The Remote Island : The Real World

Congratulations, Scott Wolf And Kelly From "Real World: New Orleans"

Jake Kalish — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 15:22:00 GMT

They had a boy! We're totally going to have to update our Scott Wolf fan site.

Good looking married couple, huh? And can you look more American than these two? God bless the U.S.A. We fight wars for faces like these.

It's their first child, and if you're wondering, yes, everybody's doing the "Party of 3" headline.

The baby's name? Not John, Mike, or Joe, but not weird either. And the same as another celebrity baby boy, born just a few days ago...

Welcome to the world, Jackson Kayse Wolf.

Jackson, huh? That's the same name as Carson Daly's son - and when that kid was born less than two weeks ago, we were decidedly ambivalent,mostly because of Jackson's last name-ishness. Yes, Pollock, Browne. Don't argue with us. We don't like arguments, and we're coming around on the name, perhaps swept away by its newfound popularity with celebrities. See how easily we're influenced by pop culture?

PREVIOUSLY:

Congratulations, Carson Daly!

Congratulations, Charlie Sheen

Congratulations, Alyson Hannigan

OMG, Bailey, Is That You?

"The Real World": "Pedro" TV Movie To Air On MTV April 1st

Jake Kalish — Mon, 09 Mar 2009 20:11:00 GMT

The Real World has become pretty much a well-shot spring break video, with the young, pretty, and dumb making one regrettable decision after another. But it wasn't always that way - back in 1994's Real World: San Francisco, AIDS activist Pedro Zamora was the first-ever gay HIV-positive man on TV, and for many young viewers, he became the human face for both homosexuals and people with HIV. The dude did pretty amazing things in his twenty-two years, and now MTV, MTVU, Logo, and MTV3 will air a TV movie based on his life April 1st. Check out the trailer...

Gay music and video from NewNowNext.com

PREVIOUSLY:

Our Real World Archive

The "Real World" Relocates For The Gajillionth Time

Jake Kalish — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 14:55:00 GMT

Next season's cast will live outside the U.S. of A. And the "winning" city is...

Cancun. The housemates will work will serve as guides to college students visiting Cancun for spring break.

They're going to help give people a safe and fun vacation, co-creator Jonathan Murray said. They also might have to bail somebody out of a Mexican jail, stuff like that.

Yuk, yuk. Blecccch.

PREVIOUSLY:

Our "Real World" Archive

“The Real World: Brooklyn” Keeps it Real?

Olivia Purnell — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 22:00:00 GMT

So, the 20,000th season of The Real World, The Real World: Brooklyn premieres this Wednesday on MTV. Leading up to this mildly anticipated event, MTV has been telling everyone who will listen that The Real World is, was, and will always be the realest of the real. MTV is spreading the reality gospel via The Real World: Secrets Revealed, a special airing basically everytime MTV gets a chance up until TRW:B kicks-off.

The producers would like you to know:

As far as reality television goes, it doesn’t get less scripted than TRW. Apparently, aside from casting polar opposites, following them around with large camera equipment, sending them to packed rock-shows/clubs/bars/spaces with alcohol, and asking all the people they interact with to sign a waver, the show’s producers do not interfere with the real goings on. Brooklyn, of course, promises to be even realer than the last 16 seasons. You know, since it’s Brooklyn and all. Reportedly, a few of the cast members worry out loud about getting shot, in DUMBO. That’s amusing, we guess. Whatevs.

Forgive us for sounding jaded, but this show has been on since 1922. The first cast was driving around in a model T. And as The New York Times aptly points out the whole thing smacks of the early 1990’s. Sexuality, racial Issues, religion . . . all the conflicts, revelations, and resolutions of the latest Real Worlders seem familiar, because they’ve played out 20 times already on designer sofas, chaise lounges, and Sealy Posturepedics in MTV lofts from New York, to Philadelphia, to Los Angeles. Remember Las Vegas, and Hawaii (what a hot mess those seasons were). Of course its Real-ish. But do we still care?

"The Real World: Brooklyn" Will Have A Tranny And A Mormon (Not The Same Person)

Jake Kalish — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 14:33:00 GMT

The cats over at The Brooklyn Paper got a sneak peek at Real World: Brooklyn, set to debut in January, and discovered that not only is one of the cast members a transgendered female (not revealed right away), but one dude won an award for having "the best abs in the East Coast," while another, clearly fake-breasted, was Miss Teen America 2005. Sounds exactly like our real world. That, and their house is Pier 40 in Red Hook - that's right, they've got a goddamned pier to themselves.

