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November 19, 2009
The Source: Mrs. Web, Dear Mrs. Web
The Dilemma: "I am eighteen and a student. I recently slept with a guy at work and he has not paid attention to me since. I have totally fallen for him. We have known each other since primary school and he always was shy. Why won't he speak to me, let alone date me?"
The Advice: "He wanted sex. You gave it to him. He evidently does not want to continue the relationship. He is probably embarrassed. Being somebody's tissue is not a good foundation to develop a relationship with any depth... like a second date."
The Rebuttal: If having sex with someone makes you a tissue, then what do you call someone who slut-shames an eighteen-year-old girl for sleeping with someone she's known practically her entire life? I'm going to go with toilet paper. The cheap kind that comes 5,000 sheets to a roll. Here's hoping your advice-columnist tenure runs out quicker.
The Source: The Mercury News, Miss Manners
The Dilemma: "My partner doesn't like that I now boycott straight marriages... I have said that until I see straight folks actively support our right to marry, I'm certainly not going to add my support... It's not about spite — it's about fairness, equality and wanting the same opportunity, and too many of them don't get it. Until they do and start contacting their government officials, nothing will change. Why shouldn't I boycott straight marriages?"
The Advice: "Because you are insulting people who presumably care about you (or they wouldn't be inviting you to their weddings) by declaring that you grudge them the happiness that you want for yourself... Miss Manners recommends being a gracious guest, and then adding, when you praise the wedding on a later occasion, 'My dream is to be able some day to invite you to my wedding here.'"
The Rebuttal: Only about a quarter of the people who invite you to their wedding care deeply enough to be offended. The other three-quarters are split between likes-you-but-is-happy-to-pare-down-the-guest-list and fine-by-me-just-send-us-the-check-and/or-item-from-Williams-Sonoma. If it's a close friend or an immediate family member, just go. Match whatever you spent on the wedding gift with a donation to a same-sex marriage cause. If it's an acquaintance or distant family member, send your regrets, minus the editorial. In either case, remember that you shouldn't be waiting for an external event such as a wedding to solicit support. Activism is all year long.
The Source: Art Malov, eHow.com
The Dilemma: Embarrassment reigns at the Greater Shiawassee Rotary Club pancake breakfast when it becomes clear that you're the only member who has never dated a supermodel.
The Advice: "If you have no skills, you're not going to meet a supermodel. Or a model. Or anybody who you find attractive. Don't think, 'I gotta date a supermodel.' Start dating. Don't wait for the supermodel to crash into your world. Start dating, and then you might meet a supermodel."
The Rebuttal: Right, and if you want a unicorn, you've got to know how to ride a pony. If you want a million dollars, you've got to practice on quarters. If you want solid courtship advice, it's best to ask someone who can button his shirt correctly and doesn't have to furrow his brow in concentration when writing complex words like "start" and "dating" on a whiteboard.
The Source: Sex Advice with Sexual Ryan, By Travis Keller, Buddyhead
The Dilemma: "I go to a lot of concerts and in the crowd a few guys always try to feel me up. How do I stop them from groping me? I just want to watch the show I paid to see."
The Advice: "If you're getting groped at concerts, that means you're crowd surfing or you're at some of the most meathead shows of all time because I can't imagine you, a female, standing there enjoying the band, and a dude comes up and grabs your tits. Maybe this happens, but it seems more like you're crowd surfing."
The Rebuttal: Sexual Ryan, do you have tits? No? Then shut the fuck up. Doubting someone's story because you "can't imagine" it makes you about as intelligent as those who spend all day engaged in mock agricultural pursuits and faux mafia wars on Facebook. Scumbag knows no musical preference. Four women filed rape charges at what was supposed to be the second incarnation of Woodstock, after all.
Commentarium (11 Comments)
I can not believe that first woman tried to make that 18 year old girl feel like shit.
Good call on trashing that advice lady.
Wow this self-important column finally appears to be on its last legs. Mrs Web has been around since the early days of the internet, say '96. She is the online version of Dr. Laura. So err, well done! you have shown that you can be just as snarky as an almost decade old piece of advice - how relevant! And in any case no one noticed Mrs Web was right the girl was cavalier about sexuality and got used. It is telling that Erin Bradley couldn't offer any better advice and so just had to bitch at Web's tone.
Agreed @Bart. So many sex columnists are so sex-negative. You're a sex-columnist, not an abstinence columnist.
Also, her mocking of people who spend their days in 'agricultural pursuits' made me laugh aloud, though it's unrelated to the post. Giggles.
Awww, don't go away all butthurt, Mrs. Web (ooops, I mean "B").
Just go away.
Actually, "B," we don't have nearly enough information to know if the girl was "cavalier about sexuality." It's clear it wasn't a random, drunken hookup with a stranger - beyond that we have no idea what the circumstances were. My advice (since no one asked) is that she needs to approach the boy and call him out on his acting all weird. Assuming he is around her age, he is also at the socially/sexually awkward stage and cold-heartedly "using her like a tissue" is only one of many possible explanations for his behavior. More likely, he likes her OK but not that much, didn't really think ahead about hurting her, and now is just praying the whole situation will magically go away. At least having it out with him will help him realize it doesn't work like that.
Oh wait, I forgot, only women have to learn to control their sexual behavior.
"More likely, he likes her OK but not that much, didn’t really think ahead about hurting her, and now is just praying the whole situation will magically go away. At least having it out with him will help him realize it doesn’t work like that. "
Hell. Guys 10 years older than him still do that shit. I'm sure calling some of them out on it helps; others I'm not sure if they "get it." Either way, I fucking hate it when guys insult my intelligence by trying to act "nice" or "avoidant" when they clearly don't want to fuck me anymore, and probably didn't that much to begin with.
i hate this idea that people who play farmville are inheirently stupid. I play it for the game of it, not to pretend in a farmer. i have no delusions that its a game really worth my tim, but i play it because i, as a gamer of all types, want to excel at what i play.
RevTen, that might be the most intelligent, even-tempered defense of Farmville I've ever heard. You just might change some minds...
I love this column, and it's sad that people just bash Erin Bradley instead of enjoying her commentary. Honestly, that Mrs. Web advice was awful and not at all helpful for the girl. We definitely need to move away from our archaic Puritanical ideas of women's sexuality.
As for gaming, fb games are really a waste of time to me. There's so many better online games to procrastinate with and enjoy. Maplestory, runescape, hell, even Diner Dash are all better than the fb games. Now if you'll excuse me, time to log on to wow.
Keep up the good work Erin!
I am going on FB right now and sign up for Farmville... or is it Farmtown??? Crap.
Now you say something