The Remote Island : reality shows

Stay Classyfied: Looking For Young, Attractive Women For Reality TV/Game Show Pilot

Jake Kalish — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 20:44:00 GMT

So this classified ad is already shady, what with the extremely vague details, the "no experience necessary", and the claim that this show will be made by "a seasoned team of television professionals" who provide zero credentials. And then this line:

Full body shots are helpful and a description/location of visible tattoos.

Orange perv alert...

New Reality TV / Game Show: Open Casting (Upper West Side)

Reply to: job-r7r5f-1131208802@craigslist.org ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}
Date: 2009-04-20, 12:09PM EDT

A seasoned team of television professionals is creating a pilot of a new, national reality T.V. series (Title to be determined).

We are looking for young, attractive women, 5'6" to 5'10" tall, with a pleasing, upbeat personality, a good sense of humor and a healthy, open attitude towards sex and dating. You must be able to speak openly about your past dating experiences (and PG-rated sexual experiences) on camera and you MUST be able to take direction. We are looking to hire between 4 and 6 applicants. No experience is necessary for the right candidates, but you should feel comfortable in front of a camera.

Please submit photos and a brief description of yourself (keeping the above description in mind) and all of your past work experience that might apply (if any). Full body shots are helpful and a description/location of visible tattoos.

Thanks.

Compensation: Auditions are non-paid, call-backs are non-paid. Pilot filming will include a day-rate of $250. per performer/per day. (2 day minimum)
This is a contract job.
Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
Please, no phone calls about this job!
Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

PostingID: 1131208802

PREVIOUSLY:

Stay Classyfied: Are You The Next Carrie Bradshaw?

Stay Classyfied: MTV Dating Show Pilot

Stay Classyfied: Looking For "Hot" Attractive, Single Females

MTV Cares

Jake Kalish — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 14:33:00 GMT

Great piece by Tim Arango in the New York Times Saturday about what MTV's new reality show The Buried Life - in which 4 buddies travel around the country fulfilling the wishes of the less fortunate -means about MTV and youth culture in the Age of Obama.

After years of The Hills and My Super Sweet Sixteen, is having a social conscience the hip new thing?

Four buddies set off across the country in an R.V., video camera in tow, to knock items off their “100 things to do before I die” list: kiss the Stanley Cup, get a tattoo, grow a mustache. With plenty of high jinks and adolescent humor, “The Buried Life” seems like the perfect MTV reality show, except for one unexpected twist. At each stop the group helps deserving locals with their own wishes. In Idaho, for example, they took eight children with brain cancer on a shopping spree at Toys “R” Us.

Meet MTV for the era of Obama. After years of celebrating wealth, celebrity and the vapid excesses of youth, MTV is trying to gloss its escapist entertainment with a veneer of positive social messages...

Executives looked at in-house research and the work of William Strauss, a generational expert who gave a presentation to MTV executives last fall, and saw that the country’s young were deeply engaged in the election and becoming more civic-minded.

One point of discussion at the meetings was whether shows about rich young girls were still relevant.

“It was very clear we were at one of those transformational moments, when this new generation of millennials were demanding a new MTV,” said Stephen Friedman, MTV’s general manager, using the term for those born between 1980 and 2000.

In the era that was passing, Mr. Friedman said, “the humor was more cynical, the idea of community seemed earnest and not cool. It’s the opposite now.”

Community is cool? Cool. We know MTV, the network of A Shot At Love With Tila Tequila, would never air a show about guys going around the country doing charity work unless they thought they could make money off it. Here's hoping they do.

PREVIOUSLY:

Stay Classyfied: MTV Dating Show Pilot

Nick Lachey Is "Taking The Stage"

MTV Makes "Ground Breaking" Foray Into Scripted Shows With "HSM" Parody

"The Real World: Pedro" TV Movie To Air On MTV April 1st

Kathy Cox Of "Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader": A Really Good Person In A Really Bad Economy

Fantasia Barrino, The Reality Show

Jake Kalish — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 15:22:00 GMT

Fantasia will star in a new unscripted VH1 reality show, scheduled to begin in 2010. We gotta ask why - and we only ask because we love Fantasia, and have the utmost respect for her enormous talent. Isn't this something less gifted people do to boost their careers? It's kinda like, if you're a standup with a funny routine, you don't need to be a prop comic. Look, this is a list of what Fantasia's done already, just on the merits of her talent: 1 American Idol win. 9 Grammy Nominations. Star on Broadway in The Color Purple. Bestselling autobiography. Star of a Lifetime original movie based on her life. It's true that her music hasn't sold like Kelly Clarkson's or Carrie Underwood's, but she's no Taylor Hicks, either. She's doing great. All right, here's the counterargument, from executive producer Randy Barbato:

Fantasia's life has been an open book, but at 24 years old, her story has just begun...Now that it has found a home at VHI, we look forward to smashing expectations and revealing the fresh, funny and unexpected side of this one-of-a-kind country girl and superstar.