Oh, but wait: there's a soldier who served in Iraq. Political! We look forward to thoughtful debates about military policy between Abs and Teen America. Anyway, the cast member who seems to have the best shot at stardom is the fish-out-of water Mormon, who says in the first episode:

Brooklyn is usually spoken of as more a place where you don’t want to go — I just don’t want to get shot down here.

Please please please let the Mormon unknowingly fall in love with the tranny. Now that would be quality television.

OMG, Bailey is that you?

Olivia Purnell — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 22:02:00 GMT

Don’t pretend you don’t know what we’re talking about. You know you watched Party of Five. Remember? Jennifer Love Hewitt, Neve Campbell, Mathew Fox, and Scott Wolf were your best friends on Wednesday nights. Ever wonder what Scott Wolf is up to?

Wonder no more . . .

First of all, Scott Wolf is 40. Yes, 40 years old. It’s like he’s aged at an exponential rate but somehow managed to look exactly like the teenaged orphan Bailey we know and love. Second, Scott has been married to Kelley, former Real World: New Orleans cast member, for four years. If you’re not up on your Real World trivia, she was pretty blond one who was dating a doctor on the show. Third, and pay close attention here, Scott and Kelly are expecting a baby boy (People.com).

Bailey is having a child . . . You know, we bet he’ll be a great dad. All that practice with Owen will definitely pay off.

Previously:

OMG, Kelly Kapowski is that you?

OMG Dawson, Is That You?

"Real World: Brooklyn" Cast Getting A Head Start On That Inevitable Backlash

Jake Kalish — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 15:32:00 GMT

They just want to be left alone! On TV!

The oh-so pretty college-age cast of Real World: Brooklyn showed up to a red carpet event the other night but refused to be photographed on the red carpet, which we think means they're now failing Reality Show 101. Apparently, their reticence is due to a Village Voice blog post and slideshow that called them "dopes" and "tacky tanning fiends" when they attended a Fashion Week party. Maybe they were actually doing the photogs a courtesy by not forcing them to recalibrate their orange balance?

At any rate, can we safely say that this is an annual trend, like the swans retiurning to Capistrano or starlets running people over? Every single year, it seems, A Real World cast shows up someplace, starts hanging out, and soon enough that city's residents get all kinds of furious that their pure, unadulterated town is being horribly sullied by a few party-loving 18-22 year olds and the cameras that follow them. Right... 'cause towns like Vegas, New Orleans, Austin, and New York are austere shrines to sobriety and tradition?

- Jake Kalish is the author of Santa vs. Satan: The Official Compendium of Imaginary Fights

Top Five Surprising Reality TV Couples

Lindy Parker — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 17:25:00 GMT

We were pretty weirded out when Jennifer Hudson got engaged to the guy from I Love New York 2, but then it became like learning a new word -- suddenly there were weird reality TV couples everywhere. It's kind of blowing our mind, and we're not even counting the shows that are specifically designed for hookup's (The Bachelor, et al) -- do these reality show casts just hang out together and pair off?

A couple of our favorite bizarre reality couplings...

Johnny Fairplay and Michelle Deighton -- This is by far the weirdest pair for us. Johnny, the loony Survivor cast member who fabricated a dead grandmother story to get ahead in the game, and Michelle, the lady wrestler from America's Next Top Model. Given the incredible crassness of this video, we can't even fathom what life is like around their house.

Jack Mackenroth and Dale Levitiski -- Yes! We've so been waiting for a Project Runway-Top Chef romance. Their kids are going to be the best-dressed,most well fed children the world has ever seen.

Jeff Probst and Julie Berry -- Okay, this was kind of inevitable, no? We knew it was just a matter of time before the Survivor host fell for one of the castaways.

Rob Mariano and Amber Brkich -- We don't care what you say. Hate on Amber and Rob if you must, but we LOVE them. Rob's hardcore Boston accent ("Am-bah, you make me feel important and sm-aht."), Amber's elfin beauty -- it all works for us. Also, her hair looked amazing at their wedding.

