The Remote Island : Friends

Everybody Wants Their Baby To Have The Same Name As Jennifer Aniston's TV Baby

Jake Kalish — Mon, 11 May 2009 18:22:00 GMT

The most popular girl's baby name in the United States in 2008 is Emma.

"Why you write this in TV blog, fool?"

Good question, if rudely asked. Because Emma first broke into the top 10 of baby names in 2002 - the same year Rachel of Friends gave her baby with Ross that very name. This televising box, it is influential. As is the large screen. The fourth most popular girl's name is Madison - which first took off when undercover mermaid Daryl Hannah named herself Madison after looking up at a Madison Avenue street sign in Splash.

The irony in all this, of course, is that while Jennifer Aniston has had an indirect hand in naming America's daughters, she hasn't got preggers herself, much to our amazement and fascination. This from Saturday's Vancouver Sun :

Suffice to say that as Hollywood goes, so goes the Octomom, and other star-struck parents-to-be who take their social cues from pop culture.

Which brings us to Jennifer Aniston, surely the most famous poster girl of biological clock syndrome. Single and just turned 40, she is no longer the fresh-faced Friends actress but apparently a piteous spinster who can’t find Mr. Right and yearns for a child. MOM AT LAST! screams the cover of this week’s Star magazine, and inside, an “exclusive” about Aniston’s pending adoption of a baby boy, and her $250,000 nursery.

There was a time when a woman like Aniston, arriving too late to motherhood, would have accepted that fate and moved on.

Welcome to the new nativity.

PREVIOUSLY:

Congratulations, Chyler Leigh!

Jennifer Aniston Wants David Schwimmer's Sperm?

Jennifer Aniston Can't Stop Getting Naked [PHOTO]

Jennifer Aniston Hijacks Jimmy Fallon's "Late Night" Desk [VIDEO]

Jennifer Aniston Can't Stop Getting Naked [PHOTO]

Lindy Parker — Wed, 06 May 2009 16:30:00 GMT

It's true, Jennifer Aniston has had a difficult couple of years in the press, who, for whatever reason, can't seem to stop telling everyone about the many ways in which she's lonely and desperate to have a baby. But, as the saying goes, when life sends you lemons, make lemonade -- or take every opportunity to get naked and show everyone how smoking hot you are. In doing so, not only will you heap burning coals (fueled by the fires of your hotness) on the heads of your critics, but it's also more badass and artful than wearing a sign that says, "Desperate this."

Case in point: J. Aniston's revealing new photo shoot for Smart Water...

Photos: Us Weekly

Previously:

Jennifer Aniston Wants David Schwimmer's Sperm?

Jennifer Aniston Gets Naked For GQ!

Jennifer Aniston Wants To Be A Bond Girl

Jennifer Aniston Saves Phone Messages From Her Exes

Happy Birthday Jennifer Aniston!

Jennifer Aniston Wants David Schwimmer's Sperm?

Olivia Purnell — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 19:00:00 GMT

Ross and Rachel? For Real?

Well there are a few convenient rumors that Jen and David might soon become more than friends:

Jennifer is currently filming The Baster - a movie about a unmarried 40-year-old woman who wants a baby so she turns to artificial insemination to get pregnant (the story of Jen’s life?) - and it’s making Aniston’s yearning to be a mother that much stronger.

A pal said, “Jen’s been telling everyone on the set this film should be promoted as the story of her life. But the real shocker is that she says her top candidate for artificial insemination is David Schwimmer!”

This isn't real, right? Cause, obviously, it's probably unwise to make a baby as part of the promotion of your latest film, especially a film called The Baster. Yuck. But now, because of these taudry rumors we've actually heard of a little movie called we-refuse-to-type-that-name-again.

And now, conveniently, Jen can spend her press time righteously dismissing these rumors as silly and juvenille and we'll probably write about that too. Ulgh, we hate being Jen's little pawn. But we just can't help ourselves. Now we're thinking about it. The idea of it. The two of them baby-inseminating . . .

