The Remote Island : High School Musical

"SNL": Zac Efron Drops The Ball For Pretty Boys Everywhere [VIDEO]

Lindy Parker — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 15:00:00 GMT

The thing is, even though Zac Efron's hosting gig on SNL was decidedly unfunny, part of us wants to give him a pass -- Can we really expect a person that pretty to bring the funny as well? Isn't it enough for them to rest on their pretty laurels and let us admire them? But, then we think, by golly, if Justin Timberlake has accomplished anything in this life, it's proving that pretty boys can do more than Paul Walker it when it comes to Saturday Night Live.

We're not saying every sketch has to be "Dick in a Box," but the fact remains that the bar has been raised, and Efron's got some work to do. His opening monologue, thanking tweens for his worldwide success, was delivered with much half-smiling, and two-fingered sweeping of his own bangs. The underage drinking sketch was bland and forgettable. The real low point was a high school science fair sketch in which his German accent sounded like a cross between Arnold Schwarzenegger and Gandalf. Even the predictable HSM spoof fell flat. By the time the Yeah Yeah Yeahs were introduced we were wishing Alec Baldwin had gone for number 15...

Opening Monologue -- why is he using a PSA voice?

HSM Spoof -- In fairness, the Ms. Darbus was rock solid...

Underage Drinking -- just why?...

Hideous German Accent -- in the interest of full disclosure, the phrase "nervous toot" did make us chuckle...

Previously:

Zac Efron Now Hates Musicals

Photo of the Day: Zac Efron, Down and Dirrty

Separated at Birth: Zac Efron and the Teenage Bruce Willis

Today in TMI: Zac Efron (and His Mom) Love a Condom

Photo of the Day: Zac Efron, Down and Dirrty

Lindy Parker — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 15:00:00 GMT

This is our month to be skeeved out by Zac Efron and his ever-increasing greasiness. First, his mom's buying him mammoth amounts of condoms, now he's romping in the dirt and posing for pictures with naked girls...

We just want to say for the record that we LOVE Interview Magazine with a limitless and unceasing passion, and actually we kind of dig this photo too -- there's just something about Zac Efron and his infancy that still gives us pause. Are we the only ones who have a hard time picturing him doing anything sexier than dancing around in a Chachi Arcola leg bandana? And more importantly, who is this naked girl straddling Z.Ef in the mud?

The lucky gal is 20-year-old Lithuanian model Edita Vilkeviciute. Just before they started to get dirty, Vilkeviciute admitted to the High School Musical golden boy she didn't know who he was. "Since I've never watched American television, I didn't understand until everyone started asking me to get his autograph," she tells writer Leila Brillson.
But then Mr. Efron had something to share, too. "Zac finally admitted to me that this was his first real fashion shoot," Vilkeviciute says. "So we both got to relax." (E! Online)

We can't help it, there's something about the way E! Online says "Mr. Efron" that has us newly creeped out. What do you think? Is the photo sexy or skeevy? Feel free to weigh in below...

Previously:

Separated at Birth: Zac Efron and the Teenage Bruce Willis

Today in TMI: Zac Efron (and His Mom) Love a Condom

Zac Efron: Really? Star of the Year?

Could Drake Bell Be the Next Zac Efron?

MTV Makes "Ground-Breaking" Foray Into Scripted Shows With "HSM" Parody

Lindy Parker — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 20:30:00 GMT

After nearly a decade of an MTV programming lineup that was chock-a-block full of every conceivable kind of reality show ranging from the unsettling (My Super Sweet Sixteen) to the uwatchable (Next, Parental Control) to the oddly satisfying and underappreciated (Fast Inc.), the cable network has announced plans to take a wacky step and produce scripted shows.

“We’re going to apply the same tenets of creativity and genre-busting to scripted comedy that ‘Laguna Beach’ used to makeover the documentary,” said MTV head of programming Tony DiSanto. “It makes sense as a progression for us when a lot of our shows like ‘Run’s House’ and ‘The Hills’ look scripted to start going forward with actual scripted shows.” (Live Feed)

There are so many weird things about this quote, it's hard to know where to begin. First of all, why is he acting like MTV has never produced scripted shows before -- Undressed, anyone? Second, is Laguna Beach really genre-busting? Third, the idea that The Hills and Run's House paved the way for whatever MTV has on the agenda doesn't bode well for the future.

