Advice

Awesome Advice, Way to Go! This week: So your husband’s banging a teenager…

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slateThe Source: Live Q&A with Emily Yoffe, Dear Prudence, Slate.com

The Dilemma: Fiancée and fiancé are both shy and have issues with the fam. Therefore, wedding = scary. They snuck off to Vegas to do the deed and now want a delicate way to break the news to moms, dads, and friends.

The Advice: Prudence recommends exuberance: “‘Hey, everyone, guess what? We’re married! We did it in Vegas! We won the marriage jackpot.'”

“Stop acting like you’ve done something TO everyone. Instead act like you’ve done something FOR yourselves,” she adds.

The Rebuttal: I’m not sure how that will go over, Notorious P. Friends and coworkers, alright. But resentful siblings? Parents? You’re better off acknowledging the hurt you caused and your insecurities regarding the situation. Instead of putting others in the awkward role of pretending to be happy, give them an opportunity to be understanding.


logoThe Source: Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, Annie’s Mailbox, ArcaMax.com

The Dilemma: Looking vs. Imagining writes, “Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Flustered Wife,” who discovered her husband is looking at porn and asked if all men do that. I just want to point out that while men like to look at pictures of naked women, women like to read romance novels, which include plenty of sex…There’s nothing to be flustered about, unless, as you pointed out, there are signs of a problem.”

The Advice: “Dear Looking: This is a subject for a much longer column, but let’s just say that fantasizing while reading is generally a lot less destructive to a marriage than pornography.”

The Rebuttal: Yes, because titles like The Playboy Sheikh’s Virgin Stable-Girl and Rich Man’s Fake Fiancée speak of holding hands and taffy pulls. Moderation and sensitivity are what’s important. You can abstain from all manner of smut and still be a neglectful lover, spouse, and parent.


logoThe Source: John Gray, Men are From Mars, Creators.com

The Dilemma: For the past two years, “Played” has been dealing with her thirty-seven-year-old husband’s online affair with a nineteen-year-old girl. (She was seventeen when it started.) Recently, it got sexual. Hubby has since ended all contact and now the two are in marriage counseling. Played wants to know if she can get hubby back, even though he says he’s not in love anymore.

The Advice: “Dear Played: Counseling is a step in the right direction for addressing the underlying issues, so please give this process the time it so readily deserves…If you are in fact able to face these issues and get beyond them, the relationship you have will be stronger than ever before. Let that be your final destination on this rough journey of the heart.”

The Rebuttal: What’s worse than a thirty-five-year-old man going after a seventeen-year-old girl? A thirty-seven-year-old man who doesn’t feel remorseful about it. I’m all for counseling, but this is pretty fringe. He may have escaped a visit from Chris Hansen this time, but what about next time? You can’t teach someone boundaries who doesn’t want to learn.


tangoThe Source: America’s Love Experts Matt Titus and Tamsen Fadal, YourTango.com by way of Anna at Sex and the Windy City (send in those links guys, the inbox is wide open!)

The Dilemma: Torrie G. wants to know, “Is it wrong that sleeping with married men turns me on?”

The Advice: “Let me tell you what the married man is thinking,” says Matt, a Learning Annex Professor Emeritus who is for some reason lacking fingertips in all of his publicity photos. “Basically, you’re a single skank, OK? And he has everything at home that he needs and you’re just like somebody that he can like…you know…every once in a while. So if that turns you on? OK, more power to you.”

The Rebuttal: Who’s the bigger skank here? The unattached person making bad choices or the one who took the wedding vows? Is someone like this really in a position to slut shame? Torrie, break it off. Not because you want some philanderer’s approval, but because you can get better tail without all the bad karma and emotional BS.