Yeah, okay. We'll take a peek. But we mean this as a compliment, not an insult: we're most interested in Fantasia Barrino when she performs.

Rod Blagojevich In The Costa Rican Jungle Could Be The Best Reality Show Ever

Jake Kalish — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 17:45:00 GMT

Wow. We didn't follow this guy before the scandal, but everything he's done subsequently has made us question if he ever had dignity. At least Eliot Spitzer apologized profusely, and is writing all kinds of grown-up political articles. Not Blago. Nope, word is he's asking for permission to leave the country to go to the Costa Rican jungle and film a humiliating reality show. Well, we say humiliating, but it appears Rod Blagojevich is incapable of being humiliated.

NBC says it wants Blagojevich, who pleaded not guilty to federal racketeering and fraud charges Tuesday, to appear on its upcoming show "I'm a Celebrity ... Get Me Out of Here!"

A network statement says 10 celebrities will be dropped into the Costa Rican jungle "to face challenges designed to test their skills in adapting to the wilderness."

Great, fallen NBC is trying to use fallen Governor to boost their ratings. But he'd never do that, would he? Oh hell, yeah, he would:

Blagojevich's legal problems could end the venture before it begins. The ousted governor's bond does not allow him to leave the United States.

An attorney close to his legal defense says Blagojevich is seeking permission from a judge to leave the country to appear on the show.

No sane judge would grant that permission, but then we thought no sane judge would give Kenley Collins a $120 fine for throwing a cat at a sleeping man. There may be insane judges all over the place. And if an insane judge grants permission, Blago in the jungle could be Must-See TV. Although if it were up to us we'd be even happier seeing him on Lie To Me.

But that won't happen.

PREVIOUSLY:

Letterman Tore Blagojevich Apart, BTW

Blago On Letterman Tonight

Stay Classyfied: Are You The Next Carrie Bradshaw?

Jake Kalish — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 14:33:00 GMT

They don't mean the dresses, shoes, and overall fabulousness. They mean the love, sex, and relationship advice...

TV Casting: Are you the next Carrie Bradshaw? (Burbank)

Reply to: realitytelevisioncasting@gmail.com ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}
Date: 2009-04-14, 11:53AM PDT

Are you the Carrie Bradshaw of your friends? Do people constantly ask you for advice on love, relationships, career or family? Have you ever dreamed of writing an advice column for a major fashion magazine?

An award-winning production company is currently casting energetic contestants for a chance to win a coveted position at a major fashion magazine. If you are between the ages of 18 & 24 and have what it takes to dispense the best advice possible, email the following to realitytelevisioncasting@gmail.com:

1. Name and Age
2. Location
3. Current Picture(s)
4. Contact information (Phone Number)
5. A brief explanation why you would be a great advice columnist

Location: Burbank
Compensation: TBD
Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
Please, no phone calls about this job!
Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

PostingID: 1122193934

PREVIOUSLY:

Chris Noth Is A Classy Muthaf----r

"Sex And The City" Sequel On A Budget

Stay Classyfied: MTV Dating Show Pilot

Stay Classyfied: Casting Handsome, Charming Playboy For Major Cable Reality Show

"Out Of The Wild: The Alaska Experiment", Premiering Tonight At 10 On The Discovery Channel [VIDEO]

Jake Kalish — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 20:44:00 GMT

Here's the show: nine regular folks are dropped into the middle of the Alaskan wilderness as winter approaches, after only three days of survival training. They have limited supplies, and have to make it back to civilization. Out Of The Wild is already getting some great advance reviews, and this promo certainly is awesome...

PREVIOUSLY:

"Man vs. Wild": That's Why People Don't Go To Antarctica, Bear Grylls

Photo Of The Day: "Mythbuster's Fridge"

Today In WTF: "Survivor's" Richard Hatch Wants To Seve His Sentence In Argentina

Dutch TV Jury Finds Osama Bin Laden Not Guilty Of 9/11 Attacks

Jake Kalish — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 16:12:00 GMT

On the Dutch TV show Devil's Advocate, a jury of two men and three women, along with the studio audience, found there was no proof Bin Laden masterminded the September 11th attacks, and that his connection to the attacks was the result of "Western propoganda."

Well, that's offensive. Does this mean we have to like, not take our trip to Amsterdam in protest? Can't we protest there? We think our protest could really be most effective in, say, a "coffee shop" in the red light district...