Sean Duffy and Rachel Campos -- We can all get behind a Real World wedding right? And anyway, we always had kind of a soft spot for Sean and his flannel shirts.

Locals Accuse "Real World/Road Rules Challenge" of Being Literal Trash TV

Ben Kallen — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 20:25:00 GMT

Last week on Mad Men, the Draper family had a picnic in a pristine, beautiful park... then left behind all their trash and junk for someone else to pick up. It was a metaphor for how people 50 years ago were happy to despoil the earth, with no regard for the consequences. But that sort of thing would never happen these days, right?

Not so fast, Real World/Road Rules Challenge.

MTV's reality competition show recently filmed on Isla Colon in Panama, and, according to a local eco-blogger, left a huge mess behind afterward. (Check out the photos here.)

During filming, he writes, residents picked up garbage bags "filled with trash that included a number of items identifiable as belonging to MTV with MTV-related information on them. There were copies of script, giving us an 'advance' notice of what participants would be saying to each other and to the camera when the show was aired." (A reality show with a script? Who'da thunk it?)

What's worse, he writes, is what he found when the filming had ended. "Toward the end of July, we were told that the 'show' was over and that the crew and the participants were gone. One of our students and I took a walk out toward the area to see what was to be seen.... The place looked like a trash dump and there was an area of devastation inconsistent with the surrounding forest. MTV had packed up and gone and there was nothing left behind that could be compared with what had been there before. I have seen the aftermath of a tornado and this was almost as bad."

MTV responded to the charges, saying that that they hadn't cut down any trees in the area, and that the photos were taken before their cleaning crews had a chance to come by and fix everything. Frankly, we believe 'em -- as media companies go, MTV seems pretty responsible, and there's no reason to think they wouldn't have cleaned up after themselves eventually. (Anyway, the physical destruction described here is nothing compared to the emotional damage caused to drunken urban hotties when The Real World itself comes to town.)

Image: MTV

Previously:
RW/RR Challenge: Who the Hell Are These People?
Alcoholic Housemate Finds The Real World Not a Good Place for Sobriety

"RW/RR Challenge": Who The Hell Are These People?

Lindy Parker — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 19:23:00 GMT

Basically, what happened in our minds is this: The Real World was awesome and semi-interesting for about six years (through Boston...or maybe Seattle when Stephen slapped Irene). These days it's pretty much just fraternities/sororities gone wild, but with slightly less nudity. At least, we think that's what it's like (we haven't seen an episode since that guy from San Diego got his ass kicked in the street for no apparent reason and had to have surgery).

The point is -- and judge us if you must -- even after the Real World was off our radar, we still secretly enjoyed those ridiculous RW/RR Challenges because a) RW queen bee, Coral, is so hilarious in sound-byte form ("I'm a thirty-eight double D! One boob could kick her ass." Ha! Coral is our favorite), and b) the first RW/RR challenge brought Yes (hottest Road Rules cast member ever) back into our lives. But now, with each passing year, the whole thing is just sad. Most of the cast members that any of us recognize are long gone, and we're left to watch these college drop-outs dance around in vats of tapioca or whatever.

We'll be honest, we didn't actually watch MTV's latest challenge, The Island, last night (this just proves our point -- even people who write about TV minutiae for a living aren't into watching it), but we did watch a ten-minute summary video on mtv.com and here, in no particular order, are the most eye-roll inducing quotes:

1. "I'm used to living in the laps of luxury. I take very good car of myself. I don't know how to survive. I don't know how to cook and clean. I'm from New Jersey; our mom's do that shit for us there." -- Kenny, on the primitive nature of the island accomodations. Our reaction: Luxury has more than one lap?

2. "I'd take a bullet right in the ass for that girl." -- Cohutta, on his semi-romatic relationship with Kellie Anne. Our reaction: There was a Real World: Sydney?

3. "Is this going to turn into a relationship? Are we going to have little challenge babies?" -- Johanna, on her onscreen hookup with Kenny. Our reaction: Is there a chance that these shows will be on the air long enough for that to happen? Was Kenny ever a cast member on either show? No, right?

Dude, Have You Seen Puck Recently?

