Advice

Dear Coquette: Some Fun-Sized Advice to Fix Everyone’s Lives

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"How do I tell him to get over himself?”

Welcome to Dear Coquette, a place to have your burning and how-do-I-make-this-stop-burning sex advice questions answered. You might recognize The Coquette and her bare-knuckle honesty from her columns on Playboy.com, The Daily, or her own popular site, Dear Coquette. Send your questions to coquette@nerve.com.

How is it possible to have amazing sex with a man who doesn't attract me at all intellectually and whose body I find repulsive?

You're just having a little hot ugly pig sex. It happens. Try not to overthink it.

Who should pay on the first date?

Whoever asked the other person out is the one who pays, unless the person who was asked voluntarily offers to split or pick up the tab.

He ended things with me a few months back because he wasn't feeling "the spark" and we've been friends ever since. But last night we were both at a party and I hooked up with someone. Now he won't talk to me. How do I tell him to get over himself? Is it even worth it?

Nope. He can get over himself, or he can go fuck himself. Either way, you don't have to tell him shit.

My wife is fit and attractive, but her c-section scar is a total turnoff for me. What should I do? Tell her? Ask her to look into scar removal treatments? Just keep the lights off?

You should become less of a shallow, insensitive asshole.

Is it possible to have daddy issues if my dad has been there for my whole life and is generally a very supportive and kind figure?

Sure, it's possible. Hell, we've all got issues. If you feel the need to label them daddy, there's probably a reason. It could be due to some unresolved conflict in your relationship with your father, but then again, it could just be that people throw around the term "daddy issues" a bit too easily these days.

Recently (like the past couple of months) I've been having rape fantasies. I'll be doing my thing, suddenly realize what I'm thinking about, and stop in my tracks completely horrified. It makes me feel disgusting and worries me, but my mind keeps traveling there. I'm starting to have anxiety about it. Should I seek help?

Nah. You're fine. As long as it's pure fantasy and doesn't stem from a specific traumatic incident, then it's really not a big deal. Rape fantasies are quite common, and they don't mean you actually want to be raped. I promise, there's nothing wrong with you.

I'm really great at finding hot, fun guys to fuck and having a hot night of sex. Not so great at turning it into either a regular fuck or a relationship. Any advice?

Yeah, stop trying to turn one-night-stands into ongoing relationships. Going out for a hot night of sex and going out to meet guys are two completely different rituals with completely different codes of etiquette. Separate the two in your mind, and understand that you can't do them both at the same time.

Why do I imagine what a relationship/love affair/one night stand would be like with everyone I think is attracted to me, even when I'm not attracted to them?

Because you're the object of the fantasy, not them. You don't need to be attracted to them to gaze back at your own idealized reflection of whatever you think they find attractive about you.

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