The Remote Island : Oprah Winfrey

Goodbye, Dr. Oz

Jake Kalish — Tue, 12 May 2009 14:22:00 GMT

He died from a lifelong diet of nothing but Cheez Doodles, Dr. Pepper, and taffy.

We kid! But, after five years and 55 episodes, today is his last day as a regular on The Oprah Winfrey Show - and he's getting the full farewell tribute treatment. Fear not, all of you who list Mehmet Oz as your primary physician. He's coming back bigger stronger, and healthier, with his own Oprah-produced syndicated Dr. Oz show September 14. So everybody just stay alive these next four months. Yes, that means you, with the Krispy Kreme bacon cheeseburger.

PREVIOUSLY:

Jenny McCarthy Teams Up With Oprah!

Oprah Loves Ellen [VIDEO]

Oprah Loves Some Hugh Jackman, With Or Without Knives For Hands

Listen Up America: Oprah Is Not Wearing A Weave! [VIDEO]

Jenny McCarthy Teams Up With Oprah!

Olivia Purnell — Mon, 04 May 2009 18:00:00 GMT

Jenny is Oprah's newest protege. Unfortunately, we're pretty sure there won't be any baby pools or hoses involved in Jenny and Oprah's collaboration.

McCarthy has inked a multi-year overall deal with Winfrey's Harpo Prods. to develop projects on different platforms, including a syndicated talk show that the actress/author would host. (thr.com)

Like Rachel Ray and Dr. Phil before her, Jenny now has the opportunity to use the Oprah trampoline to catapult herself to household name status. Hopefully, unlike Phil and Ray-Ray, Jenny will not use the O tramp to annoy the living shit out of the entire country. Maybe she'll bring us something new and different, and spunky, but not in an icky yum-o sort of way.

Jenny's apprenticeship with Oprah has officially begun with an oprah.com blog, entitled "Give It Up Before Summer." The blog is apparently an online rant about how hard it is to complete a self imposed 30 day period of abstinence from chocolate, or eating after 7 p.m., or whatever other dirty little vice you've got locked away in your deep dark pantry of secrets. McCarthy writes in her first post:

"Let's start a 30-day blog with Oprah.com to come together every day to bitch and moan about how well or horrible we are doing." There are no rules to this. It's simply choosing something you have been wanting to give up and making it happen this month. (oprah.com)

This is hard hitting stuff people. Edgy. Promising. Congrats, J!

Previously:

Oprah Loves Ellen [VIDEO]

Jenny McCarthy Fakes It For Chelsea Handler [VIDEO]

Oprah Got Her President Can She Get Her Olympics

Oprah Loves Ellen [VIDEO]

Jake Kalish — Mon, 04 May 2009 17:01:00 GMT

No, not in that way. Professionally. Relax, Stedman. Relax, Gayle. Oprah paid Ellen a video visit for her 1,000th show, which also came on the 12th anniversary of that "coming out" Ellen, in which Ms. Winfrey played Ellen's shrink...

PREVIOUSLY:

Portia DeRossi Issues Public Apology For Her Marriage To Ellen [VIDEO]

Oprah Got Her President. Can She Get Her Olympics?

Live Blog Of Lindsay Lohan's Interview On Today's "Ellen"

Oprah Loves Some Hugh Jackman, With or Without Knives for Hands

Lindy Parker — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 19:40:00 GMT

Oprah's a tweeting fool these days. She's listening to Seal, letting us know the truth about her weave, and making dates with Wolverine. You know, the ususal...

@Oprah Hey Oprah, looking forward to seeing you next Friday!
@RealHughJackman Hugh...I'm countin' the hours. Wanna do dinner the night before. Same booth? Or catch up fresh on the air?
@Oprah Dinner Thursday night, our same booth would be perfect. I am going to work on getting to Chicago sooner. Cannot wait...

Awwww. They have a booth. That's nice. Is it weird that our first thought when we read these was "Oprah and Hugh Jackman? Bet that would be a good sex tape?"