Their Friends characters had television's most annoying relationship. Would they spawn Hollywood's most annoying child as well? Would they go with a crazy celebrity baby name, like Poncho, or Cheddar? Would they force poor Cheddar to watch all 10 seasons of Friends to see how Mommy and Daddy met?

Ross and Rachel. Jennifer and David. Should we call them Jennivid? Or Rossifer? oooh Drossifer Green.

Oh, dear God, help us.

(famecrawler.com)

Previously:

Jennifer Aniston Wants To Be A Bond Girl

Jennifer Aniston Saves Phone Messages From Her Exes

Happy Birthday Jennifer Aniston!

Today in Baseless Rumors: Matthew Perry on the "Lost" Finale?

Lindy Parker — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 22:00:00 GMT

Okay, really? Can this possibly be true? It's not that we're against the idea of Matthew Perry on Lost -- we've always sort of liked him, after all -- but rather that it's hard to imagine him actually getting the invite to the island. Still stranger things have happened. We're going to do some investigating...

Remember a couple weeks back when Matthew Perry (of "Friends" fame, in case you've forgotten) announced his burning desire to return to TV as a character on "Lost"?
Well, apparently, Hollywood website IMDb.com -- a site many industry types use as a resource fairly often -- has decided to grant Matthew's wish, giving him a role in "Lost"'s two-part season finale. Credited as "George Hobbes" in "The Incident" parts 1 and 2, if the casting is correct, Chandler Bing and Jacob just might be one in the same. (Zap2It)

Wow, is that all it takes for a former Friend to get a gig on his favorite TV show? Just say the word, and imdb.com does the rest? Is imdb.com the Field of Dreams of television casting -- "if we publish it they will cast?" Jennifer Aniston on Heroes? Absolutely. David Schwimmer on Bones? Sure why not.

Previously:

"Lost": We're So Over Ben

"Lost": This Is Not Back To The Future

"Lost": Rundown of Theories Regarding The Fate Of Ben Linus Neglects One -- Ours

Showtime Rejects "The L Word" Women's Prison Spinoff - And Matthew Perry Can't Get A Showtime Show, Either

Showtime Picks Up Matthew Perry's "End of Steve"

Jennifer Aniston Saves Phone Messages From Her Exes

Jake Kalish — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 15:27:00 GMT

Awww...

Jennifer Aniston told Marie Claire she keeps the phone messages from her former lovers, including ex-hubby Brad Pitt:

I still have the cassette tapes of messages from my first boyfriend, my second boyfriend, my husband . . . It's like saving love letters.

Is it any wonder Jennifer Aniston is America's Sweetheart? Barack Obama should issue an executive order that Jennifer Aniston must be married and impregnated in 2009. There'd only be about 100 million men lining up.

PREVIOUSLY:

Jennifer Aniston Thinks She's Happy But She's Wrong

Why Didn't Anyone Tell Us Jennifer Aniston Was Looking For A Man?

Jennifer Aniston Gets Naked For GQ!

Enough Aniston?

John Mayer's Variety Show Is Really Happening, On CBS

Jake Kalish — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 14:30:00 GMT

15 minutes of musical performances, 15 minutes of sketch comedy, and a half-hour of John Mayer giving America his sex look...

CBS has greenlighted John Mayer's variety show, despite the stinkbomb that was Rosie O'Donnell's variety show, which a whole bunch of freaking-out critics, including one smug douche from Vanity Fair, declared would end variety shows forever. Surprise! Another variety show, courtesy of Aniston's bf. We're rooting for the success of Mayer's show just to shut all the Rosie-haters up, although Mayer's explanation of the reasoning behind the show was itself a little douche-y:

I want to return talent to television...I want a show that rewards true talent.

