiting for a call. That means everybody's catching up to Dexter in the "finding Freebo" competition.

He starts by investigating Teegan's house -- which turns out to be a sorority house, where a wild party is currently in progress. (Look, big-breasted college girls with their shirts off -- now we know we're watching Showtime.) A couple of blondes tell him she's moved somewhere else, and offer her new address, along with a role in the hay, in exchange for drugs. Dexter accepts the deal, but gets the heck out of there before the sex-and-drugs part comes into play.

He gets back to Rita's in time to talk about the pregnancy, and what to do about it. Well, not talking so much as making a "pros and cons" list about having kids, since that's how his mind works. Rita, though a great mother to her current kids, has a lot of cons. Oh, and he does a lot of thinking and fantasizing about having kids throughout this episode -- including the con side, in which they turn out dark and nutso, just like him.

Angel and Quinn go to roust another drug dealer, Zack Adelman. (Funny, he doesn't look like an Adelman.) He doesn't know where Freebo is, but he does have information clearing the recently convicted perp in another case, one Chicky Heinz. Why do we care? Because the prosecutor on that case is Prado. Okay, we don't really care -- not yet, anyway.

Realizing that he doesn't have much time to beat his colleagues, Dexter goes to search Teegan's house -- and there's Freebo, in the flesh. Nude, that is. Dex goes home to gather his killing materials, but is interrupted by Rita, who wants to talk about the kid thing some more. Now she thinks that having another kid would be a mistake, and Dexter agrees -- but then she says she's having it anyway. So what was that, some kind of test? Not nice, Rita. She tells him that his role in the child-rearing will be up to him.

Which is what's on his mind when he goes out to kill Freebo, for the second time. Freebo denies having killed Teegan, but he still has the two earlier girls on his record, and this time Dex manages to finish the job.

But he's a little late, because Prado has just found the house, too. He's holding a gun and looking for Freebo, thinking, "My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my brother. Prepare to die." But when he sees Dex outside the house, holding a bloody knife, he realizes the job's been done already. Dex claims he killed Freebo in self-defense, and since the knife belonged to Oscar, Prado believes him. Prado thanks him -- it's the first time Dexter has ever been thanked for killing somebody -- and hugs him, unfortunately getting some of the blood on his shirt. So maybe Prado's going to end up a suspect anyway.

Previously:
Dexter Recap: Our Father

Imaginary TV Fights: "Dexter" vs. Everybody From "C.S.I."

Bryan Christian — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 21:24:00 GMT

If it weren't for this darn VP debate, we'd probably be enjoying the CSI season premiere tonight. Normally, we couldn't be chuffed, considering that thanks to Spike TV, we are basically ensured of seeing every single episode of the show at some point before we die, so why worry about it now. But from what we can tell, Gary Dourdan has indeed been brought back for at least one more episode, after being unceremoniously let go last year thanks to his epic drug bust -- and frankly, we are fascinated by TV shows killing off maincharacters, so we're dying to know how this one goes down.

But all that will be resolved next week. In the meantime, to hold us and all y'all CSI fans out there over for the next seven days, we are treating everyone to another in our ongoing series of Imaginary Fights, lovingly researched and crafted by Jake Kalish, author of Santa vs. Satan: The Official Compendium of Imaginary Fights. Our experiment this week: what would happen if the Vegas Crime Lab -- and Miami, and New York -- had to deal with America's favorite serial killer, Dexter Morgan.

DEXTER	EVERYONE FROM C.S.I.
Allies: Hottie half-sister/cop Debra; dead father; severe sociopathy	Allies: 2 billion viewers worldwide in 20 countries; The Who
Necessary Falsehood: Serial killers are neither heroic nor cool	Necessary Falsehood: Forensics experts are neither heroic nor cool
Tools of his trade: Big-ass knife, plastic wrap, duct tape (it really is good for everything!)	Tools of their trade: Evidence baggies, fingerprint kits, quick-release sunglasses

THE FIGHT

After Dexter stabs, drains, and field-dresses yet another evildoer (you can't recycle take out containers!), he stupidly leaves 1/8th of a speck of an angstrom of his DNA behind, and William Petersen immediately identifies him as the killer. But once Dex easily takes down Petersen and the rest of the CSI: Crime Scene Investigation crew, the cast of CSI: NY, CSI: Miami, CSI: WNBA, CSI: NIMBY and CSI: NAMBLA are called in as reinforcements. Dexter slashes through Lieutenant Dan and Morpheus, and starts working through all of the casts, but after knifing his way down to Louise Lombard, Brendan Fehr, and the guy from Veronica's Closet, he has to rest his knifing arm, and is apprehended by the dude from NCIS, which has now merged with CSI and the INS to become CSI: NCIS: INS.

