The Remote Island : lawsuits

Sean Stewart of "Celebrity Rehab" Settles Lawsuit Over Bar Brawl

Jake Kalish — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 14:36:00 GMT

So a few days back we posted about our favorite cast member of Celebrity Rehab With Dr. Drew, Jeff Conaway. (Is "cast member" the right term? Patient? Addict? Whatever, we dig Conaway.) Now is the time to discuss our least favorite substance abuser on the show, Sean Stewart, who this past week settled a case over a 2006 bar brawl that left a guy named Daniel Refoa with a broken nose, among other injuries.

Now, don't get us wrong - we hope Sean "Son of Rod" Stewart gets clean and all that. But we don't have to like the guy. Maybe it's the fact that only nepotism and overindulgence made Sean Stewart sort of famous in the first place; he got known for going apeshit and having way too much of everything at Hollywood glamour parties, a "skill" that got him onto an A&E reality show about nepotism and overindulgence, Sons Of Hollywood. Sean Stewart wrote and sang the theme for Sons of Hollywood. It's called "The In Crowd", and it goes like this, sung in the manner of Vince Neil:

This is the life/This is the life/This is the life/of the in crowd!

Shut the fuck up, dude. But there's more not to like about Sean Stewart. There's his snivelly voice, dripping with entitlement. His constant use of "bro" and "homes" in casual conversation. That face you just want to punch. Seriously, we would like to get in a bar brawl with Sean Stewart. Although we aren't members of this "in crowd", so we probably couldn't get into the VIP room to kick the living shit out of Sean. And it shouldn't be a bar brawl, we don't want to mess with his sobriety. A tea-sipping brawl, after we openly discuss our feelings, and the problems in our childhood.

Okay, perhaps violence is not the answer. We would like Sean Stewart to get himself clean and then progressively make more and more of a jackass of himself on worse and worse reality shows. That seems doable.

-- Jake Kalish is the author of Santa vs. Satan: The Official Compendium of Imaginary Fights

Today In Lawsuits: Mystery Loves Monopoly

Bryan Christian — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 17:29:00 GMT

Erik "Mystery" von Markovic is getting sued -- and it ain't for ANY of the things you're thinking of.

The complaint alleges that [The Pickup Artist] elevated the stature of host/"seduction guru"/co-defendant Erik "Mystery" von Markovic and the show's website linked to the website of co-defendant Venusian Arts Corporation, an online seduction "affiliate" who possibly paid a 25% commission of its sales back to Viacom. Together, the arrangement "tilted the balance of the internet seduction advice industry so in favor of Defendants Mystery and VAC...that their market share of and control over this relevant market approaches that of a monopoly."

"Hold up, Remote Island -- some guy is suing Mystery because he's supposed to have gone all Wal-mart on this guy's corner store seduction classes or something?"

Yeah, that's it. That's it exactly.

What are we supposed to do with that? Who do we root for? Besides the sun, which hopefully will get a 5 billion year jump on things, jump start its solar death, and kill us all.

In National “News”: Woman Sues Victoria’s Secret, “Wronged by a Thong”

Nicole Ankowski — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 19:28:00 GMT

We just received a package from Victoria’s Secret in the mail, and while we wish we could sue them for false advertising (and dashed hopes, and the cunning marketing that made us think we actually wanted a green and yellow faux-snakeskin bikini)…we are just going to suck it (and our gut) up.

Not so California resident Marcrida Patterson, 52. She and her lawyer appeared on The Today Show to discuss her claim that “she suffered an eye injury while putting on decorative thong underwear” made by Victoria’s Secret. You know her lawyer couldn’t wait to use the line “Victoria’s Secret does have it’s angels, but as we say, the devil is in the details.”

[via People; image and slightly lowered self-esteem via Victoria’s Secret]