The Remote Island : Dirty Sexy Money

“Dirty Sexy Money”: Little Jeremy’s All Grown Up

Olivia Purnell — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 16:00:00 GMT

Why Jeremy! You’ve turned into such a . . . man! It took us a whole day to truly absorb this information. But, Jeremy Darling has actually grown a pair.

First of all, lets review the Dirty Sexy facts:

J.Darling has been banging Nola Lyons (the fabulous Lucy Liu) ever since she began prosecuting his mother for murder. Of course, that little conflict of interest got Leticia Darling’s murder case dismissed and Nola disbarred.

But Jeremy Darling liked it, so after he ruined Nola’s career, he tried to put a ring on it. He followed her into his brother’s service working as Patrick Darling’s assistant while she worked as Patty’s chief of staff. Nola got huffy and pretended to hate him. But as any R. Kelly slow jam will tell you, there’s a thin line between love and hate (also, there’s nothing wrong with a little bump and grind).

In a moment of love/weakness/desperation Nola tells little J about her obligation to Simon Elder. The villainous Simon is hiding her little brother and blackmailing her, blah, blah blah, the usual. Instantaneously, like a Chia Pet, Jeremy Darling sprouts a set of balls. He decides that he’s going to save Nola and her brother, and take down Simon Elder! Go Jeremy go! But, then Simon gets word of this little plan and Jeremy takes a hard fall dodging bullets at Patrick’s inauguration. Soooooo, Jeremy resorts to plan B: Pretend Amnesia.

Yes, of course!!! Pretend Amnesia. He gives himself a fake mental disability and protects Nola whilst hiding behind a faux-handicap.

It’s laughable, kind of offensive, and genius all at once.

This must be said: We always assumed that the littlest Darling was only hot because he was on camera with Lucy Liu. We assume that being in Miss Liu’s presence is like standing next to the sun: Everything gets hotter.

And although we’re still sure that Lucy has solar powers, we’re beginning to thing that Seth Gabel’s actually kind of a Baldwin all on his own. Look-a-here:

Plus, cunning and double-crossing and double-agentry are always hot. That's right, Dirty Sexy double-agentry.

“Dirty Sexy Money”: Down and Dirty

Olivia Purnell — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 17:00:00 GMT

Okay, the Dirty drama escalated really quickly this week. Beginning with the Dirty dealings of one Lucy Liu.

Who doesn’t love it when Lucy Liu gets Dirty?

Luckily, Lucy got lots of facetime as the backstabbing tigress with a heart of gold. She wants to do what’s right, but she’s in Simon Elder’s clutches. She loves, and lusts after Jeremy Darling, but she can’t be with him because Simon’s holding her bro hostage. What to do, Nola Lyons, what to do? Basically she thrashes around in a pond of disaster whilst wearing a fierce white dress and flipping her gorgeous hair.

We’re okay with that.

Speaking of gorgeous. Simon is working overtime as the manipulative mastermind behind Nola’s evil deeds. We love that Simon Elder is an eco friendly villain. He’s like a demented Captain Planet. Captain Planet was the bomb dot com. So when, Blair Underwood growls:

“Do you have any idea what it would mean if I could manufacture a clean untoxic biofuel right here on an American soil?”

We get a chill on our skin and a smile in our heart. We want him to stop being such a Dirty Sexy Douche Bag, but at the same time . . . waita do what it takes to save the earth, Simon; Go Green!

In a Passions twist this week, Brian Darling makes a deal with God. He straight up goes to the church altar and says he’ll do anything if his baby’s mother survives her bout with cancer. Anything. Miraculously, she begins to recover. And sinner Brian returns to the priesthood. Even though he’s now married. Never mind the details, we guess.

The really big news though, is Patrick Darling’s inauguration as Senator. Everyone’s amped and ready for Patty to be sworn in, even Carmelita, Patrick’s favorite tranny might come. But then (dun-dun-Dun), Patrick’s dead wife’s brother shows up packing heat. Nick George tackle’s the crazy brother in law, but he’s overcome by the brother’s psycho strength. Shots are fired . . . and, scene! To be continued.

“Dirty Sexy Money:” Dirty Sexy Natalie

Olivia Purnell — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 16:00:00 GMT

Up until now, we may have neglected Natalie Zea’s Dirty Sexy Charms . . . Let’s explore them shall we?

First of all, she’s hot:

Second, she’s actually kind of amazing as Karen Darling. In her role as bride-to-be, Natalie is the perfect swooning lovebird. Although who wouldn’t be convincing lying underneath Blair ‘Dirty Sexy’ Underwood (Blair, if you’re reading this, we’d be convincing).