The show features star defense attorney Gerard Spong standing up for some of the world's worst criminals.

In the latest show, Spong was able to convince the jury that bin Laden's connection to September 11 was a product of "Western propaganda." The jury also ruled there was insufficient evidence to prove bin Laden was the real head of terrorist network al-Qaida. The jury did rule, however, that bin Laden is a "terrorist who has misused Islam."

Hey, ya think? Sure you want to go that far, Dutch TV jury?

PREVIOUSLY:

Dutch Prepare For The Apocalypse, Fox News Giggles

"You're Fired" For Real: "Someone's Gotta Go" Makes Downsizing A Reality Show

Founder Of New York Islamic TV Station Aimed At Countering Muslim Stereotypes Confesses To Beheading His Wife

"Simpsons" Episode Praised By The Council On Islamic-American Relations

Stay Classyfied: MTV Dating Show Pilot

Jake Kalish — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 19:15:00 GMT

Are you ready for a "new age" dating show? Not sure exactly what this is, but they went out of their way to make it sound not skanky. Which, considering it's an MTV dating show pilot, we're not buying. Check it out...

MTV Dating Show Pilot

Reply to: job-nk3cy-1112630562@craigslist.org ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}
Date: 2009-04-08, 6:35AM PDT

New age game show. Network of friends will challenge each others ability to convince/be believed. One guy and three girls he has dated. No drama. Not going to be Springer-ish, nor Dr. Phil-ish. Just pure good natured fun! Casting both men and women for the project.

TO APPLY, CLICK HERE

Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
Please, no phone calls about this job!
Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

PostingID: 1112630562

PREVIOUSLY:

Stay Classyfied: MTV Wants To Give YOU "A Shot At Love"

Stay Classyfied: Be An MTV VJ! Sort Of!

Stay Classyfied: MTV Casting Call! Looking For HOT Couples!

Possible Octomom Reality Show A Clear Sign The Apocalypse Is Approaching

Jake Kalish — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 13:35:00 GMT

Rumor has it Nadya Suleman, otherwise known as the batshit-crazy and rabbit-fertile Octomom, will indeed get her own reality show. Also, four horsemen are headed this way...

Yes, America’s Octomom has a “reality” show in the works with a television network or an online company, and it will begin as soon as the last octuplet comes home from the hospital, according to In Touch Weekly .

Suleman’s show will chronicle the lives of her and her brood of 14 kids, including the uber-fertile mom’s search for romance. Run, gentlemen, run!

“It’s about Nadya trying to raise 14 children while looking for love,” an insider told the mag. It will reportedly be a cross between TLC hit “Jon & Kate Plus 8” and “The Bachelor.”

Although there is very little information about the show available, Suleman has one condition: She refuses to be called “Octomom,” demanding the term not be used on the show. Such a diva already!

You may remember that back in February, the serial mother was quick to pooh-pooh the possibility of any reality TV show deals.

“I think that’s exploitation of my kids,” the controversial mother told the National Enquirer . “I’m not a celebrity!”

Yes, the book or TV show or something was cruelly inevitable - but that doesn't make it any less infuriating. Please, Dear God, don't let this woman have a reality show. Let's not celebrate this.

PREVIOUSLY:

Is TLC Encouraging More Octomoms?

Mother Of Octuplets Rakes In The Ratings

"17 Kids And Counting" Goes For Kid Number 18. And This Is Good Why?

"You're Fired" For Real: "Someone's Gotta Go" Makes Downsizing A Reality Show

Jake Kalish — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 14:33:00 GMT

This is so creepy and frightening...

AMSTERDAM, April 7 (Reuters Life!) - A new reality show from the Dutch-based creator of the hit TV series 'Big Brother' will allow staff at companies struggling in the global recession to choose which colleague should be fired.

In each episode of 'Someone's Gotta Go', developed by production company Endemol, workers at a struggling business will choose who should get a salary cut or raise and who should be fired based on information about pay and past performance.

"It will be an interesting experiment to reverse the power roles," said a spokesman for Endemol, which is partly owned by Italy's Mediaset.

Endemol, which developed internationally popular reality television show formats such as "Big Brother" and game show "Wipeout", has sold the format to Fox Television in the United States and hopes to broadcast it in other countries, the spokesman said.

Yeah, "an interesting experiment," like the ones Josef Mengele did. Sorry to drop the Holocaust bomb there, but isn't there something horrifying about offering an incentive for people to turn against their colleagues?

How about this show: You're living peacefully at home. All of the sudden a totalitarian government decides you should be killed. You hide in a co-worker's attic. Then the producers of a reality TV show offer that co-worker $1 million to turn you in! That's entertainment!