WINNER: EVERYBODY FROM C.S.I.

JAKE KALISH is a freelance journalist and humorist whose work has appeared in Details, Maxim, Stuff, New York Press, Blender, Men’s Fitness, and Playboy, among other publications. He could totally kick your ass.

Santa vs. Satan: The Official Compendium of Imaginary Fights is published by Three Rivers Press

PREVIOUSLY:
Imaginary TV Fights: Old "90210" vs. New "90210"
Imaginary TV Fights: Shatner vs. Shatner vs. Shatner

Wake Up And Smile: If Duchovny's Sex Scandal Was A Ratings Stunt, It Didn't Work

Bryan Christian — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 13:31:00 GMT

Click through for more on Dexter, Californication, Russell Brand, Terminator, Supernatural, Mitch Pileggi, and the scandal brewing about tonight's debate.

-- Dexter premiered to strong, firm ratings Sunday night, but Californication couldn't get it up.

-- Catch Mitch Pileggi on tonight's back-in-time episode of Supernatural! Man, that show doesn't get its due. Its grisly and goofy and a lot of fun. Some day we're gonna come across a marathon of it and be all like "Dude, we were watching 30 Rock?" (OK, maybe not, but sort of.)

-- Hey Remote Olivia, your Mondays might be free pretty soon; Terminator is pulling in crummy ratings, and might not last the season.

-- They're giving Russell Brand something else to do on this side of the pond? Oh, hang on, it's just an hour-long Comedy Central special. Jesus, our grandma had one of those. (She killed.)

-- Here's our warning to the media regarding tonight's VP debate: nobody better fuck with Gwen Ifill. We don't care if she's writing a book on black politicians. She's the only person that we know of to have addressed the Imus scandal -- and Tim Russert's tacit approval of Imus' previous actions -- and still stay classy, which we're pretty sure makes her more prepared than any of us to do anything ever. That is all.

"Dexter" Recap: "Our Father"

Ben Kallen — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 19:03:00 GMT

Yay, Dexter's back! Which is a good thing, except, well -- is the show missing something now? Have we just gotten used to everything that earlier on would have surprised us?

Eh, who cares -- Dexter's back!

If you're just tuning in for the first time, here's what you need to know: Dexter is a serial killer whose heart would be made of gold, if only he had one. He works for the Miami police as a blood-spatter expert, and in his free time he murders the bad guys who get away. That's what his foster father Harry, a cop, taught him to do -- he figured that as long as Dex was growing up to be a compulsive killer, he might as well only kill people who deserve it.

Dex is close to his foster sister Deb, who's also a cop, his girlfriend Rita, a single mother who's almost as messed up as he is, and his eclectic group of buddies on the force -- and while he developed all these relationships as an attempt to "fit in" as a normal person, we're beginning to think he may be growing some real emotions.

Anyway, on with the show. We start out with scenes from last season: Dexter started having some doubts about Harry, who it turns out had been having an affair with his birth mother -- the druggie who got killed, leaving infant Dex sitting in a pool of blood, creating the psychological issues that have stayed with him his entire life. We're also reminded of Lila, the wack-job artist who helped Dex get in touch with his feelings -- sexy feelings -- but was clingy and violent when she had her clothes on, though luckily that wasn't very often. Oh, and last year Dex was almost caught, when his dozens of body-part-filled garbage bags were discovered in the ocean -- but in the end he wasn't revealed as the "Bay Harbor Butcher," because Dex in prison wouldn't be a very fun show. Instead, Dexter's cop nemesis Doakes became the main suspect, before being conveniently blown up by Lila -- who then got to experience Dex's dark side herself.

