The Remote Island : Emmys

"Entourage": Everyone Gets A Taste Of Gold

Bryan Christian — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 20:08:00 GMT

Even real people!

If week one got us hooked, and week two reeled us in, then week three yanked us into the boat, cleaned us, gutted us, and turned us into Morton’s Fishfries™. (If that’s not a brand than it should be.)

This week’s episode starts with the boys getting a reaming from Vince’s accountant. It seems as if Chase and co. are broke. Vince has two choices, file chapter 11, or get some work instantly. With bankruptcy out of the question due to a family history, the fellas head over to Shauna’s to see if they can rustle up some green. Turns out that in Hollywood a heart throb can get 200 large just for showing his face at a sweet sixteen.

Take that, “MTV’s most pimped out Sweet Sixteen!” In H-Town playas drop 200 Geesils on an appearance, and don’t bat an eye. All y’all new money fools better reconize!

Meanwhile Ari’s scores a Ferrari from the misses as a 25th anniversary gift. (Sheee-it, if that marriage can last 25 years they both deserve Ferraris.) With the plate, “ARISFRRI” Mr. Gold then proceeds to get in broadcast television’s, first ever Agent street race; complete with kick-ass car mount shots and the sweet realistic touch of hard breaking to account for the pedestrian cars in LA traffic. Ari’s rival, Adam Davees (from Ari’s former agency) almost bites it by wrapping his Porsche around an armored vehicle, before going on to send Ari up the ass of a school bus.

Ari, never the man to take loss well, sends Davees a hundred dollar bill in a bag filled with, what we are to assume is Lloyd’s feces. This is around when we started wondering if it’s this type of behavior that led to Hollywood making such great films as, Ballistics: Ecks vs Sever. Ari is then repaid, by being cuffed to his chair and having male stripper junk waggled all up in his grille piece in front of his entire company. You see where this is going? Ari then shoots back some naked pictures of a girlfriend. Yes, we decide, it’s exactly at times like this that films like the Son of the Mask probably get green lit. Well, they can’t all be Super Troopers, right? Long story short, the battle ends when Ari ends up literally bitch slapping Adam in front of the entire agenting world, because…

(To be read in the voice of the great Don La Fontaine)

“In the dog eat dog world of H-Wood super agents only the strongest survive… And those who don’t, feel the sting of Ari… Jeremy Piven is… THE TASTE OF GOLD!”

What’s left to say after that?

Well, Amanda loves E’s indy script that he’s pushing and so does Ed Norton. Kevin Pollak and The Nanny (yes, Fran Drescher makes an appearance and in case you were wondering her voice is still hers and only hers) give their baby the sweet sixteen birthday party of a lifetime. Their daughter, who is deemed a hoozie (sp?) -- part hooker, part floozie -- by Drama is doing everything she can to star in some short internet films of her own. Drama’s hatred of the female sex finally bubbles up at the last moment as he slurs Frankie Valli into a mic with Vince and then gaks stolen Johnny Walker Gold all over the cake. It is amazing what this show can pack into one episode. Takes some shows years to get through this much story, character development, jokes, action, sex, and vomit. (We're looking at you, Ghost Whisperer!) The show ends with the boys making a quick escape, leaving the audience to mutter over and over Vince’s line to Turtle from earlier, “Drive like you do in Grand Theft Auto.” Absolutely, my man. Mas oro!

-- Seth Jacobs

* Ed: OK, might have been Johnny Blue -- but we got nothing Blue in the headline, do we? Here's to truthiness!

Emmy Wants You To Pick The Most Memorable Moments In TV History

Bryan Christian — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 14:30:00 GMT

And they're not just saying it. They mean you, checking your Nerve profile in your underwear.

The most memorable moments in television history will be revealed during the 60th Primetime Emmy Awards next month, and it's up to voters to decide which bits should take top honors.

Forty "moments" — 20 dramatic and 20 comedic — are in the running. Comedy contenders include "M-A-S-H," "Mork & Mindy," "Sex and the City" and "The Cosby Show," while "Buffy the Vampire Slayer," "Miami Vice," "Moonlighting" and "The Sopranos" are among the drama candidates.

The television academy and Emmy show producers came up with the competition and the contenders in honor of the 60th annual presentation of the Emmy Awards. The Emmy telecast will also feature celebrities performing some of TV's most memorable lines over the past 60 years.

