Miss Information | Nerve.com

December 5, 2007

Dear Miss Information,
I went on my boyfriend's Facebook and found he had sent a message to another woman: "You have a hot ass. Here's my phone number. Call me." I confronted him and spilled the beans about going through his account. He said he was just being flirty, but I think that goes way beyond flirting. He was very angry that I looked into his account, and I am embarrassed. What I don't understand is why he's so defensive about his privacy when I share everything about myself. I couldn't care less if my email account is open. I don't know what to do since. I'm inclined to end it because I feel he is not honest. He doesn't see my point of view and doesn't care to and that really hurts. — Facebook Faceoff

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Dear Facebook Faceoff,
He's defensive about his privacy because he has a right to be. Email accounts are personal and it's wrong to go through them without someone's permission. You know that, and that's why you were embarrassed. The fact that you "couldn't care less" if he looks through your inbox is irrelevant. You're not him. He's not you. You're separate people. And healthy people respect each other's boundaries. Whether the boundaries are the same or different doesn't matter.
Now that I'm through reaming you, let's talk about the Facebook incident. "Just being flirty." Sorry, but I call bullshit. What's "extra flirty?" Complimenting someone's labia and sending over a chauffeured limousine? People don't give out phone numbers unless they want someone to use them. For phone sex? An actual rendezvous? Who knows. I'm not close enough to the situation to make an accurate call. Your snooping could be a reaction to fears that are well-founded. To an outsider that's what it certainly seems like. Then again, he could be acting out because he's pissed at you for being so snoopy and controlling.
I can assert that there are big-time trust issues and this relationship is pretty fucked-up. Both of you need to rein in your negative behaviors, stop dwelling on past hurts, and adopt a policy of absolute honesty going forward. That's the only way it's going to work out. (But it probably won't.)

Dear Miss Information,

I am an average-looking girl. Not unattractive, not a model. But I'm bothered by my missing hair due to trichotillomania. I've been dealing with it for years. Pills, therapy, wigs, hair extensions, buzzing my hair off multiple times, trying out punk styles to hide/fix my issue — you name it. My condition is not going away, so I try to just go about life as I am and have an "I-don't-give-a-damn" attitude about it. But it's hard to feel that way when I'm interested in someone. Many people don't think short hair on a girl is cute. What should I say to someone bold enough to ask me about it? — Lacking Locks

Dear Lacking Locks,
Here's what I'd say, if I had to play the role of trichotillomaniac stage mom: "I have a scalp condition. It's not life-threatening or contagious. It sucks but it's okay. I've been dealing with it for a while." This gives the other person enough information to quench their burning curiosity (Does this person have cancer? Can I catch something from them? Are they going to die?) without getting into the heavy psychological stuff.
Not that you can't get into the heavy psychological stuff. You pull out your hair. Big deal. People engage in all sorts of weirdness. Pit you against someone who knowingly ingests low-grade poison (alcohol drinkers) or inhales carcinogenic smoke into their lungs (cigarette smokers) and I'd be hard-pressed to say who's more fucked up. Just because something's more socially acceptable doesn't make it any less odd. I'm just saying you should probably save your illness's long and winding history, your successions and regressions, your triumphs and struggles, for when you get to know the guy a little better. If the person doesn't get the hint and keeps asking questions, tell him you'll be happy to tell him more at a later date. Then make a joke, distract with faux celebrity sighting ("Look! Yoko Ono!"), or whatever you need to do to change the subject.
Is it something you do in private, or do you see yourself yanking on your strands around him? If so, keep in mind that it can be disturbing for some people to watch. Not horrible disturbing. Most of us would rather watch someone tug at their hair than bite their toenails. But if it's a chronic habit, you owe it to the person you're with to attempt not to do it around them. If you absolutely cannot refrain, talk about limits — such as you'll try to limit it to when you're home, not at his office Christmas party.

Dear Miss Information,

I have what many men would consider a blessing — a very large penis. Nine inches long and eight inches around. Most women can't get it into their mouths for oral sex. They wind up licking the tip and gag before they get any further. Regular sex is out of the question. I've been able to have it with a few girls, mostly ones who are really drunk. The rest have it one time and then find some excuse and I get dumped. I need some suggestions. How do I convince girls that I'm worth the extra effort and time? — Want to Be Normal

Dear Want to Be Normal,

You didn't ask me (or my readers) for a date, and you didn't attach a photo. That makes me think you might actually be serious about this giant-wang thing you have going on. That also makes me a little disappointed. But we'll deal with that later.
There's no safe way to permanently decrease the size of the penis. The only thing you and you partner can do is get creative. Don't start out with penetrative sex as the expectation. Start slow. Handjobs, blowjobs, and then handjob/blowjob hybrids. Make use of lubes, vibrators, dickcentric toys like the Fleshlight and so on.
Once your partner feels more comfortable, start incorporating partial penetration into your routine in limited amounts. See how she feels. She might gradually get used to it, she might not. Experiment with positions and let her control the pace. Use verbal or non-verbal signals (a tap on the shoulder means more, two taps means stop).
Not to create any new insecurities, but since you're packing what we Midwesterners would call the The Brick Dick, I think you can take it: Have you considered that maybe these women aren't leaving because of your cock, but because of something else? Perhaps you're being too pushy about intercourse? A sloppy kisser? Something that has nothing to do with sex, like maybe you act like a douchebag and talk about yourself too much? The dick is just an easy excuse for these ladies. A way of letting you off easy. Make sure you're looking above and below the belt for possible causes.

Previous Miss Info

Commentarium (23 Comments)

Dec 05 07 - 1:38am

LKM

My experience with a big-dicked partner was that he just wanted to shove it in and go at it. Needless to say, it didn't last very long.