Previously:

Listen Up America: Oprah is Not Wearing a Weave [VIDEO]

Oprah Winfrey Cancels Columbine Program

Oprah Winfrey Writes Her First "Tweet" Live On The Oprah Winfrey Show

Listen Up America: Oprah Is Not Wearing a Weave! [VIDEO]

Olivia Purnell — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 16:30:00 GMT

One of these haristyles is not like the other. And one of these women feels the need to prove it, sans make-up, on national television.

Go Oprah go!

Now, it's a well known fact that from time to time Oprah loves to showcase her realness by giving us glimpses of her life pre-hair and make up. You would think that these little "check out how crazy I look" moments would get old. But somehow they never loose their magic. There's still that amazing Whoa! factor.

Tyra tries to replicate the shock and awe:

But it's not quite the same, is it? What works for Oprah is not going to work for everybody. Go with what you know, Tyra. Stay glam, and don't give up the weave, girl.

Just do you!

(flypaper.bluefly.com)

Previously:

Oprah Winfrey Cancels Columbine Program

Oprah Winfrey Writes Her First "Tweet" Live On The Oprah Winfrey Show

Our Trip To The "Tyra Banks Show"

Are You Hipper Than Oprah?

Olivia Purnell — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 19:00:00 GMT

Do you need help answering that question?

Get help after the jump.

Here's the background: Last week, Oprah Winfrey twittered her first tweet . . . . or tweeted her first twitter, or maybe it's twattted . . . maybe Oprah twatted her first tweet. As that happened, twitter has exploded:

It's not yet clear exactly what effect Oprah had on Twitter by featuring the service (and its first million-follower user, Ashton Kutcher) on her show on Friday. [. . .] But, Twitter Search already reveals that it's a massive amount.

With Oprah's tweetage, apparently a tree fell in the woods and the fragile and ever thinning bubble of cool surrounding twitter broke. Honestly, twitter was never that far off the beaten path. However, since Oprah's twit-fest, everybody's doing it. And now that everybody's doing it, it is no longer cool. But maybe just maybe you can cling to a bit of the original twit thunder.

Instead of being a jackass and pouting about the "good old days of Twitter," just visit herebeforeoprah.com. The simple service asks the question, "was _______ here before oprah?" Simply fill in the blank with your Twitter name and if you adopted early enough, you'll get confirmation of your Twitter street cred.

We have one question: Was it ever cool to set up a website based around coolness in relation to Oprah and twation? If you need help answering that question go to the following . . . no, nope. There's no website. The answer is just No.

(washingtonpost.com)

Previously:

Oprah Winfrey Writes Her First "Tweet" Live On "The Oprah Winfrey Show"

Twitter: It's CNN, Britney Spears, And Ashton Kutcher In A Race To 1 Million Followers

Today In TV Twits: Ashton Kutcher Twitters Demi Moore's Ass

Oprah Winfrey Cancels Columbine Program

Jake Kalish — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 18:22:00 GMT

Oprah's reasoning for canceling today's ep, which was to mark the 10th anniversary of the Columbine massacre, is very interesting...

Winfrey posted a message Monday morning on her Facebook page, saying that after she reviewed the taped show she decided to pull it because of its focus on the two gunmen.

She urged viewers to keep the Columbine community in their thoughts.

Winfrey said she would air a program about a mother released from prison in place of the Columbine piece. Her company, Harpo Productions, confirmed the announcement.

Huh. You know whoever put this piece together is catching it, and good. Add one or two to the unemployment numbers. Well, we applaud Oprah for not airing anything that doesn't make her completely comfortable, and recognizing that making these massacres about the killers rather than the killed might encourage the Jiverly Wongs of the world. She's a smart lady and this is a good decision, if the piece takes the wrong angle - it's too sensitive and important a topic to not handle correctly. On the other hand, she's got the perfect forum to remember Columbine, and it's a shame she won't be doing a show on the massacre. Also, it's her show, and she's responsible for the stuff on it. Obviously, the way these things go is producers put together a package, host sees it after. But the host directs those producers beforehand, so if stuff doesn't turn out right, ultimately that falls on the big O. Ms. Winfrey pulling a piece from her own show is kind of like when Charles Barkley claimed he was misquoted - in his own autobiography.