Return talent to television, huh? Great idea. Did all the talent on television evaporate when Rachel and her Friends left the airwaves? Anyway, we'll check out Mayer's show, and hope it'll be better than his blog, which, for the past month and a half, seems to be entirely devoted to baking...

PREVIOUSLY:

Jennifer Aniston Thinks She's Happy But She's Wrong

Everybody Stop Poicking On Rosie O'Donnell (Particularly Vanity Fair)

Jack Black Spends the Super Bowl in "The Office"

Lindy Parker — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 17:31:00 GMT

We've had a pretty good time with post-Super Bowl TV in the past haven't we? Remember when Julia Roberts stole Chandler's clothes and left him naked in the bathroom stall while Rachel and Monica were making out with Jean-Claude Van Damme? Or perhaps the time when George fantasized he was showering en masse with Meredith, Izzie and Christina? Well, in the grand tradition of stacking the sports frenzy aftermath with celebrity guest stars to keep people watching after the game rather than passing out in a beer-and-wings coma, Jack Black will pay a visit to the The Office for this year's post-Super Bowl must see TV...

The hitcom's producers are keeping the specifics of Black's stint under lock and key, but a just-released NBC press release says this of his role: "Some of the office workers try to secretly watch a bootlegged Hollywood movie during the workday. The movie stars Jack Black and other notable Hollywood actors." (Entertainment Weekly)

We imagine it will be funny, but it'd be hard to top this:

Enough Aniston?

Olivia Purnell — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 20:00:00 GMT

Some people have had enough Jennifer Aniston. We don’t know. . . We’re kind of into the whole neck-tie as loungewear look above. And the sprawled half-naked man sitch isn’t bad either.

Jessica over at Jezebel.com is over it. She wants Jenny to stop it with the “snarking” about her ex-hubby, “the freaking gorgeous perfect earth mama he left you for,” and “their passel of brats.” In a little note to Jen, Jessica says:

You're a sexy, vibrant, multimillionaire. You don't need to strip down to your skivvies and dish about your ex-husband or take on lame, jumped-the-shark roles because you think they're "hot." Just hang out on the beach with Jon Mayer and smoke some weed and stop worrying so much about controlling what the tabloids say about you. You'll probably be a lot happier (jezebel.com).

Valid point Jess. Public bitterness is never cute. But we’re willing to forgive. Call us old fashioned, but nudity and a neck-tie win us over everytime.

Jennifer Aniston Gets Naked For GQ!

Olivia Purnell — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 17:30:00 GMT

America’s sweetheart sat down with GQ for the January cover interview. And the former Friend had some things to get off her chest. Then she had some clothes to get off her chest.

Oooooooh Jenny!

Check out the resulting cover photo and sassy commentary after the jump.

That is one lucky necktie.

But she doesn’t just look good, she’s got a mouth on her too. Jennifer makes fun of her own “uncool” comments about her ex and his babymama, the ubiquitous Brangelina:

"The funny thing is, people don't realize we all go away to The Hamptons on the weekends," jokes Aniston. "That'd be hysterical: I've got Zahara on my hip, and Knox..." (people.com).

Ha! That’s funny. No really, we got a good giggle out of that one. Jenny pulling a Bruce and Demi with Angie Brad and their 19 children, that’s a funny image.

Wake Up And Smile: The NBC Christmas Party Just Got A Little Cheaper

Bryan Christian — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 14:25:00 GMT

NBC dropped not one but two shows yesterday, but we can't help but think that the attention the cancellations got was bigger than the shows ever were. Why would that be...? PLUS: Monty Python's most famous bit is more historic-al than you think, Showtime and Stan Lee get together for... well, you'll just have to see, someone on 90210's days may be numbered, and finally, someone's starting to lay the blame on the new recession at the fatcats who really deserve it: fictional relatives on Must-See-TV.