Yeah, dropped the Holocaust bomb again. Our bad.

PREVIOUSLY:

R.I.P. Jade Goody

Jade Goody: Life And Death On Camera

Television Is An Essential Good

"The Apprentice": Why Is "You're Fired" So Damned Good?

R.I.P. Jade Goody

Lindy Parker — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 15:02:00 GMT

If there is an afterlife, and if, hypothetically, all the celebrities (and pseudo-celebrities) get to ride in the VIP section of the bus to Heaven, we wonder what Natasha Richardson, Ron Silver and Jade Goody would talk about...

Jade Goody, an obscure dental technician who parlayed an appearance on the British reality television show “Big Brother” into a career as a full-time celebrity, even as she became terminally ill, died of cervical cancer early Sunday at her home in Essex. She was 27.
Ms. Goody learned she had cancer last summer. Having sold even the most picayune details of her life for the previous six years to tabloid newspapers and celebrity magazines, she resolved to do the same for her death: “I’ve lived my whole adult life talking about my life,” she told an interviewer from her hospital bed. “I’ve lived in front of the cameras. And maybe I’ll die in front of them.”

The cameras were not present at the moment of Ms. Goody’s death. (New York Times)

Not to be insensitive here, because obviously this is tragic news, but all we can think about reading this account is: after all this hype about living and dying on camera, who got fired for taking a coffee break and missing the big moment of her passing?" Maybe OK! Magazine (who owned the rights to her speedy wedding, and deathbed coverage) felt guilty about pre-emptively publishing the years of her birth and death prior to her actually dying, and then got cold feet about putting a camera in her face during her final hours?

Previously:

Jade Goody: Life and Death on Camera

Shilpa Shetty: Why She's Kind of a Badass

Jerry Seinfeld Does Reality TV?

Olivia Purnell — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 21:00:00 GMT

Wait, Jerry Seinfeld? Do actor/comedians do reality television if they’re actually famous/successful?

Denise Richards was in, what, Starship Troopers? He’s Seinfeld . . .

But apparently, his new gig goes hand in hand with the old school Seinfeld vibe. Jerry pitched the marriage based reality show as a “companion piece” to the sitcom.

The hour-long show, tentatively titled The Marriage Ref, “features celebrities, comedians and athletes who will judge couples in the midst of marital disputes while recommending various strategies to resolve their problems.”

And although Jerry is behind the camera (as creator and executive producer) he might pop on-screen for a cameo or two, to boost the show’s star power.

We’re just not sure about this. But Seinfeld says “This is not a therapy show, it’s a comedy show. After nine years of marriage, I have discovered that the comedic potential of this subject is quite rich.” Oh, we get it! Marital problems are hilarious. Bickering, Adultery, and falling out of love are funny.

Jerry, we adore you. But we’re still skeptical.

(thrfeed.com)

CBS' "Thunder Road" Sure Sounds Like Socially Irresponsible Television

Jake Kalish — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 18:50:00 GMT

A new pilot in which "two teams risk demolition while driving a course stocked with challenging obstacles"? Woooo! Me and my boys could do that!

WTF, people? Really? And it's executive produced by McG, the guy who did those Charlie's Angels movies and is directing the upcoming Terminator: Salvation, the movie where Christian Bale went all apeshit crazy and deservedly got mocked by James Lipton? Hey, McG's so cool he goes by one name with two capital letters! Woooo! Let's all drive obstacle courses and risk demolition! We'll bring the beer!

Why Are Reality Shows More Diverse Than Scripted Shows?

Jake Kalish — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 15:40:00 GMT

Excellent piece by Greg Braxton of the LA Times about how reality television on the major networks is far more racially and culturally diverse than scripted television, which still generally reflects a white, male, young, and affluent society.

Braxton delves into why Reality TV is more multi-culti:

The culture mix is driven by more than just political correctness. Although reality shows aren't directly in the business of bringing racial and ethnic enlightenment to America, they are in business. For shows that thrive on conflict and drama, a collection of cast members from varied backgrounds often serves that goal. Unresolved issues surrounding race, class and sexual orientation can either quietly fuel tension on programs or generate outright emotional explosions.

"I don't believe the makers of unscripted programs are necessarily all pro-social," said Jonathan Murray of Bunim-Murray Productions, whose shows include MTV's reality veteran "The Real World." "A lot of times it comes down to the fact that diversity just makes those shows better."

