Advice

Miss Information

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T-shirts, she-shirts, designed-by-little-old-me shirts! Miss Information and the folks at Neighborhoodies have teamed up on a limited-edition line of t-shirts called "Think Ups." Designs include “Ask Me About My Ladyboner,” a shout-out to male nudity, and a love letter to Hollywood’s favorite mohawked orphan. See the entire line here.
As always, you can email your questions to erin@nerve.com. Letters may be edited for length, content and clarity.



Dear Miss Information,
My friend likes to go to bars and meet women. I often go along as wingman. I’m starting to wonder whether I should give it up. Every time we go out (and I do mean every time) I go home alone and he winds up hooking up with some chick. I know the job of the wingman is to be supportive, but shouldn’t I get a little play as well? A makeout? An email? A phone number? Something?!
I know it has to do with looks. I’m on the short side and average. He’s tall with a face like George Clooney. He’s also unemployed, with legal issues and burgeoning drug and alcohol addictions. All this doesn’t seem to make a damn bit of difference when we’re talking to females. I like hanging with him. He’s an okay guy, despite all the bullshit. And yet, the girl stuff has me just about ready to end the friendship. Am I being stupid? I’ve also thought about taking these girls aside and telling them what a loser he is, in private. I know days later I’ll be staring at their cleavage while they’re crying on my shoulder. He’s that predictable. — Not Visually Gifted

Dear Not Visually Gifted,
I’m supposed to tell you a bunch of rubbish about how looks don’t matter. It’s all in how you carry yourself. You can woo any dame you want with a liberal application of leather pants, social engineering and a feather boa. Yeah, maybe for this asshole. But let’s be real now. Some people are better looking than others. Your best friend, loser that he is, has it over you in this one particular area. Unfair, but that’s the way the DNA chips fall.
The most beneficial thing for you to do in the short term is to keep your game clean, son. The average bar memory is short. Your targets will forget everything you said once your gorgeous friend is back in their line of vision, anyway. I once flirted with a homeless, jobless dude named "Crash" for five whole hours. All because he looked like Keanu. The vagina has an amazing capacity to justify. It’s not just you men.
You also want to rethink your target. Hot tends to go with hot in social meetup situations. That’s just how it shakes out. Instead of directing your energies toward the hottest girl in the room who’s 99% likely to go after your super-hot friend, be more realistic. Go for the second or third hottest girl instead.
Longer term solution — and I think you might be surprised that I agree with you in this situation — is to stop playing wingman to ol’ Johnny Pitt. Find another friend. One on the same level with your looks or maybe a little less attractive. Not so homely as to drive off potential prospects, just not this girl catnip like your friend.
But Miss Info! I’m a guy. I don’t know how to judge guys! Whatever, copper-outter. Of course you do. If you’re that homophobic that you can’t evaluate someone’s attractiveness, you can at least observe other people’s reactions. Do girls look at him when you go out? What about gay guys? Has he had girlfriends? A few slutty one-offs? A couple non-imaginary relationships? If yes, consider him qualified. Train him to be your wingman and feel what it’s like to be the Chosen One for a while.


Dear Miss Information,
A few weeks ago you suggested I seek out a swarthy Jewish guy to satisfy my newfound preference for burly Mediterranean men. I immediately dismissed it, not because I’m a raging anti-Semite, but because given my past experience, I’ve determined that I apparently require foreskin for consistent vaginal orgasms. Sounds nutty, but hear me out: My theory is that the motion is more fluid and therefore pleasurable with a hooded fella, whereas the circumcised seem to prefer harder thrusting, perhaps due to a lifetime of exposed man parts losing precious sensitivity.  Since you have more readers than I have friends, perhaps you can open this topic for discussion?  I’d love to know if you or others have made similar observations.  — Shoulda Moved to Italy After College

Dear Shoulda Moved to Italy After College,
I wouldn’t rule out every Jonah, Ethan and Isaac. There are a number of uncircumcised Jewish men. In the United States in particular, circumcision is on the decline. Reasons range from the growing number of those who question the ethics of putting junior’s hoo-hoo under the scalpel to the always-classy insurance companies taking advantage of the debate to deem it an "elective" procedure. Some peeps are so up in arms they’re even trying to pass a law about it.
But you’re not here to talk politics. You just want to know why it feels good. Sorry, Shoulda Moved. Whenever I’m confronted with an uncut dick, I feel like I’m at a wine tasting. There are turtlenecks — fabric and flesh — and slightly smug individuals expecting me to pick up on subtle differences in varietals. My taste in penis is the same as my taste in vino: Yes. Foreskin or no foreskin, I’m just happy to get you out of your trousers.
Always up for an excuse to talk filth, I went ahead and polled a few of my friends:
"As far as blowjobs and handjobs go, the skin does all the work. It’s so easy, I love it. As far as uncircumcised during penetration, I didn’t notice anything different." — O
"I have a very strong preference for uncircumcised men. . . uncircumcised men are more sensitive and seem to have a much stronger physical reaction to both oral sex and penetration. This also affects how they move. . . in a good way." — C
"I prefer the way uncircumcised looks, but I haven’t noticed any difference in performance." — H
"I’ve only been with one uncircumcised guy. I can’t imagine how anyone would be able to ‘feel the difference’ unless they had some hyper-sensitive, princess-and-the-pea-type vag." — K
Readers, what do you have to say? Does foreskin or the lack thereof really make that big of a difference when you’re on the receiving end? Is Shoulda Moved being a divacrotch or expressing a very understandable preference? Go Skins vs. Skinned in the Feedback section.


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