Bryan Christian — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 13:27:00 GMT

TMZ has a Puck squad, apparently, a crack team of journalists who spend their days trailing the ex-Real Worlder as he, um, goes to clubs and brags about impregnating lesbians and pays his traffic tickets. Bravo, TMZ -- we were hurting for an example of how not to age!

Video Weekend: Top 7 Reality-Show Contestants Who Weren't There To Make Friends

Ben Kallen — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 21:28:00 GMT

Last week, we showed you the hilarious video above -- a montage of dozens of reality-show contestants all delivering the same message, that they're not there to "make friends."

But which ones really meant it? Here's our video guide to the Top 7 most antisocial, exploitive and downright devious reality-show contestants ever.

7. Wendy Pepper. On the first season of Project Runway, 40-year-old Pepper was called "backstabbing," "cunning" and "a cockroach" by the younger contestants. No, they didn't like her very much, especially after a few profane tirades and some biting public critiques of their work. When the Washington Post later asked her to explain her behavior, of course, there was only one thing for her to say: "I wasn't up there to be friends."

Below, Pepper explains her strategy of exploiting fellow contestants' weaknesses:

6. Lisa Fernandes. One of the final three contenders on the most recent season of Top Chef, Fernandes actually seemed like a good cook, at least when it came to Asian cuisine. But her dyspeptic personality, pugnacious attitude and endless capacity for casting blame made her pretty much despised by her fellow contestants. Heck, she didn't even seem to want the judges to like her.

In this clip, Lisa tattles on fellow chef Andrew for a minor rule-breaking incident, seemingly driving him insane in the process:

5. Jonny Fairplay. The Survivor contestant with a nickname that proved the exact opposite of his personality, Jon Dalton constantly lied and switched alliances to improve his odds in the game. Even genial Jeff Probst came to hate the guy, later calling him an "absolute jackass." In perhaps the most devious move ever attempted on reality TV, Fairplay tried to gain sympathy by having a friend falsely inform him that his grandmother had died. Take a look:

4. Puck. MTV casting agents went looking for a punk type for The Real World: San Francisco. What they ended up with was David "Puck" Rainey, an obnoxious, hygiene-challenged bicycle messenger who wore a swastika T-shirt, needed constant attention and antagonized his housemates, particularly AIDS educator Pedro Zamora. He became the first cast member ever to be evicted from the show.

That didn't mean MTV was done with him, though. Below, Puck's infamous spit fight with fellow contestant David on The Real World/Road Rules Challenge:

3. "Evel Dick" Donato: Brought on to reconnect with his estranged daughter during a gimmicky season of Big Brother, Evel Dick was, well, an evil dick. This aging Hollywood rock scene hanger-on treated the contestants he didn't like, and especially the women, with a viciousness that bordered on abuse. He claimed his habit of screaming at the others was part of his "strategy" -- but that didn't explain his obsession with unpopular fellow contestant Jen. He constantly got in her face, berated her with foul language, poured a glass of iced tea on her head, and at one point seemed to be trying to burn her with a cigarette. (Why didn't the producers kick him out after all this? Oh, yeah -- it helped the ratings.) Outrageously, this behavior worked, since the douchebag ended up winning.

Below, a relatively calm example of Dick's hateful misogyny packaged as entertainment:

2. Richard Hatch. The first winner of Survivor was so devious, dishonest and manipulative that it wouldn't have surprised us if the other contestants had taken him out to the middle of the ocean and left him there. (Walking around naked didn't help his social standing, either.) And yet, after screwing over virtually everyone on the island, he managed to talk a majority into voting for him to win. So while he had few friends in the end, he did have a million bucks. (The IRS later proved less susceptible to his gift of gab after he "mistakenly" neglected to pay taxes on the money.)

Here's Hatch at his best during an immunity challenge: First he tries to annoy the hell out of everybody, then he throws the competition, and then he makes fun of the saps who remain:

1. Omarosa. This Apprentice contestant wanted to be seen as cold, calculating and downright evil -- how better to catch the eye of Donald Trump? It worked so well that she was given a spot on Celebrity Apprentice, despite never actually having done anything other than create conflict in the boardroom. Now she's well-known enough to go by a single name -- just like Madonna, Cher and Stalin. This video montage shows why anyone naive or unlucky enough to work with her should be very, very afraid:

Okay, who'd we miss? Let us know in the comments.

Previously:
"I'm Not Here To Make Friends!"