We'd like to get all hoity-toity and be like "Well, of course, we're voting for the moment that I, Claudius finally beats the One-Armed Man" or whatever, but you know what? There's only one scene in the bunch that really sings to us -- literally. We still, to this very day, find ourselves doing dishes or walking down the street and suddenly, out of the blue, thinking about Cliff Huxtable and his family lipsyncing to Ray Charles. Like, seriously: that shit came out of NOWHERE, kind of makes no sense whatsoever -- and nobody cares because blows your freaking mind.

Actually, we need to see it right now -- and we're guessing you do too. So grab "the one you love" and meet us after the jump.

Five More "Live" Broadcasts That Really Aren't (On the West Coast, Anyway)

Ben Kallen — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 19:50:00 GMT

This week, NBC got into a little bit of trouble for broadcasting its prime-time Olympics coverage with a stamp that said "Live" -- even on the West Coast, where the Games are actually shown with a three-hour tape delay. Which meant that anyone in the Pacific Time Zone who glanced at the Internet during those broadcasts would likely have found large headlines announcing the results of events they hadn't seen yet. Then the network responded to this criticism by saying, in essence, that anyone who actually believed that the broadcasts were live is an idiot. Nice!

But this is hardly the only instance in which supposedly "live" events are held hostage for three hours on the West Coast in order to fit the networks' own scheduling requirements. Here are five others that a third of the country doesn't get to see until the fun has stopped, the results are in and the excitement has all died down:

1. The Emmys and the Grammys. In fact, virtually all awards shows, other than the Oscars, are held back for broadcast until "prime time" on Western channels -- by which point the actual events are long over, and the winners are already getting plastered at post-show parties. In Los Angeles, this is true even when you live two blocks away from where the parties are being held.

2. Saturday Night Live. Except it's not, in enormous areas of the country. This doesn't matter so much, normally -- most of the time, the "live" aspect of the show just means that the cameras will keep rolling when a player starts giggling uncontrollably at his own joke. But it also allows the network to censor certain things before they get to the delayed broadcast -- such as Ashlee Simpson's botched lip-synching performance, the sound for which was edited out of the West Coast feed. Although how doing so was supposed to put that particular cork back in the bottle is anybody's guess.

3. Jimmy Kimmel Live! Okay, this one kind of hurts. Kimmel is the only late-night comedian who does a live show, and he does it right on Hollywood Boulevard. The Hollywood streetscape is as much a part of his program as midtown Manhattan is for David Letterman's. And yet, once again, the "live" doesn't mean anything in the place where the show is actually filmed.

4. Reality-show finales. The winners of such shows as Survivor, American Idol and Dancing With the Stars are announced live to build excitement. Except you-know-where. And if you happen to catch the winner's name before the delayed Western broadcast -- on the Internet, the radio or even a cable entertainment show -- that's an entire season of viewing spoiled.

5. The evening news. Yes, even the network news is three hours old when it's broadcast to the West. Unless some huge event requiring a "special report" occurs after 6:30 p.m. Eastern Time, Katie, Brian and Charlie are already home snoozing in their easy chairs by the time their take on world events is being served up like a reheated pizza. Residents of Los Angeles and San Francisco often complain that the network news bureaus, all of which are based in New York, skimp on reporting from beyond the East Coast -- but whether or not that's true, they certainly don't bother keeping the updates up-to-date.

By the way, there could be a simple solution to all this, at least for viewers who get their signals through the big national satellite and cable companies: Let them watch the East Coast TV stations. The channels are already there in the system; in most cases they're just blocked. Unfortunately, local stations like it that way -- they don't want you watching the same shows on a different coast's channels, with someone else's commercials. So even though viewers in Oregon technically could watch the Olympics on, say, New York's WNBC, in reality they aren't allowed to.

And until that situation changes, enjoy your stale Olympics, Westies!

Image: Los Angeles Times

Previously:
The Summer Olympics: You Can Run, But You Can't Hide

Don't Miss the "Mad Men" Marathon, Mac!

Ben Kallen — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 16:35:00 GMT

If you still haven't seen Mad Men and are wondering what all the Emmy fuss is about -- or if you have seen it and want to watch it again, because it's just so freakin' good -- now's your chance. AMC will be rebroadcasting the entire first season of the retro ad-agency drama this Sunday, beginning at noon Eastern Time. Watch the whole thing, and you'll be all caught up in time for the premiere of Season 2 the following week.