PREVIOUSLY:

Oprah Winfrey Writes Her First "Tweet" Live On The Oprah Winfrey Show

That "Oprah Millionaire Contest Show" Email? Scam [VIDEO]

Oprah Got Her President. Can She Get Her Olympics?

Another Sex Scandal At Oprah's South African All-Girls School

Oprah Winfrey Writes Her First "Tweet" Live On "The Oprah Winfrey Show"

Jake Kalish — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 18:22:00 GMT

Oh goddammit to hell.WTF is happening, world? Honestly.

This Twitter craze has become a real focal point in examining our existence on Earth. Is the whole world spinning wildly out of control, or have we just lost our foothold? It's been said that if you think everyone else is insane, you're probably the crazy one. This Twitter thing makes no sense to us. Does that mean we've lost the ability to understand what's important to humankind? Can someone please explain what appears, from our limited vantage point, to be mass insanity? Because right now we're concerned life is passing us by. Have we begun the slow descent to complete irrelevance and death? We're awful young for that...

Winfrey -- who used Friday's live broadcast to send out her first tweet "ASHTON IS NEXT" -- admitted she doesn't really know what Twitter is -- but spent most of her show responding to messages she received.

Before Winfrey's first tweet, she already had over 75,000 people following @oprah on Twitter.

"Now I've joined Twitter. Here's my first -- it's called a Tweet? I'm stepping into the Twitterverse!" Winfrey said. "It's too cool. I'm still not sure I really get it. I left my building today and my doorman said I hear you're Tweeting today."

Irrelevance and death. Wave goodbye to us, it's been nice knowing you.

PREVIOUSLY:

Ashton Kutcher Wins

Twitter: It's CNN, Britney Spears, And Ashton Kutcher In A Race To 1 Million Followers

Today In TV Twits: Ashton Kutcher Twitters Demi Moore's Ass

Modern Stalking: Man Breaks Into Tila Tequila's House And Twitter Account

That "Oprah Millionaire Contest Show" E-Mail? Scam [VIDEO]

Jake Kalish — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 20:44:00 GMT

Yeah, so don't give them all your contact information. If you were going to give them your contact information, we've got tickets to the American Idol finale. All we need is your credit card info and social security number...

The FBI and "The Oprah Winfrey Show" say Internet users should beware of an e-mail scam that promises attendance at the popular talk show in exchange for the purchase of a plane ticket.

The FBI's Internet Crime Complaint Center said this week that a circulating e-mail was advertising the "Oprah Millionaire Contest Show," which asks recipients for contact information. It also says those who apply have a chance to win $1 million.

The bureau says the e-mail is fraudulent and not from Winfrey or her show's production company, or Harpo Productions.

This reminded us of that great College Humor video, "Where Spam Comes From"...

PREVIOUSLY:

Oprah Got Her President. Can She Get Her Olympics?

Another Sex Scandal At Oprah Winfrey's South African All-Girls School

Today On "Oprah": Q&A With Polygamists

Oprah Got Her President. Can She Get Her Olympics?

Jake Kalish — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 13:35:00 GMT

Let no one ever doubt the power of Oprah Winfrey. She's a one-woman empire of kindness, and probably the single most influential person in American pop culture. We read what Oprah tells us to read. We voted for who Oprah told us to vote for. (Yes, that one's more complicated. But Winfrey was Obama's biggest endorsement - far more than political figures like Ted Kennedy or even Colin Powell.) Hell, one woman devoted an entire year to doing whatever Oprah says.

So will Oprah's support of Chicago's 2016 Summer Olympics bid get Chicago the 2016 Summer Olympics?

Ms. Winfrey talked up Chicago to the 13-member Olympic Committee - and was met by protesters:

"What I'm hoping is we can have a real, honest conversation about how great this city is and the possibilities it will bring not only for the citizens of Chicago, but the citizens of the world," Winfrey said.

