Dear Miss Information,

I'm twenty-five years old and I have some social/relationship "problems." First off, I am bipolar. Next, I never went to public school. I was home-schooled all my life, and that has greatly affected my experience in and confidence about social interactions. I'm overweight, which is partly genes and partly meds for bipolar disorder. I don't exactly have Brad Pitt looks, or Brad Pitt anything. A girl I was trying to hook up with over the internet once told me I wasn't physically attractive. That didn't help things.

I don't drink or smoke, and clubs just aren't my thing. I'm just at a point of life where I realize I should already have or had a girlfriend/been married. I should be somewhere completely different. It's depressing when I see couples holding hands, hugging, kissing, etc., because I want that, but I know that the chances are becoming slimmer.

When I meet a girl I like, I'm careful about how I say things or do things. I may manage to get a phone number and text for a while, but nothing comes of it. I was raised in the kind of home where I just never was introduced to the whole "girlfriend" thing.

I don't know why I'm still typing, but I'm just really scared that my destiny at this point is to be alone. I can't live that way. It's part of human nature to desire companionship. But my lack of experience and confidence have taken their toll on me. Is there anything that you believe would help?

— Depressingly Lonely

Dear Depressingly Lonely,

A solid portion of emails I get are from people just like you — some men, some women. Each of them is convinced they're at a unique disadvantage, and each of them has resigned themselves to a life of cat ownership and scrapbooking. Here's the thing, though: you can't all be doomed. In fact, I believe none of you are. Maybe the first step in climbing out of your hole is to realize that not everyone has the perfect, socially-adjusted, easy time you think they do. Everyone's got shit. It's a matter of finding people whose shit corresponds to yours.

You have a lot going on, but none of it is insurmountable. What's going on with your bipolar disorder? Are you in a relatively stable place and getting the support you need? If not, shelve everything until you feel "together." Your own equilibrium is a necessary foundation for any future relationship.

As far as your other problems, none are the kiss of death. Plenty of charismatic people were homeschooled, and drinking and smoking aren't requisites for a fulfilling social life. Obviously, it sucks to be told you're not attractive. But that's one girl's opinion. I went to a liberal-arts school; I can personally attest that non-conventionally-attractive people get laid all the time. The key is to stop "trying to hook up," and start "trying to make connections." The former is desperate and off-putting. The latter is a necessary part of being human.

The more you focus on what you're not getting, the more you squeeze the life out of it. (Your goals are like the bunnies from Of Mice and Men. Careful with them!) To loosen your grip a bit, set reasonable expectations for yourself. "Be married by now" is not a reasonable goal. "Go to the gym" or "try one new thing each week" is. Let go of the panic voice as much as possible, and focus on building stairs out of your isolation.

In short, DL, there are more lonely hearts out there than you might think. You're in good company. This should encourage you (and everyone else in your position): you're not "behind," you're not "broken," and you're not doomed to anything. Find a therapist, take a class, get a goldfish. Plug into the world around you. As long as you don't lose yourself to self-pity, you'll be fine.

Want to meet someone who's read Of Mice and Men? Meet them on Nerve.