In order for the girl you're with to take it, you need shittons of foreplay. An hour is a good start. You need to get her ragingly horny and begging for it. Then add lube. Lots and lots and LOTS of lube. On you, on her, in her, on your balls, on everyone's thighs, everywhere. Then very, very, VERY slowly and carefully start in on the penetration. If she winces, flinches, anything, pull back a bit. Thrust in and out, really shallow - you should be able to feel her open up slowly.

You have to accept that it's unlikely you'll be able to go balls deep in a girl without her going "Ow, my cervix," and most girls can't take a pounding with a cock that big, but with time, patience, and communication (AND LUBE!!!!) sex is totally within your reach.

Dec 05 07 - 5:23am

cas

Hello Miss Information

ad "Lacking Locks": many people *do* think short hair on a girl is cute. (I do.)

Dec 05 07 - 8:15am

MWM

I had a college bf who had the last LW's issue and it was never comfortable for me. It doesn't help that anytime a woman tries to find information on the issue she's told she has a problem ranging from vaginismus to fear of intimacy.

It might help if the LW made a point of getting his ladies REALLY REALLY turned on - it sounds like he wants a BJ then to get down to business which isn't going to work for most ladies with any penis size. The suggestions for taking it slow and not expecting intercourse are good ones... the LW might also want to spend some time downtown himself.

Or he could try for surprise anal on the drunk girls... j/k that would be horrible.

Dec 05 07 - 8:19am

Amen to what LKM said as well... the last LW might want to let the woman control penetration speed/depth by being on top. He might also have to accept that the deeper penetrating positions (like doggystyle) might not be possible for his partner - having one's cervix battered hurts like hell, FYI. But it's a medical fact that a woman's vagina canal moves further into her body (lengthens) when she is turned on so the more foreplay, the deeper you can comfortably go (within limits of course).

Dec 05 07 - 8:32am

JCF

Women with short hair can be cute, but only if it's done right. That is consistent length in the same area, no apparent bald spots, etc. I get the feeling that's a problem to maintain, and she's already said she doesn't like the G.I. Jane look. So I think she's already doing the right thing, namely, just wearing whatever hairstyle and not caring what the world thinks. For relationships, a good smile and eye contact can counteract attitudes about hair appearance.

Dec 05 07 - 10:38am

9", ok, that's nice. But 8" around? Holy shit. I don't think I'd want to be THAT blessed.

Dec 06 07 - 12:34am

1) Facebook Faceoff -- I'm sorry but Miss Info was way Way WAAAAAY too easy on your Boyfriend. There's NO CHANCE he would be so bold and reckless as to send that email unless he had EVERY INTENT on hooking up with the recipient. And from his attitude, he's done it before. You need to *DUMP THAT MOFO NOW*. Going through his email wasn't right -- but it was clearly justified in *this* case. And frankly, how DARE he be angry with you about it? His transgression is an order of magnitude greater.
2) Lacking Locks -- LOTS of guys find short hair on a girl hot. In fact, some prefer it. I advise just concentrating on FEELING good about how you look -- once you radiate confidence, the sexiness of that will take care of the rest. Miss Info's right on the revelation front. Give it several dates before full disclosure, and just don't make a big deal out of it, so he won't. Also, don't give up on therapy, please. A man will likely be willing to stick with you if he knows you're giving 100% at working on the issue.
3) Want to Be Normal -- Dude, if you're really that self-conscious about it, just stick to tall women and girls with big noses or feet. Trust me. Less bruised cervixes all around.

Dec 06 07 - 12:39am

Hey! I have Trichotillomania too. ...Whoo hoo. I would say that the most debilitating part of "Trich" as we call it, is not the actual hair pulling, but the fear that someone else will notice, or interrogate us about our weirdness.

Since the lady in question says that she has a shaved head, and that this is what worries her, I would advise a session of reverse empathy. So. Pretend that it's not you that has Trich, but him. So, you meet him, you make small talk, and then you say something like "So what's with the shaved head/bald spot?" Or whatever. And then he explains. "I have Trichotillomania blah blah..." Now. At this point, would you stand up from the table and leave? Or would you stay, assuming that you already liked him? And if you did stand up and leave, wouldn't this make you a total asshole?

Now, reverse this thinking and apply it to yourself. The guy isn't going to stand up and leave. There's only a 0.5% chance that he'll do that. And if he does, that means he's a total asshole. So. Problem (sort of) solved.

cheers,
Oliver

Dec 06 07 - 11:47am

FYI

FF,

You're both wrong. He shouldn't be soliciting other women via Facebook (or any other avenue) and you shouldn't be snooping through his email. Maybe you two are made for each other?

Dec 06 07 - 9:33pm

cbw

re: Mr. Huge Wang.
Eight (8) inches around? AROUND? We're talking bigger than salami here. Ridiculous. Perposterous!

Dec 06 07 - 10:28pm

Thanks for the feedback "Miss Information". And you, readers. It helps.

Dec 07 07 - 3:39am

I'm going to have to echo 8" AROUND??? No, that does not make sense. Can we have some clarification here?!?

Also; short hair is way cuter than long hair.

Dec 07 07 - 6:05am

C = pi x d
So 8" would give a diameter of 2.5"
Sounds plausible.
Make a little circle with the tip of your thumb and index finger. Adjust depending on hand size.

Dec 07 07 - 7:35pm

I have no problem with his length, but his "eight inches around" statement is incredibly unlikely.

A bottle of snapple is only a little under 9 inches around.
A can of black beans is the same. Just under 9".

I find it hard to believe this guy is packing nine inches of something nearly as big around as a can of beans in his jeans. Not only would that be incredibly hard to hide, but I think anyone with that anatomy would probably be a porn star or a circus performer. Or seven and a half feet tall.

I'm going to be charitable and say that I think he mis-guess-timated his girth...

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