A red carpet was rolled out for Winfrey and other luminaries at a Columbus Drive entrance. Winfrey was greeted by a crush of reporters and more than 30 protesters chanting: "Hey Oprah can't you see, we don't want the IOC," referring to the International Olympic Committee's evaluation team.

"It's huge, it's enormous, I don't know what they're complaining about," said Winfrey before heading into a night of lobbying, entertainment by Buddy Guy and Koko Taylor and a dinner by award-winning Spiaggia chef Tony Mantuano.

"It's only going to be good for everybody," she said of the possibility of bringing the Games to Chicago.

Maybe. It's hard to calculate the worth of Summer Olympics to cities, because often the changes implemented for the games have gigantic effects - both positive and negative - for decades. Los Angeles 1984 was a huge financial success, but Montreal's 1976 Olympics damn near destroyed that city's economy. Literally, the effects are still being felt, greatly, almost 33 years later:

The Mayor of Montreal said when the city was preparing for the 1976 games that the Olympics "can no more have a deficit than a man can have a baby".

Three decades later, it's a statement that still provokes sardonic laughter among Canadians where smokers continue to pay taxes on their cigarettes to finance the games.

So no, Oprah, it won't necessarily only be good for everybody. We're not saying a Chicago Olympics would fail, but hosting the Olympics carries enormous risk for a city - risk that should not be ignored.

Chicago is competing against Tokyo, Madrid, and Rio De Janiero - and Rio's initial budget for the Games, 14.4 billion, is almost as much as that of the other 3 cities combined. This 13 member committee reports back to the full 107-member IOC, and the official decision comes in October. So it'll be interesting to see if Oprah can again work her magic...

PREVIOUSLY:

The Summer Olympics: You Can Run, But You Can't Hide

Olympics 2008: The Actual Opening Ceremony In 30 Seconds

Another Sex Scandal At Oprah Winfrey's South African All-Girls School

Today On "Oprah": Q&A With Polygamists

Today In PSA's: Oprah's Broadcast Is For "All The Rihannas" -- But Tyra's Got Something To Say Too

Another Sex Scandal At Oprah's South African All-Girls School

Jake Kalish — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 19:03:00 GMT

Aw, no...

Well, this officially sucks.There's a new sex scandal at the Oprah Winfrey Leadership Academy For Girls. Here's what we know: seven girls have been suspended, because of "inappropriate sexual conduct." This isn't just a case of young girls experimenting sexually; reports claim "preying", coercion, intimidation, and lying to investigators about what happened:

Quoting reports from the Afrikaans on Sunday newspaper, a 15-year-old "preyed" on another student, then coerced others into lying to investigators about what happened. Six other students were suspended after "being alleged to have touched each other intimately," or intimidating others into inappropriate behavior, the Telegraph reports.

Dammit. Winfrey contributed $40 million to this boarding school for impoverished girls, which opened in January 2007 - and was almost immediately rocked by the news that a dorm matron was arrested and charged with sexually abusing and assaulting six students and another supervisor. At the time, Winfrey, herself famously a survivor of sexual abuse, called the incident "one of the most devastating, if not the most devastating, experiences of my life." It'll be interesting to see what she says about this...

PREVIOUSLY:

Today On "Oprah": Q&A With Polygamists [VIDEO]

Today In PSA's: Oprah's Broadcast Is For "All The Rihannas" - But Tyra's Got Something To Say Too

Oprah Winfrey Shares The Cover Of Her Magazine

All Right, Oprah, Now You're Just Making The Rest of Us Look Bad

Today on "Oprah": Q&A With Polygamists [VIDEO]

Lindy Parker — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 18:15:00 GMT

We love us some Oprah. We even like the semi-boring Friday episodes where Mark Consuelos tells his Mr. Mom stories. But, most of all, we love when Oprah talks to people who may or may not be crazy. We've been waiting all weekend to see her trip to the Yearning for Zion Ranch so we can watch her ask the polygamists if they like Big Love...

Here's a sneak peek of today's episode below...

