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Well,
I've got to respond to Question 3 again, as it seems
I read it differently from
Susie and
Betty.
I read "cultural sexual candor"
and "private boundaries," and I think they read "personal sexual
candor" and "cultural boundaries." So, with that in mind:
I've suffered from my own candor about sex. When I first started talking about sex, influenced by women like all of you who were out there first, I was startled to see how quickly the punishments, big and small, came down. From conservative feminists, from straight men, from dykes, from "literature" critics . . . I wish it was otherwise, but sex simply lives in its own category. It isn't treated the way other subjects are. This kind of conversation slowly chips away at that taboo. The epitome of misunderstanding for me didn't come from Ms. (As far as I can tell, they declined to review my book. Guess it wasn't a feminist book after all. The Women's Review of Books hated it, though -- does that count for anything?) My slap was in The New Yorker, from James Woolcott, who said "Tisdale doesn't really want to be a red hot mama. What she really wants is a hug." It was so patronizing, such old news, and he seemed so smug to have discovered that women have to be either madonnas or whores! I couldn't believe -- I know, girls, I was naive -- that we were still stuck having to choose between red hot and hugging. Good lord, I want both! So what about public boundaries? My rules: No unconsented force. Don't have sex with anyone under sixteen unless you're under sixteen, too. (But at sixteen, rules change. My first "penetrative" encounter was as a sixteen year old with a twenty-four-year-old man, a wonderful guy -- are you still out there, Keith? -- and not a shade of exploitation in it. I was the aggressor.) Don't have sex in public unless everyone there can leave if they want. (Simple courtesy -- kind of like smoking.) Safer sex unless everyone heartily agrees otherwise. Hmmm . . . can't think of any more rules at that moment. My personal boundaries are different. What interests me most at this point is that while I've had a modest amount of sexual exploration and adventuring, quite a number of partners as the average goes (is everyone else lying?) and also the odd experience of long-term monogamy, my most terrifying, satisfying, spooky, and wonderful -- and satisfying -- sexual encounters have come out of deep intimacy with a familiar partner. |
Question 1 Susie Bright Betty Dodson Nancy Friday Daphne Merkin Sallie Tisdale Question 2 Susie Bright Betty Dodson Nancy Friday Daphne Merkin Sallie Tisdale Question 3 Susie Bright Betty Dodson Nancy Friday Daphne Merkin Sallie Tisdale Question 4 Susie Bright Betty Dodson Nancy Friday Daphne Merkin Sallie Tisdale Question 5 Susie Bright Betty Dodson Nancy Friday Daphne Merkin Sallie Tisdale Question 6 Susie Bright Betty Dodson Nancy Friday Daphne Merkin Sallie Tisdale |
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