Advice

Miss Information

Pin it


 

Have a question? Email erin@nerve.com. Letters may be edited for length, content and clarity.


Dear Miss Information,
Two weeks ago, I slept with my friend’s ex-girlfriend. They had only been broken up for one day when it happened, and to tell you the truth, I thought they were still together. Since then, I’ve been acting differently toward him, out of guilt I suppose. Last night during our pool league he asked me what was wrong for the millionth time and I finally told him. I know in theory that it only makes me feel better and him worse, but I didn’t want to lie anymore. He was justifiably pissed and said he wanted to quit the pool team and never hang out again. I’ve had friends sleep with my girlfriends in the past, and although I was extremely pissed off, I never let it completely end a friendship. Is it possible to keep him on the pool team and as a friend? How selfish is it to want to stay friends after something like this happens? — Trust Me with Your Life, But Not Your Money or Your Wife


promotion

Dear Trust Me,
I wouldn’t call it selfish, but I would call it pretty fucking unrealistic. Broken up or not, you screwed around with your friend’s girl. Expecting to go back to being buddy-buddy is almost as stupid as hanging out in a social setting where the two of you are brandishing long pointy sticks.
    In other words, screw the pool league and give your friend some time to come around. Contacting him over and over to plead for forgiveness is not going to work and will only make you look like even more of a worm. I’ve rebuilt loused-up friendships in the past, and the pattern usually goes something like this: Try. Get rejected. Wait a while. Try again.
    If you somehow manage to get an audience with your buddy, do not — I repeat, DO NOT — mention how much better you took it when the same thing happened to you. That’s going to be small consolation, and liable to earn you a pool cue where the sun don’t shine. I know it sounds shitty, particularly when you’re wracked with guilt, but that’s about all you can do. It takes a lot of time, patience and ass-kissing, so put your ego in check and pucker up.

Dear Miss Information,
I’m a Jersey girl who’s about to go off to college in the Midwest. I have a crush on an old friend who’s in a committed relationship that’s on the rocks. Waiting for him to break up with his girl makes me feel like a vulture, though I think he may have feelings for me. I’ve also got mixed feelings for an old boyfriend who’ll be attending a school across state. I don’t know if my lingering feelings mean anything or if I’m just holding onto this one for nostalgia’s sake. The third guy is a singer in his mid-twenties. He’s asked me out for drinks. I’m currently dating one of his bandmates. Bandmate is a sweet guy, but I’m not that attracted to him and want to go back to being "just friends" soon.
    I’m the type of girl who makes the first move and it feels strange to be holding myself back. I’m thinking the wisest thing for me to do would be just to head off for college and not worry about any of these boys unless if I come across one of them later on in my life. I just wanted to see if you agreed, or if you thought I should try and wing it with one of the aforementioned guys. Any ideas? — Many Options

Dear Many Options,
Normally I don’t advise readers to cut all romantic ties the minute they go off to college. Whoring it up your freshman year is so passé. Better to hang back, establish a good GPA and hit the scene as a sophomore, when everyone else is burnt out and sporting the Freshman Fifteen.
    However, in your case, your instincts are correct. None of these guys is really good boyfriend material. Guy 1 is going to be a headcase from his recent breakup (if that ever even happens); Guy 2 you don’t really like, you’re just craving something familiar because you’re scared of going away; and Guy 3 is friends with someone you’re dating, which violates the whole "don’t shit where you eat" principle.
    Forget about all three (four, if you count the bandmate), and hit your first day of class with a clear head. Then again, if you’re capable of rocking that many dudes at once, I’m sure it won’t stay clear for long.


Dear Miss Information,
Back in the day, things were simple. There were a few basic rules about where, when, and why women wore rings on their ring finger. Wedding band or engagement ring = Unavailable. No ring = Possibly available, possibly unavailable, need further info.
    Lately I have seen it all: married women with no ring; single but unavailable women wearing a ring as a “stay away” sign; and single, available women wearing a ring for who knows why. I find myself lost and adrift in this crazy age. Miss Information, can you please help settle this once and for all: what does it mean when a woman wears a ring, and what does it mean when she’s showing a bare finger? — With This . . . Huh??

Dear Huh,
Emily Post I am not, so I can’t lay down the law when it comes to matters of etiquette. Hell, I’m lucky if I can refrain from picking my teeth with a business card in a public setting. You know as well as I do that there are no rules. It’s generally a good idea to check someone’s finger, but unless they’re shooting you the bird (which is generally considered a sign of rejection) there’s no way to tell for certain whether or not someone’s available.
    As long as the way you approach these women is cool and respectful, you have nothing to worry about. The worst that can happen is you made someone who’s unavailable feel a tiny bit uncomfortable. More likely she’ll be flattered and you’ll be used as ammo to remind a slacker boyfriend or husband exactly how good he’s got it.
    The guessing game may seem like a pain in the ass (especially if you suck at it) but it’s kinda like the lotto: You Can’t Win if You Don’t Play. Now quit knuckle-gazing like a pussy, and go look a honey in the eye.  



Previous Miss Info

©2005 Erin Bradley and Nerve.com