Karen is rapidly becoming one of our favorite characters. She’s somehow calculating, and slightly naive, and desperately romantic, and funny. When little Jeremy Darling invites the recently separated Lisa George to the ill-fated wedding, Karen tells Nick:

“See ya at the We-Ding, Oh and don’t worry, I didn’t put Lisa at your table, cause I figured sitting next to your wife and her date could get kinda . . . Awk-ward, so”

Unforch, seating-chart awkwardness is not really the issue at her ceremony. The blissfully smitten Karen is traded by her delicious fiancé Simon Elder for ownership of Darling enterprises. Elder promises to leave Karen for a company worth over twenty million. Nick, Karen’s first love, breaks the news to her.

After questioning his involvement in bartering away her marriage (of course Nick was involved, homeboy is always involved), Karen bitch slaps Nick so hard we’re sure Peter Krause tasted palm for weeks after filming.

We. Love. Her. How have we overlooked dirty sexy Natalie for so long? Could be that she plays opposite Blair, and sometimes it’s hard to see past his dirty sexy everything.

Although, maybe we could slide the dirty sexy thigh back under the sheets, no?

More On ABC Cancelling "Pushing Daisies" And "Dirty Sexy Money"

Olivia Purnell — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 17:20:00 GMT

Well, a couple hours have gone by, and the facts are still these: according to Entertainment Weekly and about a billion other places, ABC will not order additional episodes of Eli Stone, Pushing Daisies, or Dirty Sexy Money. Wow.

But there’s a silver lining . . .

We can hope for full season arcs from each of the doomed shows. Ew.com reports:

The ratings-challenged trio will complete production on their 13-episode orders (Daisies already has, while Eli and DSM have an episode or two to go). Of course, completing the episodes and actually airing them are two totally different things.

We're keeping our fingers crossed. Everybody can use a little closure, don't you think?

Either way, lets have a little gratuitous Lee Pace (Pushing Daisies). You know, for mourning purposes.

PREVIOUSLY:
ABC Breaks Our Heart, Destroys Our Wednesdays
Is It Worth Losing "Pushing Daisies" To Save "Heroes"?

ABC Breaks Our Heart, Destroys Our Wednesdays

Bryan Christian — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 15:48:00 GMT

Sorry, we kind of need a minute here. Talk amongst yourselves.

ABC Cancels 'Pushing Daisies,' 'Dirty Sexy Money' and 'Eli Stone' [BuddyTV]

“Dirty Sexy Money”: Girl Fight

Olivia Purnell — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 17:00:00 GMT

This week Nick George is caught in the middle of two love triangles, which, we guess, would make it one big love hexagon. Or a love VIN diagram. Or, possibly, it just makes for an all out hair-pulling, face scratching, earring ripping girl fight.

Let’s get into the dirty sexy details shall we?

Dirty Sexy Love Triangle Number 1:
Nick is having some marital issues with Lisa. They want to work it out blah, blah, blah, but the truth is he can’t choose between Lisa and Karen. Lisa finds out about Nick’s indecision, and confronts “skinny slut” Karen (her words, not ours . . . although if the skinny shoe fits . . .). Karen tells Lisa she’s not afraid to fight a fat girl (again, don’t shoot the messenger). And the two throw down in the Darling foyer.

Cut to the aftermath. Enter Jeremy Darling. The littlest Darling has always had a crush on Mrs. Lisa George. Lisa’s vulnerable. Jeremy’s willing and able. So, predictably, the two go at it on the couch in Lisa’s Gallery. Guess that makes this a love square, not a love triangle. A love rectangle, maybe?

Dirty Sexy Love Triangle Number 2:
Leticia Darling goes for a drunken drive one morning and hits a cyclist with her coup. Luckily Wren, our girl cyclist, was wearing a helmet so she’s only slightly concussed. Until she recovers fully, Wren gets to stay with the Darlings. She catches patriarch Tripp’s eye and ends up kissing Nick George on the balcony. What?!? Wren, we know you’ve recently experienced a trauma but after witnessing a crazy Nick-George-love-fueled fistfight in the foyer; you really want to stick your tongue down his throat?

The only person who seemed less crazy this episode was Lucy Liu. Apparently her character, Nola Lyons, isn’t truly a heartless power-hungry lady-shark. She wants to stop exploiting the Darlings, but Simon Elder has her little brother locked away somewhere, and is blackmailing her with her little bro’s whereabouts.

Which brings us to Simon Elder. Blair Underwood was officially named one of People’s Sexiest Men Alive this week. That calls for a little gratuitous Blair, don’t you think?

Dirty Sexy Blair. Loves it.

Next week, the prodigal twin Darling returns. That’s right, Dirty Sexy Samaire Armstrong is back.

Previously:

Dirty Sexy Samaire Armstrong
“Dirty Sexy Money” Lucy Liu Goes Down

Dirty Sexy Samaire Armstrong

Olivia Purnell — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 21:20:00 GMT

Samaire is coming back to Dirty Sexy Money. Although we’re sure she’s both dirty and sexy, we can’t decide if we’re glad to have her back . . .