Nevertheless, MTV's first forray into the allegedly uncharted waters of scripted comedy is a High School Musical spoof based on the online series Private High Musical...

Does it make us painfully un-fun to admit that we have a limited tolerance for pot jokes? We've got Half-baked -- we're good, no? Quota filled. Regardless, we can't say we'll be sorry to see less reality television on the MTV lineup, so while we're not quite buying it as a "new" idea, we feel like it's a step in the right direction.

Today in TMI: Zac Efron (and His Mom) Love a Condom

Lindy Parker — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 19:04:00 GMT

You know when you hear something that freaks you out, and yet, you feel almost irresistibly compelled to tell everyone else you know, just so you're not the only one who has to carry that particular mental image through your day? Just a heads up, that's what's happening here.

Here's a quote we could've gone our whole lives without hearing from High School Musical star, Zac Efron: "[My mom]'s like, 'I knew you were being sexual!' But she understood. My stocking was full of condoms this Christmas. She buys me the economy box." (Us Magazine)

We don't know about you, but we're not sure what skeeves us out more: the image of Zac Efron's mom buying her adult son an economy size box of condoms, the fact that he felt comfortable sharing that information with the world at large, or that, against our will, the phrase "economy box" has us picturing Zac and V. Hudge going at like rabbits 24/7. All we can say is, thank god he refrained from emphasizing what size condoms they were. We can't handle talk of barely legal penis size. We just can't.

Stay Classyfied: Are You America's Oldest, Creepiest Teeny Bopper?

Jake Kalish — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 15:40:00 GMT

Do you idolize Miley Cyrus, Robert Pattinson, and Zac Efron, despite being waaaayyyy too old to do so? Then there's a NATIONAL TV SHOW just waiting on Craiglist for you!

Nat’l TV Show: Are you America’s biggest ADULT teeny bopper! (NY)

Reply to: job-1038818586@craigslist.org ^[?]
Date: 2009-02-17, 4:01PM EST

Nat’l TV Show: Are you America’s biggest ADULT teeny bopper!

Are you a mom that can’t get enough of your teens entertainment? Do you love Hannah Montana more than your kids? Are you a teeny booper for the Jonas Brothers? Have you read all of the Twilight books and have seen the movie more than once? Did you buy the High School Musical movies…and you don’t even have kids?

If you’re an adult “teeny bopper” then a NATIONAL TV SHOW wants to hear your story! Please include your contact info.

Location: NY
Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
Please, no phone calls about this job!
Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

PostingID: 1038818586

PREVIOUSLY:

Dolly Parton Snubbed By "Hannah Montana"?

Miley Cyrus Can't Stop Apologizing

Oscars Lure Tweens With Robert Pattinson and Zac Efron

Why Are The "HSM" Girls Dressed Like Thrift Store Brides?

Is "Spectacular" the Next "High School Musical"

Lindy Parker — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 17:00:00 GMT

We think our record shows that we don't really need a reason to get excited about another made-for cable, singing, dancing teen-fest. Nickelodeon's latest contribution on the altar of Fame is Spectacular! which, we're sure, will be a hard-hitting look at the treacherous landscape of teen showbiz.

Trust us, here's the preview...

Pro/Con List for Spectacular! as the next High School Musical (read: our newest obsession)...

Pro: The male lead has the too-good-to-be-true name of Nolan Gerard Funk.

Con: They couldn't come up with a better title than "Spectacular?"

Pro: Yay, breakdancing!

Con: The cow-skin vests could be a ominous metaphor for all the ways in which Spectacular! reaches for the campy glory of HSM and falls short.

Pro: The preview seems to promise a song-and-dance finale in which the formerly ragtag ensemble rallies for a showstopping payoff -- not unlike Sister Act II in that way (or possibly Bring It On).

Con: We fear the music doesn't quite strike the right "so bad it's good" note necessary for our overall enjoyment.

Pro: At least at first glance, the vocal talent on Spectacular seems to be a cut above the HSM standard (sorry, Efron)...