Jade Goody: Life and Death on Camera

Lindy Parker — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 21:30:00 GMT

List of things we'd never want to do on TV: 1) Give Birth, 2) Get engaged, 3) Get married, 4) Receive news that we have a fatal disease, 5) Die. Apparently, British reality TV star, Jade Goody, doesn't share our feelings...

Goody's boyfriend Jack Tweed, 21, proposed to her in hospital after learning that she has just months to live..."They need to get married as soon as possible," her spokesman, the publicist Max Clifford, said last night. "She's a young girl who's petrified, who's been told she's dying, and she's coping with it brilliantly."
It has been reported that Goody plans to hold a "traditional" wedding ceremony unless she becomes too weak to leave hospital. Asked if she would sell the picture rights, Clifford said: "I assume so. I'm going to try to make as much money for her as I possibly can in the coming weeks for the sake of the children." (Guardian)

Okay, after reading the whole article, we realize we may have been a bit judge-y in the beginning. Truthfully, if we were broke, dying, had two children, and the only way to make sure they were set up for life was to sell the TV rights to our wedding/deathbed goodbyes/funeral....Well, it still sounds like the worst time ever, but we suppose we would consider it. Just goes to show you, never say never.

Previously:

Shilpa Shetty: Why She's Kind of a Badass

5 Tips To Becoming A Reality Show Star

Jake Kalish — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 15:36:00 GMT

Yes, it's true -- you can be a reality celebrity like Tiffany "New York" Pollard. Great piece in this week's Time Out New York by Mike Olson about the New York Reality TV School, which Remote Ben wrote about a few months back -- an acting coach named Robert Galinsky heads the three hour, $139 seminar, along with actual reality-show contestants, which teaches people how to, in his words, "be authentic," and therefore get on a reality television show. Olson makes a good point:

you might find the idea of people learning how to be themselves pretty damn ridiculous.

But Galinsky has a counterargument:

It's beyond reality at this point. It's personality TV. And you don't even have to come in first place to be noticed.

True. Surreal, but true. And if this whole learning to be realer thing wasn't weird enough, word is Galinsky is about to sign his own TV deal, for a reality show about a reality TV school. We know, that just blew your mind. Anyway, here are TONY's tips for how to get on a reality show, in case you want to save the $139. We especially like the part where they tell you to "be uncomfortable":

Get the part!
A very small taste of what students learn at New York Reality TV School.

1. Do your homework. You have seen the show you’re trying out for, right? Right?! Find one that makes sense for you. Just because What Not to Wear is casting doesn’t mean you need to apply.

2. Don’t act like an actor. Be sincere. If the producers wanted to hire a professional, they would have.

3. Practice your story. Know what makes you the right fit and be armed with examples why. Don’t just say you’re “interesting”—share specific experiences that prove you are.

4. Keep sensitive material on the surface. Was Dad a drunk? Did you just cheat on your wife? The people who get the part are the ones who bare their souls.

5. Stay open-minded. Be willing to take chances and be uncomfortable, and you’ll stand out.

"From G's To Gents" Is Our New Boyfriend

Bryan Christian — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 15:28:00 GMT

MTV has a new reality show-and this one’s way more awesome than Legally Blonde The Musical: The Search for Elle Woods. It’s called From G’s to Gents, and it’s hosted by Fonzworth Bentley, and it premiered this past Tuesday at 10 pm. And it’s awesome. Oh we said that already? Yeah, well; its that awesome.

The premise takes 14 G’s (We’re not sure what the G stands for -- Gangsta’s? Goons? Guys you can’t understand what they’re saying?) and has them compete in challenges designed to turn them into gentlemen. Each week, one G gets eliminated, until the last remaining G -- theoretically now a gentleman -- wins a hundred thousand dollars. So yes, it’s basically an all-male version Beauty and the Geek, Top Model and Flavor of Love; they've even got a token stripper!

The first episode proved to be a real gem, with the G’s immediately hitting the bottle (some of them hilariously harder than others), and a heartfelt Creepa taking off his “haterblockers” (that’s G-speak for “sunglasses”) to show his dedication to change. Here’s where G’s to Gents has Top Model beat: both shows have some crazy bitches on them, but there are some guys here who seriously want to change for the better. We’re already rooting for T-Jones and Creepa, the little sweethearts. You should too!

-- Meghan Pleticha

"I'm Not Here To Make Friends!"

Ben Kallen — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 20:25:00 GMT

This is perhaps the greatest reality-show montage we've ever seen -- an obsessed blogger's tribute to the most overused sentence in the history of the genre.

Watch the video, but be warned: You could become obsessed with it yourself. In fact, you may even start incorporating The Sentence into your own conversations. ("Would you pass the salt?" "I'm not here to make friends!")