You remember Samaire; she played the quirky girl character on The O.C., Anna (the prototype for Gossip Girl’s pretty outsider, Vanessa).

Recently she’d switched from quirky outsider to rich girl insider on Dirty Sexy Money, playing Juliet Darling, one of the hard-partying, hissy-fit throwing, high-society Darling twins. However Juliet’s been missing in action during season 2. Ever since Samaire was taken off contract last spring (ouch), her character Juliet has supposedly been off seeing the world. Now, though, Samaire's up to her old Dirty Sexy tricks, reuniting with the rest of the Darling family for a Thanksgiving episode (entertainmentweekly.com).

Is this really a good idea? Adding yet another character to a cast of 19,000 Darlings.

Don’t get us wrong, Samaire is adorable in that sprightly and slightly lispy way that makes you think of Tinkerbelle and puffed pastries. We love fairy dust and baked goods. But, the cast is fairly loaded as is, and we’re just not sure if we can absorb any more storylines. They’ve already got Lucy Liu, Peter Krause, Donald Sutherland, Blair Underwood, and a Baldwin on the roster for gosh sakes. Isn’t there such a thing as too much dirty sexiness or too much sexy dirtiness? There might be.

Here’s hoping their Tofurkey Day ep will change our mind.

Previously:

"Dirty Sexy Money": Lucy Liu Goes Down

Olivia Purnell — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 16:00:00 GMT

Lucy Liu’s character, prosecutor Nola Lyons, gets caught with her pants down this week. . .

As we know, Lady Liu is simultaneously prosecuting Leticia Darling for murder and banging the defendant’s youngest son, Jeremy Darling. Of course, Nick George finds out about her extra-curricular activities and persuades Jeremy to kiss and tell all about their steamy affair in a sworn affidavit. The case against Tish is thrown out and Nola may be disbarred.

Turns out J. Darling and Leticia Darling planned to trap Lucy all along. And, like a good son, Jeremy stuck to the plan, throwing Nola directly under the bus in order to absolve his mommy. In a twisted way, it was the right thing to do. But he’ll never get to do twisted things with Lucy Liu again. Would you have made the same decision?

We thought not.

But, Jeremy’s betrayal isn’t the end of Nola Lyons. The disgraced prosecutor comes back swinging. She somehow convinces freshman Senator Patrick Darling that he needs her to be his Chief of Staff/pit bull. Gotta say, Patrick has a little George W. in him. Just a touch. He’s intelligent, but every now and then he has that wide-eyed fumble that reminds us of the last eight years. In a W move, Patty hires Nola. And just like that, Lucy Liu is back on top.

Now, time for the big reveal: Guess who Nola Lyons is truly in bed with? Nope, not triple-agent J. Darling (poor love-struck double-agent Jeremy). Nope, not Karen Darling or Lisa George, although that would make for interesting television. . . Nola is in cahoots with Simon Elder. Yes! The two of them are plotting some sort of evil take-over of the Darling empire. Bring it. Bring the Dirty Sexy Coup D’etat.

Side note: Can you imagine the Dirty Sexy children that Blair Underwood and Lucy Liu would produce? Not to mention the Dirty Sexy . . . sex.

Is ABC Playing It Straight?

Olivia Purnell — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 19:23:00 GMT

Yesterday we reported that Brooke Smith, the actress who plays Dr. Erica Hahn, was let go (yes, actually fired, kids) from the cast of Grey’s Anatomy. Brooke was dismissed just as the burgeoning relationship between doctors Erica Hahn and Callie Torres was beginning to flourish. Erica and Callie’s love thang is the first and only gay relationship on the show. Apparently the higher-ups (possibly including Rhimes herself), didn’t like the direction their courtship was taking.

Jezebel’s Dodai echoes our sentiments asking: “doesn't it seem like Grey's Anatomy missed out on an opportunity to make some truly groundbreaking television?”

Why yes, Dodai, yes it does. Even more than missing an opportunity to break barriers, this sudden change in Grey’s lineup seems to speak to an overarching shift . . .

TV Guide suggests that Erica’s abrupt departure is part of a larger trend in the ABC universe:

If one looks at a pattern of recent story "twists" across ABC: Ugly Betty last season introduced with much fanfare Rebecca Romijn as a post-op transgender; now she's gone. Right out of the gate, Dirty Sexy Money lathered things up by pairing aspiring politician Patrick with a great transgender love; last week, she walked out of his life. So Grey's writing out a full-fledged lesbian such as Erica — versus the simply lez-curious Callie — would seem to fit this pattern. Meanwhile, gay males such as Brothers & Sisters' Kevin appear to go unpestered... at least for now.