Previously:

Our Trip To High School Musical 3

Vanessa Hudgens Goes Werewolf for the Twilight Movies?

Lindy Parker — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 20:00:00 GMT

Here's the thing about the Twilight movie, we enjoyed the books as much as the next person, but the movie left a little to be desired (Nikki Reed's ill-advised hair extensions, the vaguely rainbow-trout quality to the luminescent vampire skin). Regardless, given our obsession with the High School Musical frenzy, we couldn't be more thrilled to hear our girl Vanessa Hudgens is thinking of jumping on board the Twilight train...

Could we be seeing Vanessa Hudgens donning fangs and a hairy costume to play a werewolf in the next Twilight film? In unconfirmed reports, Entertainment Weekly says that the High School Musical star has auditioned for the role of disgruntled werewolf Leah Clearwater in the forthcoming Twilight sequel, New Moon. (metro.co.uk)

Granted, it's not exactly a signed contract, but still, Vanessa Hudgens as teenage werewolf? Hi-larious. Now if they could just find a part for Zac Efron.

Why Are The "HSM" Girls Dressed Like Thrift Store Brides?

Lindy Parker — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 20:20:00 GMT

Okay, we're just going to say it: we're a lot weirded out by this picture. Why are V. Hudge and T.Dale perched on Zac Efron, looking like a trio of Disney Channel polygamists? Or possibly like oversized toddlers festooned to re-enact scenes from Big Love. Perhaps it's the ill-fitting nature of both of these bride-y garments that puts us in mind of a dress up box. A dress up box in Utah. We are perplexed.

Zac Efron: Really? Star of the Year?

Lindy Parker — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 21:30:00 GMT

Listen, it's not like we hate Zac Efron. Sure, the overly disheveled hair gives us pause, but, you know, mostly we feel like he's harmless. But Us Weekly's star of the year? Has he done anything this year besides High School Musical 3 and the movie version of Hairspray? Granted we're not actually sure what criterion Us Weekly uses to determine star of the year -- is it a tabloid thing? The most pictures in Disney Channel Magazine? Most ridiculous abs west of the Mississippi? (Okay, we felt a little cougar-ish on that last one)...

For the record, we're not here to begrudge anyone success, we're just saying if we were forced to pick a celebrity that might be an alien using extraterrestrial mind-control to propel their earthly popularity, Efron would be right behind Tom Cruise on our list of suspects. Maybe that's why Tom's so quick to offer up advice to the HSM stars? Uh huh. Yeah. Just put that in your pipe...

The Weekly Rewind: Everyone's a Comedian

Ben Kallen — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 21:40:00 GMT

The comedians made fun of the candidates, the candidates went on comedy shows, and everyone seemed to think that being serious was the same as raising taxes. Meanwhile, the new TV season was still going strong, except that maybe nobody was watching. We'll try to make sense of it all -- and be funny! -- as we bring you the highlights of the week.

We decided that whoever wins the popular vote, comedy will take the election. We were hoping for a late-night foursome, but still enjoyed seeing John McCain finally make it to Dave Letterman's comedy hot seat. We enjoyed the debate, but were a little disappointed by the inevitable follow-up spoof on Saturday Night Live. We watched as Tina Fey tried to beg off impersonating Sarah Palin, but she couldn't help telling Dave how she does it. And it didn't matter, because Sarah Palin's coming to SNL herself -- and she'll probably take over 30 Rock next.

We were surprised when Mark Wahlberg lost his sense of humor entirely. But we had to admit, that was kinda funny, too.

We read all about Maureen McCormick's life of sex, drugs and Marcia Brady. Then we heard her talk about it, and, wow. Just wow.

But while Marcia got Davy Jones to come to her prom, the High School Musical kids had to settle for Tom Cruise.

We were happy that the fashion world agrees with our passion for Mad Men's curvy dynamo Christina Henricks. But we worried about the show itself.

We noticed that The Profiler still cuts a great profile. And Lisa Bonet made us think of a pun that we'll keep to ourselves.

Despite the fact that 15-year-old Gossip Girl star Taylor Momsen seems defensive about her weight and still dresses like a 30-year-old model for Mode magazine, we decided she's probably better-adjusted than we are. As for 15-year-old Miley Cyrus, we're not so sure.