Dude. Oprah is so badass. We're the most psyched to see her sitdown with the Ranch children where she lets them ask her any question they want. We have a question: These kids don't watch TV right? Do any of them know who she is? Guess we'll find out...

Previously:

Oprah Adopts a Puppy

Oprah Winfrey Shares The Cover of Her Magazine

Today on Oprah: Octuplet Grandfather Thinks His Daughter's a Whackjob

R.I.P Natasha Richardson From Her TV Fans And Friends

Lindy Parker — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 18:45:00 GMT

Sad news that you no doubt know: actress Natasha Richardson died yesterday from injuries sustained in a skiing accident. Although she worked largely in film and theatre, some of television's leading ladies spoke out, expressing their grief and offering condolences to her family and friends...

Oprah Winfrey:
"I just want to say how deeply saddened I am, we all are, by the sudden passing of actress Natasha Richardson yesterday. Our thoughts and prayers are with her husband Liam Neeson, their two sons, the rest of their family and friends. Yet another reminder of how fleeting life can be and how precious. We need to value every moment."

Kelly Ripa:
"She was a lady. I can't tell you enough what a good person she was, and fun and vivacious and the most full of life."

Martha Stewart (via Twitter):
"Just heard the tragic news about poor Natasha Richardson. Her family must be devastated. My sincerest condolences to all." (Us Magazine)

As our own little farewell, here's a clip of Natasha as one of our favorite guest judges on this past season of Top Chef...

Top Chef's Padma Lakshmi (Richardson was a guest judge):
"She was great. She was lovely. She was just like one of the gang. She was very, very articulate. She was very, very opinionated. She was very compassionate. She had a very sophisticated palate." (Us Magazine)

Previously:

Top Chef: New Girl Crush

Today In PSA's: Oprah's Broadcast Is For "All The Rihannas" -- But Tyra's Got Something To Say Too

Jake Kalish — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 15:23:00 GMT

Today's live Oprah Winfrey Show is about victims of dating violence, and comes on the heels of Winfrey reminding her audience that one in four women in the US are battered at one time or another, saying on Friday's show:

Love doesn't hurt. I've been saying this to women for years. If a man hits you once he will hit you again.

This, obviously, was said on the heels of pop singer Rihanna's alleged (that's something we still have to say, right?) abuse at the hands of Chris Brown the night of the Grammys -- but if you think that Rihanna's the only celebrity whose abuse will be discussed, think again, as another daytime diva will be sharing her story. The question his... how much?

Winfrey says the Thursday episode is "dedicated to all the Rihannas of the world" and will include guest Tyra Banks.

Now, Tyra's spoken of her own abuse before, but has never divulged who it was that mistreated her. Speculation has long held that the likely culprit is director John Singleton, who, you know, if you've ever seen Baby Boy before, well, OK.

Will Tyra set the record straight? Should she? Would it help the discussion or cloud the issues? We're really interested to know what you think, so drop us a comment!

PREVIOUSLY:

Will Nickelodeon Give Chris Brown A Kid's Choice Award?

Kanye West Defends Chris Brown on VH1's "Storytellers"

MTV to Air "Chris Brown & Rihanna: Love In Trouble"

Why Did Chris Brown and Rihanna Bail on the Grammys?

Oprah Winfrey Shares The Cover Of Her Magazine

Jake Kalish — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 20:03:00 GMT

For the first time in the nine-year history of O: The Oprah Magazine. And who do you think the big O deemed Winfrey-worthy?

First lady Michelle Obama.

Issue hits the stands March 17th. Guess the puppy war hasn't started yet, or at least hadn't when the cover was shot. Oh, but it's coming.