Is heteronormativity rearing its ugly ugly head in ABC land? In the case of Grey's Anatomy, the answer from TV critics and bloggers is a resounding yes. Entertainment Weekly's Michael Slezak says:

Brooke Smith's Grey's Anatomy ouster is not right and not okay… Was it the lesbianism they objected to, or the fact that Dr. Hahn didn't bake muffins or decorate lockers or act generally flighty-flaky-cutesy or hook up with hot male colleagues to help her sort out her sexual orientation? Yeah, you could say I'm outraged.

Although outrage may seem a little strong, Dr. Hahn was one of the secondary characters keeping the Grey's Anatomy ship afloat. In addition to being ground-breaking, the storyline between Callie and Erica was interesting and engaging (moreso than most of the hetero-storylines the show has to offer this season). So, in addition to being unfair and arguably bigoted, Dr. Hahn's write-off was flat-out silly, and, we'll say it, outrageous.

Previously:

Dr. Erica Hahn Gets Booted From "Grey's Anatomy"

“Dirty Sexy Money”: Pimping Ain’t Easy

Olivia Purnell — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 17:00:00 GMT

This week's episode is all about pimping. Almost every female character gets played (proper pronunciation: pliz-ayed) this week. The dashing patriarch, Tripp Darling, is usually the master manipulator. But, Simon Elder, the uber-handsome Blair Underwood, is gunning for Tripp Darling’s throne.

We’ll tell you all about it. But first, this recap needs a visual aid. Can we get some additional photographic evidence of Blair Underwood’s hotness? . . .

That’s better.

We understand why Karen Darling is so susceptible to Simon Elder’s charms. Just look at Blair. Look at him. But not too long, we don’t want drool all over your keyboard. That’s right, wipe your chin, scroll down, read the words. Mmm-hmm.

However delicious Simon Elder may be, the intensity with which Karen is getting used is a little mind-boggling. We know that you’re in love/lust, but Karen, girl, you’ve been married five times. Five. And now you’re dating your father’s arch-enemy, nemesis, rival-guy, and you don’t think he’s after your stock in the family company? Really? It’s a good thing you’re so pretty, 'cause smart clearly is not your thing.

Speaking of dumb, Nick George slips further and further down the Darling rabbit hole. He pays off Ellen Darling’s brother to keep quiet about the scandal surrounding her untimely death, after skipping out on marriage counseling to help Brian Darling work out a custody arrangement.

Lisa George, for her part, dives deep into the Darling drama, getting pimped (almost as hard as Karen) by Jeremy Darling. Although Jeremy has failed to persuade Lisa into his bed in the past, this week, the littlest Darling finally succeeds seducing her. He persuades Mrs. George to lie to her husband and go into business with him.

On that note, can someone please tell us why the Georges are still together? Nick is becoming a total absentee hubby/father, and whiny Lisa insinuates that he’s not even sexing her on the regular. They used to be all over each other. It doesn’t even seem like these two like each other anymore (disaffection courtesy of the soul-sucking Darlings).

Another couple gets worked-over Darling-style this ep: Patrick Darling, and his M to F lady love, Carmelita. Tripp Darling tells Carmie the truth about Ellen’s unfortunate end and the subsequent cover-up so that Carmelita will leave Patrick. Tripp’s manipulation works (T. Darling is ever so skilled in the ways of pimping), but Patty goes ballistic. In the face of Patrick’s understandable rage, Tripp has a heart attack. Chest clutching, dropping to the floor, eyes rolling back, the whole nine yards.

Listen, nobody said pimping was easy.

“Dirty Sexy Money”: Bringing Tranny Back

Olivia Purnell — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 17:00:00 GMT

Carmelita’s back! Thank the Lord; the lady of all ladies is back in the building. We lurve her. Besides the fact that Candis Cayne is fabulous as all hell, Carmelita makes Patrick Darling infinitely more interesting. Straight-laced politician type meets unbelievably stunning M to F, and happiness (read: drama) ensues? That’s a story we can get behind.

Know who else we can get behind? Nick George.

Warning: Gratuitous Peter Krause after the jump:

He’s just so adorable. Does anyone have a problem with the fact that we love a gratuitous snapshot? We thought not.

Now, on to the episode. Nick is having some Mommy issues this week. Nola Lyons, the hottest prosecutor on the planet, puts Nick’s biological mother on her witness list. Mind you, Mommy dearest lives near Paris and hasn’t spoken to Nick in 30 odd years. But she’s been chatting with the Darlings, or at least receiving what Leticia Darling refers to as “a small stipend.” That little stipend amounts to almost 11 mil over the course of thirty years. 11 million dollars. If anyone wants to give us a stipend, go ahead and leave your contact info in the comments section below.

Nick takes a little jaunt to Paris to figure out his abandonment issues (after all Mama George did leave him alone in the Darling lion’s den at the tender age of six), and also look into her testimony against Leticia. Although none of the real mama drama is resolved, Nick convinces his mom to keep her absentee ass in France where she belongs thereby issuing a cross continental bitch-slap to Nola and her witness list.