-- Is it just us or did it seem like all the hubbub yesterday about NBC cancelling My Own Worst Enemy and Lipstick Jungle had less to do about the actual presence of either of those shows in the collective psychology -- and more to do with the collective schadenfreude that perpetually surrounds Ben Silverman these days.

-- Historians have located a jokebook from Ancient Greece that contains a gag that's sort of similar to Monty Python's legendary Dead Parrot Sketch. Number one: this is news? Number two: No, this doesn't make it OK, Mencia.

-- Showtime's gonna have a show about a gay superhero -- Whaaaa? -- and it's gonna be executive produced by Stan Lee -- WHAAAA??? We can only hope this Lee brings the same delicate sensibility to the plight of gays (super or no) that he did to that of strippers.

-- Rumor is the new 90210 is gonna accomplish something that the viewing audience has mostly wanted to do since 1992 -- ~~get Jennie Garth naked~~ kill Brenda Walsh.

-- TV Squad has a weird and wonderful -- if slightly overlong -- theory on what caused the economic downturn, and it ain't a credit crunch or inflated real estate values. They're blaming Ross and Monica's aunt for letting them have that amazing apartment. Hmmm... now it makes sense that their aunt was played by Alan Greenspan, huh?

Showtime Picks Up Matthew Perry's "End of Steve"

Lindy Parker — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 20:20:00 GMT

We've always liked Matthew Perry -- he was our favorite friend, and a pretty good sport when it came explain his drug addiction on talk shows, so we're happy to hear that Showtime has officially picked up Perry's latest comedic endeavor, The End of Steve, about a daytime talk show host in search of personal fulfillment. Hopefully, this one will stick around longer than Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip (we miss you, Bradley Whitford).

18 "Memorable TV Moments" That The Emmy People Missed

Bryan Christian — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 14:31:00 GMT

Dear Emmys People,

Hi guys. Listen, we know that you're really busy ignoring The Wire and all, but we here at The Remote Island have a bone to pick with you. What's up with those "memorable TV moments" you got us all voting on? Not to put too fine a point on it, but we don't actually remember that many of them. And some of them aren't even moments; they're just, like, parts of important episodes.

So, we cooked up a list of our own most memorable moments that we think should have been included for voting. Have a look, let us know what you think. Maybe you could even vote on your favorite!

Oh, and not that they're in any particular order or anything -- but number one is totally "Mahna Mahna."

Better luck next time!

Cheers,
Yr pals at The Remote Island

Mahna Mahna

Reverend Jim takes his driving test on Taxi

The bomb goes off in The Day After

The end of Star Trek: The Next Generation

The confrontation between Chandler and Phoebe in "The One Where Everyone finds Out" where Phoebe knows that Chandler and Monica are hooking up and Chandler and Monica know that she knows and Phoebe knows that they know that she knows and so Chandler and Phoebe act like they wanna have sex with each other to see who'll crack first

Homer falls down Springfield Gorge. Twice.

Stringer Bell meets Omar and Brother Mouzone on The Wire

Gus McCrea buys the farm on Lonesome Dove

The lizard alien reveal in V

Ellen comes out

Elvis Costello bails on "Less Than Zero" and launches into "Radio, Radio" live on SNL

Jessie's drug freakout in Saved by the Bell

the Moldavian massacre on Dynasty

Arnold Drummond ditches his best friend alone with a child molester on Diff'rent Strokes

Agent Dale Cooper's Dream on Twin Peaks

Sam and Diane say goodbye

Beatles on Sullivan. Duh.

Luke rapes Laura on a dance floor on General Hospital

PREVIOUSLY:
Emmy Wants You To Pick The Most Memorable Moments In TV History
What Did We Think Of The Emmy Nominations?

The Weekly Rewind: We Want Our Fun TV

Ben Kallen — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 21:35:00 GMT

The Olympics are coming to an end, and the new TV season hasn't started yet. What the heck can we do with all that extra free time? Maybe we should just sit back, relax, and spend it on the highlights of the week:

We learned that George and Izzie are TV's most annoying couple, but then we remembered Ross and Rachel.

