The Source: Dr. J, “The Get Over It Series”, SingleBlackMale.net
The Dilemma: You’re a single lady. You like men. You just wish you could figure out why they’re so darn judgmental.
The Advice: “Women do not like to be compared to possessions but they will inevitably be thought as such, therefore, get over it… Most men have an image in their head about what they want their wife to be. For me, based on what I see, I’m usually torn between Eva Longoria and Vanessa Bryant.”
The Rebuttal: Okay, look: people are judgmental. It’s not just guys. If you don’t measure up to someone’s bullshit standards, oh well. That just means you’re free to find someone that meets yours.
The Source: Sallie Foley, Sex & Love for Grownups, AARP
The Dilemma: “I’m an attractive single older woman. I’ve noticed that men my age seem to be attracted to women twenty years younger. How can I overcome this?”
The Advice: “There are ways to hook up with men your own age. First, consider trying online dating services… Second, make an effort to stay as fit as you can… Third, keep playing the gender card. If you ask me, too many attractive women our age settle for a gender-lite look by dressing more unisex than they once did.”
The Rebuttal: Why are two out of three of your suggestions about improving the letter-writer’s appearance, Sallie? She already described herself as attractive. If you’re having trouble finding guys in your age group, why not go for guys who live further away or are (gasp) a little younger? What’s good for the gander is good for the goose, even if she’s a little long in the feather.
The Source: Lucinda Rosenfeld, “Friend or Foe”, Doublex.com
The Dilemma: Suzy borrows fifty bucks from Sally. The two have hung out twice since the loan, but Suzy has not repaid Sally or even mentioned the loan. Sally makes squat for income. Then again, so does Suzy. Sally’s starting to wonder whether Suzy sees her as some kind of no-fee ATM but is nervous about a confrontation.
The Advice: “Let’s agree that, in the big picture, fifty bucks, whether in the plus or minus category, is not going to make a big difference to your life. Please note that we’re talking about one pair of Dr. Schools/case of Red Bull/standing-room ticket to The Lion King here. Unless you’re a complete skinflint, I suspect what’s really bothering you is not the actual dough but Andrea’s failure to allude to its dispensation.”
The Rebuttal: Five dollars, fine. That is being cheap. But fifty? Come on. The rest of your answer is fabulous, but there comes a time when all myopic New Yorkers must ditch the Dr Schools [sic] and walk a mile in someone else’s two-dollar Old Navy flip-flops.
The Source: Jeanne Marie Laskas, Reader’s Digest
The Dilemma: “I’ve recently met the perfect girl: smart, funny, attractive — you name it,” writes Smitten. “Only she’s always coming down on herself for her looks. I tell her that she’s beautiful, but she doesn’t believe me. What can I do?”
The Advice: “She’s hardwired to feel ugly and needs a serious bit of inner-beauty reprogramming… Compliment her every four hours. Double the dose if she wears a new outfit. The program takes about six weeks. Try it.”
The Rebuttal: Try it. If it doesn’t work, send your relationship back for a full refund! Smitten, your girlfriend needs more than compliments. She needs psychotherapy or, bare minimum, some good self-help books. Compliment away, but don’t expect to get too far. She has to change herself.
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