The Remote Island : New York Post

Soledad O'Brien vs. Stinky Dog

Jake Kalish — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 21:44:00 GMT

CNN's Soledad O'Brien, along with other members of her co-op board, is trying to get this dog, a 150 lb. mastiff named Ugo, kicked out of her New York co-op because of its "size, slobbering, shedding, drooling, gassiness and odors."

According to the New York Post, O'Brien, the co-op board's secretary, signed a notice to terminate Ugo's owners' lease, and will, along with other members of the board, ask a Housing Court judge to either remove the dog or the family from the building.

A stinky, slobbery, gassy dog is really that awful? She already works with Larry King. Leave Ugo alone!

Linda Stasi, New York Post Television Critic, Asks "When Did Torturing People Become A Bad Thing?"

Jake Kalish — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 19:45:00 GMT

Um...the beginning of time?

We've previously reported on the dopiness of New York Post television critic Linda Stasi, when she believed part of a documentary on identical twins was in "4-D." But Stasi really outdid herself this time. She wrote a review of the season premiere of "24", which she loved. Nothing wrong with that, we dig that show too. But then, out of nowhere, the subheadline for the piece was "When Did Torturing People Become A Bad Thing?"

Uh...what, Linda Stasi? Flabbergasted, we read the review, in which she says she loves Jack Bauer because "you never see him crying into his beer about how depressed he is." Right. But what about how you're cool with torturing, Stasi? Nope, not actually in the piece, except a very brief discussion about how Jack is facing a Senate subcommittee hearing on whether he tortured suspected terrorists. It's like that headline came out of nowhere - it was Stasi's rhetorical question or something, the thought popped into her head and she had to share it with all of us. Or was that just some cheeky Stasi humor? Hah! Torture! No, seriously, Stasi, Abu Ghraib is a barrel of laughs - the problem is all the clearly guilty whiners talking about their "rights" as "humans."

Stasi, WTF? We thought your stupidity was benign. Might it be malignant?

PREVIOUSLY: Dammit, Linda Stasi, That Identical Twin Documentary Was Not In "4-D"

Dammit, Linda Stasi, That Identical Twin Documentary Was Not In "4-D"

Jake Kalish — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 22:30:00 GMT

So National Geographic did a documentary about identical twins, part of their In The Womb series. it aired Sunday night, and will re-air Sunday the 28th at 2 p.m. Linda Stasi of The New York Post saw it, and loved it! Here's Linda Stasi's review

The show is a jam-packed hour of non-stop, easy-to-digest information and sensational imagery taken using 4-D (yes, you read that right) ultra sound technology, HD microscopic footage and scientifically precise computer-generated imagery.

4-D? As in, they discovered a way of seeing and representing the fourth dimension, and it was buried in the middle of a TV review in the New York Post? Whaaat? Shouldn't this be bigger news? it, like, changes all space, time, and understanding, for the duration of human history. Shouldn't this at least be page 3 of the Post, after whatever's going on with Lohan and Ronson? Turns out this is not Linda Stasi's fault: there's special womb imagery that's actually called "4-D", in a mean-spirited tease to science dorks everywhere. This is what they're talking about: A 3-d scan of the womb in real time. 3-D + time = 4-D, according to these pregnancy peoples. Pretty cool, right? But not as cool as the fourth dimension. 3-dimensions moving in real time kind of just sounds like "life." This, on the other hand, is the fourth dimension.

You know, the thing we can't visualize or understand. But here's Carl Sagan, doing his best to explain:

Take the "Gossip Girl" Tour of New York City

Ben Kallen — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 20:20:00 GMT

Want to see all the real Gossip Girl locations you couldn't afford, couldn't get into, or wouldn't be allowed to drink in (that is, if you're under 21 and not super-wealthy)?

The New York Post has made up an interactive map of Manhattan that allows you to stalk... er, follow the show's characters wherever they go.

