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April 9, 2011
Miss Information
All the girls I've ever dated were insane. Why are crazy women drawn to me?
By Cait Robinson
Have a question? Email missinfo@nerve.com. Letters may be edited for length, content, and clarity.
Dear Miss Information,
My relationship past is muddled and full of complications. Half of the girls I've ever dated were insane, possessive, controlling, or a volatile combination of the three. The other half turned out to be pretty uninteresting and devoid of adventure ("I was going to go out tonight, but I just don't feel like it"). None of these relationships ended on any sort of reasonable terms. I've been cheated on and walked out on. I am deeply attracted to intelligent, independent women, but it seems like I'm magnetized to the wrong ones.
This sort of a past creates a certain reflex in a man like me. I recognize the Red Flags of Craziness and know what to do when I see them. This has helped me survive a great deal, and I feel I've avoided a lot of terrible mistakes because of it. But I think I may have been out in the 'wilderness' for too long, as it were. Now, when any girl begins to show a certain pattern, I immediately start freaking out and thinking the absolute worst — even if I'm not courting her. This has led to a lot of awkward interactions and has made me look even more dodgy and insecure than (hopefully) I really am.
It should go without saying that I plan on staying single for a very long time. An indefinite amount of time, even. But that doesn't mean that I wouldn't mind a casual encounter or two — and who knows? Maybe I'll meet that perfect person at some point. The problem is that I just can't seem to suspend this survival reflex in me. At the slightest irregularity, I feel the need to correct my behavior and please whoever I'm with however possible. It's causing a hell of an identity crisis for me, and it makes me want to stop associating with women for awhile, just to get away from the emotional ups and downs that I'm creating.
I seem to have become conditioned to being ensnared by frighteningly intelligent, mentally unstable women. I know that if I don't figure out how to correct this behavior, I'll just be locked in a cycle of either loneliness or entrapment.
So what do I do to get my mind back on the right track?
— Forever Alone At Best
Dear Forever Alone,
Years ago, I was summarizing a romantic misadventure for a friend. "Broken boys love me," I shrugged.
"Broken boys love anyone who will listen," he corrected.
Eureka moment, courtesy of Jeff. It's not that I somehow emitted a dog whistle that only heartbroken martyrs could hear; it's that, on some level, I welcomed those martyrs. I patted their heads and dried their tears when my more-evolved sisters gave them a wide berth. My point here, FAAB, is that patterns of people don't just "happen" to us; one way or another, we manifest them.
You say you want to stay single, but you treat every encounter like a potential conquest. Nothing kills a connection faster than looking at a girl through heat-sensitive goggles. Put away the Kevlar, friend; it's a real turn-off.
What could you be projecting that turns you into Catnip for Crazies? Watch that self-pitying tone, for starters: misery loves company. And lay off the our do-or-die, war-hardened vocabulary: despite the strong case made by this choreography, love shouldn't be a battlefield. Combined, you come off like a cynic who deeply distrusts girls, yet still wants to sleep with them. Huge red flag. This conflict makes you a magnet for wild-eyed knife-wielders, while stable girls see it and politely close out their bar tabs.
If you're going to break this cycle, you've got to treat every girl as a human first and foremost. Not a human with sweet tits. Not a human who could reduce you to a pile of smoldering ash. A regular human with thoughts, opinions, and potentially a gift for Mario Kart. Ask yourself, "Is this a person I find engaging? Do I care about this person's perspective? Does this person excite me?" Once you've established that you think she's a grade-A badass, then you can start to stir in the sexual-attraction factor.
You've got to be able to separate "person I respect and like" from "person I could bang." Your ideal girl will be both of these things! But right now, you're so focused on the latter that it clouds your judgment of the former.
Dear Miss Information,
I think I might be heartbroken! I'm a college student and last week I met a guy at the lab I work in. I've never felt this strongly about a guy, or fallen this fast before. He's mature, smart, laid-back, funny, passionate, the list goes on and on. We got to talking when we were in the lab together and for me it just clicked.
