Advice

Miss Information

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Have a question? Email erin@nerve.com. Letters may be edited for length, content and clarity.

Last week I ran a letter from Cheater Cheater, a philandering husband who was probably sticking it to a bridesmaid during the "forsaking all others" part of the marriage vows.

Some of you wrote in to respond:
Wanting to get laid all the time is normal for a guy. Most guys just have enough sense/morals/respect for their wives to keep it in their pants. What kind of a slimeball would do something so hurtful to someone he allegedly loves? Show a little restraint. — Mike
Stop asking them what to do, Cheater. They’ll never understand you. And if you have the people skills to do six women on the sly and maintain a beautiful marriage, then you probably already know what you need to do. — NDM
Do you know how shitty it is to be the number two person in your lover’s life? The answer is, very. This is damaging as shit, and not a nice thing to do to someone. — DE
As a woman in the polyamorous community, I would just like to say: Please, don’t grace us with your presence. — LK
I agree that we have evolved from shit-flinging apes, but probably not as far as we would like to think. Maybe we should rethink the standards we set for one another. Cheater’s not-so-eloquent ability to question why he behaves in a way that is detestable to so many (including himself) is at least a start. — Tucker



Dear Miss Information,
I’m a virgin, twenty-two years old, and a pervert. I just didn’t want to deal with the pregnancy/STD scares my friends had in college. Lately I’ve been hooking up with this guy, and I am really ready to fuck. However, he seems to think that I’ll sleep with him and fall deeply in love. I think this is ridiculous. Am I wrong? Is he right? Will having sex automatically make me lose my mind? — Yes, I Know That Sex Does Not Equal Love

Dear Sex Does Not Equal Love,
    Sex has never been scientifically proven to make anyone a moron, though I’ve been fucked so hard I’ve forgotten my address (cue "Memories" from the hit Broadway musical Cats).
    Anyway, neither you nor your guy is completely correct. Virgins don’t automatically fall for the first person they screw, but it has happened. Whether you’re a virgin or otherwise, entering into a sexual relationship always carries an element of emotional risk. You can say you’re not going to get attached, but quite often it turns to shit. If it does, it sucks, but you get over it. That’s the way the game is played.
    It sounds like you’re willing to take the risk but he’s not. Maybe he’s so emo-sensitive that he can’t bear to hurt your feelings. Maybe he thinks you have big-time potential to go psycho. Either way, I’d save my cherry for someone a little more enthusiastic.
 

Dear Miss Information,
I am a twenty-three-year-old virgin. It’s not like I don’t try. In the beginning there weren’t any worthy candidates, but now that I’ve found someone, it hurts too much. We’ve tried many times, and each time I’ve had to stop it. When he tries to finger me, it hurts, and afterward I have to pee. Is something wrong with me? Is there something I can do? — Love Hurts

Dear Love Hurts,
    Lots of possibilities here. It could be painful because you’re not relaxed or not using enough lube. That gotta-go sensation could also mean your boyfriend is stimulating your G-spot. That makes a lot of women feel like they have to go when, in fact, their bladders are emptier than Katie Holmes’ head. You could also be suffering from a UTI or some sort of vaginal infection loveliness. Finally, your boyfriend could just be using shitty technique — mashing on your clit like it’s Play-Doh, using his dick like he’s drilling for oil, etc.
    Don’t freak out; it’s probably first-time jitters. Even so, go see your gyno. Make a list of all your symptoms before you go in. There’s nothing like a cold room and an assless gown to make your memory go to shit. Keep at it, ladygirl. You can do it. Really.
 

Previous Miss Info

©2005 Erin Bradley and Nerve.com