Thanks for the tip to Richard at Gawker.com, who also contributes these runners-up in the reality-cliché sweepstakes:

"I'm in it to win it." / "I came here to win."

"I'm just playing the game."

"And you know, I'm thinking: 'I could be going home tonight/today.' "

"I think I might be falling for / in love with ____."

"Throw _____ under the bus."

Got some better ones? Let us know.

Previously:
Why The Bachelor Will Never Work

Make the Founding Fathers Proud; Watch VH1's I Love Money

Tila Tequila Shoots for Love, Gets Shot Down

The CW’s ‘Stylista’: ‘Top Model’ + ‘The Devil Wears Prada’ + Feeling a Small Bit of Your Soul Curdle

Nicole Ankowski — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 20:29:00 GMT

Will watching the new Tyra Banks-produced show Stylista corrode your soul? Hopefully not because, yeah, we’ll watch it. But we will try hard not to enjoy what looks to be an hour of torture for aspiring young stylists (with some set help and characterization straight from The Devil Wears Prada).

The new CW show is set to air Wednesdays this Fall. We’re looking forward to more lines like this: “I’m not really a back-stabber in an evil way.” Check out more awful, awful people and crying, crying contestants in these preview clips...

It's Hump Day, How About Some Reality Show Cheesecake?

Bryan Christian — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 16:59:00 GMT

Say, care to hazard a guess who the bombshell acting like a "girl next door" might be?

Why, it's The Girls Next Door's Holly Madison! See what we did there, calling her a "girl next door"? That's called a... um... a pun? No... an... onomatopoeia? Um... um... palin... drome?

Yeesh, we gotta start reading shit what ain't online sometime soon.

[via Popoholic]

"So You Think You Can Dance": Hot Dancing, Rage-Inducing Spelling

Nicole Ankowski — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 20:28:00 GMT

So You Think You Can Dance started in earnest last night, as the top twenty dancers performed in couples for the first time. And, similar to the way we think we are fit to judge the talent of the contestants on Project Runway because we wear clothes, we are able to cast our discerning eyes on these dancers because, of course, we have legs.

So, how did these lithe, nubile kids shape up? We noticed two things very quickly. One: despite over ten hours of audition episodes, we know maybe two of these dancers. Two: their parents cannot spell. Rayven? Kourtni? And what the hell is happening with the name “Kherington”?

Those issues aside, the dances were impressive. The judges stayed true to form – Nigel is still a creepy old man (thankfully a table hid what we presume must have been the horrifying sight of his erection), Mary still hits notes that only dogs can hear, and Dan Karaty would still make us happy by never appearing on a television screen again. His redundancy was astounding, and even he seemed to acknowledge it. As always, we’d pledge a little piece of our soul to Cat Deeley, if she asked us to. (Yeah, us too. _Hot._ -- Ed.)

The dancing itself was great almost across the board. Favorites were probably Joshua and Katee (see what we mean about spelling?), who did a hip hop routine choreographed by the hilariously-named Tabitha and Napoleon. There was a little letter-reading bit at the start that was cheesy, yes, but if you’re watching this show, you already have a high tolerance for cheese. They looked effortlessly in synch most of the time, but it was Joshua’s ability to lift his entire body up to a standing position -- by his ankles, like a Weeble -- that cinched it for us. Also good were Comfort and Chris, dancing the jive. (Comfort spells her name correctly and we appreciate that, and Chris is the guy who was compared to a tree.) The steps may have been a bit off, but they seemed to be having a wonderful time. Another highlight was Twitch, who was fantastic in a Broadway routine and, on a shallow note, is pretty hot when he shaves.

Bottom three predictions? Gev and Courtney, who did a disco routine that was frankly boring but somehow inspired Mary to shout; Rayven and Jamie, who started off the evening with a lackluster hip hop piece (despite Jamie showing off his goods when his pants were pulled down); and Marquis and the frightening, wannabe-Pussycat-Doll Susie, who will probably suffer from the curse of the slow dance. Tonight we’ll see who gets the boot -- and, we hope, get the chance to see another piece choreographed by Wade Robson. We're pretty much wetting ourselves in anticipation of that.

— James Ryan

New “Top Chef Junior” To Put Hormonal Teens In One Large Room with Knives, Fire, Velveeta

Nicole Ankowski — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 19:19:00 GMT

Okay, the Velveeta’s totally a guess. But if the contestants were anything like us as teens, a favorite after-school snack at the house of our best friend/”latchkey kid” Rachel was slices of Wonder Bread, microwaved with a slice of American “cheese” or Velveeta on top. Then we’d remove the thin rind of warm crust, roll the entire shebang into a ball, and — voila! — a cheeseball. Goes great with illicit teen sex.