I found out yesterday he has a girlfriend and it crushed me. I have all the symptoms of heartbreak: I feel like crying frequently, I'm depressed when I think about it, I'm angry, and my appetite's changed: either I don't feel like eating at all, or I binge. I can't even focus on work anymore. My friends keep asking me what's wrong but I don't know what to say. It seems ridiculous — could I really have had my heart broken by a guy I just met? How do I get past this guy and on to actually available men?
— Heartbroken?
Dear Heartbroken?,
Oh, honey, put down that petri dish and get the hell out of the lab.
You're not suffering from heartbreak; you're suffering from lack of perspective. He's a crush who's currently unavailable, not the sole survivor of the zombie apocalypse. So. Many. Fish. In. The. Sea. But there's an easy fix: expand your social circle. The minute you meet a new guy, memories of the old one will boil away like liquid nitrogen at standard temperature and pressure.
While we're at it, don't write off your lab partner; having a girlfriend shouldn't make him dead to you. If he's such a stellar guy, he'll make a stellar friend. Just know that he is by no means the be-all, end-all of collegiate babes. Work on getting out more, fall in love as many times as you want, and lighten up a bit. Infatuation, heartbreak, despair, moving on: look at all the ground you've covered in a week. Apply that same can-do attitude to your social life, and you'll be golden.
Commentarium (64 Comments)
Cait Robinson, I agree with almost everything you say. If I actually knew you in person, I would probably have a "friend crush" on you.
Seconding this. The answer to that first question was, in concise, patient terms, something I've wanted to hammer onto the front door of the internet for a damn long time.
Thirded. You have a subtle way of saying, also, what a healthy relationship needs to look like.
This advice is sound on every thinkable level. At last! No more Dan ''FuckedUpWhore'' Savage wannabes!
Glad to know I'm not the only one who finds Savage to be predictable, boring and tedious.
I wholeheartedly disagree with you both...I can find these type of soft ball questions in Cosmo or Dr. Phil...very simple and yawn inspiring...this isn't an attack on Ms. Robinson but so far I have thought this column has been very unoriginal and I do not feel like she has found her voice yet within this medium. My constructive criticism for the day.
Familiar with the meaning of "constructive criticism" much? (hint: it's when you offer an alternative, tell them how to actually improve. Something with more bite than "find your voice").
p.s. I find Ms Cait quite original actually, compared to the superficial pomo crap out there.
I like more than one flavor of ice cream - Cait is an excellent intro to the week, while Savage is the zing I need mid-week. Different types of questions, different perspectives, and different styles makes them both engaging in different ways.
I was going to rave about the text, but then I noticed how apt the photo accompanying it is. Well done, all around.
Forever Alone - Oh honey... there's something you need to realize. The common denominator in all your 'crazy' relationships-gone-wrong is YOU. Now granted, perhaps a few girls in your past really were psychos - but as soon as you start referring to 'all my exes' as such, regular girls know to run. No one wants to be the next 'psycho' on your headboard. Regardless of whether she is a full blown lunatic or not, your behavior is going to make her seem like one. Crazy Women Are Made By Crazy Men. And vice versa. Work on your own self and issues before you try to get together with some girl who's intelligent, fun, witty, independent and wants to stay that way.
I can just imagine whats going through the minds of some of your exes. "Boy I'm glad I got away from that dude! His suspicions were bonkers! He said he liked my independence, but I got the third degree every time I wanted to hang with the girls, or got a text from a guy friend! "
Relax a bit before you dis someone who starts 'showing certain patterns'. The songs *Under Pressure* by Queen, and *Ice, Ice, Baby* by Vanilla Ice may start off similarly, but they're completely different songs. Give a gal a break.
Yup. "All my exes" anything is a deal-breaker. Conversation ends now.
