The Remote Island : variety shows

"The Osbournes: Reloaded": Please, Osbournes, Stop Shooting

Jake Kalish — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 18:21:00 GMT

Osbournes: Reloaded was almost impossibly bad television - far worse than we feared. Far worse than Rosie: Live, which was just normal terrible television. No hyperbole, not kidding - this may have been the most cringe-inducing thing in the history of things or cringes. And we like the Osbournes - Jack seems like he's developed into a very cool young man, Kelly's fun, Ozzy's hysterical, Sharon's smart and fierce. But this was horrific. Although it did deliver on its promise to be "like nothing you've seen on television." Hey, don't take our word for it: check out Entertainment Weekly's review, with its headine Repulsive, Repellent, Ridiculous.

That's a good description, in three words. Or perhaps you'd prefer our four-word recap and haiku review...

OSBOURNES: RELOADED RECAP

Curses, farts, food throwing.

HAIKU REVIEW

Osbournes: Reloaded

like watching drunk relatives

dancing in public

PREVIOUSLY:

Ben Kallen's Haiku Reviews

The Osbournes Reload Tonight, We Wonder If Anyone Knows What The Hell This Show Is [VIDEO]

Oh, No, You Did Not Just Say That To Sharon Osbourne

The Osbournes Reload Tonight, We Wonder If Anyone Knows What The Hell This Show Is [VIDEO]

Jake Kalish — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 21:35:00 GMT

The hype for this show, airing tonight at 9:25 on Fox after American Idol, is that "it's like nothing you've ever seen on television." And exec producer James Sunderland wants to make very clear what this isn't: a traditional, Rosie Live-style variety show:

The only reason variety should be mentioned with regard to Osbournes: Reloaded is because it's got a variety of different things in it. It's got music, surprises, reality pieces, studio elements; but that's where the comparison ends. You're not going to see Sharon and Ozzy dancing on the stage with jazz hands or celebrities doing cameos.

Okay, it isn't a regular variety show. So what the hell is it? One gets the sense from reading the interview with the executive producer that not even he knows: he throws out words like "edgy" and "controversial", but then makes sure to point out that it's a "family show" that one should watch with "their grandma." Their edgy, controversial grandma? (Sunderland then points out "the swearing is bleeped." Oh, Grandma will love that.)

The promo gives us no clue what this show is, either - only that it takes a lot of things we've seen before in different types of shows and puts them all in one place:

All right, let's go through this: fast-food? saw that on The Simple Life. The kissing prank? Could be from any one of a hundred shows over the past forty years, could be on Howie Do It. Musical performance? Yeah, that's good. Ozzy can sing. But it's hardly original. Searching for people with your name? Done before, brilliantly, by the British comic Dave Gorman, in Are You Dave Gorman? And little British kids impersonating British celebrities and cursing? Check this out:

So what they mean by "You've never seen anything like this before" is "You've never seen all these things you've seen before on one show!"

Unfocused is not a synonym for original. We're worried.

PREVIOUSLY:

Oh, No, You Did Not Just Say That To Sharon Osbourne

"Rock Of Love" Contestant Suing Sharon Osbourne For Assault

Kelly Osbourne Is Back In Rehab

"America's Got Talent": Fake Ozzy Drives Sharon To Demand "Pants Off Dance Off"

Sharon Osbourne Makes British Tabloid Apologize, Pay Her

Snoop "Dogg After Dark" On MTV

Jake Kalish — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 21:33:00 GMT

The man formerly known as Cordozar Calvin Broadus Jr. is back on MTV, with a new variety show filmed at a Los Angeles nightclub. Dogg After Dark, which was just announced, will premiere Feb. 17th at 9 p.m. (next Tuesday, for the date-challenged) and feature musical performances, sketch comedy, and interviews. But it's always better to hear Snoop describe his own show:

So screw ya wigz on tight and tune in on Tuesday nights for the first step to the next level of Snoop D-O-double-G. 'Dogg After Dark' is the only nightclub TV show hosted by you-know-who. So take a journey with me through the mind, body, soul and musical mind state of the most prolific, authentic game spitter. And tha sh-- is funny, so show me da money!

