Dear Coquette: On Guys, Penises, and Matters of Size

"My ex-girlfriend admitted that she was always underwhelmed by our sex life."

By The Coquette

Welcome to Dear Coquette, a place to have your burning and how-do-I-make-this-stop-burning sex advice questions answered. You might recognize The Coquette and her bare-knuckle honesty from her columns on Playboy.com, The Daily, or her own popular site, Dear Coquette. Send your questions to coquette@nerve.com.

In a moment of completely fucked up clarity, my ex-girlfriend admitted that she was always underwhelmed by our sex life owing to my penis size, which is five inches. We're long broken up and with new people now, but this still stung and has made me feel inadequate even with my current partner. Not sure what I want you to say, other than affirmation that she was out of line to say this at all. What do you think?

What I think depends entirely on whether you're one of those incredibly annoying guys who pesters his ex-girlfriends for a list of reasons why things didn't work out. If that's you, then sorry pal, you got what you deserved.

If that's not you, and your ex just happens to be a magnificent bitch who decided to assassinate your ego for shits and giggles, then I'm genuinely sorry, because you didn't deserve that at all.

Either way, now you're stuck with the knowledge that an ex was always underwhelmed with both your penis size and your former sex life. A lesser man would let that kind of bullshit bother him, which pretty much sums up your entire problem, because now you believe — literally and figuratively — that you're somehow a lesser man.

Quit it. You're not a lesser man. You're just an average man, literally because your penis size falls within the median range, and figuratively because you're like most dudes who assume that the dimensions of your genitalia are somehow a direct measure of your sexual prowess.

You should really stop thinking like that. Sure, size matters, but not nearly as much as you assume it does. If your ex-girlfriend really was sexually underwhelmed, then an extra inch or two wasn't going to be the thing that suddenly overwhelmed her.

You need to just accept that you weren't all that sexually compatible with your ex and get the rest of this mess out of your head, because the fact that you feel inadequate is infinitely more likely to ruin whatever current sex you're having than the actual size of your penis.

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