I have definitely been 'Made Crazy' by a crazy manipulative, self-pitying man. In retrospect, you find your actions irrational but realize that you're pushed to the brink by his ongoing manipulation, suspicion, and judgement--and especially the self-pity. And Forever Alone has self-pity in spades. Did he really never consider that he DRIVES women to crazy? "Forever Alone"? Jeez, even the name he picked...
"The songs *Under Pressure* by Queen, and *Ice, Ice, Baby* by Vanilla Ice may start off similarly, but they're completely different songs." Hilarious and apt.
Also, the name is more indicative of the fact that he's probably an expat from /r9k/ or /adv/, which is, no doubt, only allowing his misogynistic tendencies to fester.
Hey FAaB, I'm with you. Or at least I used to be with you. Now... not so much. I married a "normal" one. (I do miss the craziness sometimes.) But really, what you have to do is decide what is important to you.
Very unpleasant memories of a relationship with a guy who spoke of his history like Forever Alone does. He made a big deal about how different and special I was and came on fast. I realize, in retrospect, that he ferreted out what I liked and became that, rather than revealing his true nature. Just as quickly, he turned around and RAN as if away from a maniac when I got reasonably stressed out about a new job. I "had issues and needed more than he could give". He made proclamations about his need to be alone and was very publicly in love with a very publicly "crazy" girl within five days. He reacted in a batshit-stalker fashion when she rejected him. I suspect this, too, is a case of He Who Smells It...
Great reply! Men ALWAYS call women crazy. Usually after the woman gets angry at something really shitty he did to her. Notice he never defines "crazy."
I second cvr's post about Forever Alone. I remember falling in love with a guy who told me that the last five serious girlfriends he had were all crazy and at last, here I was, a normal girl. About six months in, I had joined the crazy train. I soon found out that "crazy" meant "wanting to communicate." I was very young so I didn't know when to pack it in and leave. Whenever I tried to talk to him about issues in our relationship or just practical issues about the house (Tim, we should probably pay this cable bill), he would act like I was teetering on the edge of the roof with a champagne bottle. He would say he didn't like talking before bed, in the car, at dinner, while we were trying to relax, or while we were walking the dog. I would ask him when would be a good time to talk (this weekend maybe, or next week). Pretty soon, I felt crazy. I wasn't able to communicate with him rationally about ANYTHING, so this made me absolutely batshit crazy. I would get so mad at him that my hands would shake and I would throw things and scream (I have never been a screamer. Not before and not since. Just don't scream) and I even, I am very ashamed to admit this, resorted to slugging him once. I still feel terrible about that. Physical abuse is never acceptable.
The point of all this, Forever Alone, is that while it is usually unwise to make statements like "you make me crazy / depressed / insecure," sometimes you can see a pattern emerging. I realized, six months too late, that all of Tim's ex-girlfriends were crazy because he cheerfully told them that it just wasn't a good time to talk and he could carry that on for months. He also hemorrhaged money and only wanted sex if I displayed extreme disinterest in it. This could also have made them crazy.
I'm not trying to say it is your fault, but just evaluate your own behavior and make sure you have always provided an open line for your exes to communicate to you through. Did they have to get "crazy" to get your attention or get you to do something, or are you always available to communicate?
Since then, I am very turned off by guys who make statements like this. I think it automatically disclaims their own responsibility in a relationship and, though my opinion might be tainted by my own experience, I have found that many guys think that women who need to communicate openly are crazy. I'm not talking about endless trust exercises or personality quizzes .... just fundamental communication that is key to a relationship. Current boyfriend is also a rational human being and expresses himself from time to time and is always open to me if I need to talk. Result? No super serious uncomfortable talks, no throwing plates, no screaming. Issues are dealt with as they come up, and quickly resolved. Just knowing I have an outlet if I need one makes me much calmer and rational. I'm very happy.
Sorry for the long post, I just feel very strongly about this one. Good luck to you.
Throwing plates? That shit is for 3 year olds. I hope that was him and not you.
