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Nerve has hired the Infinite Monkeys as bloggers. They’ll almost surely find some news. 

Science agrees with what we’ve always known, psychedelics are a cascading color parade of endless joy. And they’re probs not that bad for you. Might even help you kick that heroin habit or open that pesky third eye that will allow you to pet all the cute unicorns in your vision quests instead of guiding them to the slaughter in your anxiety dreams. We’re having a panic attack just thinking about it. Sans mellow mushrooms, we’re left slamming legal Xanax just to get back to the point where we can interact with others.

In Oregon they’re straight up giving weed away because of a loophole where you can smoke all you want legally, you just can’t buy it anywhere. Don’t do it. Shrieeek! Shrieeek!

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In Japan they let cats rule their cities. There they are treated better than cows in India. Example par excellence: this lavish funeral for a cat the Japanese let into the civil service as a railway stationmaster. We would like to know when the Infinite Monkeys are going to get a stationmastership? We like trains and stuff.

In presidential news more hats are in the ring. Even the golden voiced homeless man. But we know in our hearts it simply doesn’t matter what does who and who does what Trump will be our overlord. We couldn’t be happier.

There was an earthquake in Volcano. Awkward.

The Nerve editors can’t stop looking at cosplay butts while we’ve been pondering our existence in sad cafes.

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More bananas!