Just kidding. It went great with Pepsi and stolen R-rated movies.

:: Anyway :::

The new show will be open to contestants aged 13-16. Bravo says: ”With 'Top Chef Junior' we're reaching a growing market and are developing a series that will teach and test the skills of younger aspiring chefs and appeal to the whole family.”

Hormones, acne, rage and food! Who will host? We can’t wait. Read the full release here.

[Via Gawker and Eater]

And the Season 4 “Top Chef” Winner Is…

Nicole Ankowski — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 16:30:00 GMT

Can you guess from this quote?

I didn’t think I won at all. I really had no idea because they said negative things about all of us which in the end feels good because I know that nobody was perfect that day but of course I would have wanted to be much more perfect. But they definitely made it hard for us all to have any idea what happened. You can never read the judges and I just had no idea.

Episode recap, winner interviews, food porn and more, after the jump!

Who knew braised pistachios were the key to ultimate Top Chef glory?

Well, kids, Hillary may have only cracked the glass ceiling, but first female Top Chef Stephanie Izard brought the house down with her innovative dishes. Last night’s big hit (the only dish to earn the word “love” from the judges) was her “Roasted Lamb Medallions with Maitake Mushrooms, Braised Pistachios and Blackberry.” But I’m getting ahead of myself…(and hungry)...

The season finale was really all about the food: choosing it, cooking it, and watching the pretty, pretty judges slurp it up. We began with three guest-star chefs — Eric Ripert, Dan Barber of Blue Hill, and the Spotted Pig’s April Bloomfield— showing up to play assistants to the finalists. Since Stephanie and Richard had won an equal number of challenges, they drew knives to see who could choose their celeb sous chef first. Stephanie won, and chose Ripert. Richard went with Barber, and Lisa was happy to end up with Bloomfield.

One baby-twist here was that each celeb chef came with a set group of proteins; so in essence, you choose your sous chef while also choosing your menu. Once the teams paired up, it was a few quick hours of frantic prep work in the kitchen. The chefs were instructed to create a four-course menu, serving fish, then poultry, then red meat, then (gasp! the horrors!) dessert.

During prep, Stephanie fretted that she micro-managed (and therefore ticked off) Eric Ripert. (who could hate Stephanie?) Lisa, who could start a fight with a fallen log, gets along amazingly well with April Bloomfield. They hugged it out at the end of prep, and Lisa used the term “girl power!” But the most adorable moment of the entire show was when Richard used liquid nitrogen to make bacon ice cream (yes, all those words go together) and all the celebrity chefs gathered around to watch. Seeing the pure joy and excitement of these veterans as they learned something new was awesome.

The next day the chefs show up to — of course — a surprise twist! None of their sous chefs would actually be there to help them cook. Richard was frazzled; Stephanie was not happy with her ricotta pound cake; and Lisa was…happy? Calm? Cool? Collected?

It is the rare reality show that later makes you question reality, but c’mon: was Lisa actually a joy to work with all this time, and the producers took one or two moments of nastiness and used them to create her “personality”? We went through the looking glass on that one, but then it was time for the meals…

Again, Lisa’s dishes looked great, received a surprisingly welcome reception, and I still want to make her Tom Ka Soup with dumplings. You had a feeling that if there hadn’t been cameras there, at least half the judges would have licked their bowls. (And probably at least one would have licked Padma…) Stephanie blew folks away with her red snapper fillet and roasted lamb, but the pound cake was a miss. Richard’s food looked spectacular, and his dessert—a banana “scallop” with bacon ice cream—was much beloved, but overall the judges seemed to think his food lacked taste.

Stephanie’s sautéed red snapper filet with truffled white asparagus and clam broth

Stephanie’s seared quail breast with butter-poached lobster ravioli and mango

Stephanie’s roasted lamb medallions with maitake mushrooms, braised pistachios and blackberry

Stephanie’s ricotta pound cake with lime glaze, pineapple and salted banana cream

Then came the judges’ table, where the final-moment big shocker was Richard saying he “choked.” The judges were floored, and even though they slightly agreed, you could tell no one expected, you know, truth or humility. In the end, the judges praised all three contestants (and I still want some of Lisa’s soup)…but it was Stephanie who was crowned Top Chef.

Here she is, giddy and cute as all get-out:

Top Chef Judge Tom Colicchio to Irate Viewers: Did You Taste the Food?

Nicole Ankowski — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 20:00:00 GMT

We were floored last week when Top Chef contestant (and cutest head band-wearer ever) Antonia was booted from the show, instead of the perpetually disgruntled Lisa. We have a feeling Top Chef judge (and…sex symbol?) Tom Colicchio would tell us, firmly yet lovingly, to shove it.