Some people have a whole slew of extremely screwed up girlfriends/boyfriends before they find a good one. I'm one of those people, so I should know. It's funny, when you finally do find a good one you are always thinking, "Wow, this is so healthy and easy!" It definitely makes you appreciate a good person when they finally show up in your life.
If there was a "like" button for this, I would totally press it.
Me too! I was in a 5 year relationship with a super smart and talented man who was also a manic depressive that made me batshit insane. Not a week would go by without screaming matches and sobbing for hours and total misery. My current relationship feels effortless and so freaking easy. We have a disagreement every now and then, but it is always resolved with communicating with love and empathy. I am amazed by it and so grateful for it every single day.
Yeah, when you're with someone who is a liar, bipolar, a bad communicator or all of the above, it's never going to be healthy. Those kinds of relationships are extremely exhausting and end up being a huge drain. The problem is, those kinds of relationships can drag on and on while you're getting played or manipulated. I don't miss those days at all!
I wouldn't be suprised if Forever Alone makes a lot of empty promises. Just enough to string the "crazy" girls along while he gets sex or an ego boost or whatever else it is that he's looking for.
Love it every week. It seems like both advices had something I needed to hear today.
It's been interesting reading these comments because I was totally like Forever Alone a few years ago and I did stay away from women for a long time because I knew that I was messed up in the head and would destroy any relationship I was in. The only two girls who made it past the wall I put up, were, sure enough, deemed too crazy for me to handle. The last six months or so, though, the walls have been crumbling and women are starting to seem very normal and relatable to me again. I don't feel like I have to be a superstar to get their attention, nor do I feel like I'd be settling if I ended up with an imperfect (i.e. human) girl. It's actually been really nice as the number of attractive girls multiplies, as does the number of attractive qualities a person can have. I'm still working out some of the neuroses that led to that dark place, but I think there's hope for the guy if he stays true to himself. If he's anything like me, he's just a guy who got his heart broken and didn't know how to express his emotions except by intellectualizing them, so instead of healing he just became hyper-self-aware. Feelings are feelings, thoughts are thoughts. You can't fix one by dealing with the other.
I feel for all of you, but you have to take a step back and remember that the rational, coherent, neurosis free world that men live and aspire to is not the realm of women.
True. A good friend once said, "all women are crazy. You've just got to find the brand of crazy you can handle." I think J.C. has it right. Expectations, norms, and the like need to be re-calibrated. It ain't the shit of network TV and the bullshit romantic comedies.
Wow - it wouldn't go over too well if I were to say "All men are assholes, you just have to find the brand of asshole you can handle". How dismissive, Uncle Bobby.
Where do you people come from? (JC and UB)
JC, especially, you don't sound as rational and coherent as you hoped you would. Pity.
Its just as true for men as it is for women. The point is to get rid of this dumb-downed version of relationships — and virtually everything else — portrayed on TV. Do you want a fat, lazy, dumb, beer-loving man? Or do you want an effeminate glasses-wearing hipster? Or maybe a nerd/geek/doofus? That's all that there is.
I've boned lots of crazy, and non-crazy chicks. And really, they're all fucking nuts. The minute you drop your load, it becomes obvious.
Gross.
Oh, I am in the "lots of my exes are crazy" camp. Its funny, all sorts of perfectly nice, attractive and sane girls will be interested in me and I just don't get any spark or zap. Yet as soon as a intelligent but complicated and damaged girl comes along, I swoon.
I have had a couple who would fly into uncontrollable rages at no notice. I mean screaming in public. Even violent. I have had the one who lead multiple lives (and relationships) while I was oblivious. Some of these girls had sought professional help at various stages and had been diagnosed with bipolar and so on. I have had their families apologising to me for my girls behaviour... yet I have also sensed they were happy in a way that someone else was party to the insanity they had experienced.
I vowed off the crazy ones, but I kept finding myself trying to start with more balanced girls and finsing it not working. Like there was some spice missing from the dish. Now I am dating a bit of a crazy girl again. Its exciting, its risky, and I hope this time it works.