PREVIOUSLY:

Oprah Adopts A Puppy

Jake Kalish — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 17:30:00 GMT

We don't usually do puppy news, but it's Oprah, Ruler of the Heavens and Earth. Plus, it gives us an excuse to put up a picture of a puppy. This is the word so far: it's an 8-week old blonde cocker spaniel.No name yet. A shelter dog, of course, 'cause it's Oprah. She's probably already given that dog a new car. So Oprah Winfrey was very influential in getting Barack Obama elected, but now she's stolen some of the Presidential family's thunder by picking a puppy before they do. Could this be the first crack in their relationship? God, imagine if Oprah and Barack became enemies. It'd be like The Hulk fighting Superman. He could be like "This puppy news, that's my thing. Step off." And she could say "You think you're the only star allowed to adopt a puppy?" And he'd say "but couldn't you have shut up about it?" And she'd say "Have you ever watched my show? Would I ever shut up about that?"

This is an elaborate fantasy, and it results in her ripping into his stimulus package, and him wondering aloud what the Stedman thing is all about. Then they become archenemies, and square off in the 2012 Democratic Primary. That, or just throw thunderbolts at each other on Mount Olympus.

Today on "Oprah": Our Girl Crush on Jennifer Hudson Increases

Lindy Parker — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 20:30:00 GMT

We feel like our relationship with Jennifer Hudson is not unlike our relationship with Emeril Lagasse. There was a long period (when she was on American Idol) when we were not what you would call fans, and in fact, found her personality to be somewhat abrasive. But then, her dress and speech at the 2007 Golden Globes started to turn the tide of our affection back her way...

...as did her follow-up dress on David Letterman the next night...

It was then we decided we might LOVE her, and her recent performances at this year's Grammys and Super Bowl have only confirmed this suspicion. Here's a little preview of her performance on today's Oprah to continue the lovefest...

Previously:

Jennifer Hudson Will Sing At The Grammys

Jennifer Hudson Lip-Synced The National Anthem?

Oprah Blesses Kate Winslet's Real Breasts

Lindy Parker — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 19:00:00 GMT

Obviously, Oprah had many lovely, nuanced compliments for Kate Winslet on her double Golden Globe wins for The Reader and Revolutionary Road, but her first order of business was a benediction on the organic nature of Kate Winslet's rack.

Here's the clip, as well as more of the Kate Winslet/Leonardo DiCaprio BFF love fest (we don't get tired of it)...

Kate Winslet on Leonardo DiCaprio...

Leonardo DiCaprio on Kate Winslet...

Previously:

Golden Globes: Letter With The Stars

Tracy Morgan Won Every Golden Globe Kate Winslet Didn't Get

Everybody Wanted To Watch Oprah Talk About How Fat She Is

Jake Kalish — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 22:25:00 GMT

No matter how it might offend our sensibilities somewhat, Oprah's show about her weight gain was her third-highest ep of the season, getting a 5.7 rating and 13 share. Like we said, watching Oprah's weight is the new national pasttime...

PREVIOUSLY: Our Oprah Archive

Oprah Explains The Weight Gain, In Great Detail, On "Oprah"

Jake Kalish — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 21:44:00 GMT

Love you, Oprah. You're smart, charming, kind, and richer than many countries. And, of course, now there's more of you to love. But gotta say, you have a weird way of being embarrassed, devoting a whole show yesterday to how fat you are. Apparently, it started with blue corn chips, and went downhill from there. Here's what you said about being reduced to headshots on your magazine:

I'd rather not be seen. It's embarrassing for me and I would rather not do it...All this year I've been hiding my body because I didn't want you to see it. Here I am, one of the most visible people in the world, trying not to be seen on the cover of my own magazine. How crazy is that?

Um...not as crazy as having your own magazine, for which you are the cover subject every single month. I mean, come on, Big O, (we call her that sometimes, it's cool) you weren't so embarrassed you threw Gayle a cover, or Dr.Phil. Also, hiding your body is not as crazy as spending a whole show discussing your embarrassment. If you're hiding, Oprah, we see you, along with ten trillion other viewers. Not that we don't care. Of course we care. Everyone cares. Watching Oprah's weight is the national pastime. (That's true - it passed baseball sometime in June.) Still, maybe caring isn't the point? Even for Oprah, this all feels a little Oprah-centric. Maybe Miss Winfrey could go back to being unbelievably generous?