After said smack-down, Nola is feeling a little low (still looking fierce, though). Luckily she’s got the baby Darling, Jeremy, as a secret boyfriend. He brings her fav band, The Weepies, to her apartment for a private concert. If anyone wants to arrange private concert dates for us on a semi-regular basis apply in the comments section. Yup, just below the stipend donor candidates. Mmm-Hmmm.

Boyfriends who need not apply? Simon Elder. Karen Darling is still in his dapper clutches, bending to his every whim and will. We have the secret hope that Karen will emerge as a super undercover double agent, and blow Elder’s plans out of the water, whilst wearing some sort of Point of No Return Bridget Fonda wig and a cat suit armed with only a tazer and a whip. Somehow we think that dream may not come true. At least not this season.

What will happen this season? Patrick Darling and Carmelita! Reunited and it feels so good! This ep, Tripp Darling uses Carmelita to keep Patty D quiet about his wife’s crazy death, but we don’t care that she’s a tool of Tripp’s manipulation. We don’t care if she’s riding the exploitation express. As long as she’s in it for the long haul, wearing some Chanel, and maybe a conductor’s bonnet. Maybe.

"Dirty Sexy Money": The Darlingest Darling of Them All

Olivia Purnell — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 18:56:00 GMT

So we, like every other Six Feet Under fan on the planet have totally come to terms with our crush on Peter Krause (we simultaneously want to pinch his cheeks and lick his face). We’ve also come to terms with our crush on Lucy Liu, cause the girl is too fabulous for words. But Donald Sutherland? Is it okay to crush on Donald Sutherland? He is flawless as the king pin Tripp Darling: slightly manipulative, fiercely intuitive, and undeniably dashing. Dear reader, we must admit that we find Mr. Sutherland . . . intriguing. But we keep telling ourselves: he is a mother-effing granddaddy.

Gratuitous Lucy Liu after the jump to break the Sutherland spell . . .

That's better. On to the show:

This week Nick George becomes more entrenched in Darling drama. He announces at the beginning of the ep that Leticia’s murder trial will be handled by some swanky southern defense attorney wearing a bolo tie. That little arrangement was doomed from the start. You can’t represent a Darling rocking a mini lasso as neck wear. Tripp Darling (mmmm, Sutherland) never wanted Texas esquire in the first place. He wanted Nick. And through Brian’s usual double-dealing and underhanded persuasion, Tripp gets what he wants.

That’s right, Nick is defending Leticia, the woman accused of murdering his father.

While you digest that lovely little morsel of information (go ahead, read that sentence again if you need to), let’s move on to Lucy Liu. Lucy’s character Nola began an affair with the baby Darling, Jeremy, last week. This week she’s at it again.

Let’s pause for a moment to note that sexy must be contagious because Lucy Liu somehow manages to rub off on Seth Gabel (Jeremy Darling). And their scenes together are nothing short of Hot (note the capital H, kids. It’s that serious).

In addition to warming J. Darling’s bed, Nola is also hard at work prosecuting mama Darling for murder. Dirtysexydrama.

Back to Nick: The family lawyer has even more on his plate. With Leticia’s trial all over the papers, Tripp is asked by the board to choose an alternate Vice Chair for his company. Being the smooth operator that he is, Tripp tells Nick to choose a successor to the Darling throne. Because, you know, Nick’s not busy. He needs a little more to do this week.

Although Karen lobbies hard for the title and Nick recommends crazy Brian, Tripp ultimately chooses Nick to take over the Vice chair position, making Nick “the darlingist Darling of them all.”

Tripp Darling has now dunked Nick, the only person willing to accuse him of Dutch George’s murder, so deeply in the bucket of Darling drama that it doesn’t look like he’ll ever resurface. Oh Mr. Sutherland, you sly silver fox, you.

“Dirty Sexy Money”: This Show is Stacked

Olivia Purnell — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 18:00:00 GMT

Darlings, there are some heavy weights on this show. Peter Krause and Donald Sutherland, for example. We forgot about these over the summer. Well, we didn’t forget exactly. We knew they existed, somewhere out there in the universe, floating about in their summer homes being very serious actors and working on their craft and whatever. But we forgot just how powerful these two are on screen. Peter with his smoldering deer-in-the-headlights-of-life charm and Donald with that smoldering older man’s swagger he’s got going on. He’s so gentile, so powerful, so . . . And we’re gushing.

Gratuitous Peter Krause to follow . . .

Yup, we love a man in a suit . . .

Before we embarrass ourselves, lets get into this week’s episode. The Darling drama began on a yacht, of course. It’s Nick George’s (Peter Krause’s) birthday, and being half stepchild, half-family lawyer, Tripp Darling (Donald!) gives Nick a yacht for the special occasion. Mmm-Hmm, if we had a lawyer (which we don’t) that lawyer would get be lucky to get a keychain and a slap on the ass (One to grow on, you know?).

