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Nerve has hired the Infinite Monkeys as bloggers. They’ll almost surely find some news. 

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Infinite Monkeys were sadden and dismayed to hear of the passing of The American Dream Dusty Rhodes, who was a matinee idol of monkeys everywhere. We stumbled across this heartfelt fan video set to the music of Mr. Sean Puffy who was saddened and dismayed about the loss of his his friend Mr. Big Small so much so that he had to sample Sting.

At one point Dusty says to his sons, “All the galaxies, all the stars, everything you look up to — is nothing without family.” Then later, his son says his father is dead to him. That was filmed a few months back. Let us not wax too hard on thoughts of reality in wrestling. Dusty was great fun and that’s all that matters. It’s still real to us, damnit.

Infinite Monkeys learned that Snoop Dogg announced on Twitter that he wants to be the CEO of Twitter. Hasn’t Snoop Dogg always been the CEO of Twitter? He’s the CEO of our Twitters, we know that.

Speaking of Twitter, this Snake Person was arrested for helping ISIS on Twitter. Infinite Monkeys do not know who to trust. We look distantly out into the harbor and think out our lives here in this office chained to our desks, forced to drink Red Bull and blog. What has the world come to? We watch the Nerve editors laugh it up reading drinking Shirley Temples while Finnegans Wake in Chinese.

More bananas!