PREVIOUSLY: Our Oprah Archive

All Right, Oprah, Now You're Just Making The Rest Of Us Look Bad

Jake Kalish — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 21:22:00 GMT

Oprah sent a private, donor-funded school in one of Atlanta's toughest neighborhoods a very nice letter commending them for all the good work they were doing . That's the type of thing that'll make The Ron Clark Academy very, very proud. Enclosed in the letter was a check for $365,000. That's the type of thing that'll make The Ron Clark Academy succeed.

The Atlanta school, led by one-time National Teacher Of The Year Clark, got attention this year for their performance "You Can Vote However You Like," which went viral on the interweb. Check it out.

PREVIOUSLY: Our Oprah Archive

Oprah Weighs 200 Pounds, And She's Embarrassed And Mad About It

Jake Kalish — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 14:27:00 GMT

The real question is: how does this make the Living Oprah lady feel?

In January's O Magazine, Oprah writes about how she's back up to 200 lbs.

I look at my thinner self and think, `How did I let this happen again?'

And then she keeps going with the self-abuse.

I'm embarrassed, I'm mad at myself.

Stop, Oprah. Nobody's perfect. America loves you, no matter what your size. What, you're not done?

When it comes to maintaining my health I didn't just fall off the wagon. I let the wagon fall on me. I didn't follow my own fundamental rule of taking care of self first.

Awww. Maybe she really is like us? Except the most powerful woman in the solar system?

Really, her career-long battle with weight sorta makes us like Oprah more. Heroes are better when they're fallible, and dinner is her Kryptonite. Barack Obama can't help himself with the smokes, and his biggest fan and fellow ruler of the heavens and earth can't help herself at mealtime. That little bit of screwing up in otherwise astounding lives makes us feel a lot better about our weak, weak selves.

PREVIOUSLY
"Living Oprah", Making Bank
Are You The Next Oprah Winfrey?

"Living Oprah", Making Bank

Jake Kalish — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 14:23:00 GMT

If you haven't visited the website Living Oprah, here's the deal -- a blogger named Robyn Okrant has devoted this entire year to doing whatever Oprah says on her TV show, magazine, and website. In the process, Okrant has netted herself a book deal. What's good about this is also what's bad about this.

The Chicago Sun-Times interviewed Okrant about her experiment in "immersion journalism", which seems to be all the rage these days, and here's Okrant's explanation of what the hell she's doing:

I'm creating in myself a reflection of Oprah's perfect audience member. It's a many-layered critique about the machine of Oprah Winfrey, but also about women and how we fall into taking the advice of celebrities, assuming someone's gotta have the secret to happiness. Oprah certainly wouldn't advocate taking every bit of her advice, but my hope is that people will reflect on their own lives.

Okay, first of all, you're not allowed to refer to your own book as "many-layered." That's in The Official Rulebook Of Authorship. Otherwise, what Okrant is saying is interesting. Oprah's cultural importance can't be overstated; she is a fully-functional living Goddess, in the literal sense of the word; people follow her religiously. So in that sense, as social commentary, this is dead-on. But...

There is zero chance this book gets published, or the website gets popular, without Oprah's name in the title. So while it may be a "many-layered critique" that makes people "reflect on their own lives," it's also all about hopping on the biggest celebrity train. Not to be cynical, but there will be a quote from Oprah on the back cover, and, we're sure, an appearance on Oprah when the book comes out. Think that didn't influence the publisher? Put it this way - the very women who "fall into taking the advice of celebrities" (and there are millions of them) are potential buyers of this book, because it deals with Goddess Oprah. Congrats to Robyn Okrant for figuring out a way to work the Oprah Winfrey machine.

Are You The Next Oprah Winfrey?

Jake Kalish — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 18:36:00 GMT

CBS, which syndicates The Oprah Winfrey Show, is desperately searching for a replacement if The Big O bails for her brand new Oprah Winfrey Network when her contract expires in 2011. John Nogawski, head of the CBS subsidiary that syndicates Oprah, wants to make it clear he doesn't want the most powerful woman in the universe to go:

We're not rushing her out the door, if anything we want to motivate her to want to stay.