At least, he kind of did that when questioned about Dale getting kicked off the show (don’t even get him started on Gordon Ramsay)...

I wasn't there that night. When I saw the episode the night it aired, I could see why people were upset. But I didn't taste the food. And this is what I keep lecturing people about when they say we make bad decisions. I think, "Great, I'm glad you were next to me eating food. I don't remember seeing you."

If you're basing your decision on a two-hour discussion and you saw five minutes of that discussion and those five minutes were clearly made to keep people in suspense, then I can understand why you're upset that Dale was gone. But what I know from behind the scenes is that they thought his dish was by far the worst dish that night, and it was such a bad dish that it got him thrown out. It's about food. We judge only on that episode. People think we sit around and watch tape of all the [behind-the-scenes footage of the contestants] before we make a decision? We don't see that stuff. We're not allowed to talk to the contestants during shooting.

Check out more straight-shooting from our fave hot bald judge at Salon, where our our fave red-headed Salon editor Sarah Hepola spoke with him about food, fame, and the possibility of the first female Top Chef.

The Chicago Tribune also chatted with final-three contestant and Chicago resident Stephanie. Learn how she prepped for Puerto Rico here.

Who Will Win Tonight on “Top Chef”?

Nicole Ankowski — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 19:44:00 GMT

More importantly, what will Padma be wearing? No? Okay…The real question: who do you think deserves the title “Top Chef”?

Who’s Tyra Mad At Now?

Nicole Ankowski — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 12:30:00 GMT

Rather, um, who does she wish she could crumple up into a little tiny ball and devour?

Seems Tyra doesn’t have a taste for Talk Soup, or its host Joel McHale. McHale chat-stewed it up with The Onion’s AV Club, and said:

We go after Ryan [Seacrest] all the time, and Ryan is a great sport. He plays clips, that cute little elf munchkin, on his radio show. He's really good to us as well. It's people like Tyra who don't get it and don't like us.

AVC: You don't get a lot of blowback though, do you?
JM: She's the only one that tries to stop us. She's been it. We've heard other people who haven't been exactly happy with us, but then we get other people who are like, "That was great, how you made fun of me!" And I'm like, "Thank you, great! You're welcome."

AVC: What do you mean, trying to stop you? Does she send you angry letters?
JM: "Stop using our clips" and stuff. But it's fair use for a week, according to news rules. You can use 20 seconds of anything the week it airs.

[Jezebel]

Here’s Tyra being an intelligent, articulate talk show host:

Caption This: Last Night on “Work Out” Jackie…

Nicole Ankowski — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 21:03:00 GMT

…showed us yet again she’s a self-absorbed, boring dud? We used to love Jackie. Love her! But the more she thinks she’s become enlightened, the worse she treats everyone else. She says she needs to tone up for her exercise DVD, but if she just lost some of her goddess-complex, she’d look just fine.

Our new fave this season? Rebecca. She’s always been adorable (with a preternaturally hot ass), but now she calls Mama Jackie out when Jackie acts up, but still gives and gives to Jackie’s many (personal) causes. And last night we find out that Rebecca’s going through an awful break-up? And crying all the time? Becca baby, no one told us! We care; we really care.

Somebody new needs their own reality show…

“The Bachelorette” Boys Wear Ellen DeGeneres’ Underwear

Nicole Ankowski — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 19:45:00 GMT

Okay, okay, it was underwear she designed. Or with her show’s logo on it. Or something. We were too distracted to see what exactly made them Ellen-underwear during last night’s Bachelorette, because the sheer fact she had the boys drop trou onstage was pretty amusing. As this clip shows, every rose ceremony should be hosted by Ellen. And her boom box…

Don’t you wish Ellen could interview all of your dates? Or, at least make them take off their pants?

ABC Decided To Ruin "MXC"?

Bryan Christian — Fri, 30 May 2008 18:16:00 GMT

We don't care that ABC decided to make yet another reality show, this one involving ridiculous physical challenges. We don't care they decided to put smart-ass play-by-play guys on it. What we do care about -- what makes us crazy -- is that they so clearly decided to make it a rip-off of MXC: Most Extreme Elimination Challenge -- our favorite show on Spike TV -- but forgot to make it funny. Like, totally forgot. Have you seen a promo for this? The one that we saw was so unfunny that, like, they might have had a first version that was funny and then a guy was like "Mmmm... can we do something about all that funny stuff?" and then they cut it all out.

This in the same season that they're premiering I Survived a Japanese Game Show? What's next? Pimp My Tuk Tuk?