Have a bite at the Waverly Inn (truffled mac and cheese, $55; reservations, impossible), shop at Henri Bendel (double cardigan sweater, $348), or just hang out on the steps of the Metropolitan Museum, until they shoo you away to film one of those king-of-the-hill lunch scenes.

Just one problem: Don't the Humphreys live in Brooklyn? Guess that's not ritzy enough even for the show's fans.

Photo: New York Post

Previously:
All about Gossip Girl

Film Critic Hits Roger Ebert, Goes Directly to Hell

Ben Kallen — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 17:55:00 GMT

We actually kind of feel sorry for New York Post film critic Lou Lumenick, who whacked a guy with a binder at a film screening -- only to discover it was beloved, health-compromised icon Roger Ebert (who, with his long-running movie-review show, pretty much pioneered the concept of discussing films on television).

On second thought, no we don't: Apparently, the jerk never even apologized.

Here's the story (which, to be fair, is from the Post's biggest rival, the New York Daily News):

Both critics were attending a press screening at the Toronto Film Festival.

The screening room was packed. Soon after the lights went down, a source tells us, "a man in the audience started yelling, 'Don't touch me!' People looked around and shrugged. Ten minutes later, the voice yells again, 'I said don't touch me!'"

Again, people shrugged off the disturbance. But a few minutes later, says our source, "the guy stands up in the darkness and thwacks the guy behind him with a big festival binder. He hit him so hard everybody could hear it. Everyone freaked out and turned around."

The thwacker? New York Post film critic Lou Lumenick.

The thwackee? Esteemed Chicago Sun-Times film critic Roger Ebert.

After battling thyroid and salivary gland cancer for years, Ebert, 66, can no longer speak.

"Apparently, Roger was just trying to tap Lumenick on the shoulder to signal him that he couldn't see the movie," surmises our source. "He was trying to ask him to move over a bit."

Though Lumenick seemed surprised to see whom he had struck, he offered no apology, according to another source.

So, yeah, it's off to hell with this guy. Where he'll have to watch the new, boring version of At the Movies on a continuous loop forever.

UPDATE! From Roger Ebert's blog:

If it were up to me, you would never have heard about the incident at the Toronto Film Festival on the morning of Sept. 6 when a fellow critic whacked me with a rolled-up program or a festival binder or something. It has been blown out of proportion. It is of little interest....

I think the guy was wrong. A film critic of all people should be respectful of the sight-lines of fellow audience members. But in one way I feel sorry for him. He had no idea who was behind him when he smacked me. Now it looked like he was picking on poor me. I have had my problems, but I promise you I am plenty hearty enough to withstand a smack, and quite happy, after the smack, to tap him again. I had to see those subtitles. There was no pain. The incident is over. Peace.

Previously:
Oh, No: Ebert and Roeper Leaving Ebert & Roeper
Ebert and Roeper, Your Replacements Are Here

Adam West To Join "Dancing With the Stars"?

Ben Kallen — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 21:20:00 GMT

According to the New York Post, the Family Guy star and best damn Batman ever may compete in the show's next season.

If they have a Batusi night, we're totally there!

Reality News You Can't Use: Another "Bachelor" Breakup

Ben Kallen — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 20:28:00 GMT

The magical love affair between suave Brit Matt Grant and childlike blonde "actress" Shayne Lamas is over. Grant -- who chose Lorenzo Lamas' hot daughter instead of some actual adult women on the most recent season of The Bachelor -- apparently learned she was seeing someone else when he read about it in the New York Post.

According to the paper, "Just two days after Page Six reported Lamas had cheated on the Bachelor star with Las Vegas media mogul Justin Weneger, Lamas phoned Grant and called off the coupling. Spies said the aspiring actress is planning a trip to see Weneger soon. Grant, who moved from London to L.A. to be near his sweetie, is said to be devastated."

Yeah, nobody saw that coming, except maybe every single person who watched the show. But don't worry, we're guessing Matt will be okay -- as it turns out, L.A.'s a pretty good place to meet gorgeous blonde actress-models, especially if you're a rich guy who's been on TV.

Previously:
Why The Bachelor Will Never Work