Gee, ya think? Still, says Nogawski,

It's our obligation - if we are conducting our business properly - to identify people who identify with the viewer.

So get those applications ready, billionaires-in-waiting.

“The Tyra Banks Show” is Moving

Olivia Purnell — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 19:05:00 GMT

That’s right. Tyra is taking her own special brand of Oprah meets super model meets drag queen meets female empowerment/beautification to the CW network. Until now, The Tyra Banks Show was part of Warner Bros. Domestic TV Distribution, aka WBDTV (Who knew?). The CW already airs Tyra’s fierce and fabulous disaster, America’s Next Top Model. Now they hope to really rake in the viewers with a double dose of Tyra. Telepictures prez Hilary Estey McLoughlin says:

The move will enable Banks "to continue her success while collaborating with the network to cross-promote her brand in both daytime and primetime, maximizing her audiences and impact on one home." (thr.com)

Whatevs. As long as we get more of this:

Vaseline!!!!!

Oprah's Fiscally Responsible Holiday

Lindy Parker — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 21:00:00 GMT

We have so many reasons to love Oprah (she so cool and fabulous!) -- she cares about our sister's marriage, our dad's prostate and the health of our future kids, and this holiday season, there's one more thing she cares about...

Our wallets. This year, Oprah's "Favorite Things" show will feature only items that an average family can afford. Now, obviously it sucks to be this year's studio audience who are expecting to receive an arsenal of exhorbitantly priced favorite things from O per usual. But, for those of us at home, waiting with pen in hand and holiday planner in lap to scribble down gift ideas for the season, it's nice to know we might actually be able to afford this year's items -- you know last year's $800 HD camcorder had us clutching our pearls...

Today On "Oprah": Crying Shoulders R US

Lindy Parker — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 21:04:00 GMT

God, we love Oprah. And believe us, if she was sobbing and in need of any one of our shoulders, you better believe we would offer them. So we can't blame Sam Perry, the Obama campaign volunteer, who was gracious enough to allow Oprah to sob away to her heart's content on his own ample shoulder at Barack Obama's election rally in Chicago on Tuesday. Also not surprising, Oprah invited the benevolent Mr. Perry to be a guest on this afternoon's show to express her gratitude. Here's what's weird though, apparently, Oprah's people found out his name and tracked him down after photographs started surfacing of the pair together. If you spent the better part of an hour weeping on the shoulder of a complete stranger wouldn't you at least introduce yourself? Ah, well. There was a lot going on.

Oprah On "30 Rock" Tonight, People

Bryan Christian — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 21:50:00 GMT

Just a reminder, guys. She can make a president, but it's gonna take both her AND YOU to save 30 Rock from a precipitous ratings fall from its premiere.

Sarah Palin To Appear On "Oprah" Now That Obama Won?

Bryan Christian — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 21:41:00 GMT

That's what she said yesterday on New York's Power 105.1. Which, you know, was kind of jinx-y, maybe... But all's well that ends with Sarah Palin jumping on a couch, we say.

Click through for the audio!

106 Year Old Needs An Agent, Pronto

Jake Kalish — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 17:34:00 GMT

Barack Obama's victory speech contained some especially moving passages about 106-year old Atlanta voter Ann Nixon Cooper, stuff that made even our crusty, cynical selves tear up like a Jesse Jackson/Oprah sandwich last night.

She was born just a generation past slavery; a time when there were no cars on the road or planes in the sky; when someone like her couldn't vote for two reasons -- because she was a woman and because of the color of her skin.
And tonight, I think about all that she's seen throughout her century in America -- the heartache and the hope; the struggle and the progress; the times we were told that we can't, and the people who pressed on with that American creed: Yes we can.

Good stuff - and especially satisfying because we already knew about this Ann Nixon Cooper. CNN ran a heartwarming piece about her on October 20th. We know, we know, our hearts are getting so warm we're worried they might overheat.

-- Jake Kalish is the author of Santa vs. Satan: The Official Compendium of Imaginary Fights