Will do, Mister Snoop. How much money do you need?

Snoop's ventured into comedy on MTV before, with 2002's Doggie Fizzle Televizzle. Or perhaps you don't remember Cap'n Pimp?

Doggy Fizzle Televizzle - Capn Pimp - MyVideo

PREVIOUSLY:

Brian McKnight To Host Syndicated Variety Show, Possibly Show Rosie How It's Done

John Mayer's Variety Show Is Really Happening, On CBS

Jake Kalish — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 14:30:00 GMT

15 minutes of musical performances, 15 minutes of sketch comedy, and a half-hour of John Mayer giving America his sex look...

CBS has greenlighted John Mayer's variety show, despite the stinkbomb that was Rosie O'Donnell's variety show, which a whole bunch of freaking-out critics, including one smug douche from Vanity Fair, declared would end variety shows forever. Surprise! Another variety show, courtesy of Aniston's bf. We're rooting for the success of Mayer's show just to shut all the Rosie-haters up, although Mayer's explanation of the reasoning behind the show was itself a little douche-y:

I want to return talent to television...I want a show that rewards true talent.

Return talent to television, huh? Great idea. Did all the talent on television evaporate when Rachel and her Friends left the airwaves? Anyway, we'll check out Mayer's show, and hope it'll be better than his blog, which, for the past month and a half, seems to be entirely devoted to baking...

PREVIOUSLY:

Jennifer Aniston Thinks She's Happy But She's Wrong

Everybody Stop Poicking On Rosie O'Donnell (Particularly Vanity Fair)

Brian McKnight To Host Syndicated Variety Show, Possibly Show Rosie How It's Done

Jake Kalish — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 16:26:00 GMT

Remember when Rosie O'Donnell hosted that variety show? That was such a disaster a dude from Vanity Fair said it ended "the faint hope of the rebirth of the variety show?" Well, apparently it's not such a Children of Men scenario for variety shows after all, as some company called Litton Entertainment is pregnant with The Brian McKnight Show, and is due to deliver its singing, dancing baby in fall 2009. Brian "Back At One" McKnight's show will be syndicated, and, says its executive producer Dave Morgan, it...

... fits the tone of a nation that wants to be entertained and uplifted.

And we do! Especially from a guy who plays nine instruments! That's so many, Brian. One, you're like a dream come true, and two, just want to be with you. But nine?

PREVIOUSLY
Everybody Stop Picking On Rosie O'Donnell (Particularly Vanity Fair)
Critics Attack "Rosie Live" Like It Ate Their Families With Its Giant Head

"Elvis Costello: Spectacle" Premieres Tonight On The Sundance Channel

Jake Kalish — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 15:35:00 GMT

So just when we were pining for those days before we were born, when serious music shows like The Johnny Cash Show featured serious musicians doing serious songs, all grown-up like, we find out about Elvis Costello: Spectacle, set to premiere tonight at 9 on Sundance (and, if you happen to be across the pond, also on BBC 4). The show, created by Elton John and his partner in love and business, David Furnish, will feature Costello sitting down with guests and talking music after first performing a song written by or inspired by the guest. Here's Sir Elton discussing the concept for the show:

Wouldn’t it be great to do a proper, full-length musical show, because we live in a sound-bite culture. Elvis has experience, he’s got an encyclopedic knowledge of music...He's the one.

No argument here, especially after seeing Costello doing such a stand-up job guest-hosting for Letterman in 2003, and watching him on other shows talking shop in a deeply intelligent, never pretentious or insider-y way. These are Elvis' hopes for the show:

(I want to) hear about a deep love or a curiosity that might be obscured by fame. This is a wonderful opportunity to talk in complete thoughts about music, movies, art or even vaudeville, then frame it with unique and illustrative performances.

Well, doesn't that sound...adult. The first guest Wednesday will be Elton John (How did Elton John book that guy?), followed the 10th by Lou Reed and Julian Schnabel, and then, on the 17th, Bill "Saxophone Collossus" Clinton. We look forward to it.

PREVIOUSLY:
Holiday Gift Suggestion #1: "The Johnny Cash Show" On DVD