Brian “the Priest” Darling is as priceless as ever. He’s working for papa bear now, running errands here and there, firing folk in Munich, delivering his own special brand of counsel straight to Tripp Darling’s ear. However Brian Jr., his adorable son and his son’s mother abandon ship this episode. And Brian Sr. is pissed. And he’s blaming Daddy. More hijinks to come, we’re sure.

Karen flawlessly played Natalie Zea has some serious drama up her sleeve. First she stops by Nick’s office to give the gift of nudity. Nick tells her to put her goodies away, but comes running back to K-town when he finds his wifey smooching with Jeremy Darling (isn’t he, like, twelve?). By the time Nick swings back in Karen’s ditzy direction, little miss Darling has found herself falling in love, with the enemy! She was already sleeping with Simon Elder on Daddy’s direction, spying for Tripp (Ewww. . . ). But now she’s falling for the ever-handsome Simon Elder.

As Karen’s love for Simon grows, so too does Patrick Darling’s love for tranny Carmelita (we love you Candis Cayne!). Apparently absence does make the heart grow fonder. Her highness Carmelita is still nowhere to be found (booo!!!). But Ellen, Patrick’s wife, does find a few pics of the lovely lady, and predictably goes batshit crazy. Unpredictably, her hissy fit ends fatally as she slips and falls, dying dramatically on the bathroom floor in a pool of her own blood. Dirty Sexy Drama, kids.

That’s almost too much drama for your mama, right? Not quite. Enter Lucy Liu stage right vamp and tramping it up with Jeremy Darling (mmmm-hmmm, the baby Darling). Why is Lucy so fierce? Why?

With Lucy Liu in the mix Dirty Sexy Money might just be the most overlooked show on television right now. And underrated. And . . . we’re gushing again.

Throwing Stones at Glass Ceilings

Olivia Purnell — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 17:20:00 GMT

With any luck, the lovely Candis Cayne will return as Carmelita in tonight’s season premiere of Dirty Sexy Money. Her ground-breaking turn as the transgendered mistress of Patrick Darling, played by William Baldwin, is part of a post Will and Grace era in which gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered characters are seemingly all over the primetime network airwaves. The proliferation includes Kevin’s gay marriage on Brothers and Sisters, Salvatore Romano’s closet story in Mad Men, and Angela’s emerging bisexuality on Bones. Although more Queer characters are appearing more frequently, and although these portrayals (Miss Carmelita notwithstanding) are increasingly nuanced, rarely do gay, lesbian, bisexual, or trans characters take the lead. In the days since Grace had her Will, it’s difficult to name a gay character or actor that carries a network series. GLAAD reports that there are as many as 83 Queer characters on television. But, The New York Times asks, is this enough? . . .

One test of how far things have progressed, some industry analysts said, will be the kind of roles Mr. [Neil Patrick] Harris and Mr. [T.R.] Knight are offered once they end their current hit shows. Although they are openly gay, they landed the parts before they came out. And tellingly, they made statements about their sexuality only after being outed by bloggers in the case of Mr. Harris, and by a homophobic incident with a co-star in the case of Mr. Knight. For now, more gay characters and better scripts are adding up to more fulfilling work.

[. . .]

Yet for most gay actors, Hollywood is not a warm and fuzzy episode of “Will & Grace.” Today, it is certainly more acceptable to be openly gay. But these actors must still answer wrenching questions: Just how candid do you want to be? Would you be happy appearing only in comedies, or being pigeonholed as a character actor? And what does the line “You’re just not right for the role” really mean?

In an era in which the internet and heightened access to information blur the lines between personal life and fictitious character, does the American public still prefer that its lead actors and lead characters stay on the straight and narrow?

Let us know what you think . . .

Wake Up And Smile: A "Human Giant" Performs A One Man "Entourage"

Bryan Christian — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 13:32:00 GMT

But wait there's more! Click on through House's Jennifer Morrison, a Dirty Sexy Money marathon, and what a couple of your favorite Battlestar Galactica castmembers will be up to after the series finale.

[video via The Sound of Young America]

-- Does House's Jennifer Morrison really think that House should get with both her and Cuddy? (More importantly, does she go by "Jennifer Spencer" in these E! Online videos because she finally married her co-star Jesse Spencer after some break-up drama last year?)

-- Dirty Sexy Money marathon September 27th on SOAPnet. All 12 Season One episodes, in case you wanna get prepped for Season Two and they blocked ABC.com at work.

-- Happy birthday, Rusty Venture!

-- You can expect to see Starbuck in a Dick Wolf-produced crime show sometime in the next few years, unless of course it sucks. Which, well, it's called Lost and Found, so it might.

-- Meanwhile Dualla herself, Kandyse McClure, will be playing the Linda Hamilton role in Sci-Fi's remake of Children of the Corn. Will it suck also? Well, the guy playing Malachai is kind of cute; sounds like a "Yes"!