And George Hamilton's tale of 12-year-old stepmother sex? That was some time ago, but yikes.

We saw photos of some kids playing Star Trek, and hoped the actual movie would look a lot better.

We saw Cinemax's new zilly, zmutty zex-fest, and decided that literary porn is just like regular porn, but boring.

We thought it was cute that the stars of Gossip Girl think we care what they think.

We heard Blake Lewis deliver a smackdown on American Idol. (Remember? He was that beatbox guy? With the vests?)

And we saw Paris in London, but couldn't figure out how to get them to keep her.

Previously:
The Weekly Rewind: Like Kissing Your Sister

Tom Cruise Takes The "HSM" Kids Under His Wing

Lindy Parker — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 16:20:00 GMT

As she gears up for the theater release of the Disney Channel cash cow High School Musical 3: Senior Year, Vanessa Hudgens is taking all the advice she can get about life in the limelight -- and who better to dole out sympathetic counsel on navigating the treacherous waters of superstardom than Tom Cruise?

Tom's pearls of wisdom?

"Tom was so sweet and such a nice guy," Vanessa told Access Hollywood. "Just telling me there isn't much that you can do. [Fame's] just part of your life now, so you have to accept it. He is an amazing guy and I look up to him." Vanessa also got to meet Tom's better half, Katie Holmes. "I was at a Spice Girls concert because Victoria invited me and Suri, Kate and Tom walk in ... and I got to talk to them, they are all really great people." -- In Touch

Our roommate's reaction: "Weeeeeird. Weird. Weird. Weird. All around."

We kind of agree. We guess it's nice that he's putting himself out there to mentor those young and impressionable in the ways of the celebrity circus, but honestly, would you really want to take advice from someone who's gotten as all around bizarre as he has? Also, is it us or are his teeth slightly off-center?

Remake Me Over: We Make Old MTV Stars MTV-Friendly Again

Ben Kallen — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 19:45:00 GMT

Over at Defamer.com, there's a great article about how stars who used to define MTV wouldn't even be allowed on the network these days, since its programming has been pretty much completely turned over to the tastes of "reality"-loving 14-year-old girls.

But here at The Remote Island, we don't think anyone should give up so easily! In true spunky-TV-character fashion, we're ready to give some of those early shows a makeover that would let them survive and even thrive in today's modern basic-cable environment. Have a look:

1. Daria. The problem: The animated Beavis and Butt-Head spinoff's main character is a dumpy, intellectual outcast who wouldn't be willing to make out with other girls.

Our remake: The Quinn Show! Daria's little sister, who was considered nothing but an annoyance on the original series, is everything a Hills-era MTV character should be: attractive, vapid, materialistic, boy-crazy, and willing to do anything to climb a meaningless social ladder. Just make Quinn the star of the show, and send Daria off to Swarthmore or Celebrity Rehab or something. Really, it's amazing nobody has thought of this already.

2. Just Say Julie. The problem: According to Defamer, wacky Valley Girlish host Julie Brown, whose job was basically just making fun of stuff, was 35 when her show started airing in 1989. (Wikipedia gives her a later birthdate that would actually have made her 31, but still -- that's so over the hill.)

Our remake: Just Say Julia. If Brown is 50 today, that's granny time by TV standards. So turn this into a Hannah Montana-ish sitcom about pretty, perky, talented 14-year-old aspiring starlet Julia and all her good-looking school friends. But how can she get her acting, modeling and rock-star careers off the ground when wacky Grandma Julie keeps screwing things up? Hilarious!

3. Tabitha Soren. The problem: The pretty young MTV News journalist, who was "derided as nothing more than a shameless attempt to sex up the news," would be considered far too unsexy in today's era of newscasts anchored by hot blonde potential underwear models.

Our remake: Tabitha's Soarin'. Another star-making reality competition, this one would be a search for the lead in Tabitha, a musical sequel to Bewitched that has Samantha's magical daughter trying to make it as a reporter. It's High School Musical and Wicked and Legally Blonde: The Musical all in one -- plus, it sounds almost educational.