So now things are back to "normal," to the extent they can be. Dex is chatting with his dentist about what he did over the summer, and everything he says is a double-entendre for his having killed someone. Ha, he makes murder funny. He and Rita are back together, and from the looks of things Dexter has gotten over his sexual hangups. (Something he can probably thank Lila for -- but don't mention that to Rita, please.) Their relationship is so good that Rita's young son Cody even asks him to go to "dad's day" at school.

Back at work, Dex's detective friend Angel Batista has gotten a promotion, but seems more troubled than ever. Sister Deb, for her part, has cut her hair and given up men, smoking and drinking, and is miffed that Dexter never noticed. (Anyway, given how a new detective named Quinn is looking at her, the "men" part will probably go out the window pretty soon.)

Doing some research for his solo gig, Dexter reads about "Freebo" -- a guy who killed two college girls but was let go on a technicality -- and decides he'd make a pretty good victim. It turns out that Freebo's a drug dealer, so Dexter pretends to be a junkie to get into his house and check him out. Freebo's abusive to his girlfriend and pretty much boasts that he's going to kill her, so Dex realizes he's found the right guy.

But when he returns to the house later that night, there's a fight going on. Freebo runs away, and the other guy comes after Dexter with a knife. Dexter fights him off, and ends up stabbing this unknown other person instead. Huh? He's as confused as we are. And it's the first time he's ever killed someone without planning it in advance and making sure the person's guilty.

After a night of more domestic bliss with Rita, he's called in to help investigate a stabbing -- the one he did himself. It turns out that Miguel Prado, an assistant district attorney and well-known crusader for a "safe Miami," is extremely interested in the case. (He's played by new costar Jimmy Smits, affecting a Cuban accent.) Prado also happens to be an ex-boyfriend of the squad's captain, LaGuerta, as well as -- whoops -- the dead guy's brother.

Oscar Prado was supposedly a youth coach who had come to confront Freebo about selling drugs to kids, but we don't know that for sure, and Dex sure doesn't believe it. Dex does his usual investigation of the blood evidence, but in the process pilfers anything that might suggest he had been in the house earlier.

The next day, Dexter goes to Cody's school, and he tells the kids all about his job, describing how he examines spattered blood to determine what happened when a violent crime was committed. The kids are bored out of their minds by this, and completely unimpressed. Hilarious! But at least Cody's happy to have a father figure around, and so is Rita.

Prado interrupts the nice family moment by calling Dexter back to the crime scene. The ADA seemingly just wants him to describe what happened, but he also finds it suspicious that Dex was looking up the victim's background on the force's computer system. Somehow they end up getting along, though, and Prado is impressed by Dex's apparent sensitivity to murder victims. He invites Dexter to his brother's wake that evening.

Deb is approached by an annoying young woman from Internal Affairs about "getting next to" Quinn, who's apparently in some kind of trouble. Deb gets mad and blows her off. Later, Quinn helps Deb out by giving her access to a snitch who may know about Freebo. He doesn't, but he's seen the "youth coach" before. And apparently Oscar was a junkie who owed Freebo lots of money. Too bad Deb accidentally spouts off that bit of information in front of Prado and LaGuerta back at the station. The always political-minded LaGuerta tells Angel to bump Deb off the case.

Dex goes to Oscar's wake, without telling Deb, who was expecting him to meet her in a bar to celebrate their late father's birthday. Which is kind of a dick move, and not like Dex at all. (He may be something of a monster, but he's always nice to people, if only to hide his true nature.) When Angel comes by to tell Deb she's off the stabbing case, she decides her drinking hiatus is over.

The next day, everyone's called to a new murder scene -- it's Freebo's girlfriend. Which means he's still in town. And Dexter is still in danger of getting caught, just like he was last year.

Back at Rita's, she realizes why she's feeling so domestic and romantic and hungry all the time these days -- she's pregnant. And we have no idea where they're going with that one, but welcome to the new season.

Previously:
Top 10 Returning Shows: Dexter

Sunday-Night TV Party!