(Thanks Scanner Emily for the BSG cast items!)

Are the CW's Ultra-Rich Kids Destroying Our Nation's Youth?

Ben Kallen — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 18:25:00 GMT

According to Salon.com TV writer Heather Havrilesky, pervasive sex and violence aren't what's harming our TV-watching teens -- it's pervasive wealth. On shows such as Gossip Girl, 90210 and Privileged, she writes, admiring depictions of the richest among us "make aspiring to own designer jeans and nice cars look hopelessly middle-class, compared to the fully serviced, spa-polished, couture lives of the truly wealthy."

Havrilesky points out that TV has always given us escapist wealth fantasies, from Dallas to Dynasty to, let's say, Dirty Sexy Money. But "we were meant to pity these lost, soulless, trashy people, squabbling in their enormous but somehow claustrophobic mansions." With these new CW shows, on the other hand, being rich just makes people happy.

"While Chuck, the poor little prince of Gossip Girl, may pace and swill fine bourbon in his lonely hotel room at the Palace, while Blair nibbles on chocolates in the fluffy confines of her four-poster bed and laments that 'Lady Godiva' is her only friend, these are rare low moments in otherwise fabulous, fun-filled lives that include glamorous parties in the Hamptons, dinner out at the best restaurants every night and a phalanx of handmaidens who quietly fulfill every whim. From the warmhearted, loving, McMansion dwellers Sandy and Kirsten of The O.C. to the spunky, good-natured grandmother lounging about in her Mediterranean-style villa on 90210, the filthy rich aren't the cartoonish demons they once were, and the benefits of their exorbitant lifestyles are paraded before our eyes at every turn. TV writers have abandoned the notion that heart and spirit might win out over money in the end, instead choosing to show us just how many things money can buy."

Still, it's just TV, right? But Havrilesky more or less blames a bunch of issues on this sort of wealth envy, from the mortgage crisis to a middle class drowning in credit-card debt. "Can these dramas -- which are made for young people, after all -- really be written off as harmless fun when so many of us aspire to throw money around like young barons and dukes with demonstrably tragic consequences for the entire country? As a growing percentage of families lose their homes and taxpayers are forced to foot the bill for the mortgage industry's indiscretions, while millionaire executives and private investors remain unscathed, should we feel so comfortable celebrating the growing divide between the haves and have-nots?"

We say, that's a lot to ponder. Which we intend to do shortly, but first we need to go buy a bunch of lottery tickets and try out for Who Wants To Be a Millionaire.

Image: The CW

Previously:
Salon Declares "The Summer of the Sensitive Slut"
All of Gossip Girl
All of 90210

Top Ten Returning Shows: #7 - "Dirty Sexy Money"

Bryan Christian — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 17:33:00 GMT

The new fall season is almost here. Starting next week, the cable and broadcast networks will be begin rolling out new episodes of all the shows that survived the writers-strike-afflicted 2007-2008 season, giving us the chance to get acquainted with some old friends -- and reacquaint ourselves with more than a few characters who we met only fleetingly last fall. Here, then, are the top ten returning shows that were most looking forward to seeing.

First thing's first: we'd watch Peter Krause do his laundry. In Sports Night, Six Feet Under, and this, Krause has proved time and again that he can be a scoundrel in one scene and the heir to Jimmy Stewart's George Bailey in the next -- and always with wit and style to burn. But beyond Krause's central performance, this devilish soap walks a fine line between being a throwback to the days of Dynasty and also a spin on twisted family dramas like SFU -- and we can't help but admire the well-heeled weirdness of the mashing-up.

Of all the returning shows that got cut short by last year's writers strike, DSM -- with its big cast, intertwining plotlines, and slightly disappointing ratings -- might have gotten cut the shortest. Here's hoping that with a full year to unspool its story -- not to mention new cast member Lucy Liu, who, we're not gonna lie, we would also watch doing laundry, assuming it was dirty sexy laundry -- Dirty Sexy Money manages to get comfy in ABC's lineup.

Dirty Sexy Money (Wednesdays at 10 PM EST) premieres Wednesday, October 1, at 10 PM EST on ABC.

TOP TEN RETURNING SHOWS FALL 2008

#1. "30 Rock" & "Terminator"
#2. "Dexter"
#3. "Gossip Girl"
#4. "Pushing Daisies"
#5. "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia"
#6. "Heroes"
#7. "Dirty Sexy Money"
#8. "House"
#9. "Entourage" / "Californication"
#10. "The Shield"

ABC Doesn’t Want ‘Dirty Sexy Money’ To Get Any Dirtier, Sexier (More Money Presumably Still Okay)

Nicole Ankowski — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 20:48:00 GMT

Ah, Dirty Sexy Money, the soap with the best dumb-ass title currently on television. It’s like the producers wrote a bunch of “provocative” words on slips of paper, then pulled them out of a used latte cup. It might as well have been called “Nude Billionaire Boobies.” Despite the title, we actually liked the show. It seemed reasonably self-aware of its own ridiculousness, and we enjoyed our weekly romp with its various inhabitants.

