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Nerve has hired the Infinite Monkeys as bloggers. They’ll almost surely find some news. 

Today Infinite Monkeys have learned animals are people too. Or people are animals?

Jurassic World won big at the box office over the weekend but off the coast of North Carolina, it was a different Spielberg blockbuster Jaws that seemed more apt.” Infinite Monkeys are working on our local news station anchor copy.

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Meanwhile, in Georgia (country not state) in a strange reverse of Noah’s Ark zoo animals of all shapes and sizes got swept away in flood waters. But in Louisiana Teddy Bears are making a comeback.

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Jon Oliver shared his thoughts on the Torture Report. Turns out American humans treated people like animals. But today we were alerted to one of the greatest headlines since Headless Body Found in Topless Bar. Yes, Chernobyl Fox Makes a Sandwich is one of our all time favorites but Penis Transplant Patient To Become A Father is pretty good one, too. Let’s remember, folks. Humans used to let monkeys go to college.

Perhaps the Nerve editors would understand how smart we were if they did more than just sit in their corner offices trying not to laugh.

More bananas!