4. Music videos. The problem: The network that pioneered "music television" just isn't interested in them anymore.

Our remake: Viral Countdown. In this new "alternative" Internet/TV hybrid, the network will comb YouTube for the best user-produced material and show it to a wide national audience. Eventually, big entertainment companies will notice how much exposure these clips are getting, and they'll start having videos professionally produced to accompany songs by the bands on their rosters. MTV will see how much better the high-priced commercial videos are, and gradually switch over to showing them exclusively. (Unfortunately, then the RIAA will realize that this allows viewers to record the songs onto their DVRs, and they'll sue MTV for copyright infringement -- at which point the network will give up on music completely. Oh, well, can't win 'em all.)

Image: Defamer.com

Previously:
MTV To Make Horror Show Out of Rocky Horror Picture Show
From G's to Gents Is Our New Boyfriend

The Weekly Rewind: Endless Summer

Ben Kallen — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 21:38:00 GMT

This week here at The Remote Island, we spent most of our time just trying to come up with fun stuff for you to watch. Because it's July, and the networks have pretty much given up for the summer. Sure, there's the last few episodes of Swingtown, which we're kind of hoping goes out with a giant orgy that leaves the characters far more satisfied than the show ever did for viewers. And there are reality competitions in which kids try to sing (or, even more difficult, sing country), or adults try to dance. (Frankly, we'd rather see somebody lose on Jeopardy.)

Meanwhile, summer programming on cable mainly consists of fun reality crapola, such as From G's to Gents, and about a dozen quirky detective shows, like the ones starring the Glamorous Ladies of TNT,

Mostly, though, they're all just trying to hang on till the upcoming fall season. Which we're excited about, too -- which is why we gave you loads of spoilerrific info on Dollhouse, Dexter, Life on Mars, CSI, Friday Night Lights and Robot Chicken: Star Wars.

For lack of anything better to watch, we sent you to the Internet: for Heroes webisodes and X-Files conspiracy sites (not that you need them to understand the critically drubbed movie), to see John McCain fall asleep on Conan's desk, and for the final episode of Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog, now gone from the free web forever. (But at least Doogie Howser still has a few songs left in him -- somewhere in the neighborhood of Beaker's YouTube channel.) Then we told you why you should get TV Funhouse and Spaced on DVD.

What else? Sadly, we said goodbye to Estelle Getty, Ebert & Roeper, and (possibly) Jay Leno.

And, of course, we dove right into the shallow end of the cultural pool, telling you about sexytime on the sets of Big Brother and Saved By the Bell, and (allegedly) at Matthew Broderick's friend's place. But the fun's over for The Bachelor, though he was the only one surprised about it.

And finally, we learned that watching too much TV makes us all think we're on TV. Which isn't actually true... yet.

"HSM: Get in the Picture": Killing Us Softly

Lindy Parker — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 17:44:00 GMT

Alternate Title: Why We Should Never Trust Nick Lachey

Sometimes when something gets really big, really fast – like say, High School Musical or Newlyweds, we admit to a certain amount of skepticism. Now, lest Zach Efron should take offense and try to burn our skin with a handful of his tooth whitening gel, let us just say that it’s not that we hate HSM – secretly, we even kind of enjoy it in all its campy, ridiculous glory -- it’s just that the supernova popularity and also the disconcerting suspicion that Efron might be a stepford teen leaves us feeling a little unsettled.

Regardless, it seems that ABC has found new and more painful ways to make us uncomfortable with High School Musical: Get in the Picture, a reality series chronicling the artistic journey of show choir kids hoping to score a part in a music video that will run during the credits of this fall's theater release. Is it us or is even the prize kind of blah? After watching, we feel pretty strongly that Get in the Picture is not only the latest attempt to jump on the HSM cash cow bandwagon, but should most certainly be the last...

Our original thought process went like this, "No really, maybe it’ll be awesome to watch high school kids crash and burn American Idol style in contrived auditions with Nick Lachey doing the sideline commentary."

It's isn't. At best, it's mind-numbingly dull. Still, all might not be lost. Who can say what tricky antics the Ephron/Hudgens duo have up their sleeves to revive this competition with guest appearances? Maybe Vanessa could flash the camera and revisit her nude photo scandal? We're just putting it out there.