One warning, though: Do not play that game where you take a drink every time one of the characters does. You'd never survive the day.

Image: AMC

Previously:
The Future of Mad Men Revealed

Win a Role on Mad Men!

What Did We Think Of The Emmy Nominations?

Bryan Christian — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 18:32:00 GMT

Not all those "For Your Consideration" ads bring home the bacon.

What did we think of the Emmy nominations? Glad you asked.

Broadly speaking, our thoughts on the Emmys go something like this: Hooray for scary shows; The Wire and Tracy Morgan was robbed!

But more specifically, there's a lot to unpack in this years crop of nominated comedies, dramas, dramedies, and com...mas? (That can't be right.) Ready to take a closer look at this, the best that TV has to offer. Also Two and a Half Men. See ya after the jump.

DRAMA

More on Boston Legal later. For now, we'll just say STOP THE MADNESS, note The Wire's perfect record of no Best Drama Series Emmys, and leave it at that. Also, we're gonna take a pass on getting into the whole Basic Cable/Mad Men thing right now, since we're already living in a Basic Cable moment, and a crazy Mad Men moment, and that show's coming back shortly. Also, generally speaking, we're guessing its the favorite whereever it's nommed -- so we'll have weeks to chew on all that.

No, we wanna talk about Damages and Dexter. Anyone else shocked to see these two intensely-if-not-widely loved shows in the lineup here? One, perhaps, but both? With six nominees -- and the others all pretty much either locks or well established contenders -- it seems like they decided to widen the field this year to accommodate them both. And we couldn't be happier, particularly about Damages, which despite the pedigrees of its actors and its gripping depiction of power and corruption was SO unrelentingly creepy -- it' s kind of a horror movie with briefcases -- that we never thought it'd get recognized. Dexter, at least, has a narrator, and he's likable and flawed, you know? We can see how that nomination happened, despite its grisly subject matter. But Damages? What did Damages have besides the dewy eyes of its star, Australian actress Rose Byrne? It's just too bad she was overlooked for her role as the slowly rotting center of a very, very dark chocolate. Next year, perhaps.

Other thoughts:
We're pretty sure we can pronounce HBO dead for a while, with not a single series in contention for the top award. Not even with the final (admittedly under-excellent) season of The Wire, the Greatest Show In The History Of All The Other Shows Going Off The Air Or Getting Crummy in their quiver could they land an arrow on that target. Ah well, that's another dead horse we've beaten in the past, so moving on... Nice ones Bryan Cranston and Michael Emerson, getting nodded for a couple of very tricky and affecting performances. And a huge Boo-Ya to In Treatment's Glynn Turman, who has been on everything from A Different World -- you know, that army guy? -- to The Wire and is never less than magnetic.

COMEDY

Why Two and a Half Men keeps getting nominated, we'll never know. It's a decently funny show -- and we gotta give props to any series that works in Oedipal lust as often as it does -- but come on? Better than How I Met Your Mother? Weeds? Ugly Betty? How about Pushing Daisies, which we are guessing ABC thought would have a better chance in the comedies than as a drama. Fair point, but how is it exactly that Pushing Daisies is a comedy but Boston Legal -- a show consumed with nyuk-nyuk sideways glances, broad legal/topical gags, and Bill Shatner's verbal tics -- well, that's a drama? Anyway. Oh, and who do we want to win? 30 Rock. Everything. Duh.

Other thoughts:
Hooray for Lee Pace, Neil Patrick Harris, and Mary Louise-Parker for getting their noms. Also, we'd love to have been in Will Arnett and Amy Poehler's bedroom this morning, since, um, duh, but also because they both got nommed for 30 Rock and SNL respectively. The latter of those noms was a rare endorsement of a member of the SNL ensemble, but was also well deserved, as Poehler could rightly be said to have anchored that at times rickety ol' ship for a few years now. If she wins -- a real possibility in our mind -- she can gloat over her hubby, who, we are happy/sad to say, will lose to Tim Conway if there's a God in heaven.

MOVIES, ETC.

We note here simply that we are puzzled by Extras being in this category and Comedy, and also that we found Recount and John Adams to be boring. Also that Tin Man got a bunch of awards in a year where SciFi's excellent series Battlestar Galactica did not should probably bum us out, but in fact encourages us. If that steaming, cliched hunk of junk can get noms, the BSG movies planned for the next couple years should blow everything else out of the frakkin' water.

