The movie: A modern-day, MILF-y Madame Bovary tale, where older-but-blisteringly-hot sexpot (Diane Lane) gets increasingly busy behind the back of her husband (Richard Gere) with a younger, olive-skinned foreigner sporting the requisite Rico Suave accent (Olivier Martinez). Plot: good. Character? Eh.
The scene: Diane Lane is lunching with friends when her dirty little secret Olivier Martinez crashes the party. They sneak into a public bathroom, and the fact that her peeps outside could catch what they’re doing adds a little red pepper to the pasta. They’ve got to be quick, so apparently no time to get all the clothes off or put on a condom (oops).
What you need: In the film version, the bathroom stall is as big as a kitchen; in reality, that ain’t likely. Instead, just hope you can find one with a door that closes, preferably in the women’s room if you’re particular about hygiene.
The mechanics: Bathroom sex is all about positioning. Quarters are cramped, so the best options are having the woman bend over at the waist with her hands on the toilet (if it’s not icky), or straddling the man while he sits on the throne (sitting sidewise on him if she’s not wearing a skirt). She can also be entered standing while facing the stall door, but with the limited space to bend, it’s not particularly conducive. If he’s strong enough, he can also hold her in the air, but unless he’s a professional street fighter — or in the movies — this doesn’t make for the greatest (or most extended) sessions. If you suddenly hear outside voices, she should sit on his lap with her feet in the air — it’ll look like the stall is single-occupied.
Lesson we learn: Beyond the mechanics of how to achieve little deaths in little spaces, this scene is a great reminder of how mental our physical play can be. There’s a trifecta of illicit emotions at work here: forgetting decorum and acting on your base desire; the thrill of getting caught; and the thrill of getting caught by people you know. Sex in public is a great way to get in touch with the animal nature we all normally try to hide. (Especially during brunch.) And spontaneity keeps you — and your partner — interested and excited. Regardless of the situation, give the seat a quick wipe, keep your ears peeled for outsiders, and muffle your voices. Public sex is great, as long as it stays just private enough.