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This age we live in. They say April could be the cruelest month for all sorts of non-T.S. Elliot related reasons. It’s important to be safe. If you see something, say something. The world is a strange and terrifying place full of bad people who want to do bad things. All true. Translation: turn off your sex toy when you throw it away because people will think it’s a bomb.

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Yes, in Germany (which is likely on edge due to recent events) kind Germans were going about their German day in something called a “gambling hall” which we think is the same thing as a casino. The Guardian sets the scene:

“German police brought in a bomb squad and evacuated a gambling hall when they heard a strange noise emanating from a rubbish bin…”

What could it be? A vibration in a trash can could it be…call in the squad!

“Authorities cleared approximately 90 people from the business and nearby premises and closed off a street in the eastern town of Halberstadt on Tuesday night, after a staff member heard suspicious vibrations echoing from a metal bin in the men’s toilet, police said.” 

Policeman to guy on the street:

Sir, we’re going to have to ask you to leave the area. We’re closing down the whole eastern side of Halberstadt.

Why officer?

Well, if you must know there’s a vibrating trash can in the men’s restroom of the casino. Likely a bomb.

Do bombs vibrate in trash cans often before they explode?

You think we have thought of that? Let the professionals do their work.

“Three explosives experts of the Office of Criminal Investigation in the state of Saxony-Anhalt were called in and cautiously examined the contents of the bin…”

Rookie cop to supervisor: 

But Captain we already have two explosive experts. Do you really think we need three?

A vibrating trash can is exactly the kind of thing terrorists would do to fool us into not clearing half the town.

Maybe it’s just something battery powered in there like an electric shaver or toothbrush, sir.

Damnit, Private you’ve got your orders!

“– only to find the offending object to be not a bomb, but a battery-powered penis ring.”

FIN