But we’re not terribly happy with the (new) news that executive producer/showrunner Daniel Cerone—who was co-showrunner for Dexter—has stepped down after only four months. Apparently ABC didn’t agree with his vision that Dirty “take a darker turn next season.”

::dirty sexy sigh::

With a title like theirs, we think darker (while staying funny) is the way to go.

Nonetheless, as The Hollywood Reporter, um, reported:

Daniel Cerone has stepped down as executive producer/showrunner of ABC's "Dirty Sexy Money" after four months.

Jon Feldman, creator of another 2007 ABC drama series, "Big Shots," has come on board to exec produce and run "Dirty."

Production on the ABC Studios-produced series, which was scheduled to film until a planned July hiatus, has been shut down to give Feldman time to get up to speed. Shooting is expected to resume after the July hiatus.

Under Cerone, who previously served as a co-showrunner on Showtime's serial killer drama "Dexter," "Dirty" was to take a darker turn next season. While he ultimately was deemed not a good fit on the show, Cerone is said to be very well liked at ABC Studios, where he has a two-year overall deal. The writer-producer, who joined "Dirty" after the end of the WGA strike in February replacing John Reims, will now focus on developing new projects.

We can only cross our fingers and hope for some dirtier, sexier new projects from Cerone…

[via TV Squad and The Hollywood Reporter]

The Off-Season: Characters We Are Missing Right Now

mandaleem — Wed, 28 May 2008 17:02:00 GMT

The writers' strike forced some of my favorite shows into an unexpected, summer-long hiatus and delayed the return of others. I'm grateful that shows like Lost still have new episodes, but the second half of this TV season hasn't felt the same. I especially miss the promising new series that were cut short.

It feels like other shows have been on hiatus forever. Flight of the Conchords was supposed to return this year, but had its premiere pushed back until 2009. I miss Bret, Jemaine, and their strange circle of friends. I've been wondering about the fates of several absent characters lately. So many storylines were left unresolved.

Here's a short list of some of the faces I can't wait to see again:

Murray Hewitt, Flight of the Conchords - I love all of the characters from this show, but Murray's mix of desperation and formality makes him completely lovable. No one wears a pair of shorts like Murray, either. The image of his pasty white legs kept me laughing for a long time. Murray had a rare stoke of luck at the end of season one, but there's no way his success will last. It can't -- he's at his best when he's dealing with failure. He belongs with Bret and Jemaine, struggling to get them free soup as compensation for a gig. I'm dying to find out if (and how) Murray reunites with the band.

Susie Greene, Curb Your Enthusiasm - I'm not always a fan of profanity on TV, but Susie Essman makes it an art form in her portrayal of Susie Greene. One of the best scenes from the season six finale was the argument between Susie, Loretta, and Larry. Susie's always good for a tirade, whether the target is Larry or her husband, Jeff. I think about Susie anytime I want to get in touch with my anger. If the rumors about an upcoming seventh season are true, I want to see a rematch between Susie and Loretta.

Charlie Kelly, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia - Nobody yells like Charlie Kelly. He's one of the most unstable characters on It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, and that's saying something. Charlie's poor literacy skills, a running joke on the show, cost the gang their bar last season. I can't wait to see how they get it back, and what kind of schemes he and Frank get involved in. Danny DeVito and Charlie Day make a great pair, mainly because of their nearly identical deranged looks. Every season of It's Always Sunny feels way too short, but I'll take as much of Charlie as I can get. I just hope he keeps up his songwriting.

Olive Snook, Pushing Daisies - Ned is in love with Chuck, but Olive stole my heart in the first season of Pushing Daisies. She sings a song when the moment takes her, gets to the bottom of things, and has an adorable haircut to boot. Her name is even fun to say. Try saying "Olive Snook" without smiling a little; I dare you. I was heartbroken when I learned that there wouldn't be any new episodes of the show until fall. Pushing Daisies was the most charming new show of the year, and its season ended abruptly. Viewers were introduced to a vivid, magical world and cruelly dropped back into reality. I'd like to revisit that world soon.

Clark the Driver, Dirty Sexy Money - Clark is one of those wonderful minor characters that always leave you wanting more. He'll pop up every once in a while to deliver a clever line and retreat into the background. As a loyal Darling family employee, Clark is privy to the Darlings' drunken ramblings and is occasionally an accomplice in their bad behavior. He's a lot like Nick George, but without the law degree. It's almost as fun watching Clark react to the Darlings' craziness as it is watching the craziness itself. Shawn Michael Patrick had better be on the show when it returns in the fall.

Which characters do you miss the most?