My neighbor is hot. Very hot. But, she screams at her mom all the time. This weekend she started throwing stuff. She looks normal. Hot normal. However, she is bat-shit crazy. Lotsa bitches be crazy.
^ The only thing on this entire page that made me laugh.
Amen to this advice!
FOREVER ALONE: Please take Miss Information's advice to heart. Stop being so quick to label women as "crazy". A girl can detect a bitter, jaded man in an instant, and IT IS THE BIGGEST TURN-OFF EVER. I wish more bitter dudes could read this letter.
HEARTBROKEN: Every 'heartbreak' hones your coping strategies for the next one. Consider this good practice, and keep in mind that college girlfriends rarely last forever! PS - I'm glad you posted your question on this site, rather than a similar blog such as Boston.com's Love Letters. Their regular commenters would deem your heartbreak as "not a real problem" and piss all over you.
Is it a bad sign that I find myself wildly attracted to the girl whose picture is meant to connote "crazy"?
Its a picture, dude. I think it means that you like girls with short spunky hair, tattoos, and moderately sized tits, who can make cute snarly faces at a camera. Don't worry, there are plenty to choose from.
I have definitely dated a FAaB. I would have put money he wrote this letter. I'm not sure if he would consider me one of the crazy execs or one of the boring execs. I haven't talked to him since I've broken it off. I do know that his exec before me was actually crazy, but he intensified his problems with her by still leading her on when he was getting together with me. FAab, you can rationalize it anyway you want, but you are hurting yourself by putting each new girl on a pedestal after she passes your 'crazy' test. You say you want a strong, intelligent woman, but what you really want is a girl who will bend to your will but have sexual fire. You date crazy because they sexually turn you on; you date boring in an attempt to get away from the crazy. It's a vicious cycle for you, FAaB, and women can recognize that you're stuck in it. You will alienate women you want to attract because they know better than to fall for someone that will drag them into his emotional problems. "Crazy" women need a crutch, and you are all too happy to be that crutch. You can pretend you don't like to be a crutch, but you do, FAaB. You like coming on hard and strong to these women, and then, you convince them you will do whatever you want for them. You rationalize away your part of this equation. These women could be strong, smart, and independent, but you can't have a "hell cat on your arm." You cannot expect an awesome women to become demure for you.
Executive girlfriend?
He: Well executed!
Who's the guy in the photo up there? Is he single? I'm totally less crazy than that girl.
FAB, listen to the folks asking, "What is it about you that causes you to end up with the 'crazy' ones?" In my life, it was called the "repetition compulsion." My mother was brilliant, but bipolar. I spent 20 years trying to date women just like her so I could fix them, unlike how I couldn't fix my Mom. Guess what? It didn't work, and often didn't work in fairly horrible ways. My addition to the recommendations here is to get into therapy yourself to find out what it is you're trying to do with these women. I finally realized that I wasn't a failure because I couldn't cheer up or fix my mother -- it was her problem and not one that I or anyone else could ever fix. When I let go of that, it was like a suit of concrete I'd been lugging around my whole life fell off. Six months later, I met the woman (very smart and very not crazy) who became my wife. Good luck. I hope you find your way out of this as I did.
The first three paragraphs of Miss Info's reply are fine, but the last two are unkind, inappropriate, and completely out of line. She basically accuses the letter-writer of seeing women as nothing more than sex objects, but there's nothing in the letter to suggest that -- he's just yet another human being who tends to be attracted to crazy people, and there are people of every gender and sexual orientation who do that. It'd be nice if Cait could learn to set her own apparent issues with men aside, and stop accusing almost every male letter-writer of being a pig.
But every male LW has been a pig so far. Not Cait's fault in the least.
Also, "hysterical women" has been such an overused patriarchal trope, that any woman sees red flags all over the place whenever a dude calls women, especially ALL of his ex-es, "crazy."
