The Remote Island : Luke Perry

OMG, Luke Perry is that you?

Olivia Purnell — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 21:00:00 GMT

He looks good, no? As a pre-teen we adored him as the teenaged leather-jacket wearing perfectly coifed bad boy Dylan McKay. All pre-teens love that (see: all the recent Twilight twitterpation . . . Dylan was our generation’s hot vampire). And, while the years haven’t treated the 90210 franchise so well, Luke is lookin’ . . . . dare we say, decent.

In the spirit of full disclosure:
You may or may not know that we have an ongoing thing with/for Luke Perry. There was this semi-unfortunate chance encounter a couple of years ago in Los Angeles. We were wearing sweat-pants in public (regrettable, we know), he was eating brunch near us, we spoke . . . we hugged. But, nothing really went the way we would’ve liked it to.

Now when we see him . . .

(sigh)

We remember fondly the days of Dylan (again, who doesn’t love that wild cafeteria-desperado thing). We think briefly about the magnificent Buffy the Vampire Slayer and the ill-fated John From Cincinnati. And we plan in pre-teen detail what we’ll wear and how we’ll act when we see Luke again (oh, it’ll happen).

Until that fateful day, we’ll just have to soothe ourselves with the news that Luke is doing well. He’s got this new project on the horizon. He’ll starring in Uwe Boll’s The Storm. The Hollywood Reporter says:

In the apocalyptic thriller, [Lauren] Holly plays a dedicated wife and mother who must deal with the end of days scenario -- all heightened by the arrival of a mysterious stranger named Silas (Perry) who holds the key to the approaching doom. (thr.com)

We’re into it. And listen Luke, if you’re reading this and you need a date to the premiere, feel free to let us know. We clean up good. Real good.

Previously:

OMG, Neve Campbell is that you?

OMG, Carson is that you?

OMG, Ricki Lake Is That You?

"90210": Always True to You in My Fashion

Lindy Parker — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 16:00:00 GMT

It's a showdown at the 9021-OK Corral: Principal Wilson, Ryan, Kelly, and Brenda stage an intervention about druggie drama girl's meltdown at the play last week. DDG's mom is guiltily defensive. Harry threatens DDG with expulsion if she's caught with any illegal substances.

Debbie scores a bigtime photography oppurtunity at a Beverly HIlls fashion show. Dixon and Annie agree to be her assistants because the Wilsons are all about family togetherness. Dixon invites Silver along because now that they're boyfriend and girlfriend they're pretty much locked at the mouth -- a fact that sends Navid into a pout, decrying the dangers of befriending the new kid.

In Ryan's English class, DDG's sullen fem-bot expression is kind of making us physically ill. Ryan puts Annie on the spot and asked her to take DDG to the fashion show. Annie agrees, although, truthfully, we always feel like it's awkward when the phrase, "I'm a nice person," is spoken out loud.

Out in the hallway, Brenda gets a call from Dylan, who says he wants to talk to Kelly. Ryan plies Brenda for information about Dylan -- Ryan's quite the nosy parker. Ryan follows Kelly into her office to confront her about the phone call. Kelly confesses that Dylan's coming back to the states. Ryan's response: "If Dylan wants to be with you, why'd he call Brenda and not you?" We feel like Ryan's a guy who often oversteps his bounds to advance the plot.

Kelly accuses Brenda of having designs on both Dylan and Ryan which leads us to believe that Kelly's not in a healthy emotional place. Why so bitchy, Kel? You were the one who stole Dylan, remember? Sidenote: Luke Perry, please come back!

At the pre-show fashion shoot, a modelling agent is sniffing around Silver, complimenting her fine bone structure. Silver's caught in that uncomfortable place between flattery and revulsion.

Meanwhile, Mr. and Mrs. Clark's recent roll in the hay has made Naomi certain of their inevitable reconciliation. She decides to stage her own version of the parent trap to force Mr. and Mrs. Clark to face their lingering attraction. Step one of her plan is to invite Mr. Clark and his mistress out to dinner and then out her father for his conjugal visits to her mother. Mr. Clark takes this badly -- his maturity level seems to be significantly below Naomi's.

Fashion show day arrives and the gang's all here. Navid's getting his Persian groove on and banishing third wheel title once and for all. We're happy for him, but we're a little weirded out by all the David-Fincher-style CGI of the runway. Ryan and Brenda are pseudo-flirting, but we're kind of okay with it because we're not over Kelly's earlier bitchiness.

Annie and DDG are making the rounds together. A film producer recognizes Annie from Spring Awakening and asks her to audition for a cheerleader slasher movie. Annie feels bad and introduces DDG, telling the producer how amazing she is. The producer tells DDG she can audition as well.

Step two of Naomi's parent trap is in full swing. Naomi texts her dad that there's an emergency at the fashion show. He shows up to find Mrs. Clark flirting with a gaggle of younger suitors, and screams a tirade of abuse at Naomi, which is, you know, harsh. We feel like Mr. Clark might be the worst parent of all time.

DDG and Annie are bonding. DDG pours out her heart about her mother troubles. Annie nods sympathetically. DDG confesses to lying about hooking up with Ty. Annie freaks out (understandable). Evidently, DDG's haitus in normaltown was short-lived, and she goes back to acting crazy per usual.