REALITY SHOWS

Oh... you knowm, as long as Klum gets to wear something nice to the show, we're happy.

Emmy Nominations: A Complete-ish List

Bryan Christian — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 16:32:00 GMT

We got some analysis coming later, but for now, here's, like, 75% of the whole rundown. (Hang on. You don't care about "Best Casting in a Space Documentary" or whatever, do you?)

COMEDY

COMEDY SERIES
Curb Your Enthusiasm
Entourage
The Office
30 Rock
Two and a Half Men

ACTOR IN A COMEDY SERIES
Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock
Steve Carell, The Office
Lee Pace, Pushing Daisies
Tony Shalhoub, Monk
Charlie Sheen, Two and a Half Men

ACTRESS IN A COMEDY SERIES
Christina Applegate, Samantha Who?
America Ferrera, Ugly Betty
Tina Fey, 30 Rock
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, The New Adventures of Old Christine
Mary-Louise Parker, Weeds

SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A COMEDY SERIES
Jon Cryer, Two and a Half Men
Kevin Dillon, Entourage
Neil Patrick Harris, How I Met Your Mother
Jeremy Piven, Entourage
Rainn Wilson, The Office

SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A COMEDY SERIES
Kristin Chenoweth, Pushing Daisies
Amy Poehler, Saturday Night Live
Jean Smart, Samantha Who?
Holland Taylor, Two and a Half Men
Vanessa Williams, Ugly Betty

GUEST ACTOR IN A COMEDY SERIES
Will Arnett, 30 Rock
Shelley Berman, Curb Your Enthusiasm
Steve Buscemi, 30 Rock
Tim Conway, 30 Rock
Rip Torn, 30 Rock

GUEST ACTRESS IN A COMEDY SERIES
Polly Bergen, Desperate Housewives
Edie Falco, 30 Rock
Carrie Fisher, 30 Rock
Kathryn Joosten, Desperate Housewives
Sarah Silverman, Monk
Elaine Stritch, 30 Rock

DRAMA

DRAMA SERIES
Boston Legal
Damages
Dexter
House
Lost
Mad Men

ACTOR IN A DRAMA SERIES
Gabriel Byrne, In Treatment
Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad
Michael C. Hall, Dexter
Jon Hamm, Mad Men
Hugh Laurie, House
James Spader, Boston Legal

ACTRESS IN A DRAMA SERIES
Glenn Close, Damages
Sally Field, Brothers & Sisters
Mariska Hargitay, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
Holly Hunter, Saving Grace
Kyra Sedgwick, The Closer

SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A DRAMA SERIES
Ted Danson, Damages
Michael Emerson, Lost
Zeljko Ivanek, Damages
William Shatner, Boston Legal
John Slattery, Mad Men

SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A DRAMA SERIES
Candice Bergen, Boston Legal
Rachel Griffiths, Brothers & Sisters
Sandra Oh, Grey's Anatomy
Dianne Wiest, In Treatment
Chandra Wilson, Grey's Anatomy

GUEST ACTOR IN A DRAMA SERIES
Charles Durning, Rescue Me
Robert Morse, Mad Men
Oliver Platt, Nip/Tuck
Stanley Tucci, ER
Glynn Turman, In Treatment
Robin Williams, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

GUEST ACTRESS IN A DRAMA SERIES
Ellen Burstyn, Big Love
Diahann Carroll, Grey's Anatomy
Sharon Gless, Nip/Tuck
Anjelica Huston, Medium
Cynthia Nixon, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

REALITY

REALITY COMPETITION PROGRAM
The Amazing Race
American Idol
Dancing With The Stars
Project Runway
Top Chef

HOST FOR A REALITY OR REALITY-COMPETITION PROGRAM
Tom Bergeron, Dancing With the Stars
Heidi Klum, Project Runway
Howie Mandel, Deal or No Deal
Jeff Probst, Survivor
Ryan Seacrest, American Idol

REALITY SERIES
Antiques Roadshow
Dirty Jobs
Extreme Makeover
Intervention
Kathy Griffin: My Life On The D-List

VARIETY, MUSIC, OR COMEDY

VARIETY, MUSIC, OR COMEDY SERIES
The Colbert Report
The Daily Show With Jon Stewart
Late Show With David Letterman
Real Time With Bill Maher
Saturday Night Live