Another poster wrote this to you some weeks back, and I think it's as accurate as ever:
"...someone like you actually dares to call themselves a feminist, whilst parading the exact same brand of immature, negative and condescending judgment toward the opposite sex that feminism was so instrumental in combating. You resemble no-one so much as a deeply chauvinistic male, but seem to think that because you are a woman this somehow makes it insightful instead of pathetic...Good luck being the first person in history to find happiness and fulfillment through bitterness, anger and aggressively dehumanizing the opposite sex."
I'm flattered you kept that in your personal files.
I like you. *high five*
How presumptuous are you all to assume that you know this man and have the right to condemn him as essentially- "An overtly emotional, womanizing, bastard."
You label him with knowing none of his history.
You label him as a stereotype.
Does it make you feel better to drag your past conflicts into this form and be-little him?
Does it make you feel better looking over the words that you just wrote?
How shallow, that you should attack a complete stranger.
Many of your voices echo of past hurt and frustrations that you can not let go.
Many of you gained pleasure from degrading someone you don't know, while mentally you are attacking someone who hurt you, or hurt someone you loved. Open your eyes and quit dragging your dirty laundry into other people's relationships. Your anger and hatred does nothing but taint the opinions of others and sour any worthwhile advice you could possibly give.
I agree with her advice on these points.
"Eureka moment, courtesy of Jeff. It's not that I somehow emitted a dog whistle that only heartbroken martyrs could hear; it's that, on some level, I welcomed those martyrs. I patted their heads and dried their tears when my more-evolved sisters gave them a wide berth. My point here, FAAB, is that patterns of people don't just "happen" to us; one way or another, we manifest them."
"If you're going to break this cycle, you've got to treat every girl as a human first and foremost. Not a human who could reduce you to a pile of smoldering ash. A regular human with thoughts, opinions, and potentially a gift for Mario Kart. Ask yourself, "Is this a person I find engaging? Do I care about this person's perspective? Does this person excite me?"
"And lay off the our do-or-die, war-hardened vocabulary: despite the strong case made by this choreography, love shouldn't be a battlefield. Combined, you come off like a cynic who deeply distrusts girls."
I disagree with all of misguided insinuations about his character that she threw back at him.
He didn't ask: 'I want a normal,sane, exciting girl to have sex with, how should I go about this? '
'Combined, you come off like a cynic who deeply distrusts girls, yet still wants to sleep with them'
'If you're going to break this cycle, you've got to treat every girl as a human first and foremost. -Not a human with sweet tits.-'
'Once you've established that you think she's a grade-A badass, then you can start to stir in the sexual-attraction factor.'
'You've got to be able to separate "person I respect and like" from "person I could bang." Your ideal girl will be both of these things! But right now, you're so focused on the latter that it clouds your judgment of the former. '
All of those practically imply that his only goal is to find a girl he can bang who wont kill him in his sleep.
Which brings me back to my point.. he did not ever ask about that.
He asked how to go about finding a normal healthy relationship, something that many of us can sympathize with.
"My relationship past is muddled and full of complications. Half of the girls I've ever dated were insane, possessive, controlling, or a volatile combination of the three. The other half turned out to be pretty uninteresting and devoid of adventure ("I was going to go out tonight, but I just don't feel like it"). None of these relationships ended on any sort of reasonable terms. I've been cheated on and walked out on. I am deeply attracted to intelligent, independent women, but it seems like I'm magnetized to the wrong ones."
How many times have we heard the same thing from women and they get a gentle pat on the shoulders and the line.
"Men are assholes."
--The pictures may not be important to you, SLUT, but your autonomy, your safety, and your right to take enjoyment in and from your own damn body should be. So you're going to have to DTMFAST — dump the motherfucker a second time.
A boyfriend who's uncomfortable with your fetish is one thing. A boyfriend who's a threatening, insecure, controlling, irrational ASSHOLE about your fetish is another thing entirely. Someone invested in your sexual fulfillment, someone who loves and supports you, would not tell you to stop, or make accusations, or react like such a fucking baby. And someone who didn't have sexist hang-ups wouldn't make a distinction between the pictures you took after you met and the ones you had taken before you met. Beware of boys who freak out after stumbling onto what they believe to be evidence — even if they're wrong — that their girlfriends have been with other guys before them. They have issues.