Ben Kallen — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 21:08:00 GMT

Okay, so Friday night we get two guys debating over whose plan will fix the economy (answer: neither), and Saturday is mostly reruns because the networks assume you're out getting drunk. That leaves Sunday as the next big night for new shows and season premieres.

So here are your many choices for Sunday-night viewing entertainment:

ABC: Extreme Makeover, Home Edition Boo-hoo, then yay! Either you like this sort of thing or you don't.

ABC: Desperate Housewives The whole show moves five years into the future. Does this mean everyone can stop using all the Botox?

ABC: Brothers & Sisters They bicker! They make up! They sleep with each other! (Okay, just former siblings Justin and Rebecca, but still -- eww.)

CBS: 60 Minutes Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson explains why the government's giving billions of dollars to the bank that's foreclosing on your home. Plus, the scientist who's testing that new supercollider device explains why it probably won't destroy the universe, he hopes. Fun!

CBS: The Amazing Race 13 Everyone's always saying that this is the best reality-competition show out there. So how come we always watch it with our finger on the fast-forward button?

CBS: Cold Case Detectives figure out who murdered someone a long time ago, while pop music from that era plays in their heads. You were expecting something different?

CBS: The Unit The team attempts to stop the assassination of the president-elect and vice-president elect. Guess that means neither of them owns a moose gun.

NBC: Sunday Night Football If this wins in the ratings, all the networks execs will be thinking, "Now, why do we pay writers again?"

Fox: The Simpsons As the 20th season begins, Homer and Marge get unlikely new jobs. Look for a joke about how many times this has happened on the show before, then another joke about how many times they've made a joke like that before.

Fox: King of the Hill Bill's love of sweets causes him to develop diabetes, which is totally different from the time Bobby's love of fatty foods caused him to develop gout. Sorry, these shows are great, but maybe it's time for something new around here.

Fox: Family Guy Brian and Cleveland get into a love triangle, which reminds us of the time we saw Raquel Welch eat 20 pounds of raw bacon at the People's Choice Awards.

Fox: American Dad It's Roger the alien's birthday, and he continues to creep us out in ways we don't entirely understand.

HBO: Entourage Johnny Drama goes on The View -- and we can't imagine that not being funny.

HBO: Little Britain USA In its new American version, the British sketch comedy is still all about the dick jokes.

HBO: The Life and Times of Tim A young dude suffers through all kinds of hardships and humiliations. It's like Worst Week, but darker. And animated.

Showtime: Dexter Some critics have complained that the third season is too similar to the first two. To us, that's a good thing. Watch this show.

Showtime: Californication Sure, there's something weird about diagnosed sex addict David Duchovny playing an undiagnosed sex addict. But as much as we hate to like Californication, we like it anyway.

AMC: Mad Men Make that the Emmy-winning Mad Men. What else is there to say?

Photo collage: Egregiously "borrowed" from Alan Sepinwall on NJ.com

Previously:
TV Orgy Tonight!

Hey, There Were Actually A Few Surprises At Last Night's Emmys

Bryan Christian — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 13:28:00 GMT

Don't tell us we're the only ones completely floored by the fact that Bryan Cranston -- who we love, even if we never saw Breaking Bad -- won Best Actor in a Drama. It's flooring! Malcolm's Dad took the award away from Don Freaking Draper! And got more votes than Dexter! Do you think the vote got split? Who can say. In any event, bravo to Cranston and AMC, who managed to snag a Best Actor award even if Jon Hamm went home empty handed.

And that wasn't the only surprise last night. Can you say "Ivanek"? (No really, can you? Now try "Zeljko".) Click through for a full list of winners.

PREVIOUSLY
Our Picks for the Emmys

Outstanding Drama Series: Mad Men

Outstanding Comedy Series: 30 Rock

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series: Alec Baldwin for 30 Rock

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama Series: Bryan Cranston for Breaking Bad

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Miniseries or Movie: Paul Giamatti for John Adams

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy Series: Tina Fey for 30 Rock

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama Series: Glenn Close for Damages

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Miniseries or Movie: Laura Linney for John Adams

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series: Jeremy Piven for Entourage

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Drama Series: Zeljko Ivanek for Damages

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Miniseries or Movie: Tom Wilkinson for John Adams

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series: Jean Smart for Samantha Who?