We were alternately thrilled and disappointed by Michael Phelps, and Bigfoot.

We heard Hurley sing, and it was awesome.

We remembered the most terrible game shows of all time, and it kind of made us want to watch them again. But the most memorable moments in TV history? Eh, seen 'em.

We heard that Kelly Bundy's just fine, and that made us happy.

We saw what The Bachelor's ex Shayne Lamas is like at a party, and it's pretty much what we figured.

We discovered that many TV stars don't watch TV, because they're too busy sipping expensive champagne with fashion models.

We figured out how to get MTV's original stars cable-ready again.

We wondered why this statue of Fonzie looks so much like Christopher Walken.

We learned why Canadians think the beaver is a proud and noble animal.

We learned who might be on Dancing With the Stars this season, and hoped Kim Kardashian wouldn't have center-of-gravity issues.

We discovered that the Internet is nothing but a gathering place for Knight Rider and Baywatch fanatics. But then, we knew that already.

Previously:
The Weekly Rewind: The Thrill of Victory, The Agony of TV

TV Guide's Most Annoying Couples: Hey, You Missed One!

Ben Kallen — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 16:28:00 GMT

The latest issue of TV Guide contains an interesting list of the "Top 10 Most Annoying TV Couples." For the most part, we're down with their choices, which are as follows:

10. Rob & Amber, Survivor
9. Sara & Grissom, CSI
8. Ryan & Marissa, The O.C.
7. Trista & Ryan, The Bachelorette
6. Kate & Jack, Lost
5. Billy & Alison, Melrose Place
4. Clark & Lana, Smallville
3. Boris & Natasha, The Bullwinkle Show
2. Tom & Lynette, Desperate Housewives
1. "Gizzie" (George & Izzie), Grey's Anatomy

Sure, these are all pretty annoying. (Except maybe Boris and Natasha -- they may be outdated Cold War stereotypes, but we've got nothing against 'em.) George and Izzie, in particular, were the most nausea-inducing pairing since wine and asparagus, and they almost brought all of Grey's Anatomy crashing down with them.

And yet the magazine completely missed one pair, which we consider to be the most egregious example of all. Here's our choice of the decade's most annoying TV lovebirds:

Yes, it's (ugh) Ross and Rachel. When the producers of Friends decided this soulful nerd and recovering princess were made for each other, they couldn't possibly have imagined the tortures the couple (and the audience) would go through before their long-awaited, completely tacked-on "happy ending."

Separately, they were both likeable characters. Together? He was no picnic, but she was just awful. Here's what their relationship looked like, season after endless season: They'd fall in love and seem happy. Then she would always find a reason, sometimes good, sometimes not, to break up with him. Ross would fall into a deep depression, until finally, after some time, he'd meet someone new and seem happy again. Right at that point, Rachel would decide she still had "feelings" for him, and make sure he broke up with the new woman. (Wasn't it fun when she surprised him at his wedding and he blurted out her name, thus humiliating his bride's entire family?) And then the whole stupid cycle would start all over again.

Even worse, these immature jerks went and had a child together. Not that it helped their relationship any, seeing how she accepted what she thought was a marriage proposal from Joey just hours after giving birth to Ross' baby. Or how she barely thought twice about taking a job in Paris, almost completely removing the young child from its father's life. When she decided not to go, of course, it wasn't because either of them were considering little Emma, but because the audience demanded that they get back together before the show went off the air. We imagine that by now, a few years later, they would be divorcing for the third time, and Emma would be well on her way to becoming a teenage alcoholic.

Now, Monica and Chandler, that was a pair. They were funny together and had complementary neuroses, and they just about always supported one another, the way a couple should. Unfortunately, by the time the writers thought of putting them together, it was too late to do anything about their idiot friends.

So good riddance, Ross and Rachel. You were far worse than even George and Izzie, in every way but one: At least you weren't doctors.