DTMFAST. "
** Courtesy of this very site! http://www.nerve.com/advice/savage-love/savage-love-0**
They have issues.
Men have issues.
Women have issues.
It's not about the sex of a person, it's about the person them self.
The double standard that is set here is blatantly obvious, yet no one has pointed it out sooner.
Become independent yourself and you will attract someone of the same nature, but beware, you will also attract some of the 'crazies'. Some women as well as men prey off of people they can 'leech' off of. They find a strong person and they will conform to them, and trying to shake them off is like trying to hack off an arm if you let them delve that deep into your heart.
Fall in love, but slowly. Take it slow and let your heart go from there.. if they are pushing for something too soon and they will not respect your choice, then they are not the one for you.
If they can not at least respect your differences, then they are not for you.
Develop your own sense of self, don't rely on your partner for this. Ever. That is a recipe for disaster.
And once you've developed yourself, and you've got your feet steady. Go out with lots of different people.. go outside your comfort zone, this will introduce you to many different personality types.
Hopefully by then, you'll have the ability to chose people more carefully.
If all goes well, you'll have the courage to let go when a relationship is going nowhere and have the courage to pursue the types of people you do want.
Don't get discouraged, Go out and do the things that you enjoy.
A happy, confident person is the most attractive person there is.
Good Luck!
Holy fuck, you are so mad. This is easily a three page essay's worth of angry response to an advice column. Seriously. Look at your life, look at your choices.
Copy and paste is a life-saver, see and I have a tendancy to be lengthy when I write. Bad habit, I suppose but, it was more to get my point across. I can't tell you how many innocent people (men and women) that I know personally that have gotten labeled something they are not. What I'm saying here is that the advice she had given was bias. I elaborated off of what LAC said earlier, it was misguided judgement of a man asking for help. That is what upset me, don't make implications about a person that you don't even know, it's just not nice. :)
I used to teach a writing exercise in which the student could use no more than four sentences of less than ten words to explain complex ideas. Try it. It is fun.
That does sound like fun! :) Thanks for the tip!
i say bring back the other Miss Information.
It seriously amuses me how much some of you get your panties in a wad about an advice column.
but I'm not wearing panties :(
Without knowing what qualifies for "crazy" in FAAB's world, it's pretty hard to quantify or judge him or the advice. Personally, I think the advice is pretty sound. And to the person who felt it necessary to write a book to get their point across, brevity is the soul of reason and wit. Also, it doesn't look like you read the whole letter. FAAB clearly states while he doesn't want a relationship or dating, he still wants the hook-ups. That alone DOES quantify his desires, and you could infer, as Cait correctly did in my book, he's kind of a pig.
I've never once used the term "is a pig." I'm sure he pays his taxes, volunteers at soup kitchens, and walks old ladies across the street. Everyone behaves badly in relationships from time to time. It's not a gendered thing, it's a human thing.
Yep I'm going to back you up here Cait. I really don't get the misandrist drift that other blokes (mostly, I'm guessing?) accuse you of. You may have the odd blind spot - but don't we all? And it certainly does not seem entrenched or systematic. I think it's just confirmation bias on their part. Not as acute as AT's case, perhaps, but unhelpful nevertheless.
@splendid: ever heard of "false equivalence"? Study it a little so you stop doing it. kthanks.
Oh you so have a confirmation bias, AT.
K no worries.
What a joy to find such clear thinikng. Thanks for posting!
FAAB and Miss Information should regard the crazy women/men and drama queens/kings as valuable practice. Their love making is often off the scale. We've found that they are good for about three months. Just don't give them any money, ever, and if they ask for money or start calling more than 5 times a day it is time to drop them.
This is my favorite thread.
Yes, crazy people know how to fuck. I should know, I'm one of them.