Model agent guy finds Silver by the runway, who's just starting to warm up to the modelling idea. Unfortunately, model agent guy is a sleeze of epic proportions, and a particular fan of underage conquests. Dixon steps in to put a stop to the manhandling of Silver. Turns out agent model guy is both an asshole and a bigot -- the phrase "Compton boy" is used. We feel like Dixon is justified in punching agent model guy in the face.

Pause for a word from our sponsor in which we discover that the only way to get noticed in this town is in a Honda Fit. We think that's unlikely.

Ty finds Annie out on the balcony waxing jaded about life in Beverly Hills. Apparently, DDG texted him about her post-play deception right before she jumped back on the crazy train. Ty's ready to give it another go. Annie confesses she's not ready to have sex. Ty nods and says they can still be friends. We're a bit perplexed. They have to have sex to date? That's not a good message, CW.

Ryan and Brenda move from psuedo-flirting to the full-fledged maxi flirt and leave the fashion show together. Naomi and Ethan are once again self-destructing in the parking lot, and we're trying to care. And last but not least, DDG calls her dealer who passes her some white powder in a bag and invites her to join the "big leagues" -- an exchange that prompts this conversation with our friend:

Us: What is that? Coke or heroine?

Our friend: Probably coke.

Us: Is coke really the big leagues though?

Our friend: Listen to yourself.

Wake Up And Smile: No One's Watching TV But Us

Bryan Christian — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 13:28:00 GMT

-- Add Knight Rider to the increasingly long list of shows that have underperformed this year. Vulture thinks that NBC programming honcho Ben Silverman might lose his job over it; we're just thinking about how Jeff Zucker fell all the way to the top of the company.

-- Other shows on that list? Pretty much everything on Thursdays.

-- Jason Priestley and Luke Perry's not wanting to go on 90210 ain't gonna stop their characters from being namedropped left and right.

-- Somebody mashed up The Venture Brothers and GI Joe. Ah, we miss you Number 24.

-- Special Guest Star in the Montecito klink for a couple hours yesterday? Miss Amanda Woodward herself.

An Appeal to Luke Perry's Sense of Goodwill

Lindy Parker — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 17:23:00 GMT

Even after this week's Dylan name-drop, Luke Perry still claims that Dylan won't return to the CW's new incarnation of the show that made him a star.

Here's what he told TV Guide:

"During a conference call...Perry was asked if he would be appearing on 90210, especially given the aforementioned mention of Dylan. 'They own the name and likeness,' he (presumably) shrugged. Pressed to clarify his stance, he stated simply, 'That would be a no.'"

We kind of don't believe him though. It's not that we're like, "Well, what else is he doing?" Because actually, we know -- Hallmark Hall of Fame movies and Law and Order: SVU episodes. But still, we suspect he's too nice a guy to ignore all the pleading fan mail. Case in point: one time our friend parked behind his car at Lulu's in LA, and after she moved her car, he hugged her out of nowhere. One minute she's moving her car, the next minute she's standing there in her sweatpants, getting hugged by Luke Perry for no reason. We know he says he won't come back to 90210, but Luke Perry's not a hater, Luke Perry's a guy who likes to bring it in for the real thing.

Please come back, Luke. We're just saying, wouldn't it be fun? You could sit around with Jennie Garth making fun of how lame the new cast is? You could do a few episodes and still maintain your creative integrity couldn't you? Please? These new kids are boring us.

Wake Up And Smile: We Mention Sarah Palin's Tits, You Decide

Bryan Christian — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 13:25:00 GMT

-- In only the latest in an increasingly long list of instances where rightwingers demonstrate their complete inability to discuss sexism without revealing they actually know nothing about the subject, a female Bloomberg reporter on FOX & Friends said that the desire to vote for a pro-choice candidate might connect female voters to each other more than having "tits" would connect them to Sarah Palin. Which, you know, might be true -- but in the interest of a well-informed electorate, we invite Mrs. Palin to make her case. [via Videogum]

-- Bravo to Yahoo! News, who managed to get every Izzie-loving Grey's Anatomy fan on the web to click on their story "Is Katherine Heigl Finally Quitting?!" when it's not about Heigl's longstanding feud with the Grey's writers at all; it's about her quitting heroin "the lifestyle" smoking.

-- Things are looking up for the CW. Gossip Girl did great on Monday, 90210 held its own on Tuesday, and last night's Smallville and Supernatural premieres had a 50 share in our apartment last night! (The Missus was on the web.)

-- Speaking of 90210, people please stop asking Luke Perry if he's gonna make an appearance on the series reboot. You want him to ask you to walk around in your prom dress?

-- Rachel Maddow may be MSNBC's new breakout star. Just two weeks into her new nighttime show, her ratings are better thanboth networkmate Keith Olbermann's and Larry King's over on CNN. We caught it last night and it wasn't bad - certainly it was better than Hardball -- but we couldn't help but wonder when Chuck D would chime in with something weird. (Guess we haven't heard her in a while.)

-- Party of Five's Scott Wolf, last seen on ABC's failed serial hostage drama The Nine, will appear on the 100th episode of CSI:NY, as will onetime '90's It Girl Julia Ormond. We're pretty sure that Wolf, in his role as the possible target of a serial killer, will do a little of Bailey-style whimpering; no word if Ormond, in her role as investiagator, will be using her sense of snow.