Photos: ABC, NBC

Previously:
Top 10 Ways Gray's Anatomy Should Kill Off Izzie

Phew! Friends Movie Not a Go

Remake Me Over: We Make Old MTV Stars MTV-Friendly Again

Teri Garr Is Not a Ditz

Ben Kallen — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 19:35:00 GMT

The Onion AV. Club has a terrific interview with one of our favorite actresses ever, Teri Garr. Although best-known for movies such as Tootsie, Young Frankenstein and Close Encounters of the Third Kind, she also has a long history on TV: as the only other female star on The Sonny and Cher Comedy Hour, as a miniskirted genius on the hippest-ever episode of Star Trek (from which the above still was taken), as Phoebe's mom on Friends, and, of course, as one of David Letterman's most frequent early guests (see the video below).

We strongly recommend that you read the whole interview. But in the meantime, here's Garr discussing why she isn't actually a ditz, although she sometimes played one on TV:

AVC: Do you think you helped pave the way for actresses like Lisa Kudrow?

TG: No! And I never could figure it out, and neither could she. When I played her mother on [Friends], they cast me because they thought we were so much alike. And she said, "Do you think we're alike?" And I said, "Not at all." "I don't either." I don't like that when they say, "You and her are both ditzes."

AVC: You hate that word?

TG: Yeah!

AVC: What's a better word?

TG: "Refreshingly intelligent."

AVC: Well, at least you're usually a ditz who's smarter than she lets on.

TG: Steven Spielberg always said, "To play the dumb blonde, you have to be really smart. Except in your case." One of his goddamn jokes. Bastard.

AVC: You have, apparently, inspired at least some of the current crop of female comics. There's a quote from Tina Fey in a recent Entertainment Weekly on being a "real woman in Hollywood" —

TG: Oh, I heard about this, but I never saw it! Will you read it to me?

AVC: She said, "The person I always think of is Teri Garr. There was a time when Teri Garr was in everything. She was adorable, but also very real. Her body was real, her teeth were real, and you thought that she could be your friend."

TG: Awww. Wow!

AVC: So now do you think you've had a hand in paving the way for a new generation of female comics?

TG: God, I wish! No, I think it's still the same old story. They're still looking for tits and ass. But if you can communicate something, then it's worth being "real."

Below, a skit from one of Garr's many Letterman appearances:

Previously:
Phew! Friends Movie Not a Go

Phew! "Friends" Movie Not a Go

Ben Kallen — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 13:34:00 GMT

Last week, we reported on rumors that a movie version of Friends was under consideration.

Well, it ain't happening. Warner Bros.' U.K. director of publicity, Jane Trotman, has released a statement saying there's "no truth in the story." For good measure, publicists for Courteney Cox and Matthew Perry also issued denials.

So rest easy, sitcom fans. It turns out that no one is going to force you to see how your favorite group of carefree twentysomethings would have fared as Botoxed 40-year-olds, still hanging out in a coffeehouse and squabbling about who did what when they were "on a break."

Still, we wouldn't mind knowing what happened to the monkey.

Previously:
Straight From Video: Friends Movie in the Works

Straight From Video: "Friends" Movie In The Works

Bryan Christian — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 13:22:00 GMT

News today that out in Hollywood, they've decided that they want to put the movies "in second gear," ha ha, as plans to JESUS CHRIST WE CAN'T GO THROUGH WITH THIS STOP THE MADNESS FOR CHRISSAKES PLEASE DON'T GO THROUGH WITH THIS!!!!! GSJAHGHhjkl lhlhl khfhfl HLhlhal hllmn,m,,,,,,......

Woah, what happened? Hang on, there's a Friends movie in the works?

JESUS CHRIST PEOPLE DON'T YOU SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING TO THIS COUNTRY?!?!?!?!?!?????????????

Report: 'Friends' movie in the works [NY Daily News]