VARIETY, MUSIC, OR COMEDY SPECIAL
Bill Maher: The Decider
George Carlin: It’s Bad For Ya!
James Taylor: One Man Band
Kathy Griffin: Straight To Hell
The Kennedy Center Honors
Mr. Warmth: The Don Rickles Project

MINISERIES OR MOVIE

MINISERIES
The Andromeda Strain
Cranford
John Adams
Tin Man

MADE-FOR-TV MOVIE
Bernard and Doris
Extras: The Extra Special Series Finale
The Memory Keeper’s Daughter
A Raisin In The Sun
Recount

ACTOR IN A MINISERIES OR A MOVIE
Ralph Fiennes, Bernard And Doris
Ricky Gervais, Extras
Paul Giamatti, John Adams
Kevin Spacey, Recount
Tom Wilkinson, Recount

ACTRESS IN A MINISERIES OR A MOVIE
Judi Dench, Cranford
Catherine Keener, An American Crime
Laura Linney, John Adams
Phylicia Rashad, A Raisin in the Sun
Susan Sarandon, Bernard And Doris

SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A MINISERIES OR MOVIE
Bob Balaban, Recount
Stephen Dillane, John Adams
Denis Leary, Recount
David Morse, John Adams
Tom Wilkinson, John Adams

SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A MINISERIES OR MOVIE
Eileen Atkins, Cranford
Laura Dern, Recount
Ashley Jensen, Extras: The Extra Special Series Finale
Audra McDonald, A Raisin in the Sun
Alfre Woodard, Pictures Of Hollis Woods

One More Way To Kill Off Izzie (This Time, Maybe, for Real)

Ben Kallen — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 20:24:00 GMT

Earlier this week, we helpfully suggested 10 ways in which Grey's Anatomy could kill off troublesome actress Katherine Heigl's character Dr. Isobel Stevens. The beautiful star of Knocked Up and 27 Dresses annoyed the show's staff by withdrawing from Emmy consideration last month, later saying she hadn't been given the "material" to warrant a nomination. And while the show's producers denied it, there were whispers that Izzie's end might soon be near.

Of course, we were kind of joking about the whole thing. But now there's word that creator Shonda Rhimes may have actually decided on a method of (possibly) getting rid of the perky underwear model-turned-surgeon. And it's... a brain tumor. (We know -- that's nowhere near as funny as our suggestions.)

According to US Weekly, the show may write the illness into next season's plot line, leaving it up in the air whether or not Izzie survives. "Shonda and the writers are pissed at her,” the source tells US. “It’s their way of screwing with her. She won’t know whether she’s going to live or die.”

Best of all, this will allow the show to bring back actor Jeffrey Dean Morgan in the role of Denny Duquette, the heart patient Izzie fell for -- and whose demise she may have hastened in an attempt to move him up on the transplant list, making her the worst doctor in the world. Izzie will interact with Denny in tumor-induced visions, kind of the same way the guy on Eli Stone keeps running into George Michael. The magazine says that ABC has confirmed that Morgan will be returning to the show.

We did get one thing right.... Another source tells the magazine that if this storyline happens, Heigl will finally have some Emmy-worthy material. Hope she remembers to submit her name this time around!

Photo: ABC

Previously:
Top 10 Ways Grey's Anatomy Should Kill Off Izzie

Ellen And Portia Show Off Engagement Ring, Hint At Date At Daytime Emmys

Bryan Christian — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 14:26:00 GMT

Congratulations to Ellen DeGeneres and Portia di Rossi, who are sporting a little engagement hardware -- and who are headed down the aisle very soon. The date isn't being released yet, but have no fear: the ceremony will be televised on Ellen's daytime talk show. Congrats kids, all the best.

(Oh, and Ellen won another Emmy. We love weddings!)

Ellen Gives Portia Pink Diamonds for 'Dream Wedding' [People Magazine]

Katherine Heigl Drops Out of the Emmy Race?

Emily Farris — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 14:46:00 GMT

Grey's Anatomy star Katherine Heigl — who won a best supporting actress Emmy last year for her role as Izzy Stevens on the show — has greatly decreased her chances of winning one this year by, uh, removing herself from the race completely. And it appears to be a big "fuck you" to the writers.