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama Series: Dianne Wiest for In Treatment

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Miniseries or Movie: Eileen Atkins for Cranford

Outstanding Variety, Music Or Comedy Series: The Daily Show

Outstanding Variety, Music Or Comedy Special: Mr. Warmth: The Don Rickles Project

Outstanding Host For A Reality Or Reality - Competition Program: Jeff Probst for Survivor

Outstanding Made for Television Movie: Recount

Outstanding Miniseries: John Adams

Outstanding Reality Competition Program: The Amazing Race

Outstanding Reality Program: Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List

Free TV: Watch the Premiere Episodes of "Dexter" and "Californication" Right Now

Ben Kallen — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 21:20:00 GMT

Such a deal! Showtime is streaming free online previews of its two biggest series, Dexter and Californication, two weeks before the first episodes actually air.

Of course, the whole idea is to get you hooked so you'll sign up for the pay channel. (And, frankly, that's not a bad idea -- both these shows are worth seeing, and Dexter is one of the best things on TV these days.)

Anyway, you may as well find out for yourself. To watch the previews, just go here and enter the password "Lady Killer."

Previously:
Top 10 Returning Shows: Dexter
Spoiler Time: The Next (Awesome) Season of Dexter
Top 10 Returning Shows: Entourage/Californication

Top Ten Returning Shows: #2 - "Dexter"

Ben Kallen — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 18:26:00 GMT

The new fall season is almost here. Starting next week, the cable and broadcast networks will be begin rolling out new episodes of all the shows that survived the writers-strike-afflicted 2007-2008 season, giving us the chance to get acquainted with some old friends -- and reacquaint ourselves with more than a few characters who we met only fleetingly last fall. Here, then, are the top ten returning shows that we're most looking forward to seeing.

If you had told us a couple of years ago that someone was developing a show in which an emotionless serial killer was the hero, we'd have said... well, we'd have said that sounds totally cool, but they'll never find an actor who can pull it off. And yet they went and did it anyway.

Michael C. Hall, who was a standout among the terrific ensemble cast of Six Feet Under, absolutely rules in the role of Dexter, the conflicted killer with just enough self-control to only murder people who really deserve it. Dexter knows that in order to avoid detection he has to appear to be a relatively normal guy, and this double identity -- as a blood-spatter expert who helps the police catch criminals, and a compulsive killer who takes care of the ones who get away -- makes for an acting tour de force that's more than Emmy-worthy. But the other actors, including Julie Benz as Dexter's equally damaged girlfriend, Jennifer Carpenter as his feisty cop foster sister, and his diverse gang of coworkers at the Miami Metro Police Department, are excellent as well.

Dexter is based on an entertaining series of novels, but the TV version is just in a whole different league. Its sophisticated mixture of suspense, gore and dark humor makes the somewhat similar Bones (which we also like) look like a comic book in comparison. We'll admit there were a few bumps in the road in season 2 (most having to do with Dexter's involvement with a crazy-sexy artist who was generally annoying, despite her delightfully Showtime-friendly taste for nudity). But we expect the introduction of Jimmy Smits as a tough-on-crime DA this year to smooth things right out again. If Showtime ever had an inferiority complex regarding HBO, it can stop now -- this series closes the gap.

Dexter (Sundays at 9PM EST, repeats at other times during the week) premieres Sunday, September 28th at 9PM EST on Showtime.

TOP TEN RETURNING SHOWS FALL 2008

#1. "30 Rock" & "Terminator"
#2. "Dexter"
#3. "Gossip Girl"
#4. "Pushing Daisies"
#5. "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia"
#6. "Heroes"
#7. "Dirty Sexy Money"
#8. "House"
#9. "Entourage" / "Californication"
#10. "The Shield"

Take The "Dexter" "Psycho Therapy" Quiz And See If You're Nuts

Bryan Christian — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 15:29:00 GMT

We scored a 34%, so we're apparently not that much of a psycho.

Is it OK to be disappointed with that?

Dexter's Psycho Therapy

PREVIOUSLY:
Spoiler Time: The Next (Awesome) Season of "Dexter"
"Dexter": Former